21 comments

Fiction Lesbian

TW// strong language

Fuck Madeline.

And this time, I mean it.

She fucked me once, fucked me twice, and now all she has left me with is her stupid heart-shaped box filled with all the lighters she stole from music producers, guitarists, groupies, junkies, models, and just people that we encountered in the avalanche of our existence. If I see a guy or a chick smelling of weed and giving me advice on how I am being controlled by my ego I will scream so hard that I will no longer have a voice, and a career along with it. Maybe that is for the best, after all, I lost the other band member. I’m jealous of Madeline sometimes because deep down I know fans love her more. The letters she gets are far superior to the ones I get, I mean, she has stalkers for God’s sake. All I get is used condoms that made me puke so hard once that I didn’t touch molly for a week.

Utopia Beats—how I curse your existence. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve never met cursed little Maddy who fucked my future so hard that now all I wish for is to throw all her precious lighter collection in the fire, and myself with it. Her tiny fingers that managed to produce hit riffs on the guitar were browsing through records, and as you can guess, slacking off instead of working, because let’s face it, when are artists actually working? All they do is dream and create, actually create things that are more meaningful than this stupid society will ever be able to produce. I say they because I never considered myself an artist. Yes, I have a decent voice and my lyrics are not that bad, I mean a girl tattooed my signature on her butt once, so that must count for something. Look, mom, I’m doing art! Dumbass.

Back to Maddy though; how dare she come with her perfect green eyes and absolute talent into my life? How dare she say I am the most intelligent and deep person she has ever met? How dare she set the bar so high that now any other interaction leaves me empty and dreading my existence until she is around again? I became a fucking addict because of her soft hair that somehow never smells bad. You don’t believe me? She smells like bananas. Don’t laugh, you idiot! Maddy is a goddess! No, God, how can I say that… She is the most horrible person anyone can ever encounter because one day she steps in and decides, Hey, Angie, we don’t vibe anymore. I see that you are unhappy because we have always been connected and I know that for sure because I am too. And I know we talked about this several times, remember? How we said to never make shallow art, to only make things that count, that shake our cores, but this? This is pure apathy. I hate myself for being like this and I… Angie, I hate you too. I… and she started crying like a pathetic fuck and I crawled to her ankles and kissed her knees like an even bigger pathetic fuck, because I love her so much and I was also high out of my mind. But that’s beside the point because she wanted to break the band up; and me, without the band, without her I am the biggest nothing this planet has ever seen.

I want to crawl back into my mother’s womb when I was close to God. Because that, and being with Maddy were the only things that made me feel that way. And now she is gone. Except for this heart-shaped box that she probably forgot in the corner of the dresser.

Wait.

What is this?

Oh, the lid is fucking cracked.

Just like Maddy is, just like I am, because she could never take care of anything. God… what am I talking about? She was the most caring person in the world. And I lost her… because sometimes we lose things and they never come back and all we have left is just an empty space that will never be filled again because nothing else fits into that space where they fitted like a perfect puzzle piece.

***

I just took a bath, I calmed down a bit.

We were making out on a Persian carpet once, one that was worth a fortune but ended up with cigarette wholes and dried puke. We just wrote ‘The unperfect paradise’ and a dirty guitar was beaming out of the speakers; we weren’t paying attention because our connection was at its deepest. I heard some people never experience this in a lifetime and I pity them, but I think I actually envy them on second thought. Because when that person is gone, you can bet you will feel like human garbage. But when that person is… you can bet you will understand why people believe in higher powers. Because what greater gift than feeling connected with someone, and I mean, truly feeling like you sink into another person on such a metaphysical level that Buddha himself shakes in his boots. As if Buddha is wearing boots, but that’s a talk for another day… like a day when I’m drunk, or high, or NOT FUCKING HEARTBROKEN.

Sorry for screaming.

God, I miss her so much.

‘The unperfect paradise’ was an album we wrote together after we almost had a car crash. At that point, we realized how easily we can no longer exist. And life is so frail yet so precious that makes the moments of wishing for death seem a parody. Wait… you might be confused if you don’t have depression. Well, yes, as short as this life is, some people still wish to die before their life officially ends. But not Maddy, though. She always loved life, even when she didn’t. I speak of her as if she is dead because in a way, in my heart she is. The story of our band breaking up didn’t get into the public yet, but I know it will because she told Rupert, our manager, and she vanished, just fucking vanished, and left me behind.

I would leave myself behind too.

God… have I told you that I miss her? I think I did.

Are you waiting for a happy ending? Of her returning and confessing how much she loves me, and we kiss, fulfilling the perfect lesbian fantasy? Well, fuck off, because it won’t happen. I’ll go grab a bottle of vodka.

February 17, 2022 12:24

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21 comments

Juliet Andress
17:45 Nov 03, 2022

OOF- ur gonna end the story with her getting drunk THAT IS LIKE ME <3333

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Delbert Griffith
14:45 Oct 02, 2022

Amazing story! You have a way of evoking emotion that blows my mind. I'm pretty sure I feel like Angie does about Maddie when I tread your stories: jealous as hell of your talent, but I also loving your talent because it seems otherwordly at times. Also, I feel like the last paragraph is not needed. The story hits harder without it. But what do I know? You write so much better than I do.

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Ivy Genesis
14:52 Oct 02, 2022

Stop commenting on my stories or you will make me feel really good about myself 😂😂 thank you again and it warms my heart to know someone appreciates my stories that mean so much to me ❤

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18:51 Feb 27, 2022

Filled with emotion...love this line...Just like Maddy is, just like I am, because she could never take care of anything. God… what am I talking about? She was the most caring person in the world. And I lost her… because sometimes we lose things and they never come back and all we have left is just an empty space that will never be filled again because nothing else fits into that space where they fitted like a perfect puzzle piece.

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Ivy Genesis
12:15 Feb 28, 2022

glad you liked my story 😍

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10:26 Feb 26, 2022

I hate everything about this story! just joking, the rage is v entertaining.. music, romance, drugs, anger... its got everything important lol Look fwd to see more like this.

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Ivy Genesis
13:00 Feb 26, 2022

thank you, Scott, glad you liked it 😁

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Craig Westmore
01:42 Feb 25, 2022

Great rage stream of consciousness, Ivy. I could even see the narrator turning this into a song. I'm with Paco. I'd love to hear the other side of the story. What mood would it be in?

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Ivy Genesis
11:07 Feb 25, 2022

thank you for reading my story 😍 I think that Madeline's version would be less filled with rage, and more filled with sadness and guilt. I imagine her questioning if she made the right decision and constantly being on the verge of going back.

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Charlie Murphy
21:30 Feb 22, 2022

What a depressing story! Great job! Is any of this true?

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Ivy Genesis
11:52 Feb 23, 2022

I'm glad you liked it, Charlie 😁 nothing is true regarding my personal life, it came out of me one night. I was very chill while writing it actually 😂

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Charlie Murphy
03:04 Feb 24, 2022

Oh, cool! Well, it was very well written! Can you read my new story, The Diaps?

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16:20 Feb 21, 2022

Wow! I felt every bit of the pain, sadness and anger. You really have a way of making the emotions become real in your writing! Great job!!!

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Ivy Genesis
17:15 Feb 21, 2022

Thank you for reading my story and leaving a feedback, means a lot 🙏🏻

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Sparrow Rose
00:12 Feb 20, 2022

Woah, you really know how to hook a reader! I loved the emotion you were able to express here but if I could give some advice, you're sentence composition was a bit wonky in some places. For example "I heard some people never experience this in a lifetime and I pity them, but I think I actually envy them on second thought" runs on a bit and generally doesn't flow very well. A suggestion would be splitting it up and writing it as "I heard some people never experience this in a lifetime and I pity them. On second thought, I think I actually en...

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Ivy Genesis
20:48 Feb 20, 2022

Thank you so much for the feedback! Your advice is very helpful and I agree with you 🤔 the point of it was also to show how the narrator is in a tumultuous emotional state, that she doesn't even know what is going on. So if that sentence feels a bit wtf it got the point across 😂 I do like your version better though, not gonna lie 😅

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Riel Rosehill
23:11 Feb 19, 2022

Hi Ivy! I loved reading this so much! Strong opening, great story, and I love how you could describe deep love and heartbreak without cheesyness.

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Ivy Genesis
20:49 Feb 20, 2022

Thank you so much for reading it!! Your feedback means a lot 🤗

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Graham Kinross
06:10 Apr 10, 2022

Great story. I can feel the passion in the words.

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Paco Lucas
17:20 Feb 18, 2022

What a transgressive glimpse :) It's sad to read about people leaving that way, but I would love to read about a bigger picture of the situation. Take care and regards!

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Ivy Genesis
18:02 Feb 18, 2022

thank you, Paco 🤍

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