251 comments

Suspense Thriller

Second part of My mistake. Feedback please!


"No." I whisper. "No, no, no, no."

I didn't mean to. I swear, I didn't. It was an accident. Can killing someone be an accident?

I drop to the ground next to his body, but I’m too afraid to touch him.

He lays facedown on the ground, the blood-soaked glass still in his stomach. He's dead, I already know that. The blood is bright against his green shirt.

My stomach churns, and I back away, suddenly not wanting to be anywhere near him.

Then I hear a voice from outside.

“Ryan? Are you in here?” Someone calls.

It’s Brandon.

I stagger to my feet, but slip, hitting the ground hard. I nearly throw up when I see the puddle of blood I’m sitting in. I push myself up, and run towards one of the dark hallways. I slip into the shadows as the door creaks open. 

I hear a scream, then feet pounding on the floor. 

“No!”

I bite my lip to keep from crying, and run down the hallway, and into one of the rooms. A rough, loud voice in my head screams one word over and over.

MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER.

I clutch my head, but jerk my fingers away quickly, my eyes widening. They’re wet and sticky, and I already know it’s blood. Ryan’s blood. I close my eyes, and take a deep breath. 

This voice is right. I just killed my best friend. Because he didn’t love me. 

MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER.

What is wrong with me?

The room I’m in has big windows with long curtains. It’s empty otherwise. 

MURDERER. YOU KILLED HIM. FOR NO REASON. 

I did. I’m so, so stupid. 

NOW ALL YOU’LL EVER BE IS A MURDERER. 

“Shut up.” I snap.

I have to leave. I’ll get caught. Brandon will know it’s me. 

NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU. YOU SHOULD JUST-

“I said, shut up!” I yell. 

Great. Now I’m talking to a voice in my head. I’m really going crazy. 

What do I do? I don’t want to go to jail. But hiding will just make it worse. Right?

I hear footsteps coming down the hallway.

“Who’s there?” Brandon demands, choking on tears. “Who killed him?” 

I hold my breath, backing farther into the room. 

“Blake? Is it you?” He shouts. He sounds close. “If it was, I swear I’ll kill you.”

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?

“Where are you? I heard you. You can’t hide forever.” He yells.

I freeze as he walks into the room. So does he. His face, which is wet from tears, hardens, and he snarls at me.

I’m not going to go to jail. Not without a fight.

I watch him as he walks closer. I put my hands up to show I’m unarmed, and he lunges at me. I move to the side, and he tumbles to the ground. I nearly laugh at how easy that was, but decide that since I’m still in danger, to wait until I’m safe.

I run out the door, and down the hallway. I can hear him coming after me.

I turn the corner. There are three different hallways. The one in the middle has a set of stairs. I take the stairs.

I run up them, ignoring the pain in my legs. This is a ridiculously long set of stairs. When I finally reach the next flight, I turn to see if Brandon is behind me. 

He is.

I look around the story I’m on. There are lots of long ropes, like the ones they had in the gym at school. They all lead to the ceiling, where there’s another landing. 

I can hear him coming closer. Making a split second decision, I grab onto one of the ropes, and start climbing. Let's hope P.E was good for something.

When I’m about halfway up, the rope starts to wobble. I look down, and see Brandon shaking it hard.

Joke's on him. This happened all the time in school. 

I keep climbing. When I look down again, I see he’s climbing up a different one.  

I reach the top, and pull myself up. My whole body aches, but I manage to stand, and look around. The ground is dusty, and there are tools lying around. In the center, there is a tall metal box. There might be something I can use to stop him from...whatever he’s going to do. 

MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER.

I wince. I thought that was gone.  

I pry open the box, and freeze. There are a bunch of different weapons sitting inside of it. Why are these here?

WHAT’RE YOU GOING TO DO? KILL HIM TOO?

No. Of course not. I can’t.

But that is a good question. I’m not sure what I’ll do. Even if I get away, he’ll just tell the police. 

I step away from the box, worried about what I’ll do if I have one of the weapons in there. My head snaps up when I hear him. He got up here faster than I did. 

“Stop running.” He yells, walking towards me. “It’s pointless.”

I back away, but hit the box. I glance inside. A short dagger sits on the top of the pile. I pick it up, but just if I have to use self-defense. Only self defense.

“Why don’t you like me?” I ask him. Yeah, I’m stalling. I still don’t know what else to do.

He snorts. “Other than the fact that you just killed my fiance?”

“Yes?”

“Well, it’s because you loved him.”

I blink. “Seriously? That’s it?”

“I thought that he’d leave me for you.” He mutters, looking away. “But no need to worry about that now, is there?”

That makes me laugh. “You shouldn’t have been worried about that.”

“Oh, really?” 

“He...told me he didn’t love me. Just you.”

I spit the last word, understanding the jealousy he must feel. 

He frowns. “And how would you know?”

I might as well tell him what happened. He can’t hate me any more than he already does.

“Well, about five minutes before you came, I kissed him.”

He freezes. “I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to. But Ryan did want you to know that he kissed me back.” I say with a smile.

He’s silent. Then he laughs. It sounds very forced. “Why would he? You just said he didn't like you.”

“Okay. Don’t believe me. I don’t care.” I shrug. “But how would I know that he tasted like strawberries?”

A second later, something flies at my head. I duck, then turn to see what it was. 

“A hammer? Really-”

I get tackled, and nearly impale myself with the dagger on the way down. I kick at Brandon, but he’s stronger than me, and pushes his knee into my back.

I smile. “So you do believe me?”

“Shut up!” He growls. “Just shut up!”

I’m scared out of my mind, but I try not to show it. “Are you going to kill me?”

“No. I won’t sink to your lousy level.” He mutters.

“Great.” I mutter. 

YOU SHOULD JUST KILL HIM. HE KNOWS TOO MUCH ALREADY.

Should I? I don’t know what to do.

“You know, Ryan never would’ve loved you.” He says with a laugh.

I frown. What is he doing? Doesn’t he think I know that already?

“You say he kissed you back? It was probably out of pity.”

Is he trying to make me mad? Seriously?

“He never even cared about you.”

If he is, it’s working. 

Somehow, I end up over him, the dagger at his throat. He’s pale, and looks terrified. He tries to push my wrist away, but somehow, I’m stronger.

YES. KILL HIM. HE DESERVES IT.

“Are you going to kill me?” He asks when I do nothing, a smug look on his face. 

I stay silent. Am I? Could I?

“You wonder why he didn’t love you?” He asks me. “Because he knew that you’re nothing but a-”

I press the blade to his throat, and he stops talking. 

DO IT! NOW!

“You want to know something?” I whisper. 

He doesn’t answer. He’s scared again.

“The last thing Ryan said was that he loved me.” I say. Not a total lie. I just didn’t give him time to finish.

He tries to kick me, but I push the dagger on his skin. “Why would I believe you?”

KILL HIM. NOBODY WOULD EVER KNOW IT WAS YOU.

“You don’t have to.”

“You won’t kill me.” Brandon says. He’s awfully confident. “You wouldn’t.”

“Shut up.” I snap.

He laughs. I decide I hate his laugh. “You’re too afraid-”

I shove the knife through his throat. His eyes widen, and his hand goes to his neck. Blood pours out of him, and I step away.

“No. No, no, no!” I cry. 

What is wrong with me? I didn't want this!

I drop to my knees beside Brandons dying body, a laugh escaping. I’m safe, aren’t I? I laugh, tears falling down my face. This is so messed up. Why is this happening? 

TOO LATE TO CHANGE IT NOW. YOU BETTER GET OUT OF THERE.

I stand up, and walk away from him. If I keep listening to this stupid voice, this won’t be the last person I kill.

MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER. MURDERER.





November 30, 2020 22:05

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

251 comments

Sapphire 🌼
20:34 Dec 15, 2020

Woah. I'm so glad I came over here to read this. You have a way with words, the descriptiveness of the blood soaking his shirt, the chase, and wait what- RYAN WAS BRANDON'S FIANCEE? Woah. Wow. I'm speechless. I absolutely loved reading this. I know this is a part two, I I will totally check out part one, but this is...spectacular. Loved it!

Reply

Ari Berri
22:23 Dec 15, 2020

Thank you! I'm glad you like it. This one is one of my favorites.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Hey,havent talked to u in a while, loved the story, want to talk. :DD XD

Reply

Ari Berri
15:30 Dec 09, 2020

Here's a question, who would win in a fight, Percy Jackson, or Harry Potter?

Reply

Ari Berri
17:57 Dec 09, 2020

I feel like Percy would. He can actually fight, and the one spell Harry ever does might not work on Riptide.

Reply

😆 Lol,ur so right... Harry:expelliamus! Percy: umm dude I’m on Riptide.... Harry: oh. *crash* Harry needs to learn another spell.

Reply

Ari Berri
18:16 Dec 09, 2020

Right? Even if it did work, Riptide would just go back to Percy's pocket.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Ari Berri
18:28 Dec 09, 2020

Katniss or Percy?

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Raquel Rodriguez
16:03 Dec 14, 2020

Hi! I was looking through your bio, and we have a lot of things in common! I'm a Capricorn too! And Conan Gray is def one of my favorite singers. Mxmtoon is really good too. Also, if you like Conan Gray, try Melanie Martinez (if you don't already listen to her) I love all of her songs so much, and I think she's a really good singer. Oh, btw, I upvoted some of your comments since I saw some were at 0! :)

Reply

Ari Berri
16:19 Dec 14, 2020

I have listened to a lot of Melanie Martinez, but thank you for suggesting! Thanks for the upvotes!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:22 Dec 14, 2020

Oh, alright! Did you like her music? No problem, I hate those downvoters too.

Reply

Ari Berri
16:35 Dec 14, 2020

Yeah, my favorite song of hers is Mad Hatter. Unrelated question, what books do you like?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:43 Dec 14, 2020

Ooh, nice! Mine is 'Test Me' Uhm... I like School for Good and Evil Hunger Games The Lunar Series The Series of Unfortunate Events The Gone Series and more that I can't think of right now :P

Reply

Ari Berri
16:52 Dec 14, 2020

I haven't heard that one, I'll have to check it out. I like Hunger Games and Series of Unfortunate Events, too.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Ari Berri
17:13 Dec 16, 2020

Hi!

Reply

Ari Berri
17:15 Dec 16, 2020

What happened?

Reply

I dunno, excited to get ma new story outttt

Reply

Ari Berri
17:17 Dec 16, 2020

Same, I'm working on one. I just got an idea for the third part of My Bad, so I'm working on it.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Ariadne .
17:30 Dec 07, 2020

Just as great as the first, maybe even better. I hope there's a third part -- I'd love to see how Ryan deals with everything after. I feel cruel, but Ryan's thoughts are making me laugh. :)

Reply

Ari Berri
17:32 Dec 07, 2020

Do you mean Blake? I'm glad you liked it. I'll probably do the third part next week, I don't think the prompts now will work for what I'm wanting to write. Glad you liked it!

Reply

Ariadne .
17:39 Dec 07, 2020

Oh, gosh, I don't know what I was thinking! I mixed up the names. Ugh, yes, I meant Blake. Sorry!

Reply

Ari Berri
17:39 Dec 07, 2020

No problem.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ari Berri
23:02 Dec 16, 2020

The third part is done!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
F. A.
11:26 Dec 07, 2020

A story full of thrillers and suspense. Very well written! One second the character's heart beats, and the other second, it doesn't.

Reply

Ari Berri
15:43 Dec 07, 2020

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

Reply

F. A.
16:18 Dec 07, 2020

Would you mind reading my story, "Broken Heart"?

Reply

Show 0 replies
F. A.
16:20 Dec 07, 2020

It would be awesome if you gave me feedback!

Reply

Ari Berri
16:24 Dec 07, 2020

Of course!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Liana S
06:28 Dec 07, 2020

Just like the first this story was absolutely amazing, even better. Though Ryan killed two people I still love him. Reading his inner thoughts made me giggle. Love this story. Awesome work!

Reply

Ari Berri
15:41 Dec 07, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Elliot Thomas
23:40 Dec 05, 2020

I sincerely hope there will be a third part because I love this. So interesting. Moyder is my favourite pastime. Unrelated, but I love your taste in music. Couldn't help but notice my boi Cavetown over there :) Do you take music recommendations??

Reply

Ari Berri
01:24 Dec 06, 2020

I'm glad you liked it! I'll try to do a third part. And I do take recommendations.

Reply

Elliot Thomas
19:27 Dec 06, 2020

Mxmtoon sounds right up your alley. I'm sure you've heard Prom Dress by her, but she has so many other good songs. She also has a podcast. You might be into some of Twenty One Pilots old stuff. The fandom can be a little judgey sometimes, though. I recommend The Happy Fits to everyone because it's the only band I know that's fronted by a cello wielding maniac. They are three really chill dudes with amazing musical talent. Those are just my top three right now, not including Cavetown. If you want specific songs or anything else, just hit...

Reply

Ari Berri
19:29 Dec 06, 2020

I'll listen to Mxmtoon. I do like twenty one pilots, though I've only heard a few of their songs. I haven't heard Happy Fits, but I'll check it out. Thanks!

Reply

Elliot Thomas
20:20 Dec 06, 2020

No problem :)

Reply

Ari Berri
23:02 Dec 16, 2020

The third part is done!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ari Berri
19:31 Jan 11, 2021

I'm responding to this pretty late, but I listened to the artists you recommenced. I like She wants me (to be loved) and Heart of a Dancer from Happy fits, and Unspoken words from Mxmtoon. Thanks again for the recommendations!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Night Fall
17:56 Dec 05, 2020

Plot very intriguing Story too short! There better be a part three!!!

Reply

Ari Berri
22:18 Dec 05, 2020

I'll try! Glad you liked it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ari Berri
23:02 Dec 16, 2020

The third part is done!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Nainika Gupta
14:33 Dec 01, 2020

Hello!! This was a great second part!! It was beautifully written, just one thing I noticed - it's not too nit-picky, but you spelled 'murderer' as 'MURDEDER' - and it's not too big a deal bc I'm sure you just copied and pasted the word multiple times :) just wanted to let you know!! Also, I love how the voice in his head was his 'excuse' for killing! Darkly beautiful (my cup o'teal!!)

Reply

Ari Berri
14:49 Dec 01, 2020

Thank you! I didn't see that. I'm glad you like it!

Reply

Nainika Gupta
14:59 Dec 01, 2020

Of course!!

Reply

Nainika Gupta
16:44 Dec 15, 2020

Hi!! TEDDY LUPIN FROM HARRY POTTER - REMUS AND TONK'S SON!!!

Reply

Ari Berri
17:41 Dec 15, 2020

You got it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Wirda Bibi
11:59 Dec 21, 2020

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

Ari Berri
16:15 Dec 21, 2020

XD

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Minty -
14:47 Dec 11, 2020

Wow, just wow. Amazing this, like for real. He only needs to kill one more, and then he is a serial killer. But I loved this. :)

Reply

Ari Berri
15:01 Dec 11, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Minty -
16:12 Dec 11, 2020

No problem, if I was you I would make a book. and if you do it let me know!! <3

Reply

Ari Berri
16:14 Dec 11, 2020

Okay. Thanks again!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ari Berri
23:03 Dec 16, 2020

The third part is done!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Radhika Diksha
14:32 Dec 11, 2020

We want a sequel! we want a sequel! Thrilling and full of suspense. I want the story to continue. I have seen you have liked some of my stories, I would love your feedback on some of them. Keep writing.

Reply

Ari Berri
15:01 Dec 11, 2020

I'll try this week. I'm glad you liked it! And I'll check them out.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ari Berri
23:03 Dec 16, 2020

The third part is done!

Reply

Radhika Diksha
02:01 Dec 17, 2020

sure i will read it soon.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Radhika Diksha
02:01 Dec 17, 2020

sure i will read it soon.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Radhika Diksha
02:01 Dec 17, 2020

sure i will read it soon.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 7 replies
Show 2 replies
Night Fall
21:01 Dec 10, 2020

Your name is from Harry Potter right? One of Ron’s brothers?

Reply

Ari Berri
21:04 Dec 10, 2020

You got it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Cassandra Durnin
18:37 Dec 10, 2020

Very well written and eloquent, which I can dig. Also, is your name from the Maze Runner, by chance? If so, you’re my favorite character! If not, I highly suggest the ‘Maze Runner’ series by James Dashner.

Reply

Ari Berri
18:39 Dec 10, 2020

Thank you! Yes, I am. Minho is my favorite too. What other books do you like?

Reply

Cassandra Durnin
20:15 Dec 10, 2020

It’s not too well known, but I am absolutely in love with Melissa Albert’s ‘The Hazel Wood’. It’s deliciously dark and so well-written, and that’s right up my alley. What about you?

Reply

Ari Berri
20:26 Dec 10, 2020

I've never heard of it. I'll check it out. My favorite books are They both die at the end, and Felix ever after. I also like Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Divergent, Hunger games, and Unwind.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
19:07 Dec 08, 2020

WOW! This is amazing!

Reply

Ari Berri
22:00 Dec 08, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Lilliane Wei
19:17 Dec 07, 2020

Wow, this was extremely intriguing! Really good job, I can't believe he killed Brandon. I'm beginning to think that I'm just always surprised when someone dies...

Reply

Ari Berri
19:26 Dec 07, 2020

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

Reply

Lilliane Wei
19:27 Dec 07, 2020

Haha, it was great.

Reply

Ari Berri
19:32 Dec 07, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lucas Zhou
22:19 Dec 06, 2020

how many people is he going to kill? amazing story btw would love to see if there will be a third part!

Reply

Ari Berri
15:38 Dec 07, 2020

Thank you! I'll probably do a third part, but probably next week. Glad you liked it!

Reply

Lucas Zhou
22:06 Dec 07, 2020

:)

Reply

Ari Berri
23:03 Dec 16, 2020

The third part is done!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Night Fall
05:02 Dec 06, 2020

Hurry with the third story I'm kinda dying here man!

Reply

Ari Berri
16:05 Dec 08, 2020

I don't know if I'll do it this week, I don't really like the prompts. Probably next week, though.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Night Fall
17:56 Dec 05, 2020

Also I love SUE

Reply

Ari Berri
22:18 Dec 05, 2020

Who are your favorite characters?

Reply

Night Fall
02:37 Dec 06, 2020

I like the Quagmires

Reply

Ari Berri
20:28 Dec 10, 2020

Same. Even though he's the villain, Count Olaf's cool, too.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ari Berri
23:03 Dec 16, 2020

The third part is done!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in the Reedsy Book Editor. 100% free.