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Thriller Suspense Speculative



You don’t know where you are or how you got here, only that there’s a mangled body at your feet and a trophy the size of a bowling pin in your fist. You’re not sure which one tips you off that this is your handiwork: the splash of crimson stark against the gold of the trophy, or the fact that your gag reflex responds by adding more bodily fluids to the crime scene. Evidently, you’re fond of chili dogs.



Like your composure, the trophy slides out of your grasp. THUMP. Going fetal sounds like a pretty good idea, but glass shards litter the floor like stars in the sky and the swivel chair by the mahogany desk looks too comfy to resist. You drag yourself over, melt into it, and just… breathe.



A clock lurking somewhere in the dim room marches to the pace of your heartbeat; two rhythms merging into an ominous countdown. You’re not sure how much time passes—three minutes? Thirty?—before you muster the nerve to drink in your battered surroundings and come to terms with your literal red-handedness.



A glass table, shattered. Books spilling out of a shelf, pages splayed. The blinds drawn, slits only big enough for slivers of light to peek in. Was all this… you?



A Colgate-white smile flashes at you from a framed portrait on the desk; you can’t quite compare it to the bloody pulp that passes for the corpse’s face, but the suit is a clear match. You’re also dressed smartly, at least under the rips and tears and blood—do you work here too? The name of a corporation is engraved in the frame, but there is silence instead of bells ringing.



Why can’t you remember? 



You rub your face, as if that will soothe the weariness in your bones—only to transfer the blood to your cheeks like warpaint. You’re too stunned to find that disgusting. Maybe if you just… focus. Deep breaths. In, out, in, out. Yeah, that’s a bit better. Try to think about something other than the stench of blood and puke. It’ll come to you, just—



The door creaks open. Not actually, but in your head, a crisp memory floating to the surface and bursting into clarity. Her voice is as meek as her tiny frame: “Mister Blumenfeld, here’s your Latte macchia—” Her eyes inflate like a pair of pufferfish when she notices the body. Then her skinny figure folds in an impressive imitation of a lawn chair; she hits the floor right after her coffee cup does.



But… where’s the girl now? How long ago did that happen? Did she wake up and call the police already?



Your stomach sinks. You spring over to the blinds and peek outside; you expect a horde of police vehicles three floors down, maybe a man brandishing a megaphone, but you only find a fire escape and a city strolling leisurely through a lazy afternoon. A butterfly with sapphire-blue wings saunters past. It’s funny that you still know how the world works, and yet you know nothing about you.



A sound snaps your gaze to the door. A small, soft-faced girl enters, paper cup in hand. “Mister Blumenfeld, here’s your Latte macchia—” She joins the man on the floor, the same way the coffee joins the other fluids, mingling in a repugnant mosaic.



You stare in slack-jawed amazement as the dots connect themselves.



Okay, palms on the desk. Deep breaths. In, out, in, out. That’s… somewhat better.



You’re not sure what to call the opposite of a memory. A… vision? Premonition? Prophecy? You want this to be a dream, but even nightmares have limits.



Instinctively, you latch onto the only thing left that tethers you to reality: the bodies, one dead and one probably alive, sprawled across the floor. You’d better do something about them before Number Three waltzes in and spills their coffee. Or worse.



You find a key in Mister Blumenfeld’s pocket—which takes care of the door. Progress. As you scour the room for a hiding spot, your mind hungrily anticipates another glimpse of incoming events. Nothing. No future, no past. Only the hellhole that is the present.



Footsteps. Shit. You grab the trophy; only now do you reconcile with the words CEO of the Year etched into it, and the sinking feeling in your stomach intensifies.



Three knocks. “Adam?” Another woman, voice muffled. The handle turns, then reverts back. Thank god for the key. “Is now a good time?” Fucking hell, why didn’t you get a glimpse of the future this time around? “Adam, look, I promise this isn’t about… about us. It’s just, Stacy went to deliver your Latte macchiato and never came back. D’you know where she went?”



There’s something disarming about her voice; your shoulders relax, and the trophy flops to your side. You feel like you know the person behind that door—which is impossible because you have no recollection of the past, and yet—



Again. Another memory—no, another Glimpse—bubbling furiously to the surface.



You frown. Something’s… different.



In one scenario, the woman threatens to call the cops when the door never opens; she finally leaves when you convince her that Adam isn’t dead and his murderer isn’t in the room with him.



In another, you decide to unlock the door. Pristine eyes gaze up at you, and they are beautiful even as they fill with fear. She collapses at your feet. You figure dead bodies and blood have that effect on women.



But it’s the third scenario that you’re drawn to like a moth to a flame. You unlock the door, but instead of conveniently swooning, the woman opens her mouth to scream. Somehow you anticipate this and clamp a bloody hand over her. She bites down, hard, so you return the affection with the CEO trophy, but then she starts shrieking and making an even bigger fuss so you hold her down by the windpipe and watch the life drain from those beautiful, beautiful eyes...



NO,” you bellow when the Glimpse passes. “Please, no.”



“Adam, sweetie, you’re worrying me. Should I call the cops?”



Oh no no no no. Anything but that. You clear your throat and pray the door will muffle you. “Everything’s fine; just taking a call. I think Stacy went down to the… uh... HR department.”



A beat. “Oh. Okay, that makes sense; she did want to file a complaint about noise in the office. Thanks, Adam.”



Footsteps fading. Phew. Your fingers choke the trophy; hearing her mention Adam’s name makes your blood boil, and you have no idea why.



Three Glimpses, simultaneously, and you chose one like cheese from a platter. The very same moment in time, with different outcomes based on... what? Random chance? Conscious decision-making? Divine intervention? This is going to take some getting used to. The other two scenarios sit snugly in the back of your mind—two timelines forever out of reach, and knowing that makes the R-rated one somewhat less upsetting. 



Anyway, you catch something in the Glimpses where you let the pretty woman in—the door of a garbage chute, embedded in the hallway. You hope to god no one else is coming to see Adam as you drag him outside and stuff him headfirst into the rank depths. It’s probably where he belongs anyway.



Now for Stacy. You go back and lock the door again, just in case, but before you can turn around another Glimpse has you in its clutches:



An unseen force knocks you to the floor and turns your vision crimson. You crane your woozy head up to find a skinny figure looming over you, brandishing the trophy you left on the desk.



The Glimpse passes in a flash. You don’t hesitate; the trophy slams into the door the moment you duck, adrenaline blasting through your veins. You lunge for Stacy, one hand wrenching the weapon away and the other shoving her backwards...



...onto a puddle of blood and puke and coffee, which has about the same effect as an ice rink.



Crack goes her neck as it meets the mahogany desk. She twitches on the floor like a dying insect before all goes still. Only now, crouching before her, do you realize how young she is, and how young she always will be. 



Fuck.



Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK FUCK.



You console yourself with the realization that you can change the future like a fucking time traveler. You tell yourself that you only acted in self-defense, that it was either you or her. That you could never have foreseen this.



It doesn’t stop the tears from falling.



More footsteps. You jolt yourself lucid and hoist Stacy over a shoulder; she’s a child compared to Adam, so bringing her to the window and climbing out onto the fire escape is, well, child’s play.



Sunlight spears your eyes as you hurry down the steps, going as fast as humanly possible while carrying literal dead weight. You’re not sure where you’re going, or whether it matters; the secluded alleyway beneath your feet will have to do. You hope those dumpsters aren’t full.



A darkened window stops you dead. Staring back is a blood-streaked face, haggard and warped, eyes dancing with sparks of mania. And suddenly the pretty woman’s reaction is somewhat understandable.



Who are you? you wonder as you step out into the alley behind the building. Why do I feel things for you when we’ve never met outside of a Glimpse?



There’s no one here, thank god. Or so you think.



Her line of sight is perpendicular to yours, so there are only so many heartbeats before she registers the unorthodox spectacle on the fringes of her vision. She tilts her face up, allowing a finger of smoke to curl forth from her lips; even that gesture is elegant.



Your knees threaten to buckle under the weight of the next Glimpse.



It’s not a window into a single isolated moment like past episodes, but a lifetime’s worth flooding your brain like a tsunami:



Two limp bodies drowning in garbage.



The same bodies adorning front pages everywhere—accompanied by more questions than answers.



Her, obliterating box after tissue box as tears gouge ravines into her face.



You, wrapping her up in consoling arms, which she snuggles into like an abandoned puppy.



Her, shedding a different kind of tear as she discovers that a smile can still reach her eyes.



You, kneeling in front of her because you want to wake up to that smile every single day.



Her, holding up a smaller version of you to blow out a crown of candles.



You, counting the wrinkles on her face and deciding that none of them did any harm to her beauty.



And it’s only when destiny rightfully embeds itself in your soul that you realize the things you’d do to be with this woman. The tears you’d shed. The years you’d lose.



The competition you’d eliminate.



The next step is easy: head back before she sees you, and dispose of the body when she’s gone.



But you don’t. A part of you wants her to turn around and catch you in the act. A part of you wants her to smile and give you a hand with the corpse. A part of you wants her to accept you for who you are.



And maybe she will. No Glimpse is set in stone, after all. You’ll carve your own path, earn her love the only way you know how. You might be missing your memories but all you need are the ones you’ll be making with her.



Fuelled with newfound hope, you search the Glimpse for a name. 



When her eyes meet yours, you remember to smile. You wait for her to fall into your arms, to admit that she preferred you over Adam all along. Because that’s what all this is about, isn’t it?



But it’s not you she’s staring at. You frown. What’s so alluring about Stacy? She’s not exactly alive and kicking. Or available.



The cigarette tumbles to the pavement. “Jerry?



That’s… not how you expected it to come out. The fantasy melts with buttery efficiency as you watch about a hundred long-overdue realizations dawn on her like a blood-red sun. It might as well be Adam slung over your shoulder.



She bolts for a door. Another Glimpse pounces on you, as if it had been lying in wait for this moment:



Two women in uniform, pulling a suit-clad body out of a trash heap.



Your face plastered on front pages everywhere, and the look in your eyes is… lost.



The horror of this new future causes you to drop the body and make a beeline for the door. You pull her hair, wrap fingers around her beautiful neck, and you weep through it all like the last maudlin soul at a bar. Anything to shut her up. Anything to make the police sirens blaring in your head stop. Anything to make the bite of cold metal around your wrists go away.



It’s not until you’re getting herded down the alleyway into a waiting police car that you realize this isn’t part of the Glimpse. Was it someone from across the street that caught you scurrying down the fire escape, a dead girl flopping against your back?



The last thing you see before being spirited away is two bodies in an alleyway, equally inert.




🦋




“Get moving, Dreamer,” barks the guard shoving you back home. You don’t bother with names—they’re nothing but tasers and bad breath.



After the bars ring shut and silence returns like an old pal, you lie across the bunk and rest your eyes. A smile creeps across your face as you relive your favorite lifetime for the third time today.



The first few weeks were hell; having women on your record is like being dipped in blood and thrown into a shark tank. Or having a sign that says “Insert here!” held over your butthole every waking hour—though your Glimpses helped you wriggle out of most encounters. Who knew convicts stuck to a moral code?



Like a hermit crab with its shell, you learnt to retreat into your headspace, where there would always be sunshine and decent food and laughter echoing through a house. And soon life imprisonment became… life.



There are a million beautiful scenes you can step into, all just as dreamlike in their perfection as they are in their incorporeality. And yet you muse over them with fondness, as if they happened to you and not a version of you that has been erased from this plane of existence. You can always gaze into her eyes, twinkling like gemstones behind a white veil. You can always enter her for the first time again, the spice of her breath lingering on the tip of your tongue. You can always fall into her arms when you can’t take it anymore.



You decide to visit your favorite moment, where there is dew-kissed grass instead of a rock-solid mattress whittling away at your spine. A butterfly with sapphire wings hovers curiously overhead. Pine and lemongrass adorn the breeze, just like her hand adorns yours. You watch two small figures romp around in the distance, their giggles filling you with golden pride.



To this day you’re not sure whether the Glimpses are a curse or a blessing. Are they taunting you with missed potential, or are they letting you have a nice, long swig of it? Maybe both. Not that you‘re complaining.



After all, you get to spend the rest of your life with her.



October 10, 2020 03:36

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93 comments

Zilla Babbitt
21:46 Oct 24, 2020

Really great job. I wish you'd lean on the writing rather than profanity to make a sharp point-- if it's spread out enough, profanity can make a good punch. Don't overuse it :) That said, I love this, and I'm following you.

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:54 Oct 25, 2020

Thanks Zilla! I happen to swear like a sailor in real life so it just bleeds into my characters sometimes 😅 But that’s fair, I’ll keep it in mind. And woowww I get to be a part of your rogues gallery?? 😮 I’m very much flattered!

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Lina Oz
03:02 Oct 16, 2020

So sorry for the late feedback; super busy week. Have you ever read the theoretical book “Uses of Literature” by Rita Felski? She has a section in which she discusses "enchantment", and how we, as readers, have the ability to sink into the texts we read and be completely, wholly swept away by them. Her text always comes to mind when I read your pieces because I am so utterly enchanted upon reading them to the last word––I have to literally pull myself out of the worlds you create! Also, I love this perspective––and you do it exceptio...

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:30 Oct 16, 2020

No worries! I’m just glad I got fit into your schedule at all 😜 Omg thank you. My heart is racing reading this 😵 I am guilty of not reading enough books on creative writing theory (someone has already suggested I read Stephen King’s “On Writing”) but I might go check out that author. I’m thrilled I could “enchant” you 😙 I agree that this prompt is just asking to be done in second person. I was in fact stumped until I realized that. Thanks a million for the encouragement as always Lina!! 😙

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Lina Oz
03:36 Oct 16, 2020

Oooh, "On Writing" is excellent. Also recommend. Someone told me to read that one at least 4 times––because apparently, a reader takes something different away each time they read. I've only read it once a long time ago... so I guess I need to go back to it! Always happy to read your work. Thanks for reading mine as well :)

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Zilla Babbitt
21:46 Oct 24, 2020

I think I read it three times. Worth it, every time.

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Bianka Nova
13:27 Oct 12, 2020

This one really messes with your head. I know I've said it already, but your writing is so good, I'm starting to suspect you're some undercover pro-writer. 😁 Exceptional work on the prompt. The thriller element was great! The only thing I'm lacking is some explanation on who the hell was Adam? There was some workplace harassment mentioned, but then it got left behind. I must admit I didn't pay much attention to the title at first, but even so the two times you mention the saphire-winged butterfly do stand out! So, I really made the conne...

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Rayhan Hidayat
15:15 Oct 12, 2020

Ok prepare for a long reply First off, thank you—I’m not a pro but I hope to be one some day! Ah, maybe that wasn’t clear enough—I’ll edit it if you think I need to. Adam is basically just the guy seeing the protag’s love interest, who happens to be a CEO. So he kills him out of jealousy, plans to comfort the girl, etc. The mention of workplace harrassment isn’t important, just kinda there to show what happens in a Glimpse comes true And I LOVE YOU for noticing the butterfly. Yes that was completely intentional. Basically it’s a ref...

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Bianka Nova
16:18 Oct 12, 2020

Wasn't longer than mine 😜 As stories are getting approved, I'm not sure if you can still edit. But as far as my grasp of things go, I would include something more on the woman. It's clear that the murder was because of her, but not exactly why (here's where I thought that maybe her boss was harassing her and the boyfriend kills him to protect her or something...). Could also be my limited understanding, as I haven't seen anyone else wonder about that 🙃 OK, I promise to think about writing it. Maybe at some point in the future, because ...

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:06 Oct 13, 2020

Nvm my comment wasnt that long lol Thank god I can still edit. i changed some stuff to hopefully help with clarity regarding the adam/protag/girl love triangle LMAO noooo I’m far from a genius 😂 But that would be so cool anyway, because there are people on this site that write sequels to each other’s stories, and I always thought that would be fun

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Bianka Nova
11:10 Oct 13, 2020

You did great! A couple of subtle additions, but they did clarify everything! I'm not your editor, but as a fan I'm really happy with the final result. There will be no kidnapping or leg cutting any time soon for you 😜 (or ever, since I'm not exactly Annie Wilkes, and you don't really have to listen to everything I suggest) P.S. Since you're always curious to know more, there's actually a hint as to the real me in this comment. 😉

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Rayhan Hidayat
12:40 Oct 13, 2020

Ok so I have a fan now?? Bianka you’re making me blush 😚 Oh but I always love your feedback. You were the only person to point out the butterfly thing so you’re probably more observant a reader than most. Wait, whaaaat? Are you Stephen King in disguise? 😮

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Bianka Nova
10:53 Oct 13, 2020

Yes, that sounds cool. Mine would be like an alternative plotline. 😉 Not a bad idea - an extra challenge within a prompt. I'm off to read the edits.

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Bianka Nova
08:42 Nov 10, 2020

Well... I wrote it. 🙃 I've just uploaded and I'm telling you first. I'm not commenting on anything else, so I really hope it's "for your eyes only" for now, because I want to hear your opinion before deciding whether it stays there. I know I have your blessing, but a) I'm not sure it's a perfect fit for the prompt and b) It's not exactly the storyline I first had in mind. This happens a lot in my writing - I start with an idea or a premise, but at some point the story starts having a life of its own and takes me in a different directi...

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Rayhan Hidayat
09:08 Nov 10, 2020

Hot damn I’m heading there straight away

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Elle Clark
06:39 Oct 22, 2020

I just adore the premise of the story. The beginning, for me, I was a little confused but I guess that is reflecting the confusion of the protagonist. I don’t think it was ever completely clear what the relationship was that the main character in the love interest had prior to the murder and this is the only plot point that I think you needed to explore a bit more. I just love the ending though. The idea of being able to choose your own adventure for your entire life, even if it’s only in your head, is a really appealing one – especially...

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Rayhan Hidayat
07:41 Oct 22, 2020

Yeah that’s fair 😅 I think I went for style over substance for this one. My next story will make a lot more sense hopefully! Thanks for the awesome review as always 😙

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11:32 Oct 13, 2020

Ahh slight changes can completely alter the whole course. This is a brilliant story layered with meaning and symbolism. You paint such a ugly picture through out it left me feeling like I needed a shower after reading it. Well done. loved it

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Rayhan Hidayat
12:32 Oct 13, 2020

Yep, you got it! Thanks for the insightful and generous comment. Means a lot coming from you 😙

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A.Dot Ram
18:00 Oct 10, 2020

I got so into this at the point where the future splintered into multiple possibilities! Very intriguing. It explores memory and potential in a pretty deep way, littered with more great one-liners than I can recount. Nice.

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Rayhan Hidayat
02:43 Oct 11, 2020

Thanks! Oh yay, that part was certainly fun to play around with! And yeah, I did sort of try to tread the line between thriller and some deeper philosophical themese

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Lani Lane
17:14 Oct 10, 2020

Yesssss, I LOVE a good second person POV story. They're my favorite, and I wish there were more of them. And the thriller/suspense here? Hell yeah. I also really enjoyed the format throughout this story, especially the section that starts with "Two limp bodies drowning in garbage." Really poetic. Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK FUCK. Relatable. Awesome work. Also, your bio made me chuckle, so thanks for that. :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
02:47 Oct 11, 2020

Thanks yooouuu, so glad you liked the second person! Haha I hope it’s just the cussing that’s relatable and not what he does before that 😉 Jokes aside, I’m loving your new name—it’s catchy! And thanks, I’n thrilled whenever someone reads my bio 😙

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Lani Lane
02:50 Oct 11, 2020

Yes haha relatable in its essence 😂 And thank you!! Wanted to be a bit more anonymous lol. Glad it works!! :)

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Kristin Neubauer
15:02 Oct 10, 2020

This is amazing, Rayhan....like A.G. said, I couldn't even get my head around the prompt, much less consider forming a story. What you've done here is a masterpiece. You've captured the disorientation so well, but then skillfully managed to somehow turn it into an edge-of-your seat understandable story. Wow!

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Rayhan Hidayat
02:57 Oct 11, 2020

Oh you’re too kind 🥰 Thanks so much, this one was both tricky and extremely fun to write.

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16:38 Dec 05, 2020

Cheers for this story! Creepy, but well done.

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Rayhan Hidayat
16:44 Dec 05, 2020

Thanks Emmie! Creepy was what I was going for ;)

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16:47 Dec 05, 2020

Well, you got it! Good work Rayhan.

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Rayhan Hidayat
16:48 Dec 05, 2020

Thanks for going through multiple old stories, I don't get that very often haha

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16:50 Dec 05, 2020

Your stories are really interesting, with lots of weird and sometimes spooky things going on in them. It's worth the time to find them!

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Rayhan Hidayat
17:01 Dec 05, 2020

Aw thanks, you really didn’t have to! Most people would check out a user’s most recent story, so I’m glad some of my past ones are still getting a bit of attention

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Itay Frenkel
01:18 Nov 02, 2020

Using 'you' worked so well in this story! You have such an amazing gift for showing instead of telling the reader. That last line in the first paragraph, where the protagonist looks at their vomit and casually discovers they're fond of chili dogs is funny and does a good job of introducing the concept of the narrator's self-discovery. I also love how you incorporate little bits of humor amongst the drama, just by the way you describe everything. You engaged all the different senses and you had some amazing similes. I'm so glad to finally be ...

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Rayhan Hidayat
07:58 Nov 02, 2020

Thanks! This was a fun story to right so I’m glad you enjoyed it 😙

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Skyler Woods
10:55 Oct 16, 2020

Wow! Amazing! I loved how you called the gift (Glimpses). I think the story was well written and engaging! Excellent job with this prompt! 😘

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Rayhan Hidayat
10:57 Oct 16, 2020

Thanks so much! I had fun coming up with names for that 😙

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Adith MS
04:53 Oct 16, 2020

A gripping story. The use of words, the dilemma of the character, his hopelessness, his glimpses, everything you did with those was perfectly splendid. The turn of events were so good. Keep going❤️

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:10 Oct 16, 2020

Thanks so much for the encouraging comment, Adith :D

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Shreya S
13:24 Oct 13, 2020

Wowowowow. So your titles are still awesome even if they’re not puns. (I’m sure I would’ve noticed the butterfly and wing beat connection too but before I scrolled back up to read the title after reading the story, I read Bianka’s comment and now I can’t say that I saw it myself 😔) But I can still appreciate it! Ahh this prompt actually had me excited because it’s such a cool one, so when I saw that you wrote it I was already expecting something awesome and this didn’t disappoint! The future glimpses are described perfectly, like there we...

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Rayhan Hidayat
16:19 Oct 13, 2020

This one’s kinda a pun as well because Adam gets “beaten” before the story begins 😋 I almost never read conments before the story because I’m too afraid of spoilers! But I get that sometimes you wanna know people’s opinions before you dive in. And don't worry, I'm sure you would've noticed the butterfly too ;) Oh dear I might have to do an edit to improve clarity. I know, I’m sorry, that meme is ancient 😂 But since I only get to be 21 once, it was too perfect to pass up. Lmao Shreya I swear I reacted the same way when I found out your ...

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Shreya S
10:25 Oct 14, 2020

Ohhh! I get ittt. No seriously though. My mental image of you is this really old person- like at least above 30- who writes like for fun but like they turn out to be masterpieces. And the reason you’re 30 or above in my mind is because of your misleading ‘Asian Man’ in the previous bio (you’re not a man until you’re 30 and that is a fact.) and because I thought I’d have like 10 years before I reach your age to get as good as you 😭 this is totally not fair there’s no way you’re that young and such a good writer. Aaah.

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Rayhan Hidayat
11:24 Oct 14, 2020

Ok that’s interesting. I always thought 18 was when you were considered an adult (man/woman). Some countries even lower I believe. But sorry if I misled you 😜 I thought my heavy emoji usage was enough of an indicator that I’m not THAT old! Hey don’t be so hard on yourself! You’re a million times better than me when I was your age—no joke. Instead of comparing yourself to me I think I you should acknowledge that everyone has a unique writing style and that you should cultivate that. I will admit, I’m guilty of doing the same thing. Do you ...

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Writer Maniac
01:29 Oct 12, 2020

Woah!!! That was marvellous, well done!!! You have a beautiful style of writing, and I really enjoyed how the story progressed, I couldn't stop reading! Absolutely wonderful!!!

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:34 Oct 12, 2020

Oh thank you so much, I greatly appreciate the generous comment! 😙

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Unknown User
05:07 Oct 10, 2020

<removed by user>

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:11 Oct 10, 2020

I appreciate the prompt response! And yes, I thought the exact same thing at first, to the point where I started writing a different story, until I realized second person might be the best way to go about it. Thanks so much for the encouragement! 😙

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Yolanda Wu
04:53 Oct 10, 2020

I love how all the pieces come together. It's written in second person, so automatically, I feel the disorientation of the character. You really nailed the whole thriller and suspense aspect of it, I was definitely on the edge of my seat, just waiting for what is going to happen next, and what morbid detail is going to revealed. Your descriptions are witty and magnificent as always, and that ending gave me chills. Amazing story, Rayhan. :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:07 Oct 10, 2020

Omg you didn’t have to read both my stories but you did! Thanks so much. I don’t write thriller often (fellow fantasy writer!!) so I’m glad you liked it. And I feel like second person just works for this genre.

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Yolanda Wu
05:12 Oct 10, 2020

Of course I would read both your stories! I have nothing better to do anyway. Yeah, I definitely don't write thriller that much, but I definitely enjoyed reading your story. The second person was perfect! And the butterfly scene break - I loved it!

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:24 Oct 10, 2020

Oh you mean this pretty lil thing 🦋 It’s a reference to the Butterfly Effect! Basically it’s a chaos theory concept that that states small events in the past can have big consequences in the future. So I thought it’d be appropriate for this story (sorry for the science lecture, you did say you have nothing better to do lol)

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Yolanda Wu
05:32 Oct 10, 2020

Oh yess, I love that! The science lecture is appreciated, I've always been intrigued in the butterfly affect, and wonder how my life would be if I did one little thing different. I definitely should be doing other things, but instead I'm just trolling Reedsy.

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:41 Oct 10, 2020

Yes I have so many regrets you have no idea (may or may not involve the girl I was crushing on in high school) Reedsy is a drug, I don’t blame you 😂 I should be studying. I assume it’s daytime as well for you then? Most people seem to be asleep at this hour, so it’s nice to have someone around lol

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B. W.
19:06 Oct 22, 2020

I'll give this story also a 10/10 :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
19:08 Oct 22, 2020

Fine by me 😉

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B. W.
19:25 Oct 22, 2020

your amazing with your stories ^^

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B. W.
00:27 Oct 20, 2020

This get's a 10/10 from me :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
11:18 Oct 20, 2020

Looks like I’m on a 10/10 streak and I’m completely fine with that! 😙

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B. W.
15:21 Oct 20, 2020

Well ya deserve it :)

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15:38 Oct 15, 2020

I think it's pretty brilliant. Your use of words captures the feeling of hopelessness at the start and I couldn't help but read the lot. You are good with this, I tell you. I can not offer any real criticism as the contest has ended and you can't edit. But it's a great story regardless

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Rayhan Hidayat
15:46 Oct 15, 2020

Hey, thanks for the encouraging comment! Much appreciated. And I'm loving your new picture--a lot less intimidating than your previous one, for sure xD

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01:05 Oct 11, 2020

Wow...so many -killings but I liked the way you wrote this it was really good, it was only till I got to the middle that I realized which prompt you used and thats craaazzzyy! I didn't expect anyone to use that prompt but you used it and made it into a crazy-beautifully wrote story. I like how your not afraid to use anything in your story its just really amazing to me. This story was very creative and unique, its not everyday you see a man kill many people and not remember why..😂and also In SECOND PERSON!! But amazing job Rayhan!!! Your an...

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:12 Oct 11, 2020

Thanks as always! I try to challenge myself with the most difficult prompts each week, so I’m glad you thought it came through alright! And I know, this story was a little violent—tell me if you think it needs a warning

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01:17 Oct 11, 2020

Of course!! Yes yes it definitely needs a warning😂😂, that might just be me cause I'm not good with death or horror😭I get traumatized for awhile😂

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:25 Oct 11, 2020

Oh I’m so sorry! I added a warning, just in case

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20:13 Oct 15, 2020

*sigh* I am sooooooo sorryy!!!! In my head you are a girl, I swear on nothing I thought you were a girl. It wasn't until I went to Vayd's profile and looked at her bio and then I realized.. Whew this is embarrassing😅but yeah I'm sorry for wrong profiling you in my head. That was my bad. I'm sorry!

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:13 Oct 16, 2020

No no it’s fine, I’m guilty of assuming gender all the time 😅 We’re all online and it’s hard to tell anyway. Is it my profile pic that’s misleading? That girl is just a character from the novel I’m writing! 😝 Wait I thought Vayd was a guy?

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01:34 Oct 11, 2020

Oh its completely fine! And okayy!

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