262 comments

Adventure Fantasy

Have any of you ever wondered about Other Dimensions or Universes? have you ever wanted to go there? Have you ever been trapped there? Well i have and this is my story..

I sigh as i lay on by bed and talk to my friend, Lillian over the phone. Since i moved here a couple of days ago she was suggesting that Maybe me and her should go and see a movie together.

It would have been fine and i would have agreed but then she told me what movie it was. Ugh. Vampires and Romance don't go together, and don't even bother trying to add werewolves into the thing.

"Come on Harlow, You need to get used to the town. What better way than to go see a movie?" Lillian asked, Of course my friend would love the movie. she's always loved really any type of romance story.

"No! i'd rather be back at my actual home and just sleeping." When i had checked the time it was 11:40 Pm. what?? back home its like 3:30 am...

"Harlow i'm telling you once you see the movie with me i'm sure you'll be.." When she was about to finish that, Both of us then heard a loud crashing sound. what was that??

"Uh...hold on i'll go check out if that was somewhere in my place." I could hear footsteps and then her door closing. I had a very good feeling that the noise didn't come from her place.

Though i didn't try to go look yet, maybe i was wrong and she'd find the noise. I probably didn't even have anything to worry about, it could just be a Raccoon or another small animal.

But that's when i heard it again, louder this time though. Yeah that wasn't with Lillian, is it a lot of Raccoons?? i've never even had problems with wild animals until now i guess.

"Fine...i'll just shoo it out then." i mumbled as i hung up the phone and start leaving my room. It would only be for a couple of minutes and then i'd call her back.

I walked all through my house and everything seemed fine, Until i got into the living room. A large portal was in the living room and it seemed to be growing, It had knocked over a few chairs. That must have been the crashing noise.

I don't know why but i felt like going closer to the thing, That's what i exactly did. When i got closer i could feel my phone buzzing in my pocket, Lillian must have realized that i hung up.

I only stared at the portal though so the phone soon stopped buzzing, i never noticed that yet though. why is there a portal here? am i just dreaming? i have to be!

I was taken out of the trance when i then heard my phone begin to buzz again though this time a bit louder than earlier. "Huh? what is it Lillian?" i asked still staring at the portal.

"Oh thank gosh! Well, i didn't find whatever that noise was earlier, did you find it?" she asked, i could tell she was relieved. Though i heard some faint static while she was talking, is that bad?

"Um well, yes, but..its something that you'd never think would ever be there.." i started to tell her, i could somehow hear static in my own voice. I was walking towards the portal again and getting even closer.

"Oh what, is it a bear cub or something?" she asked jokingly, though her voice was very faint to me. I was instead hearing voices coming from inside the portal. People were in that thing?? Maybe if i just...

I hung up once again on Lillian and put my phone into my back pocket. "Hm...is it safe?" i mumbled to myself as i then put my hand straight into the portal.

My hand felt a bit Fuzzy but i think that might be normal, so it seemed safe then. i'll just do it a bit more, whats the harm in that? this is probably still a dream!

I kept putting more of my body into the portal, each time it felt more fuzzy for some reason. I started to feel dizzy all of a sudden when i then heard a faint door bell ringing.

I had wondered who that was, Did Lillian come because she was worried about me? was it the Pizza that i ordered like an hour ago? i never got to know who, because moment's later i then blacked out.

When i did wake up though i was laying down on cold ground and everything was dark, was i in a cave?? what the heck is going on? where even am i??

Hah! I remembered about that portal but how could that have happened? I could have just been sleep-walking...which i guess is still pretty weird since i've never actually done that until now. Wow.

I felt Exhausted, i must have been out all night because i could faintly see some lights through some faint cracks. Maybe Lillian could help me with this sleep-walking thing once i get back to the house.

I could at least move and wasn't just frozen but i just couldn't stand at the time. I reached into my pocket to grab my phone, maybe i could call Lillian and she could come and pick me up.

I smiled as i finally took it out and got ready to call her when i then realized something, my phone was broken. I must have fallen down a couple of times last night and broken it. Damn it!

I lay there a bit longer what seems to be about thirty minutes or so when i then began to hear faint foot-steps nearby. Did Lillian maybe send someone to look for me? i know thats a bit far-fetched but it could still happen!

"Sir!" i then heard someone shout nearby, it sounded like they were almost right behind me. Why were they being so formal with the name? this wasn't even that big of a deal, i couldn't have been gone that long either.

"We found her! she's over in that cave!" a second voice said this time, though it sounded a bit angry. jeez how many people did she bring to find me??

I think it must have been a total of three people who came for me as they then all walked into the cave and started to drag me out of it. I was a bit happy and was going to say something when i then realized something.

I don't think that this was even a rescue mission, these people were also in blue and gray uniforms. I looked on ahead to see that they were taking me into a large police car with bars, one of the men also had hand-cuffs.

this is a preview type thing for my novel or whatever you would call it, This is Chapter 1 and a bit of chapter 2. This is a bit different than my original one but its still mostly the same ^^

September 15, 2020 18:33

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262 comments

18:42 Sep 15, 2020

Good job!! Uh, I don't know if I should comment here or on our comment thread but great job! This one was different than your other ones, I can't figure out how. Maybe a new writing style? Anyway, great job!!! I know like the basic plot so I don't know how people that don't know it will see it but I like it!

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B. W.
19:01 Sep 15, 2020

Do you think its because i did this story in first person when i usually don't maybe? So what did you think about it and did you maybe like a couple of things or a favorite part? this is still just chapter 1 and chapter 2 im on the third one now

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19:13 Sep 15, 2020

Hmm, maybe. I liked it! I liked the thing at the beginning, it was pretty cool and got you hooked. Ok! Are you going to post it all on here or just the first bit?

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B. W.
19:19 Sep 15, 2020

Only a little bit, there will be a lot of chapters and i don't want to go and post a few chapters each time on here, whenever i finish the novel is when you'll be able to see everything ^^

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19:24 Sep 15, 2020

Ok! That sounds good!

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B. W.
19:25 Sep 15, 2020

If i did ever publish it though, would you ever buy and read it?

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B. W.
13:44 Sep 16, 2020

also- i'm working on chapter 4 with it now ^^ it'll still take a while but i'm going to keep you updated, how many chapters do ya think there will be?

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02:59 Sep 20, 2020

Are you talking to me?? Ok! Thanks! Hmm, well it depends how long the chapters are.

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B. W.
03:13 Sep 20, 2020

Yeah i'm talking to you ^^ and oh gosh, i hit writers block with it now and i have no idea on what to do

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18:41 Sep 20, 2020

What do you have so far?

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B. W.
18:43 Sep 20, 2020

well willow just saved Harlow from Alter Harlow which would be their first meeting

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B. W.
15:09 Sep 21, 2020

also- i see that ya still haven't made a story and that you kind of have writers block, maybe i could help ya?

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15:39 Sep 21, 2020

Hmm, sure. I don't really like these prompts cause they are all kinda the same thing and it is hard to make your story unique.

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B. W.
15:45 Sep 21, 2020

yeah i understand what ya mean with it. maybe you could try the funny one? i think thats the easiest one and more interesting

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16:51 Sep 21, 2020

Yeah, I don't really have any ideas though.

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B. W.
16:53 Sep 21, 2020

It could just be two or more characters walking around in an apocalypse type thing but the entire time cliches keep happening and they aren't scared their just sorta making fun of it

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B. W.
21:08 Sep 23, 2020

hey ya know my demi-god series right? i need help with it.

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22:09 Sep 23, 2020

Ok. What do you need help with?

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Amany Sayed
23:32 Sep 15, 2020

Awesome job! This actually sounded like the first chapter of a book I would read. It wasn't perfect, but you're getting so, so much better at capitalization and grammar and it really shows! Just a suggestion-take out the beginning lines, personally I don't like them. Taking them out, you still have a good hook and it's interesting. Great job! Keep going with this, I think it's really good.

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B. W.
23:44 Sep 15, 2020

Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ its gonna take a long time but you would really wanna read the story if i published it and put it on amazon?? and thanks for all the Advice as well :)

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Amany Sayed
23:47 Sep 15, 2020

Maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️It comes down to the price lol. Any time!

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B. W.
23:50 Sep 15, 2020

it'll probably be like five bucks tbh

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Leilani Lane
18:46 Sep 16, 2020

Hi B.W.! I think this was a great start to a longer story--you captured my attention and held it all the way through. The dialogue was great. The big things to fix would be the capitalization and grammar, but those are pretty easy to tune up. The content is great, it's just the little things left! :)

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B. W.
18:50 Sep 16, 2020

Thank's im glad you enjoyed it and i guess i do ^^ did ya have a favorite part? and would you read it if i ever fully published it and put it on amazon

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Leilani Lane
19:02 Sep 16, 2020

I think I'd need to see a fully fixed up version to determine that! Best of luck, you're on the right track!

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B. W.
19:03 Sep 16, 2020

I think i'll try to use Grammarly or something else to help me

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Leilani Lane
19:06 Sep 16, 2020

Definitely! Also, read as many books as you can and study the grammar in them. That can really help.

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B. W.
19:08 Sep 16, 2020

oh boy that won't be much of a problem to do- i have over like 60 or so books in my room

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Lina Ozz
22:45 Sep 20, 2020

This is a great start, and very creative. I think you could spend more time "showing, not telling" regarding your descriptions. For example, when I (as a reader) was introduced to the idea of the "portal," I couldn't envision what it actually was or looked like. What is a portal? What does that mean? What does it look like to the reader? What does it mean when the character attempts to "put their body" into the portal? What does it feel like? In other words, I think your ideas can be elongated. I could envision an entire chapter just ded...

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B. W.
23:13 Sep 20, 2020

Thank's with the advice and feedback ^^ The showing and not telling is one of the things i have to work on the most but i'll still try to fix and work on the other things that you've said as well. If you maybe wanna check out some other stories, do you maybe like Percy Jackson or Greek Myths at all?

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00:39 Sep 16, 2020

Oooooh, amazing story!

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B. W.
00:51 Sep 16, 2020

Thank's im glad you enjoyed it ^^ this is actually chapter 1 and chapter 2 for a novel i'm making, did you maybe have a favorite part?

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00:52 Sep 16, 2020

Naw. I liked it all!

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B. W.
01:01 Sep 16, 2020

Whenever the novel comes out fully would you buy and read it?

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01:07 Sep 16, 2020

I don’t know...maybe!

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I. F.
01:38 Sep 16, 2020

Nice cliffhanger, I would definitely read the book! It's easy to see you have enough imagination to fill an entire novel. Good luck writing!

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B. W.
01:40 Sep 16, 2020

Thanks i'm glad you liked it ^^ aw you would? thanks :) did you maybe have a favorite part in this little thing?

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I. F.
01:42 Sep 16, 2020

My favorite part was when she saw the portal for the first time.

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B. W.
01:45 Sep 16, 2020

is there maybe something i should work on?

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I. F.
02:00 Sep 16, 2020

There were some punctuation and grammar errors, and I think some of the sentences can be reworked and made shorter for better flow. Don't let that discourage you though, they're all pretty easy fixes.

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B. W.
02:01 Sep 16, 2020

Are you sure that you'd ever wanna read it though if i ever published it and put it on amazon or something?

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C.J 🤍
19:40 Sep 18, 2020

Go to my followers and check out Evelyn’s story’s

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B. W.
19:51 Sep 18, 2020

She made a new story?? okay ^^

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C.J 🤍
22:47 Sep 17, 2020

Loved your story!!!!!!

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B. W.
22:56 Sep 17, 2020

Thank you ^^ this is actually going to be a novel and this is just the first and second chapter :)

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Orenda .
18:07 Sep 17, 2020

Heyy, I read your bio and you said you were bored, so wassup!

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B. W.
18:09 Sep 17, 2020

Yay, so could ya maybe help with something?

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Orenda .
18:25 Sep 17, 2020

Yeah, I'm always there to help ya!

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B. W.
18:27 Sep 17, 2020

well since you still commented on this story i assume you read it or do you need to know the plot? because i need some help with it because i'm making it a novel

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Orenda .
18:35 Sep 17, 2020

Yeah, I was kinda reading vayd and yours convo, not like a creep tho lmao...but tell me what you need again? I might be able to help you

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B. W.
18:37 Sep 17, 2020

oh that's alright, i don't think that would even really count as being a creep tho. Well i suck at romance and i want to get Harlow and Willow together but i don't know how to get them, which ya probably already know from me and Vayd's convo but i want to see what you can come up with because with Vayd's im not entirely sure but his were still good

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Kate Ulrich
22:20 Sep 15, 2020

AWESOME! I'm seriously very excited for when the novel comes out. I have a couple of notes though: instead of saying 'I only stared at the portal though so the phone soon stopped buzzing, i never noticed that yet though,' you could change it to something that flows a little easier, like 'I stared at the portal for so long, I didn't even notice that my phone had stopped buzzing.' I think that the story needs more punctuation, because there were several run-on sentences. Other than that, it was great. Let me know when the book comes out!

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B. W.
23:42 Sep 15, 2020

It's probably not that big of a deal but sorry for the kind of late response, i was out doing a few small things. Though thank you for the advice and you would really wanna read the book whenever it comes out??

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Evelyn ⭐️
00:21 Sep 22, 2020

Awesome!

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02:03 Sep 18, 2020

OOOHHHH this got me hooked! Can't wait to read more! Good luck with this! It's definitely my type of book! Btw, I'm thinking of turning Streaks of Blue and Silver into a novel...Since you're already writing a novel, could you give me some tips on the process of writing a novel?

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B. W.
02:07 Sep 18, 2020

uh- i'm not really good at advice though sorry ^^ i'm glad you liked it though, maybe ask some others? I know i'm making a novel but thats really what i did

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02:08 Sep 18, 2020

that's okay! keep working on your story, it's amazing!

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B. W.
02:14 Sep 18, 2020

ya think you could actually help me with a few small things on it if its alright?

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02:14 Sep 18, 2020

YESSSS FOR SURE!!!!!! How can I help?

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B. W.
02:16 Sep 18, 2020

i need some help with romance because i'm bad at it and i wanna get Harlow and Willow together but i don't have any ideas either, i also MAYBE wanna try to do a death with a character but i'm also terrible at it and i don't think i could even kill Harlow though because she's the main character and its in first person

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Evelyn ⭐️
21:18 Sep 15, 2020

I loved this!! I literally can't wait for the novel! I NEED TO READ IT!!!!!!! The beginning was good, and I felt scared for Harlow when she saw the portal. Also it was sorta a cliffhanger chapter which made me want to read more. If this was a novel and that was the end of the chapter, I WOULD DEFINITELY KEEP READING!!!!!! Also I know this is probably just your rough-draft but towards the beginning when she hers the loud crash, maybe at some more detail. That's just a minor thing though. Overall I absolutely loved this story!!

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B. W.
21:23 Sep 15, 2020

The novel may take much longer but it will be out at some point. Yes i will really try to add more details into things ^^ did you maybe like a part in it? and you would really read it if it was ever out??

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Evelyn ⭐️
21:28 Sep 15, 2020

Yes! It is amazing!! I liked the part when she stuck her hand in the portal/hearing the loud crash!! If you ever finish it, let me know! I would love to read it!

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B. W.
21:33 Sep 15, 2020

i'm working on chapter 3 at the moment and i already know how much there'll be but how many chapters in it do you think there'll be? and if you maybe like a bit of romance then there might be some of that in it

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Evelyn ⭐️
11:16 Sep 16, 2020

OOO Ya!! That would be good. I hope there's more than 20 chapter's because this sounds like a really interesting story!!

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B. W.
12:42 Sep 16, 2020

yeah i think i might have there be about 30 or more chapters with it

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The Cold Ice
05:37 Oct 13, 2020

Please read my story “The dragon warrior part 2?”

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B. W.
12:41 Oct 13, 2020

I thought you already DID a part two? or did i never read it or the first one?

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The Cold Ice
13:14 Oct 13, 2020

You didn’t read the second part.

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B. W.
13:24 Oct 13, 2020

Oh

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The Cold Ice
13:25 Oct 13, 2020

Please read it.

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B. W.
13:29 Oct 13, 2020

Did you ever leave some feedback/review thing for this story or did you never read it?

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The Cold Ice
13:16 Oct 13, 2020

I didn’t do a another one.

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Dhananjay Sharma
10:10 Sep 25, 2020

Simply beautiful. I am speechless. Kindly go through mine. https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/contests/60/submissions/35763/ Looking forward to collaborate with you.

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00:56 Sep 20, 2020

This is amazing! I loved this story! The only thing I noticed were a few capitalisation errors, but apart from that, well done! The plot is really nice! I'm HOOKED!

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B. W.
00:58 Sep 20, 2020

thank's im glad you enjoyed it ^^

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12:17 Sep 19, 2020

Great job, B.! I think that this is definitely a good start to your first novel. I will say that there were still some capitalization and grammatical errors, but you are definitely improving! I agree with Amany that this is definitely the first chapter of a book I would read. Also, since this is the start of your novel, I will say that maybe you should add more description. -Brooke D.

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B. W.
13:16 Sep 19, 2020

But how should i add more description? i've never been really good at being descriptive with things tbh. and thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed it ^^

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22:26 Sep 19, 2020

Yes, description is something very hard to do. For example, *exactly* how did it feel when everyone got sucked into the book? Did it feel uncomfortable? Calming in a way? Queasy? And, how does the atmosphere around all of the characters feel? Full of anticipation, tension, excitement, etc.? Also, how do the characters themselves feel? Worried? Nervous? Scared? Excited? Joyful? In addition, what are the different sounds around them? A drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet? Maybe the AC running if it's during the summer? The heat running if i...

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B. W.
22:29 Sep 19, 2020

hmm, alright thanks for that ^^ ill try and do it soon

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22:31 Sep 19, 2020

No problem!

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13:52 Sep 18, 2020

I really like this story! I think you did really well on your first chapter, and there are some areas of improvement. (I can't really say much because I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I am not perfect myself!) The one thing I have to say is maybe change some of your interjections and maybe correct some of your grammar. (capital letters!) For the interjections, like "Hah!" Maybe you could try changing it to "Aha!" It grabs your reader's attention more than "Hah!" does. Just a suggestion, again. :) I think you did really well, ...

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B. W.
13:55 Sep 18, 2020

Thank you i'm glad ya enjoyed it ^^ and thank's for the lil bit of help

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04:08 Sep 19, 2020

Omg the downvoter is back at it :((( I really loved your story, though! And no problem.

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B. W.
04:16 Sep 19, 2020

oh gosh, maybe they'll stop soon? who knows, and thank's, i'm glad ya did :)

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04:23 Sep 19, 2020

:)) You got this! Publish that book

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B. W.
04:49 Sep 19, 2020

I'm on chapter 5 but there will be a LOT more chapters so it'll take a long time but i still will publish it at some point

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The Cold Ice
04:47 Sep 18, 2020

Wow!!this was awesome.Super story.Great job keep it up. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior part 2?”

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B. W.
04:58 Sep 18, 2020

Thank's, it's actually chapter 1 and 2 of a novel i'm working on and sure i will soon

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The Cold Ice
04:59 Sep 18, 2020

Welcome.My great wishes for you to write the novel.

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Charles Stucker
19:15 Sep 15, 2020

I would call this Chapter 1 - Arrival. With editing for capitalization and a few out of place words, it makes a fine start to a story. I can see Harlow spending 10,000 words just getting to know this strange new world. I know, 10,000 is a big scary number. But you have posted over 22,000 words on Reedsy. So, you have to get a set of five to ten scenes in mind that follow on each other. The nest one is clearly interacting with the police. The one after that, perhaps some sort of social worker (Harlow is still young, right?). Then a series...

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B. W.
19:24 Sep 15, 2020

I never really give the chapters names but i guess i could start now ^^ and ya know the reedsy book editor thing? that's what i'm writing the story on. Well Harlow is 17 which i guess is still sorta young but she's almost 18 but i don't know why there would be a social worker there, the people there think she is the alternate Harlow but i think i might have told you that already i'm not entirely sure though. Though if you have any ideas for why there's a social Worker or something else then be free to tell me, i just started on chapter 3 and...

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Charles Stucker
22:03 Sep 15, 2020

I just mentioned something in general. some societies call you a minor to the age of 21, some treat you as a full adult from 16. You need an idea where the story is going- the outline you work from- so you don't go entirely off track. Ill try checking our the Reedsy book editor and see what you've got.

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Charles Stucker
22:31 Sep 15, 2020

And I am having trouble finding you over on the book editor pages. Just talked to one of their help desk- they say you can export the manuscript and email me. I'm charmichael@earthlink.net Just include the header "B.W. Reedsy" and I'll get to it as quick as I can. That's a better option than putting everything here where it loses it's first publication value.

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B. W.
23:50 Sep 15, 2020

How do i email it to you on the thing? i've never really done that yet on there before. I don't really wanna mess up anything

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