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Adventure Fiction Science Fiction

Avani sat at the edge of her bed, staring out the window of her pod. It was past her bedtime, but who cared?

She put the book she was reading down on the table next to her, untangled her legs from her white blanket, and stared at the sky.

Bright flickers of light were all over as if Georges Seurat used pointillism on the night sky.

She caressed her hair, staring at the glimmering, silvery curls. She picked up an old-looking comb - she'd found it on the ground when she arrived on planet Earth - from the table next to her bed and began brushing her hair. She had learned that many human girls had done this, and therefore was eager to try.

The moon was beautiful. A full moon hung in the sky, which meant that most of Avani’s kind would be awake right at this moment.

She was so grateful she didn't have Human History tomorrow, though it was fun sometimes.

She could feel many people around her, and when she closed her eyes, she saw them all. Some were sleeping, some were kneeling in front of their windows.

Avani's head turned towards the moon, and it was still big and bright in the dark blue sky.

Avani’s purple-green eyes widened, and she opened her eyes, jumping off of her bed. She opened the door of her pod, which she hadn’t done in years.

She groaned as the light hit her eyes, and slunk into a ball on the white floor, her arms buckled tightly around her knees. Then she waddled back inside her pod and the lavender door closed behind her.

The pods were customized inside, so nobody ever felt the need to go outside. Whatever color walls you wanted at the moment, it would give you. If you wanted to use the bathroom, the pod transformed into a bathroom, complete with a bathtub and shower.

Avani took the lights that bounced around her room and lay them on her bed. The lights were made from stardust, and they weren’t as bright as the lights outside her pod.

She spotted moon dirt from outside on the floor under her bed and she froze, grinning. Moon dirt was a valuable thing among her people, even though there was much of it. But since her people rarely went outside, it was only rarely that they got dirt from the moon.

She grabbed the dirt and flicked her wrist over and over until she made what she’d wanted. It was a shield to protect her eyes from the powerful sun and lights.

Her kind didn’t belong here, so the sun and moon were new to them.

 Avani had heard that they - her kind - had come to this world with high hopes because their planet had become too cold for them to live on. They had found the planet to be empty and settled down, not thinking about whether people had lived there before and probably not caring.

Avani liked to imagine how life was for the humans, who had lived here hundreds of years before her kind had even arrived.

She’d heard that they didn’t have the technology that her people had and wondered how they’d survived. Avani slipped on her invention - shield glasses - as she opened the door once more.

As she walked through the pod's main hallway, which was shaped like a circle, she heard many interesting things. Avani tiptoed outside of the main hall, praying that she wouldn't be noticed.

The grass caressed and tickled her bare feet as she got outside, and Avani laughed, taking in the smell of freshness and dirt.

Her silvery curls shone in the natural light of the moon, and she spun around. The dirt attached itself to her feet like little leeches, but she didn't shake it off.

So this was how humans felt when they were playing barefoot in the dirt?

Avani shrieked, bouncing around as if she was on a trampoline. She was finally feeling something humans had possibly felt. The flowers around Avani danced with her, and together they were free.

Was this how humans felt when they realized they were free?

Avani glanced back at the huge white pod behind her, which held more than two million of her kind. She wondered which pod held her parents, or parent.

Since most people had spent their days in their pods, nobody knew who was who anymore.

Staring at the moon in real life now, without looking through her pod window to see it was like heaven. She could've died right then and there and been happier than ever.

Avani heard a voice nearby. Her eyes widened, her heart skipped a beat.

Are humans still alive today?

She ran towards the source of the voices and saw a man. He had gray hair but was handsome all the same, and he was holding a rose in his hand. His hand was bleeding a bit, covered with scratches and a thorn.

"Eleu?" he called, his mouth closed the entire time. He was holding his head up high. The man grimaced as if he had sucked a lime. The pod he was standing in front of had a balcony, and a woman's head suddenly appeared, her gray hair pulled into a bun.

"What are you doing, you fool?!" the woman - Eleu, Avani assumed - yelled, her eyebrows furrowed. Avani could tell that she was holding back a smile. "Get up here, you old man!" Eleu teased, laughing as she spoke. She stared hungrily at the rose in the man's hand, her eyes wide.

Avani pressed her hands to her face, tears sprouting in the corners of her eyes. She hadn't seen an interaction like that before, because nobody was out.

Avani believed that her parents had left her behind since they technically had. They hadn't ever visited her or left 'letters' for her.

She watched as the man grabbed some dirt off the ground and began to knead it like humans had kneaded dough. Her eyes widened.

I thought it only worked with moon dirt.

Avani stared at the moon, feeling her energy grow. She turned back to Eleu and the man, who now looked glummer than a chicken whose eggs had been taken. Avani smiled, laying down on the soft grass. The grass tickled her face as it performed a dance with the breeze.

Was that how people felt when they talked to others?

Avani wouldn't know. Her kind wasn't made to talk, as humans were. They could communicate with their minds, but they couldn't make words with their mouths.

They were only alien.

October 01, 2020 14:00

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68 comments

Raquel Rodriguez
17:14 Oct 01, 2020

By the way, Avani means 'earth' in Indian and Eleu means 'alert, lively' in Hawaiian. :) Hope all of you enjoy the story! :D

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Zilla Babbitt
00:56 Oct 04, 2020

You asked me to read, so here I am. Compelling! Your world is nicely explored, not overdone in explanations of how they got there or about the humans. I'd say, though, you do tend to overexplain your descriptions, almost to a point of telling. You describe Avani in minute details-- leave some to the imagination. You explain about the pods and what they to-- I suggest showing a scene where her pod changes for her. Other than this, good job. Keep it up!

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Raquel Rodriguez
20:21 Oct 04, 2020

Thank you, Zilla! I'll make sure to use your advice for my next story! :)

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Zilla Babbitt
21:13 Oct 04, 2020

Of course!

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18:50 Oct 01, 2020

Great story! It was super creative and I enjoyed it a lot! :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:55 Oct 01, 2020

Thank you so much! > ^ <

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20:29 Oct 01, 2020

Of course!

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Batool Hussain
18:08 Oct 01, 2020

I upvoted u too:)

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:11 Oct 01, 2020

Lol, thanks! ;)

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Rayhan Hidayat
17:56 Oct 01, 2020

This was so creative, how you made aliens colonise a post-apocalyptic earth. I guess it’s like how we’re obsessed with digging up dinosaurs—it makes perfect sense that the aliens would be curious about their predecessors. There’s just something heartwarming about this tale. As a suggestion, perhaps change the plural “aliens” to singular “alien” in the final line—so that it matches the title. Just my two cents 😉 Keep it up, anyways! 😙

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:10 Oct 01, 2020

Thank you, Rayhan! The dinosaur thing was my motivation, actually! Glad you noticed. Also, thanks for the suggestion! :D

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Rayhan Hidayat
18:13 Oct 01, 2020

Oh haha whaddya know? And feel free to check out my latest story if you’re interested! 🙂

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Jamie Schmitt
16:16 Oct 01, 2020

This is a really interesting take on the prompt! I really like how instead of writing a contemporary story, you got creative and wrote a SCI Fi story! That's so cool. I will say that your MC used a lot of metaphors to explain feelings that are probably things they would never have experienced, like sucking on a lime. Since that's a human/earth experience, I doubt your alien who has only experienced their previous planet and the pod, that they wouldn't have ever tried a lime. Or maybe that's part of being in the pod or moving to a new planet-...

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:21 Oct 01, 2020

Thank you so much, Jamie! And sorry, I tried to make it obvious that the aliens learned about human culture after they began to see that the humans had lived on the planet Earth before them. :)

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K. Antonio
00:09 Oct 07, 2020

Super interesting and I love the backstory. I read it so quickly, really drew me in! I couldn't find any mistakes, so I also commend you on that! Feel free to read my work too. Love getting opinions!

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:30 Oct 07, 2020

Thank you, Antonio! I will check out your story tomorrow, since it's almost for me to watch my Netflix show! 😂

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Kristin Neubauer
15:39 Oct 04, 2020

What a cool story, Raquel! This was such a unique idea and I loved your writing style - your descriptions of the stars and the pod and Avani created sort of this mystical and magical feel for me. Really lovely - great title too!

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Raquel Rodriguez
20:22 Oct 04, 2020

Thank you so much, Kristin! I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :D

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10:43 Oct 03, 2020

I don't really understand why she thinks of the other aliens as "her kind" - a human would just think "the others are over there" not "my kind is over there." I'm also confused as to why Avani seems so obsessed with humans, and why she would think of telepathic communication as inferior when it's the only one she knows. Is there a big emphasis placed on human society being better than theirs in Avani's culture? If so, why? Why would the aliens think of themselves as being aliens when they'd lived on the planet for hundreds of years? It seems...

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:42 Oct 03, 2020

Thank you, Elizabeth! I made Avani think that way because they're like her. She was raised a different way than humans, so she admires the way they do stuff. The reason she think that telepathic communication is inferior is because they never have to open their mouths. The aliens don't think humans are better than they are, they just like them because they're different. Avani, however, admires humans. Avani thinks of herself as an alien because she wasn't on Earth before the humans. I wanted to make the sky look different, although ...

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19:36 Oct 03, 2020

Yeah, I find that as well. I've struggled with including enough information to make things clear before.

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Raquel Rodriguez
20:43 Oct 03, 2020

Thank you for understanding, and I'll try to make my story clearer next time! :)

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Arham Ishraq
16:33 Oct 02, 2020

Stop being awesome please give me some of your awesomeness :(

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:59 Oct 02, 2020

Lol, Arham you're awesome too don't even say that! I started writing as a serious thing because of you and Shannon.

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Arham Ishraq
22:13 Nov 06, 2020

Yes but now you have e x c e e d e d me

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:30 Nov 06, 2020

No, you're so good! :D

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Arham Ishraq
22:33 Nov 06, 2020

N o

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:01 Nov 06, 2020

Y E S

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. .
00:04 Oct 02, 2020

There's literally sooo much detail in this! It sounds super professional, I loved the character Avani the description you gave for her made it super easy to picture. The ending overall linked everything together like the last piece of a puzzle. The way you showed Si-fi was really creative. I feel like I'm forgetting something- I actually can't remember what else I was going to say... I'll come back in like an hour and fingers crossed I ACTUALLY remember what I was going to say. So basically I'll be back. -Eleny

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:39 Oct 02, 2020

Thanks, Eleny! Although it sounds professional, I am definitely not one, but thank you so much! I loved Avani too, and her silvery (not gray, lol) curls are so cute in my mind!

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Charles Stucker
20:58 Oct 01, 2020

Interesting character study. I will guess Avani uses human expressions because her people deciphered human writing and she heard about chickens etc. from her studies? This was very smooth, with no errors I spotted- OTOH it drew me in so much I finished before I realized it, so I could have missed something. This reminds me of a piece by Asimov where the protagonist is an alien all along, but you don't realize until late in the tale. I can't think of a higher standard for sci-fi than one of the great masters.

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:05 Oct 01, 2020

Thank you so much! :) You're right about the aliens deciphering human writing. I'm glad you liked my story. I had an idea to do a '90s themed story at first, but I wanted to make it unique, so I scrapped that idea. I'm so glad I did! :D

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21:02 Oct 07, 2020

Raquel, this is so awesome! The descriptions are amazing and I loved this so much! (Upvoting you! You deserve a lot more points with 16 stories out!!)

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:12 Oct 08, 2020

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! 😄 I'm going to upvote you too!!

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00:13 Oct 08, 2020

Awwww, thank you so much!!!

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Raquel Rodriguez
13:53 Oct 08, 2020

:D

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B. W.
00:57 Oct 07, 2020

Hey, do you possibly know how to draw really well or something? i need help with something

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Raquel Rodriguez
01:26 Oct 07, 2020

I have some talent in drawing, but my friends are the real brains in drawing, lol.

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B. W.
01:34 Oct 07, 2020

I was gonna ask if you could draw the cover art for my novels

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Raquel Rodriguez
01:36 Oct 07, 2020

I mean, I could ask one of my friends, but they're busy with school, so idk.

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B. W.
01:39 Oct 07, 2020

That's fine, whenever they have the time ^^

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Corey Melin
02:04 Oct 03, 2020

Well done with the imagination. It’s the most important quality in a good story. Lack of imagination tends to bring forth a dull read. Great reading on the alien life in a pod.

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:30 Oct 03, 2020

Thank you so much, Corey! I tried my best :)

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Princemark Okibe
22:32 Oct 02, 2020

I really enjoyed and read attentively to the very end. I have a soft spot for sci-fi. Your idea about the telepathic aliens is amazing and your description is good as I noticed this a descriptive story instead of narrative or expository. Nice work. I however did notice a logical fallacy and just wanted to confirm if it is an alien thing or just simply a fallacy. In this sentence [Avani’s purple-green eyes widened, and she opened her eyes, jumping off of her bed.] 1. How is it that her eyes widened before they were opened. You mean sh...

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:10 Oct 03, 2020

Thank you for checking out my story! Also, I think it said that she sensed other people around her, even though she couldn't see them so she widened her eyes where she was. She had them closed but then after going into her 'sense' she widened her eyes. Then, going back to where she was, she opened her eyes (Sorry, it's kind of confusing) It's an alien thing. Anyway, thank you and have a good day/night!

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Princemark Okibe
16:54 Oct 03, 2020

Very confusing indeed.

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Mia S
18:29 Oct 02, 2020

I really like this! I liked all your descriptions, and even though there wasn't much action or dialogue, the plot was still engaging. I was a little confused as to why she left her pod all of a sudden, when she'd never done that before. Also, was the woman - Eleu - an alien or a human? I thought she was an alien at first, but then you said that the aliens couldn't talk. Other than that, though, I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for inviting me over!

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:36 Oct 02, 2020

Thank you, Mia! I came up with the concept with Eleu and her partner were about 100 years old - I didn't mention it in the story. She is an alien, but she's been here ever since the beginning - when they first landed on Earth, so she learned how to speak a little bit with her partner, but not much. That's why they don't talk much.

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Mia S
21:58 Oct 02, 2020

Oh, okay - that's cool! Quite romantic :D

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:59 Oct 03, 2020

:D Thank you!

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Tessa Takzikab
02:14 Oct 02, 2020

Wow! I love the way you took this prompt. I also love the art history reference, although it's possible you could have said "as if Georges Seurat had painted the night sky" instead of "as if Georges Seurat used pointillism on the night sky". I think he's famous enough that everyone will get that you mean pointillism. Then again, I am not everyone, so maybe not. I noticed someone else commented about how your metaphors don't all make sense for an alien to know, and I believe this is no exception, but perhaps you could add a line somewhere a...

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Raquel Rodriguez
11:39 Oct 02, 2020

Thank you, Tessa! I mentioned in the story that their technology is so much more advanced than humans, so they could've had classes about human history without leaving their pods. I mean, I guess they have classes too, right? Lol.

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Tessa Takzikab
13:50 Oct 02, 2020

Good point

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:41 Oct 02, 2020

;) It's only rarely that I have one of those, lmao.

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Amany Sayed
22:44 Oct 01, 2020

This was so cool! It was creative and well written and interesting. The imagery was awesome. Overall I seriously love it. Great job!

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:32 Oct 01, 2020

Thank you, Amany! I'm glad you enjoyed my story, because I wanted it to be fun to read! :)

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Bianka Nova
17:53 Oct 12, 2020

Really nice story, Raquel. I loved the way you compared the lights in the sky to pointillism. So poetic 😊 Your character is an alien, but there was some magical vibe throughout - I thought she sounded more like a fairy. But who knows, maybe fairies are aliens too 😉

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:11 Oct 12, 2020

Lol, thank you! Maybe they are, we'll never know! ;)

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