The morning breeze touches my face with the caressing stroke of a mother. My golden hair floats, lifted by the gale falling from the mountain Annaliese high above our camp. Above the highest peak, the wind sweeps down the rock faces until the mist shrouds it entirely. The great Annaliese shines above us all...
The mountain seems to shift with the wind, swaying this way and that as if it were not solid and unmoving. I always smell the sun on her stony depths, feel the pull down to the center of the Earth. Her sister, the river Galatea, dances through the oak trees that stick out from the damp topsoil. Her wiles draw me closer to the edge every day, bring me to the brink of jumping in.
"Come, Demetria," Galatea called to the light of my soul. "There is nothing for you here, I will take you away."
Each day I turn away in sorrow, yearning to be one with the river and mountain, one with the sisters of beauty. They call to me in turn every day... every day...
**
It was a bright dew that touched the prickles of grass. I had awoken in a feverish sweat, thinking not of my people or my obligations but of my sisters, my beguilers, the lovely spirits... I knew that I would have to restrain myself for the day, but that didn't make it easier upon my aching heart.
The mortar that held the logs of my house together was creaking in the light of morning and the cold seeped in through the holes. Shifting morning air tickled my arm as I forced myself to a sitting position.
"Why do you stay, Demetria? They do not value you..." Annaliese called through the cloud of my morning-head. Like the sun, or rather like rain, it penetrated the thick silence that lay in a blanket over my nerves. Still, I silenced the call as I did each day, dressing my bare ankles in sheepskin.
"Thrall, where are ye?" The gruff voice of my master echoed through the camp of warriors. I threw on my clothing as best I could, rushing to the door.
"Your Strength, I have awoken." My head bowed like a swan's delicate curve, staring at the leather-bound feet of Bragi Borg. He was quite tall for his stout name, but he made up for it in fat. Jiggling jugs of skin cascaded off of his hips and legs, flapping a little as he walked. My Master was a man with a short temper, so I did my very best to follow his orders.
My face held taut as he leaned over and breathed down my neck. Smells of tobacco and barley drifted from his unkempt mustache.
"Awoken, are ye? Well, you left me awoken with nay a spot o' breakfast for some time..." He rounded his Os to the point of babbling, where I had to strain to decipher what he was saying. Bragi was an impatient man, so there was no option of not listening.
"Ye know why yer here?"
"Why, Your Strength." I always replied in a bland manner, never letting any emotion seep in.
"To make me breakfast!" With a whirl his hand connected with the side of my nose and I reeled back in surprise. The pain... it pressed deep into my bones like a branding iron. I showed no emotion, a face of stone was all that he saw as he shoved me towards the stove.
"Make breakfast. Ye wanna keep yer pretty face, don't ye?" His words threatened and taunted, daring me to defy. I stood still as ever, remembering what happened to those who disobeyed the warriors.
"Sethe, what happened?"
"Not now, stupid girl. Go to yer cabin."
"Why? What's happened?"
"Go now if ye wanna live."
"SETHE?!" The harsh voice of the warriors resounded through the huts as I ran to close the door to mine. There was pounding and grunts and screams all through the night, and I sobbed behind my oaken door. The poor old thrall never spoke again.
All through the next month I heard her oaths and curses at the warriors like a faulty loop in my brain. All through the month I reached to the table where water would lay filled in a bucket every morning to find the bucket empty and abandoned.
The only girl left in the camp, they poked and prodded at my chores every chance they could get. Spear butts would knock over cups of ale that the foul beasts knew I had to clean up. All through the next year, there was no happiness but in the cold embraces of the mountain and river, of my sisters of nature.
"Come, Demetria, let us hold you..." The warmth of the stone and water would melt my sunken heart and fill it with grit. It was thanks to the sisters that I survived...
"MAKE THE BREAKFAST!" I rushed back to work as my dream faded away in the pale light of day. The warriors would be out hunting soon, running to catch a deer or two. I would run to the crossing of the water and rock, hug the mountain with my two scratched bare hands.
My fingers shook as I placed the whale blubber onto the cast-iron pan. I brushed up against the scorching metal on the side and gasped in horror at the red bumps that rose from the flames.
The meat that the warriors brought in each day was warm and roughed up, ravaged by the berserk slashes and stabs. I would wash it in the river until all of the blood had escaped it. Galatea received the spirit of the poor animal, drifting it away to the horizon as I watched. Whenever I placed the skin on the pan, there is no fight left in the sallow bones. There is no life. I cannot help but be glad for it to have left the horrid world in which I must still live.
There was silence all throughout the camp after I fed the savages their morning grits. No laughing or growling or fighting or yelling or stomping or rustling... silence. There was nothing but me and my memories and my sisters.
I ran to the spot where river met mountain, sibling met sibling, and stopped to catch my breath. Air sped in and out of my heaving lungs, and mist felt its way into my nose as I inhaled. Galatea and Annaliese gave the air I breathed a blessing, in a way, and I enjoyed every gulp of it.
"Demetria, you must leave them... stay with us..." The entreaties of the sisters warmed my heart as I listened in harmony with the flitting of the water.
There was a peace that came over me when I sat amidst the cascading folds of rock and water. I could only realize the stunning beauty of the world around me when I could no longer realize the ugly. When I rested at the shore of the river, I could feel myself and the echoes of my spirit in everything around... from my smile in the river to my heartbeat in the depths of the rocky peak. Galatea and Annaliese were here, and so was I, and so I was.
"Sisters... why must the world be this way?" There was only silence as I stretched out for an answer. I didn't expect any to come; After all, they knew naught the terrors of my world as I did... but one can hope.
The sun began to pierce itself on Annaliese's peak as I sunk down to dusk. I admired the washes of crimson that fell from the canopy of the trees and their shadows. They caught the golden whispers in my long, wavy hair.
"THRALL!" A wave of perfect terror crashed upon me. There was a storm of panic as I ran back to camp. They would hurt me... they would punish me... how could I have been so careless? Even after what happened to Sethe I was careless... I didn't think.
"YOU. Get over here. Now." I trembled in terror as Bragi and his folk crowded around me. Stone face, Demetria, stone and nothing more.
**
"What ar we going to do with theh body?" Mirkin, the thin, wiry archer of the company, said. He sauntered over to Demetria's feet and took out his knife with a great flourish. With a grunt, not caring for neatness, he sawed off the big toe on her right foot. "What? Makes fer good bait." The others scoffed at him.
"Everyone take a toe for bait, then throw 'er in the river." Bragi swung his large axe over his head and severed Demetria's foot from the bone. With a ghastly flourish, he threw it to the company and hauled her over his shoulder.
Upon reaching the river, he saw the waters churning in a darker fashion than ever before. Bragi paid it no mind and threw Demetria deep into the depths with a cold sigh.
"Where'r we going to find a thrall now?" He shook his head in disdain and took a swig of brandy. He had dropped his guard and turned to leave when a slab of rock impaled the ground before him.
"The hell?" As he turned to go around it, more began to fall from the sky, seeming to rain upon him like hail. They formed a pyramid over him and he shouted to his companions, seeing if they would hear him through the walls of rock. To no avail.
A wave rushed over the rock pyramid and swept it down into the depths, sinking Bragi far away from any hope of rescue.
The sisters Galatea and Annaliese smiled within their walls of stone and water, smiled to each other for the sister they avenged.
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154 comments
I think this is basically the best thing I've ever written, y'all... do you agree?
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Oy, definitely - it was honestly so emotional and fantastical and magical...I could go on forever! amazing job luke <3
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Thanks youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like it took a Handmaid's Tale turn, but I'm glad it was great!!!
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ooh yeah I was thinking something along that lines....but it was uniquely yours loll so amazing job :)))
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Thankooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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I mean, it has a lot of competitors, but it's definitely one of the better fantasy things you've written, hands down!
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Aw thanks, Ethan!!!!
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Definitely! It was so well-written and sad and upon re-reading it I was absolutely HOOKED.
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Aww thanks!
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I'm just going to critique this, kay? Since everyone says it's amazing. But first, I want to say that this is really lovely and yes, basically the best of your work (so far!). "Demetria's Story" or just "Demetria" is a more interesting title than "The Avenged Sister." I think the original title was better/more compelling than the current one. In this story you have a tendency to be overly descriptive. I think in a story like this, with prompts like these, descriptions are vital, but when you have too many, and run on and on, they bog dow...
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Yeshhhhh this was much needed!! Yeah, I do tend to do that lol. Oh really?? Ok I’ll change it back! Those are great ideas and I do love the book!! Thanks so much, Zilla!!!!!
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It looks like your story is gonna win. It looks really good. Who knows though, someone else might win. But if you win, good job. I really liked your story
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Aw thanks so much!!! No one's said that before!!!
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Well, it is REALLY good. I won't be surprised if you win!
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:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Description, on point. Characters have a definite voice, you amazed me again like you do it every time. I loved the plot and your story. Yes, it's your best work so far. But even your other stories are great. I loved the story a lot. Hope it gets selected.
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Thanks you so much!!!!!
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Why are you posting so few stories, where is Lukes magic, nowadays.
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XD I WASNT A FAN OF LAST WEEKS PROMPTS AND I DO LIKE NO EDITING WHATSOEVER SO I WANTED TO DO SOME WRITING ON MY OWN
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Ohh great, what did you bring for your birthday, the books.
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Ohh great, what did you bring for your birthday, the books.
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Welp I got the first two books of In Search of Lost Time, I got two short story anthologies, a collection of old Edgar Allan Poe, and some other stuff!!
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Why are you posting so few stories, where is Lukes magic, nowadays.
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This is pretty good! I like the description at the beginning. I have a tip. Maybe focus a little less on description, for example when you described master, instead of saying "He was quite tall for his stout name, but he made up for it in fat. Jiggling jugs of skin cascaded off of his hips and legs, flapping a little as he walked." You could put "The tall but fat master walked into the room, flaps of skin jiggling off his hips and legs as he did." Also, jiggling jugs sounds a bit strange so maybe that could be a tad different. All in all t...
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Thanks so much Abby!!! I do believe this was a ton of description, maybe too much, but I think that that change wouldn't make sense in all occasions because a) He's not walking into a room, its just in general when he walks and b) its meant to be more constant than a representation of the present moment. Thanks for the advice though!!! Ooh, I will sometime tomorrow, ok?
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Okay! No problem! Also, I'm writing a fantasy book, and the main character's name is Demetria! What a coincidence, huh? XD That was what sparked my interest in your story
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That's crazy!!!
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I know!
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Wait a minute......... Is your pfp the One Ring?!?!? I'm just noticing my god! XD
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YERP!!!!!!! CHECK OUT WHAT IT SAYS LOLLLLLLL
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OML!!! I'm DYING! XD
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I LOVE LOTRRRRRRRRRRRR TOLKIEN IS A GENIUS!!!!!
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I see you have many comments telling you this, but this really a great story! I loved the descriptions you used, and it really transported me into that older time, you have great talent:). I wouldn’t want to say this with confidence, but right after the second break in the story, there is a dialogue that seems a bit more like a typo than the slang of the men(which was perfect btw). Absolutely if this was intended ignore me by all means, it just made me pause on it for a brief second, took me out of the story when I tried to tell whether it w...
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Thanks you so much, Ophelia!! This is such a sweet comment. Which part gave you pause?? Ofc I'll check it out in the next day or two!
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Sorry! That wasn’t totally clear lol. You separated parts of your story with “**” so right after the second set of those was a dialogue with one of the men. I’m pretty sure it was “So what should we do with the body?” I apologize if that’s not the exact part but it was one of the first dialogues of that “section”. I also wanted to thank you so much for looking at my work, and that you left comments on it as well, and I’ll probably say the same thing once I read them lol. So good to meet you!
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Ah I understand now!!! You too :)
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Love the description!! Will you please review mine? :)
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Um, sure!!!!
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I really enjoyed this story! The characters are interesting, the plot is full of tension, and the ending was surprising. Your scenes and the physical descriptions of your characters are very well done. My only critique going forward is to check that your verb tense is consistent in your writing. You occasionally switch between past, present, and future tense in places where it would be clearer to maintain the same tense. It’s a tricky thing to catch and I often miss it in my own writing! I haven’t really looked to see if anyone’s guessed ...
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Thank you so much, Claire!!! That's so sweet of you!!! For the tenses, I did something that I realized a lot in some famous books I've read like Solzhenitsyn where the timeless things are said in present tense and then what is happening in a plotline is in past tense. Yerp, that's the puzzle!!!!
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Ah okay, that makes sense! And hooray! I’ve always wanted one of those little gold fish that Aureliano makes in the book lol
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OMG YESHHHHHHHH THE FISHIESSSSSSSSSSS
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Scary, as a 30 year old, I do not like what happened to Demetria and the sisters did good to avenge the same. Hmm
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Ha well that was life in this world... it is pretty brutal though.
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Bet you had a lot of fun writing this. Great work.
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Thanks I did!!!!
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Hey so how are you doing today? ^^
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Great!!!
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I'm still just tired like usual and a bit bored, but I think I got some good news ^^
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Ooh, what is it??? If its personal you don't have to share.
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I finally managed to make another story after several months of writers block :D and this is some other good news I guess, I've recently been trying to become a voice actor ^^
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THATS AWESOME BOTH OF THOSE!!!!!!
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Hiiiiiii, Lukeeeeeeee!! Sorry, I'm nuts right now. Anyway, I loveeeee this story!!! It's so amazing and the words flow through the story with a definite air of simple elegance. I love the fantastical air of the story and the swift way the story went, amazing job and beautiful story!! -Lillian Ps, you remember the story starring you? I actually deleted it but it's back. Better than before. Check it out if you ever get the chance ;)
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ThAnKoOoOoOoOoOo!!!! Ofc I'll check it out now!!!!
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Yeahhhhhh it was awesome!!!
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:DDDDDDDD
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HEY LUKE. Do you mind checking out a friend of mine that just joined Reedsy?? Profile link: https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/anna-may/
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SuRe!!!!
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YaY!!! Thanksssss
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Oop I was her first follower already lol
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XD
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L U K E https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1Sq7s1ivwFRcvjdQbT1kuzmMWuRbtEKMiOMhLI2EEvJ0/edit?usp=sharing
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I DID IT
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YEAY THANKS STORY COMMIN OUTTTTTTTT
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I'm stumped on your puzzle. I can't think of a book that has to do with both swans and timeee
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Lolllllllllllllllll I laughing so hard its a classicccccc
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I can't think of oneeeeee When I think of books with swans, I can only think of "The Wild Swans" and "Swan" by Frances Mayes, but I don't think those fit the other emojis about time.
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Well, there's a character who isn't a swan but his name sounds like it...
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Ummmm... Idk this one 😂😅
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Lollllllllllllllllll welp there's always another!!!!
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Heyyyy Luke! What's up? :D GOD DANG THIS STORY IS GREAT!! Wow! I loved this prompt too and was so excited to see how everyone used it and I love yours! I totally got some The Handmadien Tale vibes haha which I loved! Amazing job! Wow, you have an amazing taste in books too! I'm a sucker for the classics and saw in your comments you got some really good ones!
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I'm gonna go all "old person boomer" on you and cry because books are so expensive nowdays T-T
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also HMMM I'm busting brain cells trying to figure out your emoji thing! It's definitly got somethign to do with time travel...maybe back to the future? dr.who?
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Its certainly related to time... and its the first book of an extremely long book series that is considered classical... and there is a character like the third one...
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Noooo the third emoji isn't showing up for me T-T is it a guy or something?
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Noooo its a swan... lol
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Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Izzie!!!!!! Awwwwwwwwwwwww thanks you so muchhhhh!!! YESH CLASSICS ARE THE BEST.
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RIGHT?? THEY SHOULDNT BE FORGOTTEN THEY ARE LITERALLY CALLED CLASSICS AJSHJAHS I love old laungage too haha people used to speak so differently!
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I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Yeshhhh the sentence structures are so different like in Frankenstein and any Austen novel lol
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Right?! Wow, what bookstore did you go to? I'm so sad cause my parents have this unspoken rule thats like "if you can get it at the library, dont get it at the bookstore" T-T YOU CAN GET ALL BOOKS AT A LIBRARY BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN IM ALLOWED TO MAKE NOTES IN THE MARGINES AND STAIN THE PAGES WITH MY TEARS- I'm a very emotional reader because I stay up late reading soooo YAY the effets of sleep depreivation lmao
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I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! Ok, that sounds horrible... they obviously have never TRULY read a book in their life lol... you need to hold it, and ones with emotional sentimental value are WORTH KEEPING. My parents just silently scorn... but I don't care y'all!!!!!!!! I went to this really small obscure one that no one really knows about and it isn't a chain, but the lady there is so SMORT AND AMAZING and the books are AWESOME!!!!
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Ok, Luke, this was seriously amazing. My gosh, the emotion and the description and the vengeance. Just, wow. Incredible job!!
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THANK. YOU!!!!!
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hello
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I am a very... not sure what to say. I'm a very sensitive person, and even the mention of blood or lost limbs makes my head spin, I've fainted while reading gory scenes before. I almost fainted yesterday. Somehow, the hacking off of feet didn't do anything to me, so you are amazing. I can finally read dark stuff without fear of fainting. *I HAVE A CHARACTER NAMED DIMETRIA* *SHE IS VERY KIND AND LOVING* *I KEEP THINKING IT'S HER*
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Thank youuuuu!!! Ooh that is an accomplishment!!!! *I bet she’s awesome too XD*
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Yeah. I mean, it varies on the book, but I actually made a meme about it on Canva (editing app) from Endling. Khara: the arrow is stuck in your side. Byx: let it stick. Me: Yuck. (envisions arrow stuck in side) Khara: I will have to remove it. it will hurt. Byx: let it hurt. Me: (envisions blood pouring from wound) Khara: I will have to make three cuts. Byx: Let me bleed. Me: (Doesn't hear Byx because I am suddenly hit by a wave of nausia and am fainting.) I think I have some typos but that's it LOL
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do you have abby's account? (pizza's)
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I dunnooooooooooooo
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D:
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