798 comments

Funny Thriller Mystery

“Broccoli?” I mutter to myself, gawking at the green thing in front of me. Broccoli may not tickle my fancy, but my mom…she could have a room full of them and never get tired of eating them raw.


I throw a whole bag of them in my cart, glaring at the package with personal grudge. When I was merely twelve years old, I had mocked Aunt Love for being nosy in EVERY matter. Being the female version of Santa Claus she was, she’d never take an insult to herself. Who were we even kidding; she was the Kim Kardarshian, but well, at the end of the day, it was what defined her and it was at the end of the day, my mom had forced fed me a bunch of raw bro- not taking the name, while I cried a waterfall of salty tears.


After shoving half of the listed items into the cart, I move toward the next aisle, throwing a glance towards the clerk napping behind the counter. A smirk tugs at my lips and I begin searching for the leftover items.


 The howling wind sends shivers up my spine, causing strands of hair to erect on my arms. It was a bad choice to visit the supermarket during the crazy blizzard. I could’ve waited for the drama to come to a halt if it weren’t for mom and her br- nevermind.


I tug my muffler closer to my face as I watch the starlit sky, the polar-white snow enveloping the ground, the pine trees and the screeching winds rise up in occasions and when they die, a tomb-like silence haunts over the streets. It frightens me. It frightens me to be the only one stuck in the store. Yes, the clerk’s here, but her presence is better left unnoticed.


I drag my cart to the other aisle, already growing bone-tired when I notice a patch of dark red hue on my shirt sleeve. A woman had bumped into me outside the store; blood drenched her t-shirt, concern and horror shone in her almond eyes. I had gripped onto her arms in alarm as she collapsed against me, whispering please into my ear before yanking herself free, dashing and staggering down the white street. She was my neighbour, Ruby.


Faint footsteps invade my ears, snapping me back to reality. I whip my head around, stillness of the aisle greeting me in return. I heave a sigh, mentally cursing at the blizzard for making me think things. If we weren’t in the middle of a loco blizzard, I would’ve been convinced of this place to be a jinx.


“Austin!” I shriek in surprise as hands thump on my shoulders. Leah, the clerk who was way past forty winks a while ago, beams her stupid grin at me which symbolizes she has some favour to ask.  

I roll my eyes, “I told you already, Seb is not free this weekend.”

“I know, I just wanted to ask how you’re doin’.”


“I was fine until you asked.” I turn the cart away and toward the counter with Leah bouncing after me like a bunny. “Now hurry up!”


It takes Leah a millennium to get the supplies in the bag. Being the impatient bloke I am, I continue to burn a hole through her petty head, shifting my weight from one hip to the other and tapping my fingers at the surface of the counter desk when a low sound pricks my ears. I focus on the sound, debating if it’s another trick the tranquility of the store is playing on me. In a trice, the cries shoot up, causing me to flinch at the unforeseen escalation.


Without any exchange of words, Leah and I amble toward the suspected source, nearing a pile of huge boxes. Leah throws the lighter boxes on the floor, estimating where the cries could be coming from. The heavier boxes to the bottom are all sealed with tape except one, its flaps bent and closing over each other in vain.

“Holy marmite!” Leah exclaims, eyes fixed on the box in front of her.


“What’s it?” I scoot closer. The sight I witness leaves me nonplussed, the gap in my mouth expanding enough for a toad to fit right in.


“Aww! Don’t cry!” Leah cradles a pale, rosy cheeked baby of around ten months in her arms, swaying and doing all sorts of actions a mother would do to calm her baby down.


A drop slides down my arm and I realize I’ve been shedding tears in silence. I run my sleeve over my eyes as my vision blurs. My heart skips a beat when the gorgeous baby peers at me, it’s ocean-blue eyes sparkling with tears and it smiles at me, three tiny pearl white teeth lined along the bottom gum, dimples forming miniature crates at the right place. But, my heart burns at the mother’s cruel and gruesome audacity.


Leah looks up at me, her eyes red and damp and looks back at the baby, making it giggle with her baby language. A car’s rough screech pulls our attention toward the streets. A black SUV pulls up in front of the supermarket. Two men clad in dark clothes step out and stride towards us, something unsettling striking about their aura.


They enter the store and with a single glance toward us, swagger through the aisles, surveying the empty boxes, the counter and every nook in the store. I clench and unclench my fists, contemplating what I should do at their feral outbursts.


“You, have you seen William? Twelve months old, dimples and blue eyes.” A man points out at Leah, referring to a picture from a phone with the screen cracked. His bloodshot eyes pierce into hers, a weird symbol painting the side of his forehead.


Cult of the Gate symbol by wakabarupic from pinterest;))


“No, I haven’t seen him.” She shakes her head. “You will have to pay for the mess you’ve created, you nincompoop!”


Like a shot, the pounding of my heart spirals, reaching my ears, my fingers tremble profusely. I dash outside, leaning against the chill wall. Breathing in and out, I watch rings of fog form and ebb away into the darkness. I squeeze my eyes shut. It’s clear, they’re after the baby and they won’t retreat without getting their hands on the little one.


A man draws his gun out, pointing it at Leah and shouting things which I’m not able to comprehend as my heart beats even louder, the world spinning around me. Fear propels me out of stillness, but I only manage to shift a spot, if only I weren’t a coward.


A deafening crack of thunder fills the room. My head whips to Leah, her head turned away and hands covering her ears in cringe. The man’s gun pointed toward the ceiling, smoke rising from the nozzle in thin wavy lines.


William’s yammers burst out from the storage room, our attention snapping toward the ceiling. Leah looks at me, her bottom lip trembling.


“Get him, Ted.” The man with the stained shirt orders, but before Ted can take a step forward, Leah pounces on them, all three of them collapsing to the ground.


“Run, Austin!” She screams as she wrestles with the men.


What am I waiting for?


I rise up, hurrying inside when Ted growls loudly and bang! I wheeze, clenching my mouth as numbness surges up further through my legs.


The man flips Leah’s limp corpse onto the ground, Ted scoffing and getting up, helping up Riz, if that’s what I heard. Riz’s eyes lock on mine for a brief second before I get on my heels, rushing toward the stairs.


Sorry Leah, I owe you my life.  


William still whimpers as I climb up the stairs. My entire nineteen years of life, I’ve been called a coward. Leah had always been an encouraging friend and seeing her sacrifice her life for William has encouraged me even more, to let the world know I am no coward. Not anymore. It’s for William, I am about to give away mine. I clench my hands into tight fists and shoulders upright.


 I open the door to the store room, William’s innocent eyes flickering to mine, tears staining his plump cheeks. I gather him in my arms, not sure if I should bring him out in the open. Heading out, I turn off every switch on the switchboard and slink back towards the store room.


Let the game begin for the radges!


The room remains immersed in the murkiness. An icy shudder trickles down my spine; cold, hesitant light streaming through a corner window, casting eerie shadows on the wall.


As I sit in the cramped room, I can’t help but feel eyes on me. The clicking of boots on the floor alerts me. I press my palm against William’s mouth and whisper soft words to him. Riz walks past us, appearing only as a tall shadow as his dark clothes amalgamate with the dim lit room, the patterns of his heavy breathing sinister-like.


“Where are you, boy?” Riz mutters. “You know, you anger me. Trying to meddle with our affairs? We just need William for our little ritual. Afterall, he's witnessed the world for just a few months.”


I watch as Riz nears a stand of windcheaters, searching through it. He straightens up and gives a sharp, weary sigh, his eyes directly where I am situated.


“Kid, do you want me to send a bullet through you like your friend and Ruby?” 


A squeak leaves my lips at the mention of Ruby. I knew he had to do something with her.


When the voices subside, the floor devoid of any presence, I get up with William tucked in my arms and descend the stairs in caution. I near the transparent back gate only to find Ted standing right in front and chugging down some liquid from a bottle. I extend an arm out, groping for any sort of wall to make sure I don’t bump into it. Before giving Ted any chance to notice me, I head back upstairs, pain stinging my arms from carrying William for too long.


I press myself against a wall and hold my breath as Riz walks past me, too close to not notice. I crouch and walk toward the attic when a hand grabs my hair, tossing me to the other side. William releases out of my grip, his diaper protecting his delicate buttocks. I throw my hands at Riz, fingers pressing deep into his eyeballs. That’s the only thing I can do to protect William. I shriek as Riz brings his foot down on my ankle, crushing it. I grunt, the torment bringing tears to my eyes. He struggles to get to William when I kick him hard on the jaw. I grab William and limp toward the attic, getting my hands on a sledge hammer in the process. 


The attic’s door opens with the inbuilt ladder landing down. I climb up in hurry; place William on a bundle of bubble wrap, smiling as his eyes flicker and shut, a peaceful atmosphere settling around him.


 I hiss as my sprained ankle lands on the step with a thud. Riz yanks me down: I land on the floor, my head coming into a harsh contact with it and my hammer slipping away from my hand. His hands wrap around my neck and I struggle to pry his fingers away from my skin. He punches me in the nose and I yell, blood trickling out and going senseless as if it weren’t there in the first place. He gets up and heads toward the ladder. I cough, tracing my fingers along my neck which must have reddened by now. I get up, making sure not to put my weight on my sprained ankle, grab the hammer and advance toward Riz.


The blow on his head comes off really hard, causing me to cringe. He hits the ground, his head swimming in a puddle of blood. I turn around as mismatched and heavy footsteps climb up the stairs. I grip on the hammer with both hands, heading toward the stairs.


Hardly have I taken a step forward, when Ted flashes in from behind the wall and pulls the trigger of his gun. The bullet passes my waist by a nose, considering his as-good-as-dead frame is toxic with alcohol. I bolt and leap onto him, causing us to tumble down the stairs. My hands wrap around the gun before I pull the trigger resulting in William’s cries to rise even more.


I get up, staring at my hands and back at Ted’s bloody torso. I wince as my head throbs with pain. It is at this time, my legs turn into boiled noodles and the world fades out in front of me.

I jolt up, finding myself in white sheets, my head and ankle bandaged.


“Mama!” I turn to my side, William chuckling and playing with the locket of a policewoman.


 I smile and my eyes turn to a few people sealing three bags on a stretcher, dragging them into the ambulance.


“I hope you’re alright!” The policewoman with William on her waist says. I nod and glance at William, his dimples tugging at my heart.


“You have no idea how grateful we are. Those men were minacious and they’d been illegally sacrificing hundreds of people for God knows how many decades! We were never able to get our hand on any of them. And no emergency help was available because of the blizzard till morning.”


“Weee!” William squeals and throws his hands at me. I laugh at his adorable squeak. I place him on my lap and meddle with his tiny, cold fingers.


I’m uncertain whether William has a father. But, if it weren’t for broccoli (well, it has now earned its respect), he would’ve never lived to see what surprises life has for him.  


🥦🥦


a/n: R.I.P. Leah. May her soul rest in peace. She was such a good soul. I shed tears myself when killing her off >_<  *wipes away nonexistent tears and blows a perfect dry nose on a tissue paper*

July 29, 2020 18:14

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798 comments

Raquel Rodriguez
05:15 Aug 04, 2020

This is amazing! I love how you explained many things through showing, not telling. You're a really great writer, so good job! I loved the opening sentence about broccoli. As a broccoli-hater, I relate to this girl a lot (only in the beginning though, because I will never have respect for broccoli!) The dialogue is so realistic! I could hear the character's conversations in my mind! :) Would you be willing to read my story, 'Separate Neighborhoods', and tell me what you think?

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Orenda .
06:14 Aug 04, 2020

I'm so happyyyy you enjoyed it, Raquel...and yes, hating on broccoli is universal. I don't like it myself (yuckss!!!) Thank you so muchh I will surely read your stories😊😊

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:47 Aug 04, 2020

Lol, broccoli is a freaking tree. You're welcome, and thank you too! ;)

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Orenda .
15:08 Aug 04, 2020

Yeah lmaooo and no probs! Have a great day ahead! :))

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:40 Aug 04, 2020

:D You too!

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Orenda .
16:57 Aug 04, 2020

😊

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Thotsuki Bakuhoe
06:50 Aug 02, 2020

This is one of the most detailed story I have ever read. Though there were a couple times when I had to re-read a paragraph because I got lost. { It might've been because I was listening to music and trying to read as well. Lol } But overall, this is a great story, have a great day and stay safe. Continue the great work, I can't wait to read more of your work.

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Orenda .
07:14 Aug 02, 2020

Thanks a lottt, Ella!! You too, have a great day:))

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Thotsuki Bakuhoe
07:39 Aug 02, 2020

No problem. Great story, I am super excited to hear another one. 😊😄♥♥

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Orenda .
08:33 Aug 02, 2020

Oooh okieee haha❣❣

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Thotsuki Bakuhoe
07:39 Aug 02, 2020

No problem. Great story, I am super excited to hear another one. 😊😄♥♥

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Deborah Angevin
01:13 Aug 01, 2020

I love the inclusion of the picture in the middle of the story. Well-written one, Orenda! Would you mind checking my recent story, "A Very, Very Dark Green?" Thank you :)

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Orenda .
05:39 Aug 01, 2020

Yayaya thanks for enjoying it and yeah, I'll be sure to check it out:))

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Aqsa Malik
23:08 Jul 31, 2020

Hey there! First of all, I loved how funny this was in the beginning. Austin not being able to say broccoli had me laughing haha. I also like how action-packed it was, which makes a nice change from most of the other stories I've read on here. Your descriptions of William, especially when they found him in the box was so cute but also so sad! I was half laughing half frowning :D There were some grammatical errors, which is just a matter of editing. Also, idk why but in the beginning with the way you were describing the narrato...

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Orenda .
05:37 Aug 01, 2020

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Aqsa and yeahh, Austin despises broccoli lol Could you also lemme know those grammatical errors so I can edit them? Thanks a lot and have a good day!!

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Aimee P
03:16 Jul 31, 2020

Wow this is a crazy twist to the story! Honestly I love this prompt, there's so many ways it can be interpreted. Your story was really engaging and exciting! Keep it up!

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Orenda .
09:00 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you sooooo much, Aimee:))

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Rayhan Hidayat
12:11 Nov 21, 2020

I hate brocolli too so this story speaks to me on a spiritual level. Also, now I see what you mean when you say you enjoy violence 😉 I would suggest toning it down a little, though—people get punched and kicked with little plot progression. The reveal that they killed Ruby was the only part that stuck out during that sequence. And the beginning makes it seem like the protag is alone in the supermarket—only for supporting characters to pop up moments later. So just a few consistency issues there. Obviously you’ve probably grown as a ...

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Orenda .
12:24 Nov 21, 2020

aye, you're finally here! <3 well i thought my violence was c level. Was it a little unnecessary? Must be the influence of watching too much action haha. I've grown, yes but nah, this was helpful. I'll keep the violence below pg13. Don't want kids sueing me, eeks. But thanks a lot! :-)

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:18 Nov 22, 2020

No no the violence is fine! Bring on the blood and guts! It’s just that there’s whole paragraphs of them fighting without much else. It can get a bit stale, if you ask me. You need to put in reveals and breaks in between the action to keep the reader hooked—for example, when the protag realized the men killed the neighbor. That was good! I just wished there was more stuff like that. Anyway—just my two cents. Keep writing!! 😙

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Orenda .
17:15 Nov 22, 2020

heck yeah, now I totally get it! Thanks for the great piece of advice, Ray!

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Sia S
14:59 Sep 12, 2020

upvote spree?

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Orenda .
15:07 Sep 12, 2020

yes yes let's do that. I'll start after sometime:)

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Sia S
15:14 Sep 12, 2020

okie started

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Orenda .
15:31 Sep 12, 2020

YAS AIGHT AIGHT

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Sia S
15:32 Sep 12, 2020

Done points 100+

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Orenda .
16:03 Sep 12, 2020

OMGGGGG

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Sia S
04:35 Sep 12, 2020

I have a new story out. After writer's block. Would you mind checking it out ?

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Orenda .
05:31 Sep 12, 2020

Yesss mateee

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Sia S
05:31 Sep 12, 2020

Noice

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17:52 Sep 09, 2020

Awesome story!! All this story happens because of a piece of broccoli... haha. I liked that you added the lil picture, I have never seen anyone do that before. It really added a unique element to the story!

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Orenda .
18:31 Sep 09, 2020

Yay thanks sooo much:)) And yeah about the picture, I got inspiration from one of batool's stories and I was like, hell yeahh!! Imma use it too. You sure must check out her stories if you haven't. And I have another story, THE NIGHTMARE WARRIORS with pictures in it hehe you can check it out too:-) Have a great day!

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18:42 Sep 09, 2020

Your welcome!! Ok, heading there nowww.

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Orenda .
18:55 Sep 09, 2020

YEEEET yayaya

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18:59 Sep 09, 2020

:D

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Orenda .
19:16 Sep 09, 2020

😊

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Amany Sayed
18:23 Sep 07, 2020

Part Two of 'Colorless Future' is out if you wanna read! (the one with you in it lol)

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Orenda .
19:04 Sep 07, 2020

HELL YEAHHHHH MATEEEEE

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Amany Sayed
19:06 Sep 07, 2020

also question is your prof pic you?

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Orenda .
06:23 Sep 08, 2020

Sorry, forgot to reply to this comment, but yeah.....no comments actually:)

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Amany Sayed
18:40 Sep 04, 2020

Hey Just wanted to let you know I just wrote a story dedicated to our pirate crew! You're a character in it! Would love for you to read and provide your views on it when you can!

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Orenda .
19:32 Sep 04, 2020

Omggg that's so innovative yayayayayayaya IM COMINGGGGG

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Amany Sayed
19:41 Sep 04, 2020

YAS

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Amogh Kasat
12:45 Aug 24, 2020

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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Orenda .
12:53 Aug 24, 2020

Thanks and sure!

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Amogh Kasat
12:53 Aug 24, 2020

I would be waiting for your comment and like

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Orenda .
12:56 Aug 24, 2020

Yeah sure

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19:52 Aug 20, 2020

Hi, Orenda! (Love your name!!! Have you read the book The Brave? One if it’s main characters is an awesome girl named Orenda!) Just wanted to say that iver the next something-minutes I’ll be upvoting your comments 😁. Expect more karma points soooooon! ~Aerin P. S. I saw you put a plea for Vayd to come back (and explain!) in your bio! Me tooo. I’m sad Vayd is gone; I liked chatting with him. I hope he comes back to Reedsy!

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Orenda .
04:32 Aug 21, 2020

Hmmm no I haven't read the book, but I LOVE your name as well, A-E-R-I-N cuteeeee

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12:42 Aug 21, 2020

It’s a really good book! You should totally check it out! Haha, thaaaanks. My name has literally over 10 spellings that are USED, it’s insane. Aerin Erin Aeryn Aaron Aeron Arin Aryn aaaand way too many more. It’s funny. But thanks!

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Orenda .
13:49 Aug 21, 2020

Wowowo I love the variety😃😃😃

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13:53 Aug 21, 2020

Hehe thanks! P. S. I don’t know if you already commented your response to the dog-or-cats poll in my bio, but just so you know, I moved it super-short quiz because it was hard to find and count all the responses around 260+ comments. https://forms.gle/ygrgsHuajDEfsxez6 So yeah. If you already said dogs or cats, or if you want to, I’d love for you to take that quiz!

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Orenda .
14:20 Aug 21, 2020

ohhh yasssss i'll do the quizzzzzz thankssss

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20:03 Aug 20, 2020

Update: I got you up a hundred points! Congraaaats! You’re in 30th place! ~Aerin

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Orenda .
04:31 Aug 21, 2020

Omggggg THANKOOOOOOOOOOO

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Lily Kingston
15:44 Aug 14, 2020

I love the action and suspense in this story. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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Orenda .
16:55 Aug 14, 2020

Aww thanks a tonnn

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D. Shikha
19:47 Aug 11, 2020

Amazing story! This was really nice. I liked the picture/symbol you added. Stay safe and keep writing:) -D ( P.S. Yesterday, I was upvoting comments (yeah, I also do that) on Rhonda's story and I came across your's and Vayd convo. And I just can't stop myself from laughing😂🤣😂 You guys are really very funny.)

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Orenda .
05:19 Aug 12, 2020

Awwww thankssssssss P.S. yeah see, it all started when Vayd began upvoting Batool's and Zilla's comments🤣🤣🤣

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D. Shikha
10:06 Aug 12, 2020

🤣🤣 Waiting for more stories and funny comments from you:D

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Orenda .
10:20 Aug 12, 2020

Okiee lmaooo😂😂😂

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D. Shikha
14:44 Aug 25, 2020

Hey Orenda, I just submitted my first story. Would you mind checking it?

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Orenda .
15:07 Aug 25, 2020

oooh wowow yess

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Sia S
11:15 Aug 11, 2020

You detailed it very nicely. Good read. Btw I read your bio and ... what is AFRASSI ? -S

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Orenda .
11:43 Aug 11, 2020

Thank you so much!! Oh well, If you check Rhondalise Mitza's stories, she has cute and wonderful stories on her characters, Afra and Gervassi....many of us love them, so we've created a ship - Afrassi. Read all of them and you might find yourself wanting to become a member of the crew as well😉

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Sia S
15:06 Aug 11, 2020

Welcome! Will read!

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Orenda .
16:45 Aug 11, 2020

Yupp

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00:27 Aug 11, 2020

Full of many twists! Great postscript at the end ;)

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Orenda .
05:58 Aug 11, 2020

Thank youuu and lmao, I guess you're the only one who noticed or commented on postscript🤣🤣 but that doesn't matter

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Avery G.
20:03 Aug 10, 2020

This was just amazing! You pay great attention to detail! Great job!

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Orenda .
05:56 Aug 11, 2020

Awww thanks a lot. It means a lot to me🖤❤️🖤❤️

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Avery G.
15:33 Aug 11, 2020

You're welcome!

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Orenda .
16:45 Aug 11, 2020

🥰🥰

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נιмму 🤎
02:25 Aug 13, 2020

woahh congrats on getting so high on the leaderboard sis! You deserve it! Also, I wanted to ask if you could check out my new story "Sad, broken, little Annabelle Lee" whenever you can?? would be awesome😎❤

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Orenda .
04:36 Aug 13, 2020

Yayayayayayay thankooooooooooooooo I'm having my classes, but I will surely read your story🥰💃💃💃

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Kathleen March
00:29 Jul 30, 2020

There are some really nice humorous touches here, and lots of fast pacing. At the same time, the word choices seem off. The English is fluid, but the style seems overworked. Is it your first language? By overworked, I mean good lexicon but a bit ornate. That might be why it was difficult to follow the structure. If you wish, I am happy to give specific examples, because there is a lot of good material in the story. Maybe the text is too compact for me to easily get it or it is a style I am unused to reading? My comments are intended to b...

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Orenda .
05:36 Jul 30, 2020

Kathleen, I would LOVE it if you let me know those examples...I want to improve in writing :)) At the same time, thank you so much for reading💜

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Amaya .
22:42 Dec 17, 2020

*never gives the specific examples* hahaha just kidding though lol

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Orenda .
03:03 Dec 18, 2020

Hahahahaaaa

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B. W.
18:08 Sep 17, 2020

this was a really good story and you did a great job with it ^^ so you know what? i'm giving this a 10/10

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Orenda .
18:25 Sep 17, 2020

Omggg I'm so happy, thenks so much <3

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B. W.
18:26 Sep 17, 2020

No prob ^^

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