To Hell With Time and Money

Submitted into Contest #78 in response to: Write about someone who keeps an unusual animal as a pet.... view prompt

144 comments

Funny Happy

Author's note: This story is here because of an amazing person called Rayhan. He asked for a new story-which I had not given you Reeders in a long time- and I delivered.

(WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? GO FOLLOW HIM BUT FIRST READ THE STORY!)


What's wrong with him?

You touch your head and groan. There is a steady stream of blood running down it. Then you see your sloth.Β After rethinking your life choices, youΒ wrench the sloth out of your bed and start screaming at it in slow motion, because it's a sloth and it's slow. The only language it can understand is slow. After tiring yourself with hoarse and scratchy slow-screeching, you flop back in bed, procrastinating on laundry and dusting. The sloth only makes it worse. As you drift off, you hear a bang and swore that you heard slow motion swearing. You jump up with a few choice words as well, regretting ever getting the sloth.

The sloth has no name. You couldn’t afford to pay some affection for a cute, meaningful name like Mr. Cuddles or Flash. No, the sloth was just a worthless gift, used up like an empty toothpaste bottle, and can be thrown away just as easily. What you would give to be an animal-expert right now. How do they take care of pets?

Soon, you wake up every night bleeding. On the best days you just get a scratch. On the worst, it's a bloody gash. If you are lucky, you get a prick.

When you had planned to go for a walk, of course you weren’t planning for a stupid sloth to be right there on your doorstep. Of course you picked him up.Β And now, you wanted to scream at Past You for being so, so naΓ―ve. And then this whole β€œto have a sloth, or to whatever- since-you-didn’t-listen-to-your-teacher-Mrs. Something” How ridiculous. And when you finally stopped your train of thought your house was a mess. And your plans were ruined. You were going to step outside, splash in the newly formed puddles, go to the store and get a bagel, then loop back home. Instead, you picked up a sloth and now he’s ruining your room, terrorizing your sleep, and has sent you to the hospital for loss of blood many times.

β€œAlright, so you want to sendΒ a sloth to jail?”

β€œYes sir, for attempted murder and stealing.”

β€œWhat?” 

β€œI’m telling you about a sloth so you and throw him in jail. Do you have a hearing problem?”

β€œPardon me, but you said you were reporting a sloth. What the hell did a sloth do to you?”

β€œATTEMPTED MURDER ON ME!!! YOU SEE THESE GASHES? HUH? SEE THEM? HE DID THAT!! THE SLOTH DID IT!!!”

After that, you had to go to therapy. You hated it and beat up many chairs before you could leave.

You ran to your unclean home, picked up the sloth, and grinned evilly.

β€œSo, Mr. Sloth. Let’s have a little chat.”

Flinging him into a chair, you stood over him like a cat cornering a mouse. The poor thing looked at you and tilted it’s head.

β€œAs you know, you have been causing me trouble. My house is in shreds, my face hurts, I have multiple bills, everyone thinks I’m crazy, I think I’m crazy, and I know you know I know you know all that somehow fits into YOUR FLIPPIN’ FAULT YOU BEAST!”

The sloth fell off the chair, and now you have much more bills to pay.

As the days drag on, you prepare yourself for the war against your demon sloth. Cute and friendly it may seem, it’s actually a horrendous beast. Buried under those adorable eyes is a burning soul sent by the devil to hack your mind and snap your body in half, blood crawling down your whole body like the demon has sliced you many times.Β 

To hell with time; I have a war to win.

In the ending, you won the war but lost the battle.

Even when locked in it’s cage, it still tried to hypnotize you with its eyes. Eyes…. No! Snap out of it! You can’t fall prey to it! As you stumble and try to wake up, you notice that the sloth has escaped.. Again. The best way to get him back, you found, was to wear your bleeding scream mask and charge at it full speed while chanting β€œBUTTER STICK BUTTER STICK BUTTER STICK” And then the sloth will freeze in place. You just grab him with leather gloves and shove him in his cage.

But this time, it was different. As you geared up, you saw him quietly come towards you, looking like a child walking it’s first steps. Then it slowed and seemed to turn around, stopping and judging you with those beady little eyes. You found yourself looking at them, unable to move or turn away as you felt the devil come to you.

Or maybe not, you realized.

The eyes were filled with something other than an otherworldly demon from an imaginary space in our minds.Β 

Warm.

The warmth you feel when someone hugs you, the warmth that you get when you drink hot cocoa. The warmth that this sloth is showing right now.

But why? I have been so mean to him. Why do I deserve this warmth?

Then it hits you like a fire truck in reverse driven by a baby. It doesn’t care. It’s a sloth. Sloths love everybody.Β 

You gently pick up the sloth and carry it back to it’s cage. Then you think hard about your future with it. All the scratches you will receive, all the money you got to pay and all the screaming you probably will do (of course you will scream).

But if you have your future with this little menace (well, maybe a cute little menace) then you got to have a name.

You abruptly sit up straight, causing your sloth to stare at you. Squinting at him, you whisper:

β€œHow about...Ray?”

Β Dedicated to…. Drumroll please:

Rayhan Hidayat!

For two reasons: 1. THE SLOTH’S NAME and 2. He’s so funny to talk to! And his stories and bio: JUST THE BESTΒ 

Thanks Rayhan! Have a great day everyone!



January 27, 2021 01:34

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144 comments

13:59 Jan 27, 2021

WOWZO!!!!! This was a whirlwind of emotions and information... but somehow it worked!!! When you loved the sloth instead of hating he/r... you realized that your battle was over and you didn't have to fight anymore... that was real powerful!! I LARB ITTTT

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WOW :D REALLY?? Hehehhe yea! thanks jen! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW also you and luke are dating??? WOT

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17:43 Jan 27, 2021

nope lol. He's a year younger than me actually

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Frances Reine
13:05 Feb 02, 2021

Title is so eye-catching. The story itself is powerful. I love the little brackets at the end :)

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Frances Reine
18:06 Feb 02, 2021

Thanks so much.

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:44 Jan 28, 2021

β€œThe warmness that you feel” I believe the word you’re looking for is β€œwarmth” πŸ˜‰ Wow, you did not have to dedicate a story to me. And a story about a sloth, too. How fitting, considering I’m a lazy bum πŸ˜‚ I’m very flattered! This is silly, whimsical and overall a fun read. I thought for sure this was going to be a serious story when it opened with a lot of blood. But you somehow managed to turn it into a comedy. Kudos πŸ˜™ Also, did you change your name? I swear it was something else before this

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XD thanks! I had to XDDD You are? XDDDD Np! I tried to make it as funny as possible XDDDD Thank Ray! Ye, Celeste/Majikku me real name XDDD

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Tru Sorcerer
02:03 Jan 28, 2021

Hey, muffin bud! I love love love this muffin! Your story is a little bit weird and quirky and a looooot cool and warm and awesome! I couldn't make out who you were at first, I really couldn't pronounce your name with all the emojis (sorry! πŸ˜”) could you help me with that? (I know, I know, I am a fool) And would it be O-K if I asked you to check out my story? (Only if you have the time) So, keep an writing marvellous muff-, er, stories! Bye!

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MUFFIN BUD XD yea it was! xDDDdd I dunno! POP IN MA MInD It’s Celeste majikku shinobu XD you’re fine XDD YEEeEes *chomping* uh- okieeeee XD Bai~

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Tru Sorcerer
07:14 Jan 28, 2021

Oh, now i can pronounce! But I am sttttiiil callling yooou Muffin buddy ! XP

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Oh, wow, Celeste! This was wonderful! I loved it! The description, the dialogue, the storyline, everything. Great job! -Craycray

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Hey thanks! My first time trying this genre! -Demonslayer Fangirl XD

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You're welcome! Well, you did it perfectly! -Harry Potter Fangirl XD

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Radhika Diksha
18:10 Feb 02, 2021

New story out, would love your feedback on it.

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Livia Fei
03:03 Feb 01, 2021

Hey, Cel. Could I get your advice about the Reedsy cast story series? I just can't decide whether to make everyone have super long lifespans or not. What do you think? thx, lia

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Hi Liaaa.Sure, of course you can! You could, but if you don’t want to then just keep them the same age forever. Or suddenly make them old XD (DoNT) Np(I think) Cel

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Livia Fei
04:44 Feb 01, 2021

Hahahaha thanks Cellll

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Opal Fireball
19:37 Jan 30, 2021

DEMON SLOTH. LOL YOU ROCK. Can I be in Scribbl? Did I even spell that right?

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Opal Fireball
18:30 Jan 31, 2021

#Thanks! #AreThereAnyRules?

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Maya
04:16 Feb 02, 2021

Yay! Welcome to skribble! XD

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Opal Fireball
12:42 Feb 03, 2021

:)

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23:02 Jan 29, 2021

PART 4 IS OUTTTT (your the smart one lol)

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21:59 Jan 29, 2021

OOOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGG SLOTHH! I can't get over the "Mr.Sloth" wait one sec gimme time to process

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00:13 Jan 30, 2021

XDD IM DONE PROCESSING THE STORY I LARB IT!!

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00:19 Jan 30, 2021

HYDROKINETICCCCC

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15:05 Jan 28, 2021

NEW STORY

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I was really about to go off like... the tAg IS FuNnY? aND sOmEOnE's AlReADy DEaD? But... of course, you landed it.

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WOW HUMOR TIME BABAY XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD aww your soooo sweeeeet!

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22:04 Jan 27, 2021

Oh and also here's a potato because I read your bio!! πŸ₯”

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22:00 Jan 27, 2021

Heeyyyy Celeste!! I just read your newest story! I LOVE it! The second person point of view has been something I've been wanting to try for a while and you have pulled it off wonderfully! There were just a few grammar errors: As you drift off, you hear a bang and swore that you heard slow motion swearing. - change 'slow motion' to 'slow-motion' WHat you would give to be an animal-expert right now. - change 'WHat' to 'What' I’m telling you about a sloth so you and thorow him in jail - change 'thorow' to 'throw' ATTEMPETED MURDER ON ME!!!...

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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww thanks felicity! imma go correct oof SO GLAD YOUR BACKKKKKKKKKK

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22:03 Jan 27, 2021

Haha, don't worry about it! We all make mistakes in our writing! That's why it's so great we can go back and edit!! Me toooooo!! I've missed yoooouuuu!!

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22:05 Jan 27, 2021

Lol I'm working on it!! I promise! I should have it out maybe today or tomorrow!

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Livia Fei
18:08 Jan 27, 2021

Wow, a...sloth... Hahaha, I felt like some of this was actually funny, maybe that's just me. But yelling at a sloth...sounds extremely funny. 😁😁 You did a great job with second person story telling, niceeeee -lia

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Livia Fei
18:58 Jan 27, 2021

ahahahahahahaha i take it you read my bio

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XD yea, can't imagene me screaming at a sloth... XDD I made it to be funny! YEES I HAVE DO ITTTTTT XD thanks liaaaaaaa -Cel :D

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Livia Fei
18:57 Jan 27, 2021

hahahaha i can imagine just screaming at a sloth thats staring at me like what do you think youre doing???

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Even when locked in it’s cage, it still tried to hypnotize you with its eyes. Eyes…. No! Snap out of it! You can’t fall prey to it! As you stumble and try to wake up, you notice that the sloth has escaped.. Again. The best way to get him back, you found, was to wear your bleeding scream mask and charge at it full speed while chanting β€œBUTTER STICK BUTTER STICK BUTTER STICK” And then the sloth will freeze in place. You just grab him with leather gloves and shove him in his cage. Do thisss XDDDD FREEzE tHe SlOtTH XDD

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Livia Fei
18:59 Jan 27, 2021

And people wonder why we're all crazy people XD

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Nainika Gupta
17:39 Jan 27, 2021

YES I LOVE SLOTHS!! really cute story!! awesome job, Celeste!

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Nainika Gupta
18:54 Jan 27, 2021

Yeah!! ALSO NEW STORY!!

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Nainika Gupta
00:43 Feb 02, 2021

NEW STORY WW1 AND SADNESSS

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Megan Sutherland
02:43 Jan 27, 2021

I was not expecting a sloth I LOVE SLOTHS cute cute cute cute cute You did really well telling the story in second person, kudos to youuuuu -meg

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:) this is cuteeeee its like when an animal you think is plotting something against you but actually isn't :) a few typos: ` After that, you had to go to therapy. You hated it and beat up many chairs before you could leave. ` You ran to your unclean home, picked up the sloth, and grinned evilly. you put apostrophe's before the sentence started "WHat . . . " and the "h" is capital this is an AMAZING metaphor: "No, the sloth was just a worthless gift, used up like an empty toothpaste bottle, and can be thrown away just as easily." also:...

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Thanks for catching all those:D Aw thanks Amy! Potatooooooo Alsi]o me bac XD

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Np! :D Yeesssss potatoooooo :) yay

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Livia Fei
00:04 Feb 03, 2021

Are we shipping people now or something???

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friendSHIP im shipped already, brooke's story will start war beacuase she's shipping people XDDD

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Livia Fei
01:14 Feb 03, 2021

Uh oh...

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Livia Fei
03:18 Feb 03, 2021

Hahahahahaha I better check it out when she releases it!

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Livia Fei
21:45 Jan 30, 2021

πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”πŸ₯”

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YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUR AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Livia Fei
22:34 Jan 30, 2021

heheheheheheeee

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Livia Fei
22:58 Jan 30, 2021

I'M TRYINNGGGGGG😩😩😩😜😜😜

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