461 comments

Thriller

(well, well, another fun collaboration and that too with Ray 😙 this guy left me at the wrong time :) Anyway, enjoy this one heck of a nonsense story.)

~

It’s three in the morning when the doorbell jolts Risa lucid. Another sleepless Saturday night had prompted her to grab a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and drown her insomnia binging the entirety of Black Mirror on Netflix; she’d almost collapsed face-first onto the carpet from dehydration and enervation. She told her doctor she'd been spending most of her time completing her assignments and binge watching Netflix later on. And since she left her house on rare occasions, she was a vegetable; a cute radish preferably. 

Risa skids down the stairs and looks through the peephole only to see no one waiting on the other side of the door. And when the doorbell already disrupted her sleep, she ambles to the kitchen and plucks out a coke can from the stand in the refrigerator, chugging it down. 

Who could ever imagine drinking coke instead of water first thing in the morning? It was definitely Risa. 

She reclaims her spot on the bed, cross-legged, eyes glued to the screen that has been the only light source in the room for… how many years has it been since the incident? 

She hits the spacebar. A minute passes. She rewinds that minute. Another minute passes, another rewind. Not a single moment of the episode is sinking in. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t peel her thoughts away from her porch, which was empty when it shouldn’t have been. It gnaws at her composure, not knowing who that was. Or why anyone would visit at three in the morning.

Please be a dream, she pleads inwardly. Please please please.

The illusion shatters when a frantic banging noise erupts through the house and burrows through all her layers. She flinches, heart rattling in her ribcage. Her mind goes on autopilot; she wraps herself in the soothing darkness of three blankets, performs the breathing exercises her doctor taught her.

Bang bang bang.

She kicks off the sheets, gathers the dregs of courage she has remaining, and rushes downstairs. The last thing she needs is a confrontation. But she’ll go crazy if the noise doesn’t stop.

Risa is reverberating as much as the back door is as she readies her voice. It comes out cracked and dry from disuse, so she takes a few gulps of saliva.

“Whoever that is, please stop!”

Well, that did the trick. After a few heartbeats of stillness, a muffled voice, decidedly male, resounds from outside:

“Do not ignore me, Risa.”

Risa’s heart soars into a crescendo of panic. Her breaths become rapid and shallow.

“Who are you? And how do you know my name?”

The silence hangs thick in the air. Is he gone? And what did he mean by… ?

Risa heads to the front door. This mystery man must have been the one ringing the bell before growing impatient and trying to come in through the back. She checks the peephole again, in case she can catch a glimpse of her tormentor. Nothing.

She takes a deep breath. She has to do it. She unfastens all nine locks and creaks the door open. The breeze invading her nostrils is a foreign, alien scent. Holding the half-open door close like a shield, she glances across her driveway and garden; ugly and overgrown, but otherwise empty.

Empty? No, there’s something on the first step of the front porch. Risa grunts as she remains in place and reaches out with a single arm; for someone like her, one step outside is setting foot in lava. She drags the knee-high cardboard box inside and locks the door behind her.

Five minutes pulse in her ears before she regains something resembling her composure. How long has it been since someone acknowledged her existence? Or since she unlocked the door?

Risa hauls the package onto the kitchen table and stares at it, hoping that if she concentrates hard enough, she can will it out of existence, and then her life can continue on its unassuming, uneventful way. But the thought of the man returning makes her grab a boxcutter and slice it open.

Packing peanuts greet her. A piece of paper rests atop them. Her gaze tiptoes over the words scrawled on it:

My dear Risa,

Your parents may have left you, but I will always be here. As family, I fear that this lifestyle of yours does not bode well for your future. Granted, it is not always a simple matter to be coaxed out of one’s shell; hence, I have prepared an impetus that should suffice. The reward for your cooperation: your overdue inheritance.

Please begin by pressing the chip to your neck, right beneath your earlobe.

Kind regards,

Your Uncle Dallas

A metal square the size of a thumbnail is taped below the extravagant signature. Is this the “chip” the letter mentioned? And just who is this Uncle Dallas, anyway? The last family gathering Risa remotely remembers happened an eternity ago, and there were too many faces to count, let alone recall.

She rips the chip off and does as the letter instructs. A hiss exudes her thin lips as she lines the tip of the swiss knife across the skin, making a shallow incision and inserting the chip into the flesh. Wiping off the warm blood that dribbles down her neck, Risa hauls out another letter from the box and glides through its contents that read:

Instructions to the real matter: navigate to the pink gnome in the yard where you shall get hold of another box. You are advised not to hesitate, but take it home, lest someone else discovers it. Make sure no one notices you with it.

~ Uncle Dallas

What kind of dare is this? Risa thinks to herself, baffled out of her senses. And who in the Dead Sea is this Uncle Dallas? He's the mastermind, the man behind the computer, drifting his fingers over the keyboard and hacking computers for hours on end. Did she ever have such a relative? As far as she knew, Java and coding puzzles never fit well with her family. They'd rather do carpentry, stitch and sing songs in a nomadic pack. 

Risa steps out of her house and hugs herself as she strides toward her yard. Her legs and feet are feeble, might shatter into pieces if struck once. It's brass monkey weather today and the frosty breeze caresses her skin as it swirls through her silk red hair. 

Picking up the box which is heavier than the first, she hurries inside and opens it with tentative fingers. 

The air in her windpipe freezes. A pistol sits in the container like a coiled rattlesnake, as if merely touching it might lead to a grievous injury.

She’s befuddled as to what’s to be done with the gun. But another letter greets her from the box as she picks it up, rips off the envelope and reads the content.

I know how annoyed you must be with this sickly game. I empathize with you. But I swear this is the last letter. 

You know the State Bank a few miles down the road, don’t you? Get out, carry the gun and connect the dots yourself. 

XxX

Sickly game? This supposed haggard, probably polishing his bald head, knows this is a game he’s playing? And he empathizes? 

Well, dad jokes on him!

Risa’s heart is still banging hard and fierce against her chest, she’s afraid of the unknown. Even though she’s clueless of what’s happening, she dreads the next few seconds and knows she’s in peril if the task’s not accomplished. 

Throwing a trench coat over her shoulder and tucking away the Bryco Arm in the backpocket of her jeans, she heads out. Not even a few moments have passed since the world is exposed to her, when her eyes grow wide and transfix with horror. Anxiety thoughts are akin to driving around the block over and over, faster and faster. It’s pointless.

Stop, she repeats to herself. You’re sober, so let your thoughts be as a car on a good road. 

A handful of minutes later, a huge building, the bank, comes into view and she tries suppressing her thoughts as if possessed and trying to push down the demon to the unbounded pit. It’s working, at least for a little while. 

Risa doesn’t know how she manages to put one foot in front of the other and lock eyes with the teller. She didn’t think she could leave her house, and yet here she is, on the verge of breaking a few laws along with her sanity. It’s not too late to go back, maybe call the cops, she figures.

She flinches when a stinging pain blooms in her neck. A bystander asks if she’s okay. She plays it off.

How could she forget? It’s as if he’s watching her every move. Well, there’s no going back.

Her arm is a wet noodle as she raises the gun.

“Give… me… money.” It takes a mountain of strength and then some to push each syllable out.

He never said how much. Not that she cares. She just wants this nightmare to be over and done with.

Things happen quickly afterwards. Panic blossoming bright and fresh in the bank as her surroundings register the threat. The teller’s eyes inflating like pufferfish. A warm stream rushing down one of Risa’s pant legs to pool around her shoes.

She tunes all of that out until her trench coat is stuffed with green notes. 

She doesn’t know how she makes it back out, but she does. In the fleeting comfort of an alleyway, she does her breathing exercises. She’s about to shatter like the bottles littered at her feet. 

Her phone buzzes. She stares down the text like it’s about to jump out and strike her.

Enjoy your inheritance. 

-Uncle D

Sirens wail in the distance. Is this some cruel, twisted joke at her expense? Divine punishment? A nightmare?

Risa darts into the lane, her hands secured around her coat pockets and hurtles away from the police car. Thanks to her athletic feet or she'd be counting days in prison. Sprinting drains her energy and as much as she wants to keep at it, she can’t. She’s been defeated: that’s what she thinks, but a ray of hope alights in her body when a van comes forth and opens its door as if calling out to her.

The little quirk of her lips that blooms on her face feels foreign, but it’s involuntary. She hurtles toward it, often turning back to see if or how far the police car’s advanced.

Her smile is the petal of a marigold when it wilts when not exposed to sunshine and it’s hope for her that’s been pricked.

The man that had been trying to break into her house glares daggers into her soul, piercing through the layers and stabbing the dainty heart right in the centre. 

“You…” her voice trails off as another man exposes himself. In a finely tailored brown suit and black hair gelled back into a manbun, is seated Uncle Dallas.  

Realization slaps too late. She never had a relative named Dallas. She finds herself swimming in the cold blue waters of his eyes. It’s enthralling, yet unnerving.

Something’s not right. And before Risa can process anything, a deafening boom reiterates through the walls of the car. A body slumps on the ground, the gun slips from the jean pocket. 

It was a sickly game, hadn't Uncle D said?

💀💀

December 18, 2020 20:02

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461 comments

Orenda .
20:07 Dec 18, 2020

▪︎10th submission?? Someone pass me a bucket for my tears. ▪︎Enjoy this. We had a barrel of laughs while writing this partly because we just talk about random shit instead of actually writing. This was done last minute too XD. ▪︎Any title suggestions are welcome.

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:46 Dec 19, 2020

Also I bailed on your ass twice. 😂 But I’m so glad we managed to put this out. Finally. It was hella fun.

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Orenda .
05:16 Dec 19, 2020

😂 I love it when we're rushing through things, legit like running from here and there to get things done. It is stressful but so fun xD

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Can I upvote you? Your in the top ten, I wanna keep you like that.

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Orenda .
17:19 Dec 20, 2020

Aw, Celeste thank you so much. I literally witnessed live downvoting lol. Thank you a bunch.

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I’m sorry, people have been downvoting and unfollowing me, I’m just trying to help others❤️

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Orenda .
17:22 Dec 20, 2020

Oh noo, why are they unfollowing you?? That shouldn't happen and each time I refresh my page, my points decrease. Oh God.

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Ugh, I hate ittt... Upvott

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LOOK 33 morrr

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Rhondalise Mitza
21:46 Dec 18, 2020

Wow, this was surprisingly funny for such a dark story! <3

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Orenda .
05:11 Dec 19, 2020

Lol yeahh XD thank you for reading, Rhonda :))

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Wow Orenda! I really enjoyed this story! :) P.S. I know I wasn't supposed to read your incomplete story but...what can I say? The reverse psychology always works! But, I didn't comment on it...so I guess I kind of followed the instructions on it??? Anways, I hope you are having a great day and Happy early Holidays!! ⛄❤️

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Orenda .
19:42 Dec 19, 2020

Thankss a lot for reading and enjoying it <3 Lmaoo. You shouldn't have but no problem, I guess that works! Haha. Same to youu :D

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Thanks for understanding! :)

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Rhondalise Mitza
16:42 Dec 23, 2020

hey just wanted to let you know I'm *offline* today because my mom took my phone for the day. not ignoring you, just don't have my cell. :)

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Amany Sayed
15:00 Dec 29, 2020

Orenda, you are one of the funniest people I know. You are also literally a magnificent artist. You need to join a contest asap. Your writing is superb, and I always smile while reading, even the horror installments. Does this work for compliments ;)

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Orenda .
15:19 Dec 29, 2020

It hundred percent does! Amany, thank youu. I envy your romance writing ability. Mine never turn out according to my expectations and I look up to you for that. I love you 😚

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Amany Sayed
15:25 Dec 29, 2020

Aw shanksss <3

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B. W.
21:50 Dec 22, 2020

How are ya today?

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Orenda .
03:05 Dec 23, 2020

I'm good, you?

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B. W.
03:53 Dec 23, 2020

Im fine, still working on my novel as well.

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Orenda .
04:13 Dec 23, 2020

Ah, cool.

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B. W.
04:25 Dec 23, 2020

you getting excited for christmas?

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Orenda .
05:07 Dec 23, 2020

Yess

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Saizen 🦜
07:59 Dec 22, 2020

Hi there, I came from Rayhan's profile and thought that I'd leave some comments here as well. Kudos for working out a story between 2 people. I'm curious as to how that works. Overall, it's pretty organized. But the part where Risa puts in the chip without hesitation or suspicion is a little odd.

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Orenda .
08:18 Dec 22, 2020

Hey, thanks for reading and enjoying our nonsensical story haha :-) Google Docs has an option for sharing the doc, so you can type together. It's fun. And as for writing, I normally lay out the story in bullet points and write however we want. We don't follow an order but it just depends. Oh haha, we didn't put much thought into it, just an idea and we included it.

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I. F.
05:13 Dec 22, 2020

Wow, I'm pretty Dallas is the scariest dude with a man-bun ever. Actually, scratch that, my English teacher has a man-bun and he's pretty damn scary, but Dallas is a close second. I loved the collaboration between you and Rayhan! I feel like this sounded a bit like one of his sci-fi's, and a bit like a thriller, which is what you said you usually do. Hats off to both of you, this was a blast!

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Orenda .
05:51 Dec 22, 2020

I first imagined Dallas as this fatass man with a gigantic belly, a greying beard and whatnot. But Ray imagined him as a slim man with a suit and I guess Dallas is more unsettling that way haha. Ye, you're right. Another writer said it reads a lil like sci-fi, I don't remember who. But thank youu for reading <3

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I. F.
06:06 Dec 22, 2020

Ya, it's cool that Risa was watching Black Mirror in the beginning. This story definitely reminds me of the show, it's got the same sci-fi/futurey vibe and it's pretty dark. Ohhhh what if Rayhan stops focusing on fantasy and sci-fi and starts writing more thrillers and horror? I'd love that.

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Orenda .
06:13 Dec 22, 2020

I don't even know what the show's about xD. I just know Will Smith stars in it? Hmm, that'll be amazing. And I gotta write more fantasy 🙄 so we basically switch our preferred genres haha. I love writing fantasy but I don't know why but I stopped writing it.

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I. F.
06:24 Dec 22, 2020

Honestly, the show isn't really about anything, it's all unrelated episodes. Will Smith...either I missed that episode or his chracter is invisble. I had a whole epic fantasy planned out with a couple of friends, we just never got to writing. Fantasy and sci-fi are so much fun, but they're probably my two weakest genres. I just can't imagine creating a whole alternate technological or fantasy world in 3000 words or less. You and Rayhan switch, then when you post the stories you can critique the hell out of each other 😂

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Orenda .
06:40 Dec 22, 2020

Oh man, my bad. It's the guy from Get Out haha. Oh no, that must've felt horrible. Imagine having a full fledged story planned out, but never touching it again. Ouch. Just start with something trash, the clan of butterflies is close to extinction and they have to fight a horde of lizardians and talk about their journey. Anything! Yeah absolutely 😂

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Radhika Diksha
10:47 Dec 19, 2020

Loved the combo of you and Ray, enjoyed it thoroughly. The suspense was there and the thrill didn't disappear. I would suggest the tile to be "A Dare not to be Dared" Did you like it?

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Orenda .
10:51 Dec 19, 2020

Aw thank you, Radhika. Thank you for enjoying our nonsense story XD. I love it, but I'll go with the current one. Thanks a ton :D

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Radhika Diksha
10:52 Dec 19, 2020

welcome

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Orenda .
10:58 Dec 19, 2020

Well, I've been wanting to talk you about what you said about B. I think it's a blunder misunderstanding between you and her. We've been friends for a long while and I don't say she's a "stalker". It's rude and cold to judge someone you've barely conversed with. And going around cautioning people to "avoid her" is extremely immature. I hope you understand and I also ask you clear this misunderstanding with her. Please, never judge anybody in that way :D

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Radhika Diksha
11:03 Dec 19, 2020

I cleared my misunderstanding with her and I had my own reasons to call her, well I don't think it's immature to show people the real side of somebody, I never said people to avoid her, all I would say that to, not to waste our skills and time on other people who don't care about us. By the way, it's better to understand the full side of the story.

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Orenda .
11:08 Dec 19, 2020

I know I don't know the full story but I pointed this out based off of what you told me a while ago. It is immature if what you say is offensive and you can't put the blame on others for being gullible or anything. Did B ever say something to you that made you feel this way? I'm curious. And We'll delete the comments.

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Antonio Jimenez
06:00 Jan 04, 2021

Wow, great story. I really liked this one. The character was fascinating and drove my interest from start to finish. Awesome! Would love if you checked out my stories and let me know what you think. Thanks!

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Orenda .
06:44 Jan 04, 2021

thank you so much, Antonio! right, I'll check 'em out once I have time and proper network connection lmao.

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B. W.
02:02 Dec 31, 2020

Heyyyy

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Orenda .
04:31 Dec 31, 2020

heya!

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B. W.
06:17 Dec 31, 2020

how are ya?

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Orenda .
07:05 Dec 31, 2020

I'm doing good, and you?

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B. W.
07:11 Dec 31, 2020

I guess I'm excited, I'm still surprised by how fast 2020 kinda went though.

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Orenda .
07:12 Dec 31, 2020

yeah actually.

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☆ Ariadne ☆
03:08 Dec 29, 2020

I'm not so glad I (finally!) got around to reading this because I'm going to be having nightmares of dudes in man-buns and expensive suits coming after me. Okay, kidding. I loved it. Nightmares are refreshing sometimes, honestly, since many of my acquaintances tell me I make my way into their nightmares often and well... NGL, that boosts my ego by a million notches. Also, Risa is a lovely name. :)

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Orenda .
04:46 Dec 29, 2020

Hahaa you at least got the time to stop by and that is what matters! U. Dallas sure as hell is creepy. Thanksss for reading this 😚 and be sure to leave a comment for Ray too.

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Yolanda Wu
00:08 Dec 29, 2020

I already commented on Rayhan's page for this story, but I just wanted to come here too. This story totally had me hooked from start to beginning. Risa's chaotic character was totally my jam, and the way things slowly built up to the climax was so exciting and had me on the edge of my seat. Uncle Dallas sure is quite scary even though he never actually appears, and oof, that ending. What else can I say, I thought this was an amazing story. Good job on the collab! Wonderful work, Orenda. :)

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Orenda .
04:44 Dec 29, 2020

Aww thank you for enjoying this, Yol! I truly appreciate your time. :3

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Yolanda Wu
05:48 Dec 29, 2020

You're welcome!

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B. W.
18:24 Dec 24, 2020

For how you've been feeling lately and all that, why don't I finally make you that story I've been talking to you about? It'll probably be the first one I do with the new prompts ^^

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Orenda .
03:33 Dec 25, 2020

it happens now and then lmao. And that'd be amazing, but take your time. Enjoy Christmas <3

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B. W.
03:39 Dec 25, 2020

thanks ^^ though what do ya actually think of the new prompts? I'm a bit surprised that they came out today instead of Friday

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Orenda .
03:45 Dec 25, 2020

They're eh. I don't mind them haha

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B. W.
03:47 Dec 25, 2020

I made a new story a bit ago with the character to achieve a goal or something, I still might try to do your story with one of the other ones.

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Orenda .
03:52 Dec 25, 2020

Eyy that's cool. Thank you <3

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B. W.
02:55 Dec 24, 2020

You still seem a bit upset and stuff, maybe I could tell ya some jokes or something? I think I have some new ones.

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Orenda .
03:12 Dec 24, 2020

Yeah sure. Some newer ones plej XD

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B. W.
03:15 Dec 24, 2020

Knock Knock

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Orenda .
03:22 Dec 24, 2020

Who dis?

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B. W.
03:36 Dec 24, 2020

Robin

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Orenda .
03:41 Dec 24, 2020

Robin who?

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B. W.
01:55 Dec 24, 2020

Wait, are you gonna leave as well??

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Orenda .
02:37 Dec 24, 2020

Haha, if it goes out of hand then I'll be left with no choice.

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Amaya .
04:32 Dec 24, 2020

nononononononononononononono

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Orenda .
04:54 Dec 24, 2020

🙂

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B. W.
02:51 Dec 24, 2020

Can't ya still just try to ignore it again? I know I started talking to them and stuff, though I wanted to because we actually found out who one of them was after several months, I'm gonna at least try and ignore it.

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Orenda .
02:56 Dec 24, 2020

That's what I've been doing, you know. And my past few days haven't been good, so all this adds fuel to the fire. But of course, I'm not bothering them. I won't leave for the timing.

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B. W.
02:58 Dec 24, 2020

What's been going on? Have the days not been good because of some things on here, or something personal that isn't on here and stuff? Maybe I could try to cheer ya up or something.

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Orenda .
03:10 Dec 24, 2020

Lonelyyy. I can't believe I've to be the one to deal with this plus the issue on here.

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B. W.
00:25 Dec 24, 2020

Im kinda freaking out.

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Orenda .
00:30 Dec 24, 2020

Don't worry. Instead of arguing, we can quietly sort everything out.

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B. W.
00:31 Dec 24, 2020

I'm not even sure what to think though. I do like Zilla and we have been friends for a while, but is there still a small chance that she or someone else hates me?

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Orenda .
00:34 Dec 24, 2020

No! Or if you're so certain about it, talk to her and get it done with.

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B. W.
00:37 Dec 24, 2020

I mean- i did sort of ask "What do you think of me?" when Jane first said the thing, though it'll probably take a long time for her to even say anything. Why does any of this crap even have to happen though?

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Orenda .
00:41 Dec 24, 2020

I don't know.

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B. W.
23:09 Dec 23, 2020

Maybe the reason its kind of boring at the moment, is because its extremely close to Christmas and people are doing things for it? I'm sure after Christmas though, it wont be as boring.

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Orenda .
23:11 Dec 23, 2020

I believe so too. Reedsy gives me sad vibes and I hope Christmas brings joy to the community. It'll be awesome :-)

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B. W.
23:12 Dec 23, 2020

What's your favorite thing about Christmas?

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Orenda .
23:14 Dec 23, 2020

I don't know. I love lights and desserts.

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B. W.
23:16 Dec 23, 2020

with the food, i love ginger bread cookies the most.

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B. W.
17:02 Dec 21, 2020

How do ya come up with your ideas for your stories and stuff?

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Orenda .
17:04 Dec 21, 2020

i've to heavily rely on prompts because my mind's blocked half the time. Other times, inspo floods my brain real quick, so I just need to flesh them out. Why d'you ask, though?

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B. W.
17:07 Dec 21, 2020

I was just kinda wondering, most of the time for me ideas just kinda pop into my mind and I go with them, while sorta hoping they can fit or I could make them fit into one of the prompts :/

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Orenda .
17:08 Dec 21, 2020

the one I'm writing doesn't exactly fit into the prompt but I'll just have a paragraph or somethin to describe the main motive of it.

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B. W.
19:15 Dec 21, 2020

When do ya think it'll be out?

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Orenda .
19:21 Dec 21, 2020

I don't know, I just started it.

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