85 comments

Drama Thriller

The hospital corridor is stuffy and the air has an undertone of bleach. The walls are magnolia and are scraped in places from the hundreds of trolleys that have bumped into them. The pictures on the walls are cheap benign prints of uplifting scenes and above the double doors are large blue plastic signs with the areas of the hospital that lie ahead. I am a mother now. A mother to a beautiful little baby girl. Tiny fingers curl around my pinky. I watch the newborn peer through brand new eyes at what must be such a strange world after life in the womb. Her legs kick in a tiny jagged motion, looking for that resistance they are used to I guess, but finding nothing but air. I wonder if that's unsettling or a relief, it must have been pretty cramped in there. When she stretches her hands barely rise above her head and I think of how strange we'd all look if we kept those body proportions as we grew. I know I can pick her up if I want to, she's my daughter, but I'm scared to break her. She's such a doll. Then she begins to fret and cry, everyone tells me how annoying that's going to be, but it's so cute I almost cry. This is a new person, and I'm already filling up with love for her.


A nurse enters my room with a clipboard in her hand, a blank paper attached to it.


“Hello,” she begins, smiling soon afterward.


“Hi,” I barely manage out. The pain shooting throughout my body now.


After monitoring and administering medications, intravenous fusions and, checking on my baby, she leaves the room. I let out the breath, I didn’t even realize I was holding up until now. 


The door to my room slightly stands open and with a lot of difficulties I get up to close it. Before the door has been fully closed, I see a woman my heart says, I know. But my brain, my brain is just not ready to let out who. Her eyes are the very same color as my baby girl and my mother : blue. Her jawline is defined in the same way as mine and her hair, they’re like mine too: jet black. My heart picks up its pace as my mind gets lost into the thought of how and from where do I know the woman? My mind gets diverted and my concentration breaks as I hear my baby girl crying, she’s maybe hungry.


I pick the name ‘Mia’ for my daughter. This name is very close to not only my heart but to Mom’s heart as well. Mom lost her first baby when the child was only one-year-old. She grieved for years, until I was born. The baby’s name was ‘Mia’. Mom never really forgot her. She’s always there: in her heart, on her mind, her name playing like a playful smile on Mom’s lips every time, all the time. And thus, today by naming my daughter after my lost sister, I return a piece, she lost years ago back to my mother. Even though, I know in no way will my Mia be able to compensate for Mom’s Mia but she will surely be able to lessen the grief and the pain my mother suffers from, every day .


There is a soft knock on my door. After tremendous tries, I push myself upwards, trying to sit up a bit. The person on the doorstep is a woman. She clears her throat and it is when she speaks that I realize that she has got the same voice as my mother. I have been crying for the past thirty minutes now. “Siya stop. Please," she has been crying along with me too. I can’t really thank my God for what he has bestowed me with. Not really. I have finally gotten my sister back. 


So my sight hadn’t been wrong, the blue eyes and that well-defined jawline was definitely a hint to something. Wasn’t it? How…? I try to say but the words get lost between the never-ending cries. I want to talk to her. She’s not dead like my mother told me. She’s alive. Sitting right in front of my eyes. I want to ask her about how has she been? How did she get lost? Who has she been living with? Is she married? Does she have children? There are just so many questions but just not the right words to start with. Mia is back. Mia is back. Mia is back. And I can’t thank my God enough for that. 


Mia and I have been talking for about an hour now. My mom, however, is nowhere to be seen. How will she feel? Does she know that Mia was here all along but just far from our eyes? Mia has been humming a soft lullaby to my baby while talking to me. She definitely got that from our Dad. Mia’s back is toward me and thus, I take this as a golden opportunity to have a detailed look at my sister now. Her black hair falls in loose waves, tumbling down her back. Peeking out from her flat denim jacket is the ugliest striped suit I’ve ever seen. Without giving it a second thought, I say that out aloud. Mia turns around, the confusion on her face open and visible. “Huh? My striped suit is ugly?” she makes a babyface. I nod. We stare at each other for some time and then burst out laughing in unison. I have never been the type of girl who could connect easily to others: my academic life has always been a struggle. But now being with Mia, everything feels easy, everything falls into place.


“So, you didn’t tell me,” I say as Mia puts my baby back into her cot. 

“What didn't I tell you?”

“Mia,” I say for a millionth time now. “How did you get lost?”

“Oh, that…” her voice gets lost as the light on her face suddenly dims. “Can we please not talk about that?” she makes the baby face again. 

“No, please. This is for the very first and the very last time you’ll tell me about that. I promise that I won’t bring it up again. Ever.” I smile pretending as if my smile will somehow lift up her spirits. 


She lets out a rattled sigh and begins. “Siya, my other mother had always been good with me,” her lips quiver on the word ‘mother.’ “She never really let me feel that I wasn’t her real daughter or that she wasn’t my real mother. Our bond… our bond was something just so magical. Just so extra special but she did just one wrong deed. Just one,” and with that she raises her downcast eyes. The sparkle that had been there a while ago, is now gone. “She always told me that she had adopted me from some agency, but that wasn't…that wasn’t the truth, “ the tears that she had been holding back for sometime, flow freely now. “She hadn’t adopted me from some agency, Siya. She… she had kidnapped me.” I hear a gasp and my mind tricks me into believing that it was me who gasped. I move my head and it is at that time when I’m looking into my Mom’s mascara-smeared, teary eyes. She whispers the name 'Mia' and the next thing I know, she's down on the ground.

September 29, 2020 12:40

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

85 comments

13:16 Sep 29, 2020

It's a really good story. You have the words, the plot and the presentation. It's really good.

Reply

Batool Hussain
16:49 Oct 04, 2020

This means so much, my friend. Thanks for your sweet words on all my stories:) (I thought I had already replied, but nevermind)

Reply

Vajeda Kardar
22:23 Oct 06, 2020

Batool Hussain I liked your story and the plot. I wonder why I am not able to comment. So posting in reply. I couldn't wait to appreciate you for the wonderful story that you penned. Do read mine too.

Reply

Princemark Okibe
09:59 Oct 18, 2020

When you notice you cannot comment, it may be that you had copied something from your clipboard and pasted it in the comment section. What you have to do to be able to comment is to type something extra, or press space bar or bckspace, or just do anything you want. Then click outside the comment box so the cursor disappears. You will then see the post comment button highlighted. You can then click on it and it will post.

Reply

Vajeda Kardar
13:26 Oct 25, 2020

I needed to click in the Discuss story section to get it enabled. I clicked the Post comment button which was disabled.😅 Thanks for advising.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Scout Tahoe
13:40 Oct 04, 2020

Hey! Congrats on being featured in Zilla’s bio! You totally deserve it. :)

Reply

Batool Hussain
14:16 Oct 04, 2020

Thank you, Scout. You're so sweet!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Zilla Babbitt
13:16 Oct 04, 2020

Hey, Batool! Go check out my bio... :)

Reply

Batool Hussain
14:15 Oct 04, 2020

Hey, Zilla! Thank you for featuring me. This means so much.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Scout Tahoe
14:06 Sep 29, 2020

This seemed shorter, but incredibly powerful. The past unfolds! One thing I noticed is that you put two people speaking in one paragraph when there should only be one. “ A nurse enters my room with a clipboard in her hand, a blank paper attached to it. “Hello,” she begins, smiling soon afterward. “Hi,” I barely manage out.” Anyways, great job, Toolie. I’m glad you’ve posted a new one. Also, I’m guessing, this is a continuation of “Mia” and “She lied to you...”?

Reply

Batool Hussain
11:41 Sep 30, 2020

Thank you for the feedback, Scout:) And yes, it's a continuation for the other two stories.

Reply

Scout Tahoe
13:48 Oct 16, 2020

Hey Toolie, I've noticed you aren't as active as you used to be. Just wondering about you, that's all. Are you okay? :)

Reply

Batool Hussain
14:59 Oct 16, 2020

I'm good. You're v sweet as I said before. Sweet enough to stop by and check on me. I'm packed up all the time nowadays and u must've noticed that I haven't posted a story for over a month now. Gosh. I hope I really take more than one story out this week. Wish me luck (and strength), plz!

Reply

Scout Tahoe
15:01 Oct 16, 2020

Okay. I wish you luck and strength! Glad you’re okay and just busy. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Laura Clark
10:00 Oct 04, 2020

This was lovely to read - a poignant tale of connections. I wish there had been more dialogue as I think you could’ve gotten some more emotion out of that but it was lovely all the same. Also a really nice portrayal of having your first baby.

Reply

Batool Hussain
11:47 Oct 04, 2020

Thank you for stopping by, Laura. I really appreciate your feedback.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jessie Nice
08:34 Sep 30, 2020

honestly, your continuity of your storyline throughout these prompts is so imaginative and proves how much of a talented writer you are, Batool! I am blown away by every story you write - you have such a unique style and I love it :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Jen Park
13:33 Sep 29, 2020

What?? What a Twist! I obviously didn't know it was a sequel and didn't expect that Mia had a sister. Wonderful story. Interesting that Mia met her sister in the hospital, where most of the babies are born. Beautiful irony. I like this story so much, this might be my second favorite among all your stories on Reedsy. (My favorite is Zita.) One suggestion: I think it was too brief in the moment where Mia's sister comes into conclusion that she is the lost sister. I guess there should be more process of doubting, and thr scene of two girl con...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Orenda .
19:32 Oct 02, 2020

Heyyy Batool, I finally have a story out, feel free to check it out anytime :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
16:53 Oct 04, 2020

I think i've checked this out but i'm not entirely sure. i hope i'm not being annoying or anything i'm not sure if i've already asked or not but could you check out "Crossover: the traitor" and leave some feedback? i'd love to see what ya think

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
23:21 Oct 03, 2020

I'm not sure if i've even checked this story out or not but if i haven't i'll give a review for it soon. i was just wondering if you could check out "Crossover: the traitor" and leave some feedback?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Elizabeth Inkim
04:08 Oct 03, 2020

The interesting plotline, I think that I would have liked to see more dialogue or twists, but that could just be me. Whenever I read thriller's I love to see them unravel; and I think you did well in that department; although the pacing could have been faster. Also this week I tried something different and wrote a character-driven story that centres around dialogue, its called "A Rose By Any Other Name" and I'd love to know what you think.

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
20:30 Oct 02, 2020

I'm really not sure if i checked this out but if i haven't i'll leave a review thing later. i was just wondering if you could check out 'a savior?' and then leave some feedback?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Raquel Rodriguez
15:33 Oct 01, 2020

First, I saw that people were downvoting your comments and stories, so I'm going to upvote. Upvote for upvote spree? Also, I love your story, and the details are great. :) Keep writing!

Reply

Princemark Okibe
10:06 Oct 18, 2020

🤐You shouldn't have said that out loud. You can't take justice into your hands. The Review beggars may now start watching your every move. If you ever ask for a review, they may make you eat your words. Just be careful.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
03:24 Oct 19, 2020

.... scary > O <

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
05:17 Oct 06, 2020

Raquel, I'm one who downvotes -- any comment that begs for a review.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
11:49 Oct 06, 2020

.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
11:50 Oct 06, 2020

Are you sure?

Reply

☆ Adrienne ☆
02:23 Oct 12, 2020

No, Lynne said she only downvotes the comments that ask for the author to read their stories without offering constructive feedback, not all comments. A lot of people do that since it's unfair to the author to have to deal with such reviews.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
14:39 Oct 12, 2020

Yeah. but these are still people's points, so it's not fair to the writer either. But I get what you mean, that's not fair.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
B. W.
13:01 Oct 06, 2020

Oh really now?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 2 replies
Charles Stucker
10:11 Sep 30, 2020

I'm guessing the magnolia paint is more cream magnolias than the purple blooms. Since it's a hospital. But depending on location it can be either cream or purple paint. "Mom lost her first baby when she was only one year old." "when the child was only one year old." She is a bit ambiguous because of the way the sentence is structured. Yes, anyone with a functioning brain knows it must be the baby was one- not the mom. "She grieved and grieved for her until years...." "She grieved for years, until I was born." "But now being with Mia...

Reply

Batool Hussain
11:36 Sep 30, 2020

Thank you so much, Charles. I love your feedback!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Scout Tahoe
04:46 Nov 12, 2020

<< Happy Birthday! >> I hope you have the most marvelous day (and come back to Reedsy as soon as possible!). :)

Reply

Batool Hussain
11:04 Nov 14, 2020

Haha thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Amaya .
01:29 Oct 21, 2020

some days im obsessed with tea other days I think it just tastes like bitter water agree or disagree? I saw the tea thing in ur bio lol

Reply

Show 0 replies
Princemark Okibe
09:46 Oct 18, 2020

I know you prefer quality over quantity and I know you have been seriously busy these days but we have been expecting more stories. Please write. I love reading your stories.

Reply

Batool Hussain
18:08 Oct 18, 2020

Thank you for this kind comment. You're so sweet. I'll surely try taking out some stories this week.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Niveeidha Palani
04:20 Oct 06, 2020

Hi Batool, I love the ending, it's so dramatic and lovely. You certainly did a to more of showing than telling, and I see greater improvement and no mistakes! A lovely plot, and overall a wonderful idea Batool!

Reply

Princemark Okibe
10:10 Oct 18, 2020

She really got the showing part down. Using my sharigan now to copy some useful techniques.

Reply

Niveeidha Palani
11:17 Oct 18, 2020

Yes, agreed. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Scout Tahoe
13:25 Dec 25, 2020

This could be a rumor and I usually don’t trust those but— Are you back? Can’t contain my excitement...

Reply

Batool Hussain
17:55 Dec 30, 2020

Hehe. I partially am! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Niveeidha Palani
03:41 Nov 12, 2020

A very happy birthday Batool! Wishing you a beautiful day with wonderful health and happiness forever. Enjoy! 🎈🎉🎁🎂

Reply

Show 0 replies