441 comments
November 28th, 2031
Are you kidding me? It hasn't been that long since it happened and Father is already with someone new. I'm pretty sure it's only been a few days since then, what the heck? I guess I'll try to keep this updated.
November 30th, 2031
Father had told us all today how much he 'loved' this lady, I think he said her name was Zia. Did he end up falling in love with her at first sight? That wouldn't really surprise me that much, I'm pretty sure that's how he met Mother. He wants us to go meet her in a few hours or so.
December 1st, 2031
Father had invited Zia to our home and we ended up having some lunch with her that day, though I at least liked the pizza he made. Though let me ask you something, do you remember that evil stepmother from Cinderella? I'm not saying she was completely like that yesterday, though she at least seemed a bit rude and stuck up.
My older sister was feeling a bit ill that day so she had been in her room and wearing pajamas, Father was alright with this though Zia seemed to hate that. Father had explained to her why my sister wasn't out there, I saw an angry look in her eyes.
I don't know exactly what she did but she went into her room, we could all hear some noises coming from there, then my sister came out and joined us. I don't know what she did to force her to come and join us, though I have a feeling it was really bad. I don't think Father really noticed though.
December 3rd, 2031
He did what?! Yesterday he had been acting really excited and nervous the whole day, he left close to midnight and finally came back a while ago. This would have been fine with all of us if he didn't gather us up and explain what happened.
"I have some good news for you all" he had started off while pacing back and forth. He didn't tell us immediately though, apparently, he wanted us to try and guess what the 'good news' was.
Though all of us did a terrible job with guessing what it was, with my younger brother guessing that our Father bought us a baby lion for some reason. I like the way he thinks though that would have been amazing.
"No, I'm getting married!" I swear he squealed like a little kid getting a Christmas present or any sort of present in fact. Why?? He just met this lady and now after a few days, he proposed to her?
December 5th, 2031
It's only been a damn week since that stupid dragon ended up killing Mother, and he's already moved on this quickly. I remember that day fully I don't even think he tried to save her. He's never even really mentioned Mother after her death.
He had brought Zia back to the house today before we ate some dinner, now he was telling us that he wants everyone here to start calling her Mother. None of us have called her anything, except my little brother, I had heard him say something like "See you later Mommy"
I guess I could forgive at least him, after all, he's only six and doesn't understand a damn thing about life. Heck, he doesn't even understand what marriage is, he just knows that our actual Mother and Father were the reason we're here.
December 8th, 2031
She's still here and won't be leaving for a while, apparently, Father wants each and every one of us to have a day with her. I guess so that we could start to bond with her so we won't have any rough relationships.
Yesterday my little brother had his bonding day with her, I guess it went well because he came back smiling and was eating some ice cream. It was even his favorite kind of ice cream, Strawberry.
Though the day before that was my older sister's bonding day with her, right after we all ate lunch Zia had dragged her out the front door. I could tell it didn't really go well for her, she came back looking freaked out and nervous, while Zia on the other hand, had a large grin on her face.
In a few hours or so, I'll have my little bonding day with Zia, I just hope it goes well. Maybe I could convince her to not marry my Father anymore.
December 11th, 2031
Welp, we went to the mall and while I was walking down the stairs, she pushed me and I fell down about six stairs. Then after that fun experience, she tried to give me a chicken, which I'm deathly allergic to. I think this lady was trying to kill me, don't you think?
I had at least tried to tell Father what happened during that little bonding trip, but of course, he didn't really believe me. He said I was just being dramatic and that I accidentally fell down the stairs, and that she didn't know I was allergic to chicken. Though I know she knew I was.
Though I did manage to learn a couple of things from her while we did that, first the wedding is in a few days. Though the main thing I learned is her...traditions as I should call it.
I didn't really learn that much but here's a major one, apparently for something (though I never learned what, she didn't explain fully) they're supposed to sacrifice the youngest child for something.
Though I'm sure my little brother isn't the youngest out of everyone here, after all, I think Zia even has a much younger daughter.
December 20th, 2031
The wedding is tomorrow, not only that but we'd have to deal with our first holiday together, and I have a feeling that it won't go well. During this whole time, I still don't understand how he could have moved on so quickly. Does he not miss Mother at all...?
She had been the sweetest Mother I could ever have, one of the things she would always do was on the weekend take us to see a movie and she'd always know what to do to cheer us up. Though I think you already know how Zia is...
December 21st, 2031
They both said yes. He said yes. She said yes! He told us all, "You'll get used to it" but I know that isn't true. None of that will ever happen.
I have to try and think of a plan, I need to try and think of what to do. Maybe I should try to get away from those two. Yeah, That sounds like a good idea. If anyone ends up reading this, goodbye.
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441 comments
I love the way you wrote the diary entries. It doesn't really describe what everything looks like but it describes how she feels which is really good. One thing, what happened to her mom? Did her dad kill her or something?
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No- The main character/Narrator said that a dragon killed her, that's why its kind of fantasy in a way.
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I wasn't sure if you were referring to the dad as a "dragon" or like a monster but thanks for clearing it up!
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did ya maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?
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Not really, I liked it all.
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are you still gonna make another story?
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Great story! You wrote it really well and I can really tell how much (the narrator, not sure if you ever said her name) hates her new stepmom. I like how you made the diary entries short but not too short. Overall great job! I haven't seen you wrote a lot of diaries before but you are great at them!
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Thanks, im glad that you liked it ^^ I never said the main character/Narrators name during the whole time, the only name I said was Zia whos the stepmom, though what do you think her name is?
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Of course! Hmm, idk
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:)
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Hey! Would you like to go on a upvote for upvote spree?
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how much points?
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Hi! I loved the way you wrote your story in a diary format, so it shows how she feels during different events. Your story was really gripping to read. I wonder what Zia's real intentions are, though! The characters were life-like and well written! Great job!
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Thanks, im glad that ya liked the story and all that ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?
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I like the part where she explains her day out with Zia, because that shows how Zia truly is. And I also like the part where Zia forces her older sister to come out.
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anything else?
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I also like the way you wrote all the characters, with their own personalities. Are you going to do a part two? I'd like to know what happens next!
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I'm doing this story with a friend, I guess you could say she's doing part 2 of it and I think its going to be in the POV of Alexis
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Hello there, you asked me to read and put some feedback, and here I am! I really liked the concept of this story, and how you approached it. I loved it a lot. Great job writing this story. :)
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thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ did you have a favorite part or anything like that?
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I really liked the way you ended the story. It was beautiful.
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if there was a second part, which there wont be, what do you think would have happened?
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Well, maybe the diary entries can be all about the experiences and moments they all had together has a family? Idk, but that's my inference.
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What do ya think about Zia?
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I like this story! I did notice that the main character cursed twice in one diary entry and didn't use any vulgar language for the rest of the entries. I'd say that's a bit inconsistent, so maybe you can take out one of the words and put it in a later entry, like when they both say yes :) I'm not sure what time this story is set in, though. Apparently, the main character's mother was killed by a dragon, and there's a tradition of sacrificing the youngest in the family, which is an old custom... But the story also includes shopping at the mal...
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damn...isn't a curse? At least i think it isn't, i dont think its inconsistent though, she only does it twice and does it because she wants to or whatever, she just didn't do it any other times, that's the only time she 'curses', also did you ever even read the little time-stamps or whatever you would call them? it literally says "2031" or whatever I said, I hope I'm not being rude or anything, I'm just telling you because it feels like you didn't see them or something. It's also a fantasy world, it doesn't matter if there are dragons and mo...
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It's considered vulgar language and is censored in many things. The reason why I suggested that is because I feel since she seems comfortable saying it, she would say it whenever something really bad happened. Especially Zia agreeing to marry the main character's father. I didn't notice whatsoever!! I was so caught up in reading the entries, I didn't look at the specific dates :) Sorry about that!
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not to interrupt anything, but clear things up... bro, damn isn't a "vulgar language" nor it is censored in things as far as i know. Yes, it is a slang and must be excluded in formal situations. And yes, it is vulgar when you mean "damn girl" or something really obscene lol but B clearly didn't intend that in her entries. It's mild, so yeah. Peace now.
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i agree tbh
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😉
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I agree it's not considered a curse word, but if a student says it at school, they will get into the same trouble as if they had used worse language. That's just my experience with it :) So yeah, I agree it wouldn't be as bad as some other words, but can be vulgar in some situations~~ I know I wouldn't blurt it out in the middle of a lecture :D Thank you, though!
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yess, of course! It really depends on the situation. Haha, no problem!
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Would you want a single page filled up with a lot of damns though? Imagine this is a chapter of something or just a single page, there would probably be a lot of damns in a single sentence along with the whole thing :/
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No... what I meant is just put one or some other word when Zia agrees to get engaged, since that's a really bad thing, and that is something to say something like that about. That's it :) Of course, you can ignore this :)
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What other stuff could she even change? if I do something else, I have a feeling much younger kids are gonna go "oooOO tHaTs a bad Word, you ShouLDnt DO thAT" or something :/
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B I LOVE THIS! im so glad that you decided to do it in diary format, and i love how it really gave us a full view into her brain and what she was feeling. the length of them were really good, very realistic. i think diary entry stories might be your thing! seriously, they can be hard to pull of but you did it perfectly. the grammar and everything was perfect.
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I think i've done a diary format type thing two times already before this one, and I really like doing it so I decided to do it again for this one ^^ and I'm really glad that you liked the story, did you maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?
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i didn't rly have a favorite part tbh. yayyy i hope you keep doing diary stuff :)
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Actually, the next story i do whenever the new prompts come out MIGHT be another diary type thing
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YAYYYYYYYYY
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You really like the diary format type stories?
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"That wouldn't really surprise me that much" • removing 'that' before much makes this sentence sound better. •again, look at your third entry, too many though's. I know we all have some words we use a lot when speaking, I say a lot of shit lmao but when you're writing, reduce it. When I'm reading them in my mind, i keep coming across "though" and it's disturbing. Try to reduce the usage. I told you that on your previous story too. There's no repetition other than that. i really like how small and compact your diary entries are. They...
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I can try to fix some of that stuff, though thanks and I'm glad that ya liked the story and stuff ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?
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um, not that I can think of, but I do like the smol entries. Haha.
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what other diary type stories on here have you read?
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not much. I don't remember tho. Diary entries are just not my thing, so it gets a lil hard to get myself into them xD
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I've done two other stories like it before
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Wow... This is the weirdest and most intriguing thing I've read today. Getting married after one week without a wife? Who does that? I'd act the same if I was the character. And the chicken... Deathly allergic to chicken... So funny, so weird, so epic.
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Thanks, im glad that you liked the story ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or anything like that in it?
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Yeah! I liked the bit where the character mentioned the mother's death was caused by a dragon. A little confusing, but relatable LOL :)
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hows it a bit confusing?
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I guess I'd like a little more detail, about how and why.
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How the dragon killed her and all that?
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Love this! You know how much I like reading/writing diaries since I did it a lot with my page too (before I deleted them). And I love the name Zia! Nice one! Great work, I love this story~
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Ohhhh Kendra, welcome back to Reedsy!! I didn’t even notice you were on again until I saw your story in last week’s entries! HENLOO!
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hellooooooooo! God, how late am I for this reply???? EEEE lol hi :D thanks!!
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Hiiiii! Oh, lollll
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and also, nicely done, follows the prompt :D
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Thank you, im glad ya liked it ^^ what did ya think about the main character and stuff?
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Amazing ending and what a stupid tradition!!! I loved the story or diary entry lol. The whole story flowed smoothly. Great work. Have a note on punctuation, here: 1."I have some good news for you all" he had started off while pacing back and forth. Keep a dot or period after 'all'. 2.I had heard him say something like "See you later Mommy" Comma between like and ". Dot or period between mommy and ". Just take care of the punctuation. That's all. You rocked the prompt :) Father bought us a baby lion for some reason. I like the w...
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Thanks, im glad ya liked the story and I can try to fix all of that stuff ^^ and sure I can read your new story soon
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Short and to the point, these diary entries were fun to read! I love the combination of fantasy world and modern world, that makes for something really cool and interesting! :) Speaking of dragons... my latest story (I wrote another one! eeeep!) is about a dragon. It would be super cool if you could check it out. Thnx ;)
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Thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ do ya have a favorite character or anything like that? I'll check the story out as well ^^
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I just want to say that I've heard a lot about you, and I wasn't disappointed! Great job!
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you have? thanks ^^
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Yeah, I'm a big fan of Ugochi N's.
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Oh, alrighty ^^ so did ya maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?
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It was all great, but I liked how it was in a diary type format. Also, you missed a "think" on the last sentence of December 1st.
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oh, sorry about that, i just fixed it
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You want to go on an upvote spree? I'm kinda bored...
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The diary formatting is amazing! Ugh, I really don't like Zia. I didn't want the dad to move on! (even though it probably would be the best thing for the family) Great job!
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The dad moving on wasn't the problem, the main character would have been fine with it if it was lets say, 2 years or so after her mothers death. Though the father got together with someone and married them like right after the mother died.
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Yes, exactly why I HATED IT!! (not the writing, just the dad's. stupid. choice!)
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What do ya think Zia had done to the older sister?
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Hurt her?? IDK
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OMG YESSSSS B, your writing got a glow-upppp! You do diary entries so well, I love the MC's personality, and I can already tell that the stepmom is evil, but you keep that consistency of telling the reader throughout the entry. Good jobbbb!
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thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part to the story or did ya already say it?
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Uhm, I like the entry where the stepmom goes to the sister's room and forces her to come out, that movement really shows her evil lmao :) Anyway, do you need any help with your novels or stories? I'd be glad to help :)
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I might need some help with the novels, though I'm not sure if I could send a link or something for you to go to them
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Alright, why don't we try it? :)
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The thing is, ive already tried with some other friends and it doesn't work for them
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Heyo.
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Hi
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Heyo. Just wanted if you would like to submit a story below 700 words in any topic for reading in my podcast. https://forms.gle/coW9bsF6jfYN9iqF7
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I dunno
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It would be nice if u would submit. Not a problem if you don't want to.
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maybe
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Oh gosh, I loooovvveeddd this! So cool how you made the story into a ‘diary style’. I have like the tiniest attention span ever (wOaH iS tHaT a BiRd. See.) and this kept me engaged the whole entire time. Amazing job. P.S. If you have time, and want to, could you check out my story ‘The Price of Popularity’? No problem if not, your probably super busy.
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Thanks, im glad that ya liked the story and all that ^^ with me I don't have a short attention span, my memory is just terrible most of the time :/ did ya maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?
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My favorite part was probably when Zia pushed her down the stairs... It sounds mean, but it made me laugh so hard 😂
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anything else?
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Umm let’s see... EVERYTHING. Lol but in particular I especially liked her sense of humor (I’m a killer for some good comedy) and how she describes Zia! P.S. I don’t know if I already asked or not... maybe I did, but do you mind commenting on my story ‘The Price of Popularity’?
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you already said it, dont worry though, ill eventually check it out
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the story line is great, the diary entries were well done. but I do have a couple of questions: 1) did Father dearest kill the Mother of the children? 2) why was the character Zia so nasty? 3) Did the narrator run away? ps if you have a moment please read my story Mama's Dinner Surprise and leave a comment. Sue
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1. The main character/narrator states in one of the diary entries that a dragon ended up killing her mother, not the father 2. The Zia character is so nasty and all that because that's how I made her and I kinda thought it would be interesting, that's basically it to be honest :/ though if your asking why she's like that within the story and stuff, then shes just always been like that actually. 3. The main character/Narrator does end up running away at some point after that last entry, though I wont make a part 2.
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I like the diary entry style B! Overall this was a great story, the blend of the modern world (i.e mall and ice cream) with fantasy (i.e the dragon) was cool. One thing, you used the word 'though' a lot, not that it ruined the story but something I noticed. Also, maybe consider writing a bit more about how the main character misses her biological mother or the events that lead up to her death. Are you planning on making a part 2 for this?
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Thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ I guess using the word "Though" in this story along with probably some other ones, is just kind a weird habit I have :/ and no there won't be a part 2 for it, but I am going to do another story that's in a diary style again ^^
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I liked the diary form you used to write this story, and the ending made me want to continue the story. Is there going to be a part 2?
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thanks, im glad you liked it ^^ and no, there probably wont be a part 2 for this
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Hey, B.W. This is a great story, but I have some critique. First, slow down. It's kind of unrealistic that the dad would move on so fast after a just recent marriage, plus it takes MONTHS to plan a wedding. I think maybe it would have helped the storyline to maybe have her disappear from the diary for a while after her mother's death and then come back to express the anger at his new relationship after a few months. Second, I liked the cliffhanger at the end. It left me wondering what happens with her and Zia. But you didn't really have ...
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That's the whole point. The narrator/main character doesn't understand and is confused on how her father could just move on so quickly from his wife who died not long ago from a dragon, that's one of the whole points of the story, she kind of wants to know and stuff. Zia KNOWS that the main character is allergic to chicken and all that other stuff, if you couldn't tell she was trying to KILL or at least HURT the main character, she kind of wants to get rid of the main character. I don't think you understood it that much though and I don't wa...
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Oh, I'm sorry about that. I guess I took a different understanding.
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how could you not tell though? I'm pretty sure the main character even says with the allergic stuff, something like "I think she's trying to kill me."
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I don't know. She seemed a bit like an exaggerator to me.
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How?
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