author’s note: This is a collaboration with Orenda, who is as beautiful as she is chaotic. Is this story coherent and sensible? Probably not. Did we have a blast writing it? Heck yeah. So please take this with a grain of salt. 😙
It’s three in the morning when the doorbell jolts Risa lucid. Another sleepless Saturday night had prompted her to grab a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and drown her insomnia binging the entirety of Black Mirror on Netflix; she’d almost collapsed face-first onto the carpet from dehydration and enervation. She told her doctor she'd been spending most of her time completing her assignments and binge watching Netflix later on. And since she left her house on rare occasions, she was a vegetable; a cute radish preferably.
Risa skids down the stairs and looks through the peephole only to see no one waiting on the other side of the door. And when the doorbell already disrupted her sleep, she ambles to the kitchen and plucks out a coke can from the stand in the refrigerator, chugging it down.
Who could ever imagine drinking coke instead of water first thing in the morning? It was definitely Risa.
She reclaims her spot on the bed, cross-legged, eyes glued to the screen that has been the only light source in the room for… how many years has it been since the incident?
She hits the spacebar. A minute passes. She rewinds that minute. Another minute passes, another rewind. Not a single moment of the episode is sinking in. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t peel her thoughts away from her porch, which was empty when it shouldn’t have been. It gnaws at her composure, not knowing who that was. Or why anyone would visit at three in the morning.
Please be a dream, she pleads inwardly. Please please please.
The illusion shatters when a frantic banging noise erupts through the house and burrows through all her layers. She flinches, heart rattling in her ribcage. Her mind goes on autopilot; she wraps herself in the soothing darkness of three blankets, performs the breathing exercises her doctor taught her.
Bang bang bang.
She kicks off the sheets, gathers the dregs of courage she has remaining, and rushes downstairs. The last thing she needs is a confrontation. But she’ll go crazy if the noise doesn’t stop.
Risa is reverberating as much as the back door is as she readies her voice. It comes out cracked and dry from disuse, so she takes a few gulps of saliva.
“Whoever that is, please stop!”
Well, that did the trick. After a few heartbeats of stillness, a muffled voice, decidedly male, resounds from outside:
“Do not ignore me, Risa.”
Risa’s heart soars into a crescendo of panic. Her breaths become rapid and shallow.
“Who are you? And how do you know my name?”
The silence hangs thick in the air. Is he gone? And what did he mean by… ?
Risa heads to the front door. This mystery man must have been the one ringing the bell before growing impatient and trying to come in through the back. She checks the peephole again, in case she can catch a glimpse of her tormentor. Nothing.
She takes a deep breath. She has to do it. She unfastens all nine locks and creaks the door open. The breeze invading her nostrils is a foreign, alien scent. Holding the half-open door close like a shield, she glances across her driveway and garden; ugly and overgrown, but otherwise empty.
Empty? No, there’s something on the first step of the front porch. Risa grunts as she remains in place and reaches out with a single arm; for someone like her, one step outside is setting foot in lava. She drags the knee-high cardboard box inside and locks the door behind her.
Five minutes pulse in her ears before she regains something resembling her composure. How long has it been since someone acknowledged her existence? Or since she unlocked the door?
Risa hauls the package onto the kitchen table and stares at it, hoping that if she concentrates hard enough, she can will it out of existence, and then her life can continue on its unassuming, uneventful way. But the thought of the man returning makes her grab a boxcutter and slice it open.
Packing peanuts greet her. A piece of paper rests atop them. Her gaze tiptoes over the words scrawled on it:
My dear Risa,
Your parents may have left you, but I will always be here. As family, I fear that this lifestyle of yours does not bode well for your future. Granted, it is not always a simple matter to be coaxed out of one’s shell; hence, I have prepared an impetus that should suffice. The reward for your cooperation: your overdue inheritance.
Please begin by pressing the chip to your neck, right beneath your earlobe.
Kind regards,
Your Uncle Dallas
A metal square the size of a thumbnail is taped below the extravagant signature. Is this the “chip” the letter mentioned? And just who is this Uncle Dallas, anyway? The last family gathering Risa remotely remembers happened an eternity ago, and there were too many faces to count, let alone recall.
She rips the chip off and does as the letter instructs. A hiss exudes her thin lips as she lines the tip of the swiss knife across the skin, making a shallow incision and inserting the chip into the flesh. Wiping off the warm blood that dribbles down her neck, Risa hauls out another letter from the box and glides through its contents that read:
Instructions to the real matter: navigate to the pink gnome in the yard where you shall get hold of another box. You are advised not to hesitate, but take it home, lest someone else discovers it. Make sure no one notices you with it.
~ Uncle Dallas
What kind of dare is this? Risa thinks to herself, baffled out of her senses. And who in the Dead Sea is this Uncle Dallas? He's the mastermind, the man behind the computer, drifting his fingers over the keyboard and hacking computers for hours on end. Did she ever have such a relative? As far as she knew, Java and coding puzzles never fit well with her family. They'd rather do carpentry, stitch and sing songs in a nomadic pack.
Risa steps out of her house and hugs herself as she strides toward her yard. Her legs and feet are feeble, might shatter into pieces if struck once. It's brass monkey weather today and the frosty breeze caresses her skin as it swirls through her silk red hair.
Picking up the box which is heavier than the first, she hurries inside and opens it with tentative fingers.
The air in her windpipe freezes. A pistol sits in the container like a coiled rattlesnake, as if merely touching it might lead to a grievous injury.
She’s befuddled as to what’s to be done with the gun. But another letter greets her from the box as she picks it up, rips off the envelope and reads the content.
I know how annoyed you must be with this sickly game. I empathize with you. But I swear this is the last letter.
You know the State Bank a few miles down the road, don’t you? Get out, carry the gun and connect the dots yourself.
XxX
Sickly game? This supposed haggard, probably polishing his bald head, knows this is a game he’s playing? And he empathizes?
Well, dad jokes on him!
Risa’s heart is still banging hard and fierce against her chest, she’s afraid of the unknown. Even though she’s clueless of what’s happening, she dreads the next few seconds and knows she’s in peril if the task’s not accomplished.
Throwing a trench coat over her shoulder and tucking away the Bryco Arm in the backpocket of her jeans, she heads out. Not even a few moments have passed since the world is exposed to her, when her eyes grow wide and transfix with horror. Anxiety thoughts are akin to driving around the block over and over, faster and faster. It’s pointless.
Stop, she repeats to herself. You’re sober, so let your thoughts be as a car on a good road.
A handful of minutes later, a huge building, the bank, comes into view and she tries suppressing her thoughts as if possessed and trying to push down the demon to the unbounded pit. It’s working, at least for a little while.
Risa doesn’t know how she manages to put one foot in front of the other and lock eyes with the teller. She didn’t think she could leave her house, and yet here she is, on the verge of breaking a few laws along with her sanity. It’s not too late to go back, maybe call the cops, she figures.
She flinches when a stinging pain blooms in her neck. A bystander asks if she’s okay. She plays it off.
How could she forget? It’s as if he’s watching her every move. Well, there’s no going back.
Her arm is a wet noodle as she raises the gun.
“Give… me… money.” It takes a mountain of strength and then some to push each syllable out.
He never said how much. Not that she cares. She just wants this nightmare to be over and done with.
Things happen quickly afterwards. Panic blossoming bright and fresh in the bank as her surroundings register the threat. The teller’s eyes inflating like pufferfish. A warm stream rushing down one of Risa’s pant legs to pool around her shoes.
She tunes all of that out until her trench coat is stuffed with green notes.
She doesn’t know how she makes it back out, but she does. In the fleeting comfort of an alleyway, she does her breathing exercises. She’s about to shatter like the bottles littered at her feet.
Her phone buzzes. She stares down the text like it’s about to jump out and strike her.
Enjoy your inheritance.
-Uncle D
Sirens wail in the distance. Is this some cruel, twisted joke at her expense? Divine punishment? A nightmare?
Risa darts into the lane, her hands secured around her coat pockets and hurtles away from the police car. Thanks to her athletic feet or she'd be counting days in prison. Sprinting drains her energy and as much as she wants to keep at it, she can’t. She’s been defeated: that’s what she thinks, but a ray of hope alights in her body when a van comes forth and opens its door as if calling out to her.
The little quirk of her lips that blooms on her face feels foreign, but it’s involuntary. She hurtles toward it, often turning back to see if or how far the police car’s advanced.
Her smile is the petal of a marigold when it wilts when not exposed to sunshine and it’s hope for her that’s been pricked.
The man that had been trying to break into her house glares daggers into her soul, piercing through the layers and stabbing the dainty heart right in the centre.
“You…” her voice trails off as another man exposes himself. In a finely tailored brown suit and black hair gelled back into a manbun, is seated Uncle Dallas.
Realization slaps too late. She never had a relative named Dallas. She finds herself swimming in the cold blue waters of his eyes. It’s enthralling, yet unnerving.
Something’s not right. And before Risa can process anything, a deafening boom reiterates through the walls of the car. A body slumps on the ground, the gun slips from the jean pocket.
It was a sickly game, hadn't Uncle D said?
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85 comments
What? When did you submit it? I was actually going to holler at you for not submitting our story on your profile. Eh, good that I checked your profile.
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Of course I submitted it! Don’t wanna get the sandal from you 😬
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Of course I submitted it! Don’t wanna get the sandal from you 😬
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Of course I submitted it! Don’t wanna get the sandal from you 😬
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Good, good. I changed the title to Uncle Dallas lol. Do you wanna change it or keep it to our OG title?
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I changed it. Now all’s good in the hood 😎
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Lmao. That's the spirit ✊
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Good job to both of you! I wasn't sure what I was reading - a black mirror fan fiction, a mystery horror/thriller, or something inspired by Harry Potter (because of the letter thing I almost expected an owl to drop by and take her to a magical school any time soon). Well, the latter was disproven quite fast, and the suspence part was quite good. 🙃🤘 I would like to point out just a couple of technicalities. (You may prove me wrong, I'm not sure). - The size and weight of the boxes. The second one is heavier than the first one, that's cool. B...
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A new Hidayat story? And it’s a collab? What could be better! I really enjoyed the story. I liked your descriptions of her and her laziness. The chip thing was weird in a scary but good kind of way, and the final reveal actually does make sense. My only critique would be to say it would heighten the tension even more if she robbed more than one person. But that’s just me. Really great collaboration, you guys. Looking forward to your next.
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Haha you can thank Ren for the chip idea. That’s a sound critique, but for some reason this got approved already. And I think I’m finally back in the swing of things—gonna try to crank out something this week, despite the unorthodox prompts
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oh my Ray, congrats on 21st rank. Enjoy while it lasts 😉😚
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JESUS. Get a life. But thanks haha. I suspect I will become a prime target for downvoting now 😬
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WHAT DID I DO? Perhaps, but you're last in waiting. I'm already one of them. MAjor target already. Oh and yeah, I'm shivering xD. You know this involuntary thing that keeps happening and I can't get it to stop.
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oi, are you online? I'm bored. If so, come to O&R and we'll talk random shit.
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I just read this, I’ll see if I’m free on the weekend!
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Eyy no problem:D
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Just read your bio, please tell me you don’t mean that
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I do mean that. I can't handle all this with things already going on. But I won't leave now, if that matters :D
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Well ok, as long as you’re not leaving
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I was reading this early in the morning with a Pepsi in hand, so I'd say Risa isn't alone in that club. And when I tell you how I choked to find a mutual soul (even if they only existed in a story). Great work, both of you. Love it 🖤
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Yay I’m glad this story could speak to you! Yes go call her 😬
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Collaboration! How fun! I agree i'm intrigued by the interesting word choices, especially when it comes to Risa's (pronounced rih-sa or ree-sa, btw?) body and movements. Brings you into her anxiety.
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In my head it’s like “Lisa” but with an “R”, but honestly I’m not sure what it is officially. Thanks for stopping by! 😙
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Ree-sa it is :)
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This is like a Black Mirror episode - quirky, a little creepy and so suspenseful. Super-creative with the take on the prompt and the writing. I kept wanting to know more but never felt lost. Congrats to both of you - I really enjoyed it. And glad you had fun writing it too!
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Thanks for stopping by! 😙 Yep, I guess in a way this was a tribute/parody to Black Mirror.
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You two did such a great job with this story! Loved it so much! :)
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Thanks!
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My pleasure!
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Wait a sec collab with Orenda? On my way to read it right now!!
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Ahh thanks to both of you Orenda and Rayhan if I didn't see this it would have been a great loss to me. I'm so lucky that I checked the activity feed. Awesome story with fast pacimg that never bore the readers out, matters starting right from the intro, and a nice Twist. What a creative take on a prompt. People might naturally think that Risa will end up on a golden couch or piles o luxuries but you got up to the top of our brains and said, "hey you were wrong wake up! " This is what comes out when two writing masters unite. This is crazy(in...
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Thanks for the generous comment! This is my first collab so I’m glad it turned out alright. And yeah, I Iove VR and all things sci-fi 😙
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Yay, another story! I loved how this story was put together, with the letters and how everything slowly began to unravel and nothing is as it seems. It's amazing. I really like how Risa's thoughts were described and the overall chaotic-ness of her character, I think we can all relate to her in some senses. All the action-packed scenes and the pace was spot-on, I felt like I was right there, I could feel the tension rising, and man, that ending was something else. You did such a good job making a story together with Orenda, even with the know...
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The chaoticness is really Ren’s doing but thanks for the kind words! Collabs are fun and I’m definitely down to do some more (maybe with, oh I dunno, a fellow fantasy writer 😉). Anyway I think I’m back. Gonna see what I can do about these super weird prompts. And I gotta catch up with your stories lol
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Haha, we all have a bit of chaoticness. I've never done a collab before, but I would totally be down. I don't think I can get a story out for Christmas, plus I agree, the prompts are definitely quite strange.
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Aw yay, maybe when life gives us both some free time then haha. And yeah, everyone has an excuse to take a break now—happy holidays! 😙
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You too!
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I could relate to your character from the very beginning, which I think is hard to do. I think it was because you introduced her in a vulnerable place, so the reader immediately cared for her. Well done!
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Thanks Jacob! Half of this was written by Orenda so be sure to leave a comment on her profile as well if you haven’t already!
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You had me at collaboration. ❤️ I love writing with others!! So much creativity in this piece. I love the present tense; it gives it a certain unhinged quality. Fun Gelled man bun — 😫 hahahaha
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For sure, it’s one of
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For sure, it’s one of the funnest things google docs lets you do! Be sure to give Ren some love if you haven’t done so already 😙
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Ha! Hilarious and dark and mysterious. ‘ Risa’s heart soars into a crescendo of panic’ is an amazing line. Love it! Great job to you and Oreo XD
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Thanks! Yep, it was a fun ride 😙
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Thanks for getting here ASAP as usual! The doc got hella chaotic and I suspect that reflects in the writing 😂
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Chaotic- Thanks to you 🙂
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Ah yes you’re very welcome 😙
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Lol, no.
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Tense problems as you put it might be because of travelling back and forth from past to present. If that's not the case, please feel free to point them out. Thanks a bunch for reading :-)
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I'm actually here from Orenda's profile, both of you deserve praise for this one! It was funny how the main character seemed to be just as confused as I was. This felt like it was written by one (chaotic and crazy 😂) person, it didn't feel messy like two different people wrote it. With all those interesting words I have a slight suspicion you and Orenda were competing against each other to see who's vocabulary was bigger and weirder. Anyway, I had a lot of fun!
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Thanks! Haha maybe we were doing that without realizing 😂 If that’s the case, it’s obvious who the winner is 😉
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It's that pretty weeb :D
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That description fits the both of us
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Um... I don't know how to make it more unambiguous xD
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Lol. Then you succeeded!
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It's been a while! I've been waiting for another story from you. This is a nice little thriller. Though, one thing I'm very curious about. Why did Risa put the chip in her neck in the first place? Wasn't she at least a little bit suspicious? She didn't seem to be desperate for money.
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I think a lot of this story borders on nonsensical due to the sheer level of disorganization when we were writing this, but thanks for the feedback! Be sure to leave a comment on Ren’s profile if you haven’t already 😙
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I see! Idk how it works collaborating between 2 people but I'm glad it worked out. It's not really that disorganized, it's just that that the chip thing is a main plot element and it stuck out.
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Basically we go on google docs, and then all hell breaks loose 😂 But when only one of us is on, we try to continue the story where the other person left off, maybe a few paragraphs. And it just goes back and forth like that, but obviously there will be disagreements of where to take the plot, which is annoying but also part of the fun. And I’ll keep that feedback in mind for future stories!
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I really enjoyed this, it was a faced paced read, and an interesting spin on the prompt, for how they earn their inheritance. The imagery is very vivid, which really sucks you into the story. I especially loved this line: "The little quirk of her lips that blooms on her face feels foreign, but it’s involuntary" Well done to both of you, happy writing!
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Thanks Mr Krey! The mind behind that beautiful line is none other than Ren herself 😙
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You're welcome. You still need to share credit, claim it was your influence and support that gave her the confidence to write it lol
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Haha, well noted!
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eyy, don't need no influence, you know. But, this Ray guy motivates me to write because I have a lazy arse.
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Haha
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Hi, Ray! Welcome back! Cool collaboration - this was a lot of fun to read. This was such a cool prompt, and I love where you and Orenda took it. I was never able to figure out where it was heading, which was a lot of fun. Thank you (both!) for sharing it!
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It’s good to be back, thanks other Ray! Glad it was as fun to read as this was to write for us haha
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OHHHH I get it. YOU BOTH wrote ONE STORY TOGETHER! ugh ..curse my slowness. I thought it was part 1 on Orenda's page and part 2 on yours. Oh well. This was a very suspicious story! I loved the pacing of it all. Honestly both of yall are good at this. The word choices you used really added to the suspension. Me still wondering who Uncle Dallas is.... But yes the suspension, mystery, and thriller-ness of it all was actually really interesting to me. I loved this! Maybe I should start giving more thrillers a chance ahaha... Great job Rayhan!!
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Haha thanks! Yeah it’s the exact same story but I guess that’s just how collabs work lol. And Orenda deserves a lot of the recognition too!
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Of course! And yup, I commented on hers too! I really enjoyed it!
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WHY WOULD YOU WILLINGLY LIVE IN GONDOR???? AMONG MEN?????? I PERSONALLY AM A RESIDENT OF LOTHLORIEN!!!!
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Haha, Elves are badass, can’t deny it! But the Battle of the Pelennor Fields will always have a special place in my heart 😉
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Yeah, that was awesome. Do you like the books or movies better?? I'm a die hard book fan!!
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Never read the books (I know, I’m a pleb, please don’t kill me Sauron) but I really should. The LOTR trilogy are some of my favorite films ever and are one of my biggest inspirations
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:D I love the books and the movies are a little sacrilegious, but don't worry I'm a servant of Manwë I don't kill peeps!! So fun to find another fan tho!!
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