Rebel Prince

Submitted into Contest #51 in response to: Write about someone who has a superpower.... view prompt

216 comments

Fantasy Funny Science Fiction

 

 

I just didn’t get it.

 

Like, at all.

 

I mean, I tried to understand the thought process of everyone in Tyala—my father especially—but I always wound up in the same place:

 

100% confuzzled.

 

Okay? So sue me for not understanding why everything anybody ever wanted was to be plain and normal. To fit in.

 

I’m not going to do some big speech, or sing some big song like Belle in The Beauty and The Beast about how everybody is mediocre compared to me.

 

I can’t sing and I can’t judge. Because I’m just the same way.

 

I had no idea about the rest of the planet Ash, but everybody I knew had the same intentions: be normal. Fit it. ‘Unique’ and ‘special’ are insults because it means you are different. And different is bad. 

 

And I knew everybody. Everybody in the kingdom of Tyala—maybe 1,000 or so people. Why? Well, I was in line to be their king.

 

*****

 

I guess it’s time for me to introduce myself.

 

Well, hi. I’m 14 and my name is Jax Conner—or, as everybody else calls me, Prince Jax. My dad is King Astley and my mom is...dead.

 

If you want me to be really specific, then I live on the planet Ash, the continent South Hayling, and the town Tyala. I live in a castle with my dad, and yes, I’m miserable.

 

My dad is nice. The servants are nice. I have friends.

 

And yet everything is so…bland.

 

Here’s the dilemma: I’m different. Nobody really knows, because I’m different on the inside. I’m different because I want to be different.

 

Ever since I heard those warning stories about loose cannons, the ones you tell to your kids so they know to fit it, I’ve wanted to be a rebel. It sounds amazing, but I can’t be.

 

1, I’m the prince. I’m expected to be the most perfect of everybody: the most normal, the most plain, the person who fits in the most. So you can see how wanting to be a rebel wouldn’t go over well. I’d probably be banished like the rest of the different people, or even thrown in prison because everyone has higher expectations for me.

 

2, I’m Jax Conner. I mean that about who I am on the inside. All my life I’ve been pressured into being normal, so I admit, I’m gullible and timid and quiet and, yeah, normal. Besides the fact that I want to be different. So I don’t think I could mentally be a rebel, or even step out of the bounds a little. 

But I was willing to try.

 

*****

 

A long, long time ago, hundreds of years in the past, people had power. Real powers. Great powers. Really great powers.

 

Invisibly, flying, lightning, power over water—you name it, somebody had it. Life was different and new and exciting, because everybody had a unique ability that they grew accustomed to in day-to-day life.  

 

Everybody had powers hundreds of years ago.

 

That’s when the roots of a soon-to-be tree grew in people’s minds: roots of distrust. Roots of wanting to be normal. 

 

Most people had powers two hundred years ago.

 

The roots started to sprout, more and more, growing and growing and growing.

 

Some people had powers one hundred years ago.

 

The sprout began to flourish. Being different was bad, and powers were different. Powers were bad and so many people didn’t want them.

 

Hardly anybody had powers 70 years ago.

 

And soon, just a couple dozens years ago, nobody wanted powers. Nobody wanted to be different, to be unique. It was good to blend in and bad to stand out, that’s what I was always taught. 

 

Here’s the thing about powers—they naturally occur. You can’t keep one from being inside you. You can’t force a power into your body. Nope, you’re born with a power whether you like it or not.

 

Weeeeell…most people didn’t like it.

 

Lucky for them, powers were almost extinct. Around 1 in a hundred people had a superpower, although they weren’t ‘super’ anymore. Nobody straight out called superpowers awfulpowers, but it was implied. And in the kingdom of Tyala, it was like a word association: Chocolate=yummy. Rock=hard. Powers=BAD!

 

But there was still that 1 person in every group of 100.

 

That one person had to be stomped out, so they couldn’t have kids who may or may not inherit the power-genes. They were banished.

 

Once you turned 15, you were tested for powers in Lyon Hall. Scientists had developed an easy way to do it: the teenager would say “Do I have powers?” out loud and, if they did, their power would use itself.

 

Right. Another thing about powers: they’re kind of...well, alive makes it sound creepy, but it kind of is. Powers are you, but also a part of you. They don’t have thoughts but they have a voice. In their head, of course. They know what they are.

 

Most powers will obey the sentence.

 

But yeah, sometimes it doesn’t work.

 

Anyways, my birthday is on March 16th.

 

Which was tomorrow.

 

In less than 24 hours, I was going to see if I had super—yes, I said ‘super’—powers or bust.

 

And sue me again, but I was hoping I did.

 

*****

 

I gulped, even though I technically had nothing to be afraid of. I was the prince, in line for the throne. Everybody respected and even feared me a little.

 

Which I hated.

 

“I’m just like you!” I wanted to shout every time I saw somebody bow or tremble. “I’m a regular teenage boy! I can’t help it if my dad is the freakin’ KING! Please, don’t go!” Yeah, always ‘don’t go’. Because nobody wanted to be my friend.

 

It wasn’t normal to be close with royalty, go figure.

 

Okay, I might’ve lied a bit when I said I had friends earlier. Notice I said ‘a bit’—I have friends, just not… human friends.

 

Books. Books are my friends. I get lost in new worlds.

 

My keyboard is my friend, too. Writing is my bestie. When I write, I leave Ash and teleport into the story. Once there, I can create characters, design a world, and make anything I want happen. Everybody can be different. Everybody can be unique. Everybody can have superpowers!

 

But nope…I just had to live on Ash and not the planet in my books.

 

I tried to convince myself that gulping is ‘swallowing my fear’, and I matched into Lyon Hall.

 

The large room had a marble floor and a high wooden ceiling. There was no furniture minus a single armchair in the center of the room, occupied by an old looking man. Weathered skin stretched over his bones, he looked 70 but with a buttload of confidence. The man had all red clothes and glasses, plus a white beard. His eyes darted to my face.

 

“Scientist Ozai,” My voice trembled. I was totally freaking out.

 

“Prince Jax,” He said in a warm voice. A moment passed and I sighed with relief. He hadn’t bowed!

 

Then I realized the old man had literally gotten out of his chair and was kneeling on the floor. Before I could stop the scientist, Ozai was kissing my feet. 

 

“It’s okay,” I took a step back. “I’m not king or anything.”

 

Scientist Ozai got up and took my hands in his. “Son, are you ready to figure out if you have powers or not?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then say it.”

 

“Do I have powers?” I hollered.

 

“Not so loud,” Ozai winced. We waited. Nothing happened. Ozai sighed with happiness and I sighed with disappointment. There was no way I could be a rebel without a power to boost me.

 

“Thank you for coming,” Scientist Ozai nodded. “I’m pleased to inform you that you have no powers. You’re normal, congratulations.”

 

“Thanks.” I had to keep my voice from dripping with sarcasm—that would be disrespectful to the famous scientist, after all—as I started walking towards the exit. My shoes clacked on the floor as I jumped out the door. 

 

It was a warm summer day and Lyon forest was nearby, so I kicked off my fancy black shoes, grabbed my worn sneakers I had placed by the door, and threw them on.

 

I raced off towards the woods.

 

*****

 

I hummed as I strode across a fallen log wedged between two hills. “This is rebellious,” I remarked as I peered at the 10 foot drop underneath the log, “right?”

 

I kept walking. Birds were singing and there was a warm breeze, and it was a beautiful fall evening. I started to follow a crystal-clear stream downhill.

 

It wound around the hills that made up the forest, hills covered in twigs and dirt and thousands of colorful leaves that crunched beneath my feet. 

 

Soon, the gurgling brook led me to another log stuck between the tips of two hills. Underneath the tree was the sobbing figure of a small girl curled into a ball.

 

“What’s the matter?” I asked as I edged near her. The girl looked like she was 7 or 8, with curly, chocolate brown hair, cowboy boots, skinny jeans and a blue V-neck. 

 

“I—” she started to say.

 

She never finished because at that moment, the end of the log cracked and chipped away. The dead tree that used to be balanced over our heads started to…fall down?!

 

As a matter of instinct, I thrust my hand up in hopes to soften the blow.

 

It didn’t work—because the blow never happened.

 

My heart was beating so hard I was afraid it was going to pop out of my chest as I waited 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds. I felt no log crushing my vital organs (maybe a bit of a stretch, but still: the log was solid and HUGE!)—but I didn’t feel any log crushing my hand, either.

 

I glanced up and saw…. 

 

Well, let’s just say that the superpower testing method had failed in my case.

 

The huge log was hovering over my outstretched fingertips. Yeah, hovering. This giant, couple-hundred-pound tree was levitating over my hand.

 

Also my head.

 

I yelped and channeled my energy into floating the log away from me and the girl. The dead tree hit the ground 5 feet away from me with a thud.

 

I stared at the tree.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

I stared at the girl. “Pinch me.”

 

She did. Hard. I didn’t wake up because this wasn’t a dream. I had a power—one of the rarer ones, too. Telekinesis was amazing and would be super-useful…if I could use it.

 

“Are you okay?” She repeated.

 

“Not after that,” I glared at her as I rubbed my bicep. Ow.

 

We waited in an awkward silence as I went back and forth from staring at my hands and staring at the log. Finally, the girl sighed, got up, and dusted herself off. She offered a hand to me. “Thanks for saving my life, Looky.”

 

“Looky?” I squinted as I got up. Was that some sort of cheesy nickname?

 

“Well, yeah. You’re looking at everything like having a power is crazy.”

 

“That’s rude,” I glared. “And it IS crazy! I’m super happy, though,” I added. “Powers will be great.”

 

“First, how is having powers crazy? Second… I guess that was rude. But that’s not bonkers or anything.”

 

I glanced at her curiously. “You’re not from here, are you?”

 

“No.” She looked down at her feet and kicked a pebble. We started walking through the woods. “Why?”

 

“No reason,” I said—even though I most definitely had a reason. “Why were you crying, anyway?” Even though I was dying to try my power out some more, it was my duty to make sure the used-to-be-sobbing 8-year-old who just had a brush with death was fine mentally, too.

 

“Ugh, do I have to tell you?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Fine. I was crying because I just got here. I don’t know anybody and it sucks. This is a strange kingdom, by the way. I haven’t seen one power used—odd. Powers are awesome and you should USE them, weirdos!”

 

“Wait,” I said. The girl stopped and looked at me. “No, I mean, keep walking but…hold up. You’re not from around here.”

 

“Yeah. I’ve already said that.”

 

“And…you think having powers is awesome.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Lastly… you don’t know anybody.”

 

“Are you deaf?”

 

“Nope,” I laughed. “I’m Jax, by the way.” 

 

“I’m Arava.”

 

I grinned. Arava was literally the first person to not say, “Prince Jax?” after meeting me. It felt amazing to be with somebody who didn’t know my title and didn’t know my kingdom’s unspoken rule: Normal is good and powers are bad.

 

“So…do you have powers?” I shrugged.

 

Arava flipped her hair and smiled at me. “Duh. Invisibility.”

 

“Cool,” I said, trying to keep my cool. Even though my brain was screaming YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! SHE HAS POOOOOWERS AND THINKS POWERS ARE GOOD! WHOOOP! like a, well, madman. Madbrain? Madbrain.

 

Then I realized something: we were walking out of the forest.

 

And people in the actual town of Tyala hated differences. Hated powers. Hated people who had powers and were different.

 

Then I realize something else: I had powers which, at this point in time, meant that I almost certainly had a parent with powers. My dead mother, the one person who understood me, definitely didn’t. She always wished for a power but never got one—I would swear on my life that she didn’t because Mom told me everything.

 

So…my dad had powers.

 

King Astley of Normalland had what?

 

Powers, I repeated to myself. Dad has powers.

 

And yet he was king. Nobody knew he had superpowers and he wasn’t banished—certainly not killed—for it. Which meant that my powers could never be a problem in Tyala. I could still be a normal king, ruling a normal kingdom.

 

I knew I was supposed to pick that option.

 

But I didn’t want to.

 

I had freakin’ superpowers. I had a young friend who didn’t know my title but did know that powers were good. Best yet? Arava was a rebel.

 

I had a teacher and a subject.

 

I grinned to myself as Arava and I walked into Tyala.

 

Jax Conner was learning to fight back.

July 21, 2020 21:23

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

216 comments

21:24 Jul 21, 2020

Hi guys! I accidentally submitted this story under the wrong prompt, so here it is on the right one. If you enjoyed this story (or gave a thumbs-up on the old one), please remember to give it a thumbs-up! Thank you!

Reply

03:39 Feb 07, 2021

Don’t you dare click on this link... https://forms.gle/jFX213RXMPDikpQL6

Reply

03:49 Feb 07, 2021

lol why do I fall for thisXDD

Reply

03:50 Feb 07, 2021

Hey, I think I made it veeery clear not to do every step 😂

Reply

03:50 Feb 07, 2021

Any yet here we areXD

Reply

03:54 Feb 07, 2021

Yup 😎

Reply

Show 0 replies
04:25 Feb 07, 2021

Although I’m kind low-key worried our friends from other countries might not understand it...even my dad would be clueless about the joke lol

Reply

Show 2 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
03:45 Feb 07, 2021

Oh. my. god. AERIN!!!

Reply

03:47 Feb 07, 2021

Hehe 😈 (But let’s not spoil the surprise for everyone else, shall we? Lol)

Reply

ℂ𝕁 𝕄.
20:17 Feb 07, 2021

Wow just wow

Reply

20:35 Feb 07, 2021

Lol

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
S. Lothcraft
08:29 Feb 07, 2021

Damn I didn't mind that aat all.

Reply

14:46 Feb 07, 2021

Hehe :) (But would you mind editing your comment? I just don’t want the surprise to be spoiled for others juuuust yet, hehe XD)

Reply

S. Lothcraft
08:03 Feb 08, 2021

Sure, done ;)

Reply

16:21 Feb 08, 2021

Thanks lol!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 18 replies
05:46 Feb 07, 2021

Oh my gourd

Reply

14:45 Feb 07, 2021

Hehe XD

Reply

16:22 Feb 07, 2021

Hehehehehehe

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
07:04 Feb 07, 2021

bAAHahahahababgbahhbahabABgHAHBBHAHBAhba XD WHY OH WHY DiD i fALL fOr tHiS

Reply

14:45 Feb 07, 2021

MUAHAHAHAHAHA hehe :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 6 replies
19:18 Jul 24, 2020

Hi guys, Just so you know, my 3rd short story also has Jax as the main character. If you liked this, you might want to check out ‘A Poem By A Star (No, Literally)’! Also, I just finished ‘Jax Off Ash (Part 1)’ which, as you can probably presume, ALSO has Prince Jax as the main character. Byeee! —Aerin

Reply

Show 0 replies
Kelechi Nwokoma
23:33 Jul 21, 2020

I enjoyed this story... I feel you could turn it into a novella or something. It reminded me of this Disney movie, Zombies, where being unique is bad. I love this whole fantasy world you created... Great job!

Reply

00:56 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you so much, Kelechi!

Reply

Kelechi Nwokoma
15:41 Jul 24, 2020

You're welcome. Could you please check out my recent story and give me feedback? I'd really appreciate it.

Reply

16:04 Jul 24, 2020

Sure!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Rayhan Hidayat
21:39 Aug 03, 2020

Hey, so I’m reading your stories in the order you specified on your bio, and I’ll leave my thoughts on them! 🙂 I thought this was such a cheery and upbeat story, which is a nice change of pace from a lot of the darker stuff you see on this site. My favorite thing is how Jax really speaks for all of us—that deep down, we all want to be unique, but lots of people would rather conform because it’s just easier! And the fact that the fantasy kingdom has modern technology just makes it more relatable. Good stuff, overall. Keep writing! 😊

Reply

21:57 Aug 03, 2020

Thank you so much, Rayhan! I hope you like the other ones, too (cuz they’re a but different than this!🤣)! 😁😁😁

Reply

Rayhan Hidayat
22:55 Aug 03, 2020

Ah I’m sure I will with your talent haha

Reply

23:25 Aug 03, 2020

Thanks!!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
נιмму 🤎
06:21 Jul 26, 2020

I love the humor in this... some stories can be so serious (like mine oof) but I love to have a good laugh

Reply

10:16 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you! I try to make my stories funny. My main author idol is Rick Riordan, and he’s hilarious! I’m so glad you liked it!

Reply

Zyönnah Isiguzo
01:12 Jul 27, 2020

Me toooooo! I love Rick Riordan. Also, no one told me about the the under 18 rule..... 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Reply

21:53 Jul 27, 2020

Haha yeah. The rule is in the terms or whatever, which nobody reads anyway.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 0 replies
Liz James
17:36 Mar 24, 2021

Aerin, I want to tell you that I'll be leaving reedsy for some time, but I hope you read my bio, left a message for you there...bye, till now! -Emma-

Reply

22:12 Mar 24, 2021

Noooooo don’t! We love you <3 Aww, thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
TJ Squared
18:16 Feb 09, 2021

I like how you clued us in from your title! I didn't quite get it, but hey, you tried :-)

Reply

21:10 Feb 09, 2021

XD

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Meera Lakshmi
22:22 Feb 07, 2021

Odd question, does the form collect your email address?

Reply

23:41 Feb 07, 2021

Nope! There’s an option to collect emails by the form making an automatic required question asking for emails, but I can’t see the emails of quiz-takers unless they put it in an answer.

Reply

Meera Lakshmi
00:21 Feb 08, 2021

Thank you!

Reply

Meera Lakshmi
00:24 Feb 08, 2021

Haha, very fun scavenger hunt lol

Reply

Meera Lakshmi
00:24 Feb 08, 2021

Did you recently change your name to what it says now?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lucas Zhou
06:21 Feb 07, 2021

woot!

Reply

Show 0 replies
01:58 Jan 27, 2021

this is such a good first storyyyyyy how are you so creative oh my- the names are also really creative, cheers to that :D I still can't believe this was your first story 😮😊🤗 ~ Amethyst

Reply

13:43 Jan 27, 2021

Eeep thank you! I still feel like it should be buried in the dust but I’m glad you like it 😂 Shank youuuuuuu! -Aerin!

Reply

16:16 Jan 27, 2021

:DDDDDD no it shall NOT be buried in the dust on MY watch XD :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Cam Croz
01:43 Oct 08, 2020

I really love this story! The Idea of having powers be the unwanted thing is super creative. I like what you did with it. I also love the way the main character's thought process is written out, its funny and gets the point across well.

Reply

01:47 Oct 08, 2020

Thank you so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
B. W.
23:09 Aug 16, 2020

I'm still here looking at your things and this is still really good! another 10/10. i couldn't help checking out this one. i still liked everything about this one as well this feels like it would actually be either a comic or a tv show about something and honestly that would be great as well. One of my favorite things to watch or read about is super-powers or anything close to those and i honestly wish i had been on here whenever it was making you all do things with super-powers/powers because its always so interesting like this one was. But...

Reply

23:12 Aug 16, 2020

Thank you!!!! -A P. S. ‘A Poem By a Star (No, Literally)’ and ‘Jax Off Ash (Part 1)’ both use Jax Conner as the main character, so if you like this, you might want to check one of those out 😉

Reply

B. W.
23:13 Aug 16, 2020

no problem ill go check them out real quick

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Ranya Navarez
16:16 Aug 07, 2020

This was fun! I loved it!

Reply

16:20 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you!😊😊😊 Actually, a Poem By A Star (No, Literally) and Jax Off Ash: Part 1 also use Jax Conner as a main character, so if you like this, you might want to check those out! 😁 Thanks aaaaagain!

Reply

Ranya Navarez
16:32 Aug 07, 2020

I read "Poem By A Star (No, Literally)" first, so it was fun reading the first one! Also, I forgot to mention this in my above comment, but did you get the name for the scientist, Ozai, from Avatar: The Last Airbender? Just askin' because that was Zuko's father's name....

Reply

16:53 Aug 07, 2020

Okay! Haha, yep! I love Avatar so I had to do it. Just HAD to. Actually, you’re the second person who’s noticed, tehehehehe..

Reply

Ranya Navarez
19:47 Aug 07, 2020

Lol!! I'm mean a fan of ATLA, too! It is so good!

Reply

19:47 Aug 07, 2020

YEAH!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Coco De Rose
12:32 Aug 01, 2020

Also, I just read your bio and is the riddle's answer "eyes?" :D

Reply

12:42 Aug 01, 2020

That a good guess, but they’re not in front of you in general. Hint: the answer is...not figurative, exactly, but it’s an abstract noun. So...yeah. Keep guessing! 👌

Reply

Coco De Rose
08:06 Aug 02, 2020

um...so it's an abstract noun...well let's see, truth, danger and stuff like that, right? And not figurative... At first, I was like it's Jesus, but then I don't think so. Wait, is it air or something? Omg, that sounds like it tho. And dude, you are a great person to talk to. :D

Reply

12:55 Aug 02, 2020

Haha, thanks so much! 😆 For your guesses... sorry, no! This riddle was definitely tricky. Here’s the answer (it’s the 2nd, anyway, so I’ll have to reveal the answer in my bio soon): the future! It’s always in front of your, but it’s abstract so you can’t see it. Or hear it, feel it...you get the idea. Thanks for doin’ the daily riddle! 😄👌 ~A

Reply

Coco De Rose
09:18 Aug 05, 2020

omg I got it right? That's awesome. Yup! I agree, it was definitely tricky! But I love doing riddles a lot :") And aww you are welcome! :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Coco De Rose
12:31 Aug 01, 2020

lmao the humor I LOVED THIZ!

Reply

12:41 Aug 01, 2020

Thank so much!!! Actually, ‘A Poem By A Star (No, Literally)’ and ‘Jax Off Ash (Part 1) both use Jax Conner too, so if you liked this, so you might want to check out those! 😄😄😄 Thanks again, it means so much! ~A

Reply

Coco De Rose
08:07 Aug 02, 2020

omg, I definitely will! I never knew that, thank you for letting me know :D

Reply

12:56 Aug 02, 2020

Thanks! 😁

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Whitney Trang
16:49 Jul 31, 2020

A great introduction to Jax and Arava. Looking forward to more stories with them!

Reply

16:52 Jul 31, 2020

Thanks so much! Waaaait...you just commented on Jax Off Ash. Are you reading these backwards?! I mean, that’s fine, but it might be confusing...🤣🤣🤣 Thanks again! ~Aerin!

Reply

Whitney Trang
16:57 Jul 31, 2020

I guess I did read them backwards, huh? LOL But now I'm all caught up. I like the world you created for these characters.

Reply

17:09 Jul 31, 2020

Haha, thanks!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
The Cold Ice
05:08 Jul 31, 2020

I loved the story.

Reply

11:48 Jul 31, 2020

丅ᕼᗩᑎᛕᔕ!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Y N
03:39 Jul 30, 2020

WOW! This story is so cute! :)) Keep writing!

Reply

11:45 Jul 30, 2020

Thanks so much! Oh, by the way, ‘A Poem By A Star (No, Literally)‘ and ‘Jax Off Ash (Part I)’ also use Jax Conner as the main character, so if you enjoyed this, you might want to chrck out those! 😁 Thanks again, Y N!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
D. Jaymz
01:44 Jul 30, 2020

The story is naturally told in a believable voice. Well-done. I liked the scene with Jax asking to be pinched. It deepens Jax's and Arava's characters. The voice of Jax reminded me of Holden Caulfield (from J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye - a classic 1951 novel - Holden is a classic icon in literature for teenage rebellion and angst). Holden as a narrator is held as an example of an unreliable narrator. Something that you may explore with Jax (the role of an unreliable narrator). The plot flows logically. You have created a disti...

Reply

01:46 Jul 30, 2020

Wow, thanks for the long and detailed feedback! I can’t edit Rebel Prince anymore but I’ll totally keep that stuff in mind.

Reply

D. Jaymz
02:02 Jul 30, 2020

The comments are for your stories' future growth and development, so that you may submit them for publication (or not). Reedsy is a great place to get feedback to develop your craft. It's a fantastic place to experiment with your writing and see if it works out in public. I'll be reading more of your stories.

Reply

11:43 Jul 30, 2020

Thanks so much! 😊😊😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
RBE | Illustration — We made a writing app for you | 2024-02

We made a writing app for you

Yes, you! Write. Format. Export for ebook and print. 100% free, always.