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Fantasy Friendship Teens & Young Adult

"Oh honey, what are you drawing?"

I turned to look at my mother, who was standing in the doorway and holding her phone in one hand. I lifted up the large sheet of paper in my hands and explained, "Well it's a Mermaid! I really hope to meet one someday."

"Uh...Honey, I don't think that'll really be possible. You won't ever be able to-"

My father's voice had managed to cut her off, making me jump out of my skin. "Mermaids aren't real Mabel, and they never will be real. Why don't you just forget about them?"

I stared at the phone and gripped the piece of paper, but not enough to ruin it. I couldn't destroy this or anything else I made, even if I was a bit upset...

"Don't lie to me, I know that Mermaids are real! I'm going to prove it to you."

"No you won't, now grow up."

***

Let me ask you something, what do you think happened? Did I grow up and stop believing in Mermaids and every other Creature? Nope. Well, I did literally grow up over the years, but I never stopped believing in any of them.

Would you believe me if I told you that I was hanging out with a Mermaid? I doubt that any of you actually would, but I don't care that much.

"So what do you humans usually do up here for fun?" The Mermaid (who I eventually learned was named Maddie) asked me. Oh boy, where do I even begin?

While there was a ton of things that I usually did, I attempted to list all of them to her, "Well I sometimes listen to music to help me with things, I like walking my dog...well more like he just drags me along with him. I probably should go take him on another walk soon...and oh don't get me started on my parents, they are really-"

Maddie inched closer and covered my mouth with both of her hands, unluckily before I could finish telling her everything. "Do humans usually talk this much? Or is it just you?"

I carefully moved both of her hands away from me, and then explained with a small laugh, "Heh well there are just humans who either don't like talking that much, and there are other humans who love to talk a lot. You know, you kind of remind me of...oh no, here I go again...I'll shut up."

"Oh...um...would you maybe want to learn more about Mermaids? I could tell you anything, ya know since I am one after all." I heard as a hand was set on my shoulder.

"Yeah, sure I don't see why not, this is like a once-in-a-lifetime chance to even talk to you. I just hope that I won't end up forgetting this and a few other things, man my Memory has just always been so t-" before that could be finished, I quickly covered my mouth.

I turned back to look at Maddie, who was staring back at me with an eyebrow raised. She had this look on her face at the moment, but I couldn't tell what it was about. Did she not like me? Did she hate me now? Did she even like me to begin with? Oh gosh...

"Are you alright? Why do you keep doing that, is that a normal human thing to do?"

"It's nothing...can you just tell me some stuff about Mermaids now?"

***

I stood in front of my father, who was watching some sort of old-timey-movie on the tv in the living room. "Come on dad I'm just saying that you should take me there at some point! It would be so amazing and then maybe in the future whenever I'm older, that could be my job and then I would be able to-"

"Will you shut up, Mabel?" He mumbled though he didn't take his eyes off of the Tv screen. Wow, that must have been a really great movie or something, but it seems a bit stupid if I'm being honest.

Why would I have to do that? This is something really important, and he needs to know. Mom would probably be way too busy to even try and help. "Come on dad, please? If you could just take me there then I would be able to do so many things. I'm not sure what I would exactly do when I'm even there, but maybe I would be able to just help all of the-"

That's when he finally stopped looking at the movie and turned to look at me as he stood up, towering over me. "I told you to just shut up!" I watched as his hand went up into the air, and then I felt a sharp pain somewhere...

***

"Uh hey, are you even listening to me? I've been telling you some stuff for about ten minutes." Maddie asked as she then shook my shoulder a bit.

"Yeah yeah I've been listening and that's all really interesting..."

I took her hand off of my shoulder while she then proceeded to ask, "So what's your family like? I already told you...some of mine during that whole explanation...if you were even still listening."

I tried my best to explain everything while trying not to make it long, "I don't have any siblings, wish I did. My parents are...um...well they are..."

"They are what?"

"Well if I ever told them that I still believed in Mermaids and everything, at least one of them would be like "Oh come on your eighteen! Stop believing in that crap and grow up!"...oh that was long again, I'm sorry..."

The two of us sat there in silence for a few moments before Maddie started to head back into the water. "I should probably go back home now, I don't want my dad to start worrying."

She's probably going to say 'no' but it's worth a try, right? I don't think she even really likes it here. "Wait! Could you please come and visit again?"

We both sat there in silence again for what seemed like ages, until she began to smile. "Sure, I don't see why not. You didn't really hurt me...goodbye for now."

Once she vanished into the water, I sat down on a rock nearby and looked above me. As I stared up at the stars in the sky, I wondered what would happen next time she visited. If she visited.

March 03, 2021 06:36

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228 comments

B. W.
06:38 Mar 03, 2021

This was another fun collab story I did with Starry M ^^ All of you should go check her out if you can. blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/91ab44/

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Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm You SURE you wrote this? HOW! Did you turn into god-level-writing form and then write this?? It's so said how Mabel was abused :((

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B. W.
16:13 Mar 12, 2021

Huh? Is this terrible then or something?

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Nooo, it'd never be terrible. I'm bad at expressing words. I meant that this piece of writing is god-level (It's really good.) Here's clear-er feedback: I really liked how even though Mabel was told that mermaids wasn't real, she still believed they were. She just kept on believing and boom, she met a mermaid. Keep writing!

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B. W.
16:55 Mar 12, 2021

I thought at first it said "Did you turn from god-level-writing form and then write this??" like the other ones were really good and then this wasn't.

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Ahh okay-sorryyy.

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B. W.
22:54 Mar 12, 2021

Its fine, and sorry if I keep asking a lot or something, but when is the story going to come out?

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. .
16:50 Mar 03, 2021

This is great!!! I don't know if you know or not, but you used a genre called Metafiction here. Normally I'm not a fan, but I think this was pretty well done! Remember to start a new paragraph when there's a new speaker, and also I think that in the beginning you should make her emotional response to her dad stronger. Other than that, *chef's kiss*

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B. W.
17:24 Mar 03, 2021

I've never actually heard of Metafiction before, though that's a bit interesting. I'm glad you that you liked the story though ^^ Did you maybe have a favorite part or character in this?

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. .
17:37 Mar 03, 2021

Yeah, it’s a cool genre. My fave had to be Maddie lol

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B. W.
18:11 Mar 03, 2021

What did you think of the little flashback with Mabel and her Father? I'm talking about the one near the end.

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. .
18:13 Mar 03, 2021

I thought it was super well-placed, good job on that.

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B. W.
18:14 Mar 03, 2021

I don't think there'll be more parts to this or anything, but if there ever was, what would you have wanted to see in it?

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Moon Fox
23:11 Jul 22, 2021

Cool story!

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B. W.
23:28 Jul 22, 2021

Thanks, I'm glad ya liked it ^^ Did you maybe have a favorite part or anything?

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Moon Fox
00:35 Jul 23, 2021

I just LOVE fantasy, and still believe. I just like to feel the magic.

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Angelina S.
16:52 Apr 20, 2021

Hi Hope (ok that just sounded like High Hope lol)! This was really good and I feel heck too sorry for Mabel, I mean, she was just a small child, I bet anyone would've believed in mermaids when they were 7 or 8 (altho, I didn't hehe). The emotion was well-flown and the part where the mermaid asks about humans talking way too much really got me laughing XDDD Also, that collab story I told ya I'm doing with Coco? It's posted! I'd love to have your thoughts on it, thanks!

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B. W.
21:48 Apr 20, 2021

I'm glad ya liked it ^^ I never really believed in Mermaids or anything like that, but instead, I *have* always been interested in Paranormal things. Whenever I hear the name "Mabel" even in my own story, I always think of the Mabel from "Gravity Falls" and alright, I'll check the collab out soon, I kinda have a feeling that it'll be great ^^

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Angelina S.
06:33 Apr 21, 2021

Hehe ^^ I can't say I'm interested in those stuff 'cause SF-based cybernetic gadgets are pretty cool! Oh yes, Mabel from GF, I've never watched it tho Ik there's smth called that lol Haha, thanks in advance XD

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B. W.
18:13 Apr 21, 2021

No problem ^^ also question, have you ever watched any of the "Transformers" shows or movies? I've always liked those ^^

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Angelina S.
06:15 Apr 22, 2021

Nope, but my brothers are like addicted to it so I see glimpses of it, doesn't keep me interested for long.

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B. W.
19:31 Apr 22, 2021

Alright then. So do you wanna hear some jokes or anything like that?

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Maya
20:22 Mar 12, 2021

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME A...

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B. W.
20:40 Mar 12, 2021

Thanks? Are you doing this with everyone or something? I'm a bit confused.

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Maya
20:41 Mar 12, 2021

Someone told me to pass it on so I'm just doing that. Lol :)

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B. W.
20:42 Mar 12, 2021

Oh alright then, so how have you been doing?

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Maya
20:43 Mar 12, 2021

I've been good! Did you see Imagine Dragons posted two new songs today? :))) How have you been? :)

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B. W.
20:45 Mar 12, 2021

Yeah, I did, though I haven't listened to the songs yet. I will soon though, I know they'll be great like usual. I guess I'm fine today though I'm a little bored and tired :/

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17:09 Mar 11, 2021

I loved how you connected the main character's obsession with the fantastical with the un-grounded relationship with her parents in such subtle ways here! I actually think that part about her not liking the old movie her father is watching kind of has a lot of deeply rooted emotions; she can't understand what he finds so amusing about the movie, and the adults seem to be stuck in their own world. GRAMMAR MISTAKE :( "Oh come on your eighteen! You're, sorry! other than that, amazing story!

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B. W.
17:40 Mar 11, 2021

I'd go to fix the mistake, but the contest for this story has already ended a while ago. Though thanks for pointing it out and I'm glad you liked this one as well ^^ Did you maybe have any other favorite parts?

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17:56 Mar 11, 2021

The conversation at the beginning was really good too!

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B. W.
18:32 Mar 11, 2021

Thanks ^^ do you think the new prompts tomorrow are gonna be good?

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18:38 Mar 11, 2021

Well, I've been doing a series for a while, but I just finished it, so I'm open to a lot more prompts right now. I really hope they don't have heavily themed things; if they make an easter prompt in the next few weeks I'm doomed, lol

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B. W.
18:48 Mar 11, 2021

I've always hated the prompts that are like "Say/do this at the beginning and say/do this at the end"

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Roger Crane
23:02 Mar 09, 2021

Okay Hope, I said that I would critique another, but of course this one you wrote along with someone else (don't know how that worked). I was able to follow the whole story this time. It was more like a little vignette, part of the girl's chaotic life brought into focus by this mermaid device. I liked that aspect. You did not follow the prompt about the ocean but very easily could have. You never said how the girl meets the mermaid, and that could have been the beginning, as she came out of the water. Then you could have flashed back to the ...

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B. W.
23:41 Mar 09, 2021

Starry's part of the story (which was the first part) showed how the girl ended up meeting the mermaid and everything, my part is kinda continuing what happened after her part of the story. I didn't want to say or show how she met the mermaid, because it had literally just happened not that long ago in the story, I probably would have done a flashback to how they met if they had own each other for like 5 or so years, but they only just met a little bit ago.

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Roger Crane
23:55 Mar 09, 2021

I see. Well, collaborating on a story (or anything) has those features. But although I gathered only after reading the italicized beginning and getting into other part that this had in fact been a flashback or something of that sort, I did sort it out. It's just that you should not make your readers have to do that. But you did not have creative power over the whole thing. Still, it had some good features and it worked as you set the terms. About serialized stories, I probably won't critique any of those or any more collaborations. I'd like...

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B. W.
00:29 Mar 10, 2021

Are you still wanting to check out some of my other stories or something? You can probably tell that I have a lot, and I don't think a lot of them are Collabs.

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Roger Crane
03:17 Mar 10, 2021

As I said, I will read more. I just read this one, but give me a little time to get to your other stories. I'll go down to find a single story that you wrote. I always stay busy, despite saying that I'm retired and can do what I want mostly. I enjoy very much helping others. I've been writing a lot of short stories for magazines, etc. If you would like to read one of my better short stories (to get an idea of what I mean with my advice), email me: rdcranesrhere@gmail.com. --nothing over 3K words, most I write are 2-3K.

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B. W.
03:46 Mar 10, 2021

I'll go and try to check some of the short stories out later, how many stories have you had in magazines?

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Coco Longstaff
00:47 Mar 07, 2021

This is such a cute story! I dont really know what else to say to this, but I bet you worked hard! Really great!

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B. W.
01:23 Mar 07, 2021

Thanks so much ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part?

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00:59 Mar 05, 2021

Making a new thread. Could you tell me what you thought of it?

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B. W.
01:04 Mar 05, 2021

I'm really good with critique or anything, but I absolutely loved it ^^ I don't have a lot to say, I just really liked every part of it. There were a few spelling mistakes that I saw though, like when it said "ehr bobotic left arm fully revealed" It's supposed to be "Her Robotic left arm fully revealed" and some other things. Though besides a few spelling mistakes and stuff, I still really loved it ^^

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13:40 Mar 05, 2021

Oh. Thanks!

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B. W.
15:49 Mar 05, 2021

No problem, so how many other parts do you think will be in the series?

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17:52 Mar 05, 2021

I dunno, I always think it'll be short, but it gets so long...

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B. W.
18:55 Mar 05, 2021

So random question, but what got ya into writing?

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Maya
21:56 Mar 04, 2021

Hey B, I don't know if I ever told you, but would you like the link to our chatting document? Everyone stays anonymous and it's just for people to talk and plan stories and stuff. :)

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B. W.
22:26 Mar 04, 2021

Hm, I don't think you've ever told me about it until now. And I'm not sure but I'll think about it, how long has there even been a chatting document for though?

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Maya
22:29 Mar 04, 2021

Alright, tell me if you want the link. :) Maybe a few weeks? Idk

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B. W.
23:03 Mar 04, 2021

Alright, so do you think the new prompts will be good?

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Maya
23:26 Mar 04, 2021

Oh I hope. :) I liked the ones this week. Is there any genre you're hoping for?

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B. W.
23:29 Mar 04, 2021

I guess Fantasy because I'm just really good at doing that. Maybe romance, but I'm not entirely sure. What about you?

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Laiba M
16:59 Mar 04, 2021

Hi Hope!!!! I love the story so much!! AMAZING job :) I love metafiction and you wrote it perfectly!~ My favorite part was DEFINITELY the end~~

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B. W.
18:22 Mar 04, 2021

Thanks so much ^^ what do you think about the little Flashback near the end of it?

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Laiba M
18:28 Mar 04, 2021

I loved it so much!!! I can definitely see that you really improved over the months that we've been friends and I've been reading your writing!~

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B. W.
18:38 Mar 04, 2021

I don't think there'll be any more parts to this or anything, but if there were, whats something you would have wanted to see happen in it?

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Laiba M
18:53 Mar 04, 2021

More development with Maddie's character!~

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B. W.
18:54 Mar 04, 2021

Anything else?

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22:20 Mar 03, 2021

Wow. Also, answers please? I got you confused with Tiffany, so sorry! You answered so similar. Yeah, robot hand.

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B. W.
23:13 Mar 03, 2021

Huh? It's fine, though are you talking about the one that I did to get into that series your doing?

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15:02 Mar 04, 2021

Yes. The orginization is awful

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B. W.
16:40 Mar 04, 2021

Sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions or anything, I'm just a little confused though. Do you want me to tell you the answers on this thread or something else?

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18:07 Mar 04, 2021

Could you write your old questions here?

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18:25 Mar 04, 2021

Nevermind! Your character is fine! I got it! Also, you're eleven and immature in this one, sorry...

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B. W.
18:31 Mar 04, 2021

Eh? Why is my character immature and eleven? I really hope I'm not being rude during this entire thing, though if I am then I'm sorry. I was kind of expecting that she'd probably be like 17 or something, but eh I always have a range of ages and stuff for my characters. I just kinda have a lot of questions with this, I've never really been in a Reedsycast story like this before.

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16:41 Mar 03, 2021

Your part was amazing! I told you it would be! :D I really liked Mabel's small backstory, and the flashes of her and her parents. Overall it was amazing, great job!

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B. W.
16:43 Mar 03, 2021

Thanks so much ^^ Did you maybe have a favorite part or thing about my part? Unless it's Mabel's little backstory and the things with her parents.

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16:45 Mar 03, 2021

I liked the intro after the short flashback from the beginning.

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B. W.
16:46 Mar 03, 2021

What do ya think about the little one with Mabel and her father? The one near the end.

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17:12 Mar 03, 2021

Tbh I feel really bad for Mabel, cause her parents were never listening her. And that scene was also a sad one as well

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B. W.
17:28 Mar 03, 2021

So, if Maddie ever learned about what Mabel's father (and sometimes her mother) were doing to her, what do you think she'd do or say?

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