663 comments

Funny Thriller

All you had wanted to do for Halloween was just stay home the entire night and watch a movie or fall asleep. You never even liked the holiday, you hated dressing up for it as well.

Some friends of yours would always tell you, "Come on Vayd it'll be fun!" Though it never seemed like it would be fun.

You were just planning on watching a comedy and eating some peanut butter at three in the morning, though a while before ten at night your mother came into your room. "You are going to babysit your cousin."

She didn't even explain further or which cousin you were supposed to babysit, she just got into her car and left you alone. "bye-bye kiddo!" she called out.

You had decided to watch "Aladdin" until the cousin would arrive at the house. It couldn't possibly be one of your older cousins though, why would you need to watch them? They'd be the one babysitting YOU.

There were then a few loud knocks at the door and you also managed to hear the door-bell bell go off a couple of times. It seemed like the cousin was there. "Just as I was getting to the best part," you mumbled.

Little cousins or siblings didn't always want to go trick-or-treating, you thought that maybe the kid would just want to watch a movie or sleep. That would make your job much easier, don't you think so?

There was still the mystery of which cousin you were going to babysit though, there were a lot of little cousins that you've met. Or maybe it was going to be a cousin you never met at a family reunion.

Maybe if the kid liked movies rather than doing anything with Halloween, you could both watch Aladdin together. "maybe I could tell them some of my jokes.." Oh, well I guess that's fine as well, maybe the kid will like them.

"Hey, let me in its cold out here!" A young male voice seemed to say on the other side of the door. Well, it seems like it was a boy. Though that didn't even help at the moment, you had a lot of cousins and really anyone in the family that were dudes. Barely any girls.

Finally, you decided to open up the door and let the child in, you didn't want them to freeze out there. The young cousin seemed to be around the age of nine, he seemed excited about something.

The young boy was wearing a Halloween costume that was...pasta? That was quite a strange choice for a Halloween costume (But he was a kid after all) so you didn't want to question it that much. The pasta was probably this kid's favorite food.

"Hi there...who are you?"

In your entire life, this kid had never to a family reunion or anything of the sorts. Someone would have at least mentioned something about him, right? Well, apparently not.

"My name is Rayhan."

The kid- Rayhan apparently, didn't seem to be focused on you, it seemed like he was staring off at something else. Though there was nothing in the area that he was staring at. Creepy.

"Why are kids always like this..?" This was always pretty weird and creepy, you had babysat a few other kids over the years who acted the same way. It didn't even help that it was Halloween while Rayhan was acting like this.

"Alright, Rayhan, why don't we go and watch a movie, and then we can-" the kid didn't seem to like that suggestion. He grabbed your hand as tightly as he could make it and stared at you, it looked like a death glare.

"We.Want.To.Go.Trick.Or.Treating." this small child seemed like he was going to snap or something, it also sounded like he was trying to sound as angry and mean as he could, all for going trick-or-treating? Though that wasn't what worried you the most about you're weird cousin.

"We? who else is here?" You asked a bit confused, though it probably wasn't much to worry about. Your other cousins that you've babysat (but thankfully weren't as strange) had mentioned a few times of an 'imaginary friend'.

So, you thought if it was possible that your little cousin had an imaginary friend. It wasn't a bad thing, you just kind of thought it was pretty weird how little kids will make this stuff up. You never had one before, you were happy about that.

"Come on, why don't you just listen to one of my jokes? I know a lot dad-" Rayhan was somehow able to forcefully drag you out of the house and outside. Damn, that was a strong nine-year-old.

"The heck is going on..??"

As the two of you got outside of the house, a loud slam was heard from behind. You had turned around just in time to see the door getting slammed close and then a figure near it.

It almost looked like a shadow and it seemed to be around the size and age of Rayhan. "So...um...what do you want to get while trick-or-treating." Maybe if you changed the subject and didn't mention it, nothing would happen.

"Pasta puttanesca."

"That's not even a...you know what? fine"

This kid was still pretty weird and there was also that strange shadow figure that you saw a few minutes ago, could he command that thing? You weren't entirely sure about anything tonight, though you didn't want to find out.

The two of you had soon reached the first house which wasn't that far away, there was a large bowl of candy on the front porch. "Alright, just take a piece, I know it isn't what you wanted but just take it."

Rayhan only seemed to stare at you and not even move, his eyes weren't even blinking either. Once again, you were able to see the strange shadow again, it was next to the candy bowl and it was staring at you as well.

A child's laugh escaped from its lips- or what was assumed to be its lips and mouth as it then throws the candy bowl on the side-walk. The bowl seemed to smash in over a million tiny pieces as each candy lay on the side-walk and some even on the road.

You take hold of Rayhan's hand and began to speed-walk towards the next house, this wasn't something you were going to deal with. (how WERE you even going to deal with it?) "what was that thing??"

"My friend!"

There was still some children laughter from the other house, though luckily it was coming from actual children who were taking the candy.

You had hoped that the strange thing that had happened wouldn't happen again and it was only a one-time thing. Or maybe you were just imagining this stuff? Though you were wrong about it stopping...

At the next house, the exact same thing happened and Rayhan acted the same way. At the other houses though, the shadow thing would just steal some of the candy and seem to eat it...somehow.

You knew some other stuff had happened as well but..it was too strange to describe and everyone reading this would start to question some stuff in their life.

Eventually, the two of you got back to the house and you could see a car pulling up. It must have been his parents, who else would even come for this weird kid and his shadow friend?

He hadn't even gotten any candy during the whole night, the shadow thing that you decided to call "Ray" (because Rayhan never told you it's actual name) kept throwing the candy away or eating it.

"Bye, this was a fun time!" Rayhan gave you a hug and then he ran into the car. You could have sworn that Ray followed him in there, that was probably the truth as well.

"bye...I'm never gonna do this again.."

I'm very sorry if this was just way worse than my regular ones, this is actually my first time writing a story in 2nd person. If you couldn't tell already, this was a story for Vayd Danish and Rayhan Hidayat :)

October 26, 2020 22:29

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663 comments

Dalyane Deblois
01:48 Oct 29, 2020

Again, great story! Your use of second person is actually pretty good! The shadow Ray is pretty intriguing!:)

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B. W.
02:09 Oct 29, 2020

thank you ^^

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Avery G.
18:58 Oct 28, 2020

Hey B! I really liked this story! I really liked the addition of Ray and Vayd in it. It was really creative! My favorite part was the pasta one. Great job!

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B. W.
19:01 Oct 28, 2020

thanks ^^ what did ya think of the shadow thing?

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Raquel Rodriguez
05:01 Oct 27, 2020

Nice, Blair! This is great, but maybe you should practice more in the second-person pov, so that you'll get better! Great job!

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B. W.
05:30 Oct 27, 2020

I dunno if i will or not, I might just stick with first and third. did you ever maybe have a favorite part or something?

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Raquel Rodriguez
06:36 Oct 27, 2020

Yeah, I liked the beginning.

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B. W.
06:40 Oct 27, 2020

thanks ^^ also, thank you again for doing that story for me and the others :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
11:30 Oct 27, 2020

You're welcome! I really liked doing it, so... idk. :)

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B. W.
16:58 Oct 27, 2020

:)

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Jubilee Forbess
02:51 Oct 27, 2020

Pasta puttanesca? A Series of Unfortunate Events reference???

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B. W.
02:52 Oct 27, 2020

Uh- i guess it kinda is? Vayd just asked if I could kinda put it in the story because Rayhan likes it and so I did.

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Jubilee Forbess
02:52 Oct 27, 2020

Ohh okay. Well, the story was neat! I love writing in second person too.

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B. W.
02:54 Oct 27, 2020

did ya maybe have a favorite part?

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Jubilee Forbess
03:36 Oct 27, 2020

Yeah, I liked the beginning paragraph.

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B. W.
03:43 Oct 27, 2020

ya did?

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01:30 Oct 27, 2020

Great story! It was your first time writing in 2nd person? Well, great job! I couldn't tell, it was really good. I liked the beginning a lot.

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B. W.
01:33 Oct 27, 2020

thanks ^^

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Coco Longstaff
01:31 Jan 03, 2021

Hi Hope! I loved this story.....At first I was like what is wrong with this kid? And then I realized there might be something or someone else and I was like ohh yeah ok. It was funny and scary! Great!

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B. W.
01:47 Jan 03, 2021

Hiya ^^ did ya have a favorite part or something?

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Coco Longstaff
02:58 Jan 03, 2021

Ive got to say, the pasta bit was funny. Like when the boy dressed up in a pasta and stuff?

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B. W.
03:21 Jan 03, 2021

Anything else?

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Coco Longstaff
04:03 Jan 03, 2021

Mmm nothing much. I loved the rest equally

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B. W.
04:43 Jan 03, 2021

Thanks ^^

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The Cold Ice
05:05 Nov 27, 2020

Nice

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B. W.
05:59 Nov 27, 2020

thanks

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The Cold Ice
06:00 Nov 27, 2020

Welcome

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B. W.
06:01 Nov 27, 2020

ya have a favorite part or anything like that?

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The Cold Ice
06:17 Nov 27, 2020

Ending

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B. W.
06:48 Nov 27, 2020

any advice or anything like that?

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Itay Frenkel
19:21 Nov 11, 2020

Hi B, how are you?

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B. W.
19:33 Nov 11, 2020

I guess im good, how about you?

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Itay Frenkel
20:55 Nov 11, 2020

I’m pretty happy right now, just found out my geography exam is cancelled this year and geo is my least favourite subject at school. What are your favourite and least favourite subjects?

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B. W.
21:13 Nov 11, 2020

Hm- i dunno, i at least know that my least favorite subject is math because a lot of reasons and my favorite subject or one of them would probably be language arts.

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Itay Frenkel
19:07 Nov 12, 2020

I really like language arts too, but the thing about Language art is that it really depends on what book you're reading in class. I used to like math when it was just numbers, but now it's letters and lines and I just can't figure out how it relates to real life.

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B. W.
19:32 Nov 12, 2020

I'm terrible at math as well :/

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Awesome story, B! Srry to keep you waiting... I've been taking a temporary break from Reedsy to catch up on school n stuff. Btw I upvoted you a whole bunch during the past few days, yuh mind returning the favor? :)

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B. W.
21:07 Nov 02, 2020

thanks im glad ya liked it ^^ sure ill try and upvote you soon as well, though could you maybe help me with something?

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I'd be happy to help!

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B. W.
21:11 Nov 05, 2020

thanks ^^

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Sia S
05:17 Nov 02, 2020

New

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B. W.
05:17 Nov 02, 2020

what?

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Sia S
05:42 Nov 02, 2020

New thread (assuming you still want to chat)

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B. W.
06:07 Nov 02, 2020

yeah, i do

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Sia S
06:24 Nov 02, 2020

Cool, so um do you need any help with your novel(s) ?

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B. W.
06:25 Nov 02, 2020

kinda

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15:25 Nov 01, 2020

This was a truly enjoyable story, B.. The character of Rayhan was very mysterious, and so was 'Ray'. Vayd in this story was a realistic character, and I mean that. For your first second-person story, I think you did a good job. -Brooke D.

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B. W.
17:23 Nov 01, 2020

Thanks, im glad you liked this one as well ^^ did you have a favorite part or character?

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19:53 Nov 01, 2020

No problem. My favorite part was when 'Ray' was stealing/eating the candy. And my favorite character was probably Vayd because he was a very realistic character.

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B. W.
19:54 Nov 01, 2020

do you think that this should just be a stand-alone story?

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19:55 Nov 01, 2020

Yes, for two reasons. 1.) You already have multiple series going on--having another would probably too much. 2.) Having it being a stand-alone story makes it more mysterious and intense, because your questions don't get answered.

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B. W.
20:02 Nov 01, 2020

oh, yeah i guess your right about that

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Amaya .
21:06 Oct 30, 2020

what happened, queen B? The "stuff" you talked about? I hope you're okay.

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B. W.
21:07 Oct 30, 2020

I dunno if i wanna fully talk about it, and that name is still kinda cute.

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Amaya .
21:07 Oct 30, 2020

that's okay if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. ikr, I love the nameee i hope it becomes a thing lol

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B. W.
21:08 Oct 30, 2020

Another friend knows about it i dunno if ya wanna go ask her or not

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Amaya .
21:11 Oct 30, 2020

knows what? ask her what?

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B. W.
21:12 Oct 30, 2020

she knows about the stuff, so if ya wanna ask her about it, you could possibly do that ^^ I suck at explaining anyway :/

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Amaya .
21:09 Oct 30, 2020

oh btw I have a new story out, if you want to read. I hope it makes you laugh, or at least smile, even though it's not that funny. If you read it, comment your favorite witch :)

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B. W.
21:12 Oct 30, 2020

ill check it out

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13:11 Oct 30, 2020

Congrats on your first novella!!! Go BW!!

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B. W.
15:36 Oct 30, 2020

aw thank you :)

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Kaitlyn James
02:46 Oct 30, 2020

Congrats on fourth place! I literally got you there by upvoting you 400+ points!! I wanted you to get fourth so bad. Soooooooo I upvoted you... a lot. Anyway, Congratulations! So glad you got it!

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B. W.
03:06 Oct 30, 2020

aw thanks ^^ ill try and upvote ya as well.

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Kaitlyn James
03:08 Oct 30, 2020

Thanks so much B! ( Can I call you that? In your bio it says that your friends call you that, and I'd say we're pretty good friends. Up to you though.)

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B. W.
03:10 Oct 30, 2020

no problem ^^ and sure, ya can

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Kaitlyn James
03:12 Oct 30, 2020

Thanks

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B. W.
03:12 Oct 30, 2020

no prob ^^

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Laiba M
00:52 Oct 27, 2020

Nice story~ The concept of a moving shadow is fairly cliche in horror, so I would like to see more creativity there :) Your grammar has improved a ton ever since you started using Grammarly, good job with that. One thing I'd like you to note is that the story seems very monotonous. It's not the most fun to read, since almost the whole story is about the shadow. Describe the shadow. Describe how Vayd felt seeing the shadow-that's important. More descriptions. More feeling. Add more creepiness into Rayhan's character. Overall, just add more...

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B. W.
01:06 Oct 27, 2020

No, its really fine, i know this one sucks and is the worst out of all my stories. I wanted to make it a second person/POV story and I did, though I have no idea how to be describing all of this in the way, and I can't just go and change up everything to make it a different one. If I try to describe one of them, wouldn't be too much? So say he's a bit scared of the shadow and i'd do "You felt extremely scared of this shadow, it almost reminded seemed to remind you of something but you didn't know what." and probably some other stuff, though ...

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Laiba M
01:34 Oct 27, 2020

No! It's not that bad! It's the first time I've given you a harder critique, I've started to enjoy giving hard critique for some reason? It makes me feel bad to just say it's great, this is what I liked, and move on. Most people are here on Reedsy for feedback on writing, so I'll give a few tips. Don't worry, yours wasn't that bad! Considering it was your first second-person story, you did fine!!

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B. W.
01:40 Oct 27, 2020

are you sure about that? like, its really fine if you don't like this or any of the others, I'm still pretty surprised when really anyone likes these stories of mine. Ive had a feeling that this would be the worst out of all my stories and I feel bad that it is because I made this story for a few friends and I'm not even sure how they'd react to seeing this story. You never started anything with this so you don't need to worry about anything, its just what I've already been feeling for a while now. I usually rate my own stories like a 1 or a...

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Laiba M
02:29 Oct 27, 2020

No, it's fine! I really am sure! It's really good, lol~ I just thought you could add a bit more, that's all!

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B. W.
02:34 Oct 27, 2020

I don't know what 'more' i could even add and all that because doing it in second person is a bit hard and I probably wont ever make another story like this.

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B. W.
19:52 Nov 01, 2020

what do ya think will happen in the next part of it?

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:09 Oct 30, 2020

I'm gonna start planning for the new prompts, and I've been inspired by a published book :)

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B. W.
19:13 Oct 30, 2020

you are? whats the book gonna be about? ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:42 Oct 30, 2020

Oh, I don't wanna reveal it now, sorry, but I'll tell you when I finish.

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B. W.
19:52 Oct 30, 2020

well, how long will it take then?

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:53 Oct 30, 2020

Idk, I have school so I can't write as often anymore

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B. W.
19:56 Oct 30, 2020

well, whenever you can, i know itll be great ^^

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