Trigger warning: Description of suicide, not super graphic, but just something to be warned about.
By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire. All around me, my temple had gone up in flames.
However, we are not up to that part yet.
Let us start, as all lives start – with my birth.
My Mother, Lady Yin, was pregnant with me for three years and six months.
The night before I was born, she had a dream. There was a Taoist, he placed something in her bosom and told her it was a child she should take.
My Mother, probably half sick of this pregnant for three and half years nonsense just wanted me out as fast as possible. I’m sure that she was already cursing me because my two older brothers hadn’t been half as much trouble.
My oldest brother, Jinzha, is the disciple of Wenshu Guangfa Tianzun, and my second oldest brother, Muzha, is the disciple of Guanyin. So, I guess it makes sense for me to have been accepted as a student of Taiyi Zhenren – a Taoist visited my Mother after all.
Anyway, when my Mother finally went into labour and gave birth to me at Chentang Pass, she was not met with a screaming, crying child, but a giant ball of flesh shining with golden light.
A servant rushed to tell my Father, Li Jing.
And my Father, ever the stern and unforgiving general, seized his sword and charged into Lady Yin’s room. She had been pregnant for three and a half years, and instead of giving birth to a baby, she gave birth to a ball of flesh. All of that information, in my Father’s eyes, pointed towards a monster that must be killed.
My Mother tried to stop him, because she was my Mother who always told me that she would have loved me no matter what I turned out to be. But my Father, being the man of the house, was not going to listen to my Mother on this one.
He raised the sword, and with one fell strike, split the ball of flesh open.
From within, out I hopped – white and chubby – already the size of a child of three years. On my right arm was a golden ring – 乾坤圈, qian’kun’quan – the Universe Ring. And across my body was a sash made of red silk – 混天绫, hun’tian’ling – the Silk of Chaos. They were priceless objects of immeasurable power.
But I was a toddler, what did I know about them? I just looked to my left, and then to my right. With a swift motion, I leapt into my Mother’s arms, crying, “Mama!” My Mother held me, so warm and tight as a parent should.
Tears slid down her cheeks. “My sweet boy,” she said. “I love you so much.”
I became the student of Taiyi Zhenren, and he gave me the name, Nezha.
At the dawn of my seventh year, Chentang Pass sank into a drought. The people were starving, crops drying up. It was bad business all around. So the people prayed to the East Sea Dragon King, Ao Guang, for rain. They sacrificed their hard-earned food, hoping that the rain that Ao Guang could bring them would result in plenty more in return.
The dragon king, however, being greedy and selfish, rejected the food, and instead wanted a girl and a boy as sacrifice. So he sent out his trusty servant, Ye Cha, to capture them for him.
On that particular day, I happened to be playing in the sea with some other kids. The sun was sweltering. However, the waters washed away the sweat that gathered on our skin, and cooled us. I twirled my silk of chaos, making the waves bigger.
The children all laughed and squealed as the waves pushed them onto the shore. The sand stuck to their wet skin. They just leapt in once more, yelling, “Again, again!” I obliged, having the most fun I had had in years.
However, Ye Cha, of course, wanted to come and spoil all the fun. If he thought children were easy targets, he was wrong. At least he hadn’t met this particular child.
His skin was grey, hair white. His face seemed to be set into a permanent scowl, with brows so tightly knitted that they were almost touching. His jaw jutted out so far, and his back was so hunched that he just looked like a doddery old man.
He charged at one of the girls with his metal stick tipped with two prongs. The girl screamed, fighting the waves to the shore, as though that would stop her from being taken.
“You will not take her!” I yelled, leaping from the water.
Ye Cha turned to me. “I guess you will do fine as well,” he said, waving the prongs at me.
“How about you fight me?” I challenged. “If I lose, you can take me. But if I win, you will leave us alone. Deal?” The children all blinked at me owlishly, hiding behind one another.
Ye Cha just sneered, lunging. I dodged his first strike with ease, flipping through the air. My red silk caught onto the wind and I lashed it out like a whip. It tangled around Ye Cha’s neck. I pulled, he fell back onto the sand, kicking and thrashing at the air. His eyes were wide now, clawing at his neck where the silk only grew tighter.
“I win,” I said, loosening the silk. “You must leave now.”
He growled and raised his two-pronged weapon, thrusting it at my chest. I reached forward, snatching it from him rather easily, shoving it straight into his shoulder. I tore it out, throwing the bloody weapon onto the sand.
Ye Cha whimpered and crawled back into the ocean.
“Well,” I said to the kids. “You want to keep playing?” You should have seen how fast they ran away, clutching onto each other, tripping over their own feet to get out of there.
I didn’t understand why.
I shrugged, picking up Ye Cha’s weapon and wading back into the ocean. I just stood there, letting the waves push against me. The chaos silk hung from my neck and the universe ring circled my arm. Ye Cha’s weapon was in my hand.
And that was the first time I wondered who I was.
My Mother always told me I was special. Taiyi Zhenren liked to be cryptic, as all Taoists were. I was seven, what did I know about… anything to be honest. I just knew that I had to stop Ye Cha from taking that little girl. I saved her life, and she had fled from me as though I was the monster.
However, I didn’t have much time to ponder such deep questions when the waves began to stir. I backed away. Out from the water shot a dragon. A lo and behold, the third son of the East Sea Dragon King, Ao Bing.
He was ferocious, snapping his sharp teeth at me. “A child dares to cause chaos in my Father’s kingdom. You will pay.”
He lashed his tail at me.
Once again, no fear crossed my mind. I wasn’t afraid of some prince of the dragon king – it was his third son as well – he couldn’t even bother sending the eldest. Not that I’m discrediting myself as the third son; I doubt that Jinzha could have pulled off what I did.
I jumped into the air.
I was a child after all; fast and agile compared to a great dragon. To be fair, at the time, I did not know that he was the son of the dragon king.
I just threw my chaos silk into the sky, and thousands of balls of fire shone onto Ao Bing.
Lunging forwards with the universe ring, I struck him.
And with that one strike… I killed him.
He fell still, sinking back into the waves. Before he disappeared though, I snatched one of his tendons. I don’t know why, I just wanted to.
Obviously, Ao Guang was not very happy about his son’s death. He went charging to Chentang Pass, yelling at my Father for my wrongdoing. I didn’t understand what was so wrong about it. I was protecting those children. I was protecting myself.
If it was I that was killed, my Father, as tough as he was, would not have had the nerve to go storming into Ao Guang’s kingdom, demanding the dragon’s king’s son’s life as payment for mine.
Because that was what Ao Guang demanded. After all, my Father was just a mortal man, and I was just his lowly child.
But I had killed the dragon prince.
“Your son killed my third prince, and took his tendon. You will offer up his life as payment.”
My Father, ever the nobleman, rushed to explain. “You must have gotten it wrong. My oldest sons are in the mountains, training to become the disciples. My youngest is only seven.”
I heard that entire conversation, because I happened to return home a moment beforehand. I took Ao Bing’s tendon and began waving it around, playing and dancing with it, giggling and laughing as though nothing had happened.
That was how my Father and the dragon king found me. You should have seen the look of disgrace in my Father’s eyes. His fists were balled at his sides. He had never hit me a day in my life, but I knew then that he would have. He was the angriest I had ever seen him.
“孽子!” Li Jing yelled. Nie’zi. It meant evil son. I was right. In the end, that was all he would see me as. “Get on your knees and beg for forgiveness.”
I was calm. I handed Ao Guang his son’s tendon. I got down on my knees, I looked him right in the eyes. “I apologise for your son’s death,” I said. “And beg for your forgiveness.”
“I will report you and your whole family to the Jade Emperor,” the dragon king said. “I will send floods to Chentang Pass until it is no more!”
I looked at my Father. Tears were glistening in his eyes. And I felt something hit me right in the heart. This was my fault. I was going to bring the wrath of the four dragon kings and the Jade Emperor on my family and the innocent people at Chentang Pass.
That night, I watched my Mother weep and my Father yell.
“I should have killed that bastard when he was born!”
“He is just a kid,” my Mother said.
“You have made excuses for him his whole life! It is time he owned up to his wrongs.”
A tear came down my cheek.
I wasn’t going to drag my family down with me. My stern Father, my loving Mother. And my two brothers who would be heartbroken to return home, only to find that it was no more. If they knew that it was I who caused that. They would hunt me to ends of the earth.
So I made a decision.
I wasn’t going to burden my family.
I wasn’t special.
I should never have been born.
I took my Father’s sword and walked all way out to sea. In the waves, I stood. I pressed the sword against my neck, and dragged it across my flesh like a red, red smile.
Then, I fell into the waves.
I killed the dragon prince, your son.
Here is my body as payment.
And you promise that you will not hurt my family.
When they saw my body. The four dragon kings were finally satisfied. The punishment had been carried out.
However, that was when my master, Taiyi Zhenren came. He took my bones and my two treasures back to his godly cave.
My spirit followed him.
I went to my Mother in her dreams, just as the Taoist had. The one who told her to take me, to raise me, to love me.
“Nezha,” my Mother said, touching my cheek. “Is it really you?”
“It is me, Mama,” I replied.
She wiped at the tears in her eyes, taking me into her arms like she had the day I was born. “Why did you do that? You didn’t have to die, my sweet boy, we could have figured out a way.”
“Everyone would have died because of me,” I said. “I had to.” I swallowed. “If you want to honour me, build me a temple, so my spirit can rest.”
My Mother built the temple in secret. Because there was not a chance my Father would let her ‘honour’ the son who had brought shame upon the family. He was too proud, always had his head held high, knowing his sons were well-disciplined.
However, now, he couldn’t hold his head high.
The temple flourished. People prayed to me. And I granted miracle cures to the sick and crippled. However, it wasn’t long before my Father found out. He was still so angry at me. It never occurred to me that maybe he wasn’t angry because I had killed the dragon prince and caused all that trouble.
Maybe he was angry because I took my own life. Maybe he did love me. Maybe he was just outraged and confused because he hadn’t been there to protect me.
Nonetheless, he took that frustration and turned it into fire. He burned my temple right to the ground. And oh, did that make me mad. I decided in the moment that my temple disappeared in that last wisp of smoke, that I wanted my Father dead.
Taiyi Zhenren made me a new body out of lotus roots and leaves.
He placed my disembodied spirits amongst the petals.
And I was reborn.
My master gifted me with two more treasures. The fire-tipped spear and the wheels of wind and fire. And it was with those weapons that I fought countless battles against my Father. When he realised that his mortal body was no match for mine made from divinity.
He ran.
When he met my second brother, Muzha, begging him to protect him. I came, waging battles against my brother.
Our weapons met for the hundredth time. “Nezha, stop this,” Muzha said through gritted teeth. “You do not get to be angry at our Father.”
“He burned down my temple!” I screamed. “That is how much he hates me, he always has!”
“That is not true,” Muzha said. He was always calm and collected like water. While my weapons were that of fire. “Di’di, little brother, please stop this.”
I defeated him.
And I almost drove my Father to suicide.
That was the son I was.
The one who had died for his family. Only to come back and hurt them all again.
Wenshu Guangfa Tianzun stopped my Father, and I was finally contained. Then I was forced to submit to him by Randeng Daoren.
I sat there, completely powerless. Wheels lying limp on the ground, spear almost broken. I was still so angry, but I didn’t have the energy to lash out anymore.
My Father approached me, battered and old now. But he still carried with him the spirit of the general he had always been.
I saw him. Properly. And I burst into tears. I was no longer a child, even though I still held the appearance of one – that was what I would remain in the people’s eyes. But in that moment, when I lunged forwards into my Father’s arms, I truly was a child again.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I extricated myself from him. I knelt on the cold, cold ground. I dropped onto all fours, bringing my forehead to the ground. “父亲,请原谅孩儿。孩儿知错了。。。知错了”. Fu’qin, qing yuan’liang hai’er. Hai’er’zhi’cuo’le… zhi’cuo’le. Father, please forgive me. I know my wrongs… I know my wrongs.
Li Jing shook his head, and pulled me into his arms once more. “不管怎么样,我们怎么打打杀杀,你永远是我的儿”. Bu’guan zen’me’yang, wo’men zen’me da’da’sha’sha, ni yong’yuan shi wo’de’er. No matter what happens, how we fight and kill, you will always be my son.
In the end, my Father became known as 托塔李天王 – tuo’ta li’tian’wang, the Pagoda-Wielding Heavenly King. And I was 莲花三太子 – lian’hua san’tai’zi, the Third Lotus Prince.
Together, we were part of the heavenly soldiers.
Keeping peace in the world, always by each other’s sides.
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54 comments
I absolutely love and appreciate the cultural and mythic aspects to this story. It's refreshing and I learned about Chinese culture, which is awesome. It is beautifully written and just exceptional. Those last lines gave me chills. Also, I love these lines: My master gifted me with two more treasures. The fire-tipped spear and the wheels of wind and fire. And it was with those weapons that I fought countless battles against my Father. When he realised that his mortal body was no match for mine made from divinity. I could actually visu...
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Thank you so much for reading, Lina. I'm glad you learned about Chinese culture and appreciated my writing. It means a lot. :)
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hey are you up on the other story???
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Hi Radhika! I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding you, but what other story are you referring to?
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actually I was talking of the new prompts...
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Oh right, right right, got you now. I'm working on it! It should be out by the end of the week, I'll let you know when I post it. I'll be waiting for yours too. :)
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ok even I have been working on my stories
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I'll be excited to read it!
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Oh! I've read a similar story before in a mythology book. I like it! Your Nezha story is so cool!
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Thank you so much!
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I like the folklore weaved into this story. It feels natural, not forced.
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Thank you!
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I really enjoyed your story Yolanda, it was a good balance between modern language/terms, and the traditional. It was so engaging - I love legends, so this really spoke to me, well done!
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Thank you so much for reading, Andrew!
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You're welcome :)
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Wow!!!! That was amazing!! It was exactly how Myths are written, I loved it! It was written beautifully and gracefully! I enjoyed every part of it and went through a series of emotions while reading it. It was also interesting for you to do a story on a myth like thats crazy and creative!!!!! I also enjoyed the parts in Chinese- see I'm taking Chinese in school...and I couldn't understand half the stuff I only understood one or two characters(thats what Chinese thingys are called when you translated it in written form thats pinyin) but yes...
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Thank you so much for reading, Ugochi! Yeah, Chinese is definitely tricky. Even being fluent in Mandarin and taking Chinese classes for over ten years, there are still so many characters I don't know. But work at it! And I hope you find your Chinese classes interesting. :)
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Of course!! Oh wow for ten years?? thats crazy. Ive only taken it for 2. Yeahhh..as for interesting ummm🤐 it just takes so long to writeee and then all these characters are swarming in my head😭
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Yeah, I still have nightmares about those grid sheets of paper where I had to copy out the characters over and over again. *Shudder*.
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😂😂
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Yolanda, this was interesting. I have read a few Chinese writers - but never one with the style you present. You can tell you did a lot of research, and I appreciate the "Trigger Warning" - means you are a thoughtful writer. The only thing that kind of caused me to pause - was the end. I think all of us have done this and do this - but it felt like maybe you got lost in your own story and thus you got lost in the way to end it? It seemed a little rushed? I realized you used some of the Chinese writing/symbols, but there was some punc...
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Thank you so much for reading, Becky! Yeah, I have to admit, the ending is a little rushed because there's so much more to Nezha's story. He's a well-known character in Chinese literature, so the ending that I provided is not really an ending to his whole story - so maybe it felt a bit rushed, (also because of Reedsy's word limit, I was cutting it close to 3000). And about the Chinese writing, Chinese grammar and stuff is all different from English, but if you felt there was something missing, please tell me. The last two sentences are not t...
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I think we need a sequel to this story!!! (Smile)
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That's definitely something I'll be considering. :)
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I didn’t realise that this was a myth retell until I read the comments and now I’m delighted that I’ve learned a bit of Chinese culture so thank you for that! This is a really interesting story and you have such a lovely voice that captures the feeling of a myth right from the start. I love the little smatterings of Chinese throughout as it adds authenticity and further immerses the reader in the culture that you’re showcasing. I felt the ending was a little rushed compared to the first half but that’s largely because I wanted to...
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Thank you so much, Laura! I'm glad you were able to learn a bit about Chinese culture. I'm glad you like the Chinese in it as well, whenever I read stories about foreign culture, I'm always interested to see the language in there, so that's why I added it. There is actually so much more to Nezha's story, and even when I was writing it, I was cutting close to the word count, so I had to end it somewhere, but if you would like to know some more tidbits, just let me know - not saying I'm the expert on all things Nezha, but I've done my resear...
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Yes please! Tell me about their reconciliation - obviously they fight for years but tell me about how they end up working together (I can also go and google if you’re strapped for time- just let me know!)
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Again, I'm not super well-versed in this. But because of his good deeds, when Li Jing dies, he becomes a deity essentially, as I mentioned - the Pagoda-Wielding Heavenly King, as to how they reconcile, I'm not sure whether that's ever specifically written. Because in Journey to the West - which I'm currently reading, they appear by each other's sides, and seem to be on good terms, he becomes the general under his father. I'm not too sure about Fengshen Yanyi (The Investiture of the Gods), but he also appears there - I've never read it. But y...
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CHINESE!! FINALLY!!! GOOD JOB ON ANOTHER BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED STORY! EMBRACE YOUR CULTUREEEEEE
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Ahh yess! I'm so glad you liked it, embracing your culture is so important. :)
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This was wonderful, Yolanda! Such a mystical and ancient air to this story. I loved the concept of Nezha's spirit returning and transforming. The writing, the language was great - fast-paced and engaging. There was only one part I feel went too fast and I'd love to see it drawn out a little more - the bit where Nezha's mother built the temple, the people came to honor Nezha and then his father burned it down. I felt like that needed some more fleshing out....there are so many questions I have about that little section. Wonderful! Than...
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Thank you so much for reading, Kristin! I would have loved to write more about Nezha's mother building the temple, but I was wary of the Reedsy word count. But if you have any questions, let me know, I will be sure to answer them to the best of my ability.
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Hi Kristin! I have a new story out, so when you have the time, I would love to hear your highly valued feedback. :)
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Very interesting and gripping, I can see you love myths and legends. My only problem is seeing Chinese characters a lot in the story. You know we can't read that right. Though, I think you were trying to make it more authentic. Nice work, expecting more stories from you.
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Thank you, Princemark! The Chinese characters are just there to make the story more authentic. I am well aware it is unreadable to many people, but perhaps the people who can get a little more out of it - I've tried to translate it the best I could with my limited translating abilities. Obviously because it is a story from a different country with a different culture, there may be some things that are unfamiliar to people who aren't accustomed with the culture. And I just wanted to share a little bit of that culture with readers here on Reed...
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You are welcome. You have just piqued my interest in the legend of Nezha. The only thing I know about him before I read your short story is from the movie 'Nezha'. I didn't know he was a chinese myth.
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Oh you've heard of that movie, that's wonderful! It's definitely worth a watch, it's kind of a changed version, but I love it just the same - I think I took some of Nezha's character in the movie into my story. Nezha is definitely very famous in Chinese literature, his most notable appearances are in Journey to the West, and Fengshen Yanyi, but yeah, he's definitely a well-known character. Glad I piqued your interest. :)
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Personally, I don’t think the inclusion of writing from other languages is a problem. She has translated it clearly and it doesn’t detract from the story even slightly. ‘You know we can’t read that, right’ comes across as arrogant and rude - I’m glad that Yolanda hasn’t taken offence at that remark because I certainly would’ve done.
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I have written a new story, you can check it out. Since you've done a good work editing my comments, I believe you will also do an even better job editing my story. The name of the story is 'Nnaji's Law'. Goodluck and have a nice day.
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Miss/Mrs Laura, I can see you have taken offence on her behalf so let me explain further as i didn't write much to explain why it is a problem for me specifically. As you see, i said 'my only problem...' It is a problem for me because anytime I see Chinese characters in the story I am always drawn to read and try and understand it which detracts me from the flow of the story itself. I have been learning chinese for over four months now and seeing chinese characters always gives that feeling of recognition without the ability to read it a...
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I’m glad that you didn’t mean offence. I would like to point out some other things in this reply that could be taken poorly. Firstly by saying Miss/Mrs, you draw attention to my gender, which immediately implied that your response was going to be sexist or otherwise influenced by how you have perceived me as female. I would like to remind you that this is the internet and nobody has to give their true identity. There is a good chance that I am male instead and have just chosen a feminine name as an identity here. Also, while I am aware that ...
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In my country they usually prefer Miss/Mrs, to Ms when one is unclear of the marital status. Sorry if it came of as patronizing. Just my way of showing respect. At least, I have learnt something from you. Thanks.
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Was there anything in my response that suggested that I was sexist, because I wasn't trying to be.
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Thankfully not - I was explaining how using both made me expect sexism. In my experience, when a person begins something they’re saying by drawing attention to my gender, sexism usually follows. I was happy to see that there was no sexism in your reply.
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You've just given me a point to settle with my English teachers on the Miss/Mrs stuff
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This was so cool. I don’t think I’ve read a Chinese myth retelling on this site before. I love the pace of this story; it just never slows down, one conflict after another, and ends with a heartwarming moral that links back to the beginning. Maybe this was intentional, but I think titles are supposed to be in caps. For example: “Pagoda-Wielding Heavenly King” and “Third Lotus Prince.” Just something to watch out for 😉 Now I know what you meant. This must’ve taken a lot of research to prepare, so kudos to you! 😙
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I'm glad it seemed like I did a lot of research, admittedly, the only research I really did was based on the Wikipedia page about Nezha - which I give credit to for the more gruesome stuff, this picture story book I had - which I give credit to for the slightly more heartwarming scenes, and my other knowledge about Nezha from TV shows and stuff, so it's been kind of ingrained in my since I was little, so it kind of just came out throughout the story.
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That’s a lot more research than I normally do 😝
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Lol, most of the time I find research for a story to be pretty fun, so sometimes I just like to do random research anyway.
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Hey Yolanda! I love Chinese legends and myth retellings, so this was amazing! I don't really have any criticism, in fact, I'll probably do my next retelling based on Chinese legends, as well, lol. But amazing work! I loved this so much! Keep it up! Also, I just posted a retelling of the Orpheus myth with Celtic mythos, if you want to check it out!
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Thank you so much, Maya! I'm honestly just interested in mythology from any country, I would love to hear your take on a Chinese legend. I will definitely check out your story, you've made it sound so intriguing already. :)
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This is a retelling of one of my favourite childhood stories. There was a really really good Chinese animation called Nezha, in which Nezha and Ao Bing actually become friends. There are different versions of the story, so this retelling is just relying on my internet research, and my picture story books from childhood, so some parts may not be 100% accurate. But I really wanted to share one my favourite stories in Chinese mythology. I'm looking to do more retellings of my favourite stories, so let me know if that's something you're interest...
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I'd love to see more! You coping me? Lol.
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Thanks! I had so much fun writing this one, I'm definitely looking to write more. :)
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