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Discover weekly, the best short stories

Looking for a steady supply of funny short stories? Every week thousands of writers submit stories to our writing contest.

9000+ Funny Short Stories to read

Submitted by writers on Reedsy Prompts to our weekly writing contest. The world can get dreary and overwhelming, so when you’re looking to have a good laugh, take a scroll through our free collection of funny short stories.

Funny Short Stories – Page 8 of 601

Prey for Me

Submitted to Contest #301

He glanced past her again at the splash of pink and white on the other side of the bar, the petal-shaped adornments on the female’s limbs drawing his eye. She was talking to a male who was much smaller than her, probably a Carolina with his gray and brown coloring.Bringing his eyes back to his conversation partner at the bar, Leif realized that she had stopped talking and both pseudopupils were boring into him, expressing her displeasure.“Current company not stimulating enough for you?”“What? No! Why would you say that?”“You can’t seem to st...

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Tragically Enlightened

Submitted to Contest #301

Brad “Beaker” LaRou yanked his face away from the bong and coughed smoke into the room. He squinted bloodshot eyes down at the phone on his coffee table, glass top reflecting his mop of hair and thin head. Nicknamed for his resemblance to the iconic muppet. It chittered along, flashing LISA. He swiped to answer. “Hey babe-” “BEAKER!” The volume was maxed so her shriek tore throught he room. He jerked, dropping the bong and spilling the water over the carpet. Knowing he’d have to scrub the shit out of it or she’d tear his head off, he shrug...

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The Kindergarten Conqueror

Submitted to Contest #302

The week had started normally enough—well, as normal as it could be with Zeus' latest decree that all young gods attend mortal elementary school to "build character."Ares slouched in the plastic chair outside Principal Martinez's office, his tiny combat boots dangling well above the linoleum floor.The secretary kept glancing nervously in his direction, particularly at the plastic sword confiscated from the playground that now lay across her desk like evidence in a war crimes tribunal.This was his third visit this week, and he'd only started ...

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Apologies, from Gary

Submitted to Contest #301

Greetings, Friend, this is Gary!I'll tell you, it has been quite the day! I'm sure you're wondering where I am, and to that end, I kindly ask that you read on so that you might have a more sympathetic understanding of my situation and judge my tardiness with such things in mind.I woke up this morning, as most of us aspiring entrepreneurs do, at 3:52 A.M. This gave me the perfect amount of time for my usual morning routine; shaving, face-peeling, tooth-brushing, thirteen minutes in the sensory deprivation tank, reading two chapters of Battlef...

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Beans

Submitted to Contest #301

The flat was a mess, again. Soiled socks and shredded tissues were shoved down various furniture crevices, and make-up brushes lay strewn beneath the mirror, their tops caked in powder from the morning rush. Breadcrumbs littered the worktop from toaster to sink, and the tap dripped, and dripped, and dripped. Cat hair clung to the carpet like Velcro and mugs teetered on the edge of tables, stacked precariously atop dribbles of cold tea. Licia dropped a Tesco bag at her feet and watched as a can of beans rolled towards the table. It stopped. ...

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Divine Delivery Debacle

Submitted to Contest #302

Hermes sat at his celestial desk, drowning in a mountain of messages.The Olympian Postal Service was understaffed—again—and he'd been pulling double shifts all week. His caduceus, usually pristine, had coffee stains on it, and his winged sandals were desperately in need of a polish.He grabbed the next scroll in his "Ultra-Priority Divine Dispatches" pile, barely registering the addressee before stamping it with his signature lightning bolt and tossing it into the outgoing portal.The scroll, marked "To Mars, God of War, Roman Pantheon," spira...

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Love, War, and Customer Service

Submitted to Contest #302

Ares slouched in his ergonomic office chair, staring at the dual monitors that displayed an endless queue of complaint tickets.After the latest divine restructuring, Zeus had decided that all Olympian departments needed proper documentation and customer service protocols. Which is how the God of War found himself manning the "Conflict Resolution Desk" every Tuesday and Thursday.Zeus also thought upgrading the whole system from Windows to Apple would be a great idea. Everything connected... Mac, iPad, iPhones, etc.The transition meeting had b...

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The Night The Clocks Went Forward

W B

Submitted to Contest #301

“The target will emerge at exactly 1am. Since the last attempt on his life, Muskelliovic has upgraded his security tenfold. They will scan the rooves 10 minutes before he emerges, and then again 1 minute before. Once the final scan is complete, we will have approximately 30 seconds to assemble the Remington M20 and position ourselves in the CCTV blind spot before he emerges. When he does, he will be surrounded by security but there will be a moment as he’s entering the car when there will be a clear shot on the target’s head. I will take the...

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A MODEST WALL

Submitted to Contest #302

(For the Lovers of a Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift here is a relevent update for the modern erra…you have been warned.) My dearest friends and compatriots of a true and real America, we have been in a crisis. Our resources, jobs, and even our very existence are taxed beyond what should be allowed. A strong country, we are not without limits. We have carefully structured our wealth so that we can afford to give ten per cent of our populace two million or more dollars to live for a year. Not to be elitist, forty percent of people receive n...

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The Great Celestial Mix-Up, or Why Ares Now Hates Smoothies

Submitted to Contest #302

Ares, God of War, stood in line at "Nectar & Ambrosia Smoothies," stabbing at his phone screen with enough force to crack a mortal device.The café, nestled in a strip mall on Mount Olympus Boulevard, was his latest attempt at anger management—Hera's idea, naturally. According to his therapist (also Hera's idea), smoothies were supposed to be "cooling" and "soothing."The warrior god wore tactical pants and a black t-shirt that read "I'd Rather Be Smiting." His celestial bronze sword had been reluctantly transformed into a less conspicuous...

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Ares is from Mars, Aphrodite is from Venus

Submitted to Contest #302

Ares stormed into Mount Olympus' newly renovated break room, his armor clanking against the marble countertop as he slammed down his phone. Apollo, who had been peacefully sipping nectar while composing haikus about his own reflection, looked up with mild irritation."Brother, you're interrupting my creative process. And you know how I feel about creative interruptions after that incident with the lyre-playing satyr who thought death metal covers of my hymns were 'paying homage.'""Save it, sunshine," Ares growled."I need your help. You're goo...

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Better Luck Next Time

Submitted to Contest #301

Better Luck Next TimeBy J.A. Roggie I am Conner Artorious. Number one best explorer of all time. Ever. Period. Not that it means much these days, explorers are a dying breed. Metaphorically, sure. But also, literally. Let me explain.I was born on a small, half-forgotten planet called Earth. The year is 2073, and we’ve done what humanity does best: ruined a perfectly good thing. We turned paradise into ash. Torched our own home and then acted surprised when the fire burned us too.Earth is now a wasteland. Cracked dirt, and poisoned skies. Yo...

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Briefly Panicked

Submitted to Contest #301

‘This isn’t what I signed up for,’ I muttered to no one in particular, gripping the dive slate like it was a holy relic that might ward off humiliation. The plastic felt cold and slick, my palms clammy against it. Technically, I had signed up for it—working as an assistant to a dive instructor meant helping with briefings, but not giving them. Not solo. Not to twenty-five wide-eyed beginners who were already seconds away from vomiting with nerves and boat-induced nausea. The morning had started smoothly: calm seas, clear skies, gear stowed, ...

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The Deserter

Submitted to Contest #301

The seven fingers of First Commodore Myx Voltar’s right hand shivered over the flashing command console. Thoughts of his three hundred and twenty-seven cycles of legendary military service and unwavering loyalty churned behind his large, black, almond-shaped eyes and inside his elongated head, wholly evaporating as five words blinked on the screen.COMMENCE PLANETARY CLEANSING: LUMIAN HOMEWORLDA species whose crime was refusing military alliance with the Kelvari Empire, the Lumians were philosophers and poets, and they now faced eradication b...

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Unscheduled Mess

Submitted to Contest #301

There wasn’t enough time in Mollie’s schedule for things to go wrong today. She’d already crossed off three things in her planner: make the bed, shower, and get dressed. At least, she’d tried to. She’d hit a snag when her ill dachshund, Pepper, had used the dress she’d originally planned on wearing today as the perfect spot to vomit upon. So now her outfit consisted of her second-best party dress and a pair of wedge sandals that only sort of matched but were much too tight to wear all day. But that was fine; she was still on time to meet Vir...

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RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

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