55 comments

Mystery Thriller

November 9, 2000

Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. I am a very lucky person. Neil Armstrong became famous as he was the first person to walk on the Moon, Bob Ross for his extraordinarily good artistic skills, The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) for his wrestling guts but I...I became famous for something I never did.


On November 9, 1999 I encountered with the Press for the very first time. It had been around noon, when they arrived. The scorching sun had them sweating as though they had just taken a bath. After asking my whereabouts and my daily routine, they came straight to the point. "North West, how do you feel, now that you are amongst top ten women to become famous overnight, all over the world?" One. Famous? Two. All over the the world? Three. Nothing made quite some sense at that time. Four. Nevertheless, I spoke up. "I'm elated. To say I'm over the moon, would be an understatement." Five. I was unable to keep the joy in me composed. Six. I wanted to appear as the mature, young adult who wasn't being extra on her recent discovery thus, I kept on talking. "I wouldn't have been able to do this without love and support from my family and I am so very thankful for that." Seven. It took me seven exact seconds to take away what was hers. It took me seven exact seconds to take away her dream. It took me seven exact seconds to shatter my sister's dream into a million pieces. My sister is also my twin. We are disbelievingly identical. From our gray eyes, to the square jaws and cheek bones, everything is exactly the same except for the fact that my sister, East West can't speak. I almost died at her hands. It was her who had discovered the new star, Maia. But being the bad girl that I am, I took all the credit on my shoulders.


She tried to hurt me: she threw Mom's favorite vase, a shoe box, her slipper, one after the other at me. All in the presence of the Press. Now that every single one of the Press members had witnessed me being a victim, it was easy to turn the tables, to put forward East as the mad girl. And that is exactly what I did. I took advantage of her disability, and put her behind the bars up until...until everyone had memorized that it was me who had discovered the new star and not her. I still feel bad for it, though.


The next day, was one of the very few happy days of my life. I was there on the front pages of newspapers, on the cover page of magazines, on television screens. I was in paparazzi's spotlights, all for an act I didn’t do. How cool was the fact that I was East’s twin? I never benefited from her but now that I did…the reward was huge. East bore all of it patiently…because she could do nothing except for that, could she?


I became famous. I earned money. I made my parents proud. All for something I never did. Mom was not happy with me. She and Dad, they both knew that it was East’s achievement and I was robbing her off the golden opportunities. She hated me all the times I existed. But back then, I didn’t care. I didn’t care for what Mom thought. I didn’t care for what East, her friends and my entire family thought. All I cared about was the money, the stupid dollars. The dollars that gained me fame overnight, that helped me reach Top 10 women all over the world. I wasn’t myself anymore.


I wasn't myself anymore. All I cared about was how I looked on TV, how I looked on newspapers, magazines and outside. I became one of the wealthiest lady in our area. People were jealous. Jealous of my achievement. Well, I know it wasn’t mine but East couldn’t do anything about it. Could she? I used to travel city to city, country to country, where everyone fought over to get my autographs. They fought with each other to click just one…just one picture with me. With North West. I lost contact: with Mom, with Dad and with East. I used to charge high amounts of money to travel just a few miles. I forgot that all of this would one day end. I used to brag about how much hard work it took for me to reach the space and discover the new star. I used to brag about how much difficult the task had been when in real I didn’t even know anything about it. Not even a bit.


Tables turned. What do they say? Ah yes, history repeated itself. I thought I would never get caught. But I was wrong. As I write this, my hands shake. It is November 9 today. The very same date on which I got famous, last year. The jailer is coming. He hands over the food to me and makes a face on how filthy my wrinkled hands look. Yes, I am in jail. I have been charged for plagiarism. Stealing my sister’s achievement and putting it forward as my own, made me end up in jail. The fame, those stupid dollars came with a price. A huge one. I have been sentenced to an years imprisonment. I will probably die before that long. I wish I do. I really wish I do.


Everyone hates the once-famous, North West now. They hate me for treating my sister unfairly. They hate me for pretending to be a person, I wasn't. They hate me. They hate me. They hate me. People who fought with others to have an autograph from me now shoot looks of disgust at me. They feel pity for me. And they love East. They love her for doing such a good deed, they love her for not standing up against me. East is probably very happy, now.


East is probably very happy now. Very happy in her new life. But, this isn't over. When you've time, I will tell you what happened to East next. I will tell you what happens to everyone who tries to trick me, to make a fool of me. I'll tell you.

-North West.

August 31, 2020 12:48

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55 comments

Batool Hussain
12:51 Aug 31, 2020

I don't really know how did this one come out but a few things for y'all; -Any guesses on why did I choose the date 'November 9?' -Any kind of feedback is appreciated. -I prefer you not decreasing my points, please as that is a very immature way to climb up the leaderboard. -I updated my bio AND I would like everyone to have a look at it. Byee

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Arez Z.
13:04 Aug 31, 2020

This came out great and I saw your bio:))

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13:50 Sep 09, 2020

- I have no idea! - This is an amazing story. I loved the characters and plot. - I agree!! - I had a look, and I like it :)

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Batool Hussain
18:16 Sep 09, 2020

Thanks Noor:)

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19:36 Sep 09, 2020

No problem

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Zilla Babbitt
01:17 Sep 01, 2020

North West? As in... the Kardashian kid? Well, I think this is pretty good. Plagiarism is a serious thing. There are a few instances of telling (basically the summary of her downfall) and I think a few lines in the first three paragraphs, given, the prompt, are unnecessary. "RIP her dream off" and "something I never did" are implied by the prompt. Other than that, great job! Keep it up.

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Batool Hussain
04:26 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you for your feedback. Could you specify a little on what lines are unnecessary in which paragraphs?Thanks again :)

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Zilla Babbitt
14:53 Sep 01, 2020

No problem! Sentences 3 and the last part of 8.

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Rhondalise Mitza
13:31 Aug 31, 2020

Loved it! I like the overall theme that good conquers over evil even if it seems like it will win in the beginning. :) The names were gold too, in my *humble opinion*

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Batool Hussain
13:34 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you. This means so much

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Aqsa Malik
11:29 Sep 05, 2020

Hey Batool! Your first paragraph has really good comparisons to worthy famous people, which brings out the effect of the last line in it really well. It sets the enigmatic tone for the rest of the story. I also liked your repetition of "I wasn't myself anymore". Your use of employing as the last sentence of one paragraph and the first of another was interesting. There were some mistakes I noticed that I'll point out: -In the second para, you compare sweat to people just having a bath. I don't see the correlation. -As soon as you...

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Batool Hussain
11:39 Sep 05, 2020

Thank you. I appreciate your honest feedback: I would edit it, if I could.

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13:24 Sep 04, 2020

Congrats on 10,000 points!!

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Hey, Batool!! Congrats on 10k points exactly!! You go girl!

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Batool Hussain
14:59 Sep 04, 2020

Thanks

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Lulu Lemon
21:27 Sep 02, 2020

Fantastic story! I really liked it!

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Lulu Lemon
03:17 Sep 04, 2020

10000 Karma Points! WOW!

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Batool Hussain
10:58 Sep 04, 2020

Thank you. You're so sweet:)

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Lulu Lemon
15:32 Sep 04, 2020

Of course!! :)

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I.B. Dunn
18:39 Sep 01, 2020

A very interesting concept. I think you did well with the prompt. It's nice to see as you grow as a writer.

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16:18 Aug 31, 2020

Woah this story was really interesting! I loved the names you used! Well done!

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Batool Hussain
16:20 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you, Imaan!

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Princemark Okibe
14:40 Sep 05, 2020

I enjoy your stories, they usually pack the most emotional punch of any story in reedsy. Also the way you give life to villains is unsettling but enjoyable. I only have one question. In this paragraph [I have been sentenced to an years imprisonment.] What did you mean by 'an years imprisonment'. That is the only unclear place for me. Anyways keep up the good work and keep writing. PS: You can feel free to check out my latest stories in the lights out contest.

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Krishi Norris
13:48 Sep 04, 2020

Nice story! Do you mind checking out my latest one? Thanks!

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Anshika Goyal
18:38 Sep 03, 2020

Batool, I liked your dialogue mechanics and how you made your readers feel it. You really get the principle of 'show, don't tell', don't you? I like how you came up with the concept and how in one area you somewhat described millennial culture. The result was well constructed too. I hope we can know what happens to East. P.s- please check out my recent story "Gleba- a not so successful technology".

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Mara C
09:47 Sep 03, 2020

Enjoyed reading this so much! Well done ^.^

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Amogh Kasat
02:35 Sep 03, 2020

I read all of your stories. All are wonderful.

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Batool Hussain
17:58 Sep 04, 2020

Thank you. That means so much

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Amogh Kasat
02:14 Sep 05, 2020

My pleasure

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. .
02:36 Sep 02, 2020

Wow! I love the detail and depth

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Corey Melin
02:06 Sep 02, 2020

Very well done. Enjoyed it. If you do something wrong it will come back to haunt you. I would say to re-read your story since I saw some errors you would notice if you did so. At least for me since my imagination is in overdrive.

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R.L. Holland
00:07 Sep 01, 2020

Woo. What a story. I never like to start off with creative suggestions on the story. So I will tell you, it sounds great. Since you have got some time - maybe you should go back and reread it - kind of slowly, and read it outloud. There are some changes that could be made to make it a smoother read, especially in the transitioning. But keep on, keeping on! Hey, if you have time, would you give me some feedback on The Story of Cecil Greene?

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Batool Hussain
13:50 Sep 01, 2020

Thanks. And sure!

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Evelyn ⭐️
18:38 Aug 31, 2020

Is it weird that my birthday just happens to be November 9th? Anyway great story, loved it!

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Batool Hussain
18:53 Aug 31, 2020

Really? That's my birthday too! Yay I found my birthday-twin on Reedsy. That's exactly why I chose this date. Lol

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Evelyn ⭐️
19:00 Aug 31, 2020

Oh! That's so cool! It's the best birthday ever! Don't you agree?

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Batool Hussain
04:10 Sep 01, 2020

I do

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Tariq Saeed
18:17 Aug 31, 2020

Batool,u r also a good writer.please comments on my story.

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Charles Stucker
18:03 Aug 31, 2020

Since you have time to edit This is a lot of tell. Make it show. Breathe life into a set of scenes. Everything is a flashback, as it begins with the time she is in prison. Strange to choose world freedom day as the day the protagonist writes from prison, but it does make a discordant sort of sense. After all, the twin is freed from the specter of her evil sister. Aside from making this three our four (maybe five if you are ambitious) separate flashback scenes teh premise - fame for finding a new star is a stretch. Make it finding a new...

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