Chris Campbell

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Dec, 2021

Stories (111)

111 Stories

7518 karma pts

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“Forthright Thursday” by Chris Campbell

8:45PM Thanksgiving Day – GLOVES OFF: My mother, Mary, and her sister Alice were engaged in a wrestling match on the dining room table. Aloysius – my father - and Alice’s plus one; Jack, attempted to pry them apart, but both women had locked themselves into each other’s hair with vice-like grips, despite both their hands being splattered with custard trifle remnants. All I could do as an observing teenager was sit with mouth agape while holding my new Super 8mm silent movie camera, recording the whole scene. It was typical behavio...

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“Looks Just Like Me” by Chris Campbell

“Describe the shape of his face for me.”“Just like mine, mate.”“So, round?”“Is it? Well, I haven’t been working out a lot lately, so..”“..Describe his hair, please.”“Just like mine, mate.”“Thinning brown with grey roots?”“Oy! I’m younger than I look.”“Length?”“Like mine.”“That’s thinning brown with grey roots just below the ears, and with fluffy greying neck hair.”“I’m overdue a visit to me barber.”“Any bald spots?”“Nuh, Just like me. Hair still on ...

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“Pillow Talk” by Chris Campbell

“I can’t sleep… Raymond, I can’t sleep. Are you awake? Raymond?” “I am now.” “I can’t sleep.” “So you keep saying, Meg.” “Help me get to sleep.” “You woke me up just to ask me that?” “I thought you’d want to know.” “How very thoughtful of you. Now, can you please let me get back to sleep?” “But I can’t sleep!” “What do you want me to do about it?” “Can you rub my back, please? You know that always relaxes me.” “I’m tired, Meg,...

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“Barry's Perpetual Power Pack” by Chris Campbell

“Can you see what it is yet, mate?” “Enlighten me, please.” “It’s renewable energy, mate.” “It’s a photograph of a windmill and a solar panel.” “Nah yeh. But hooked up to a power cell.” “That looks like a car battery.” “Yeh. Well, it’s just a prototype.” “And you propose that this contraption be awarded a development grant over my more sophisticated research?” “Too right, mate.” “But this gadget looks like it was bought on AliExpress.” “I got it on eBay with f...

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“Sweet And Sour” by Chris Campbell

“Any more words of wisdom?” “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” “You come up with that, yourself?” “It’s Shakespeare.” “When have you read any Shakespeare?” “It says it on this small piece of paper, quoting Shakespeare.” “I thought you only read stuff when it’s got pictures in it.” “I’ll have you know that we are living in the new age of literary enlightenment.” “What, reading comics?” “They’re starting to be referred to as graphic novels, now.”

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“Shopping For Jesus” by Chris Campbell

“Shalla-bakka-laba-kalla-bekka-lala-do. With the power of the lord, Jesus Christ, I relay his message of hope, love, and prosperity to you all here tonight. Praise the Lord!”“Why are we here, Granddad?”“Considering where we are, Tommo; that’s a bit of an existential question, ain’t it?”“No, why are we here at a tv evangelist’s… whatever this is?”“…He is here with you tonight and has a special message that he wants to pass on. His arms are open wide to welcome you into the bosom of paradise...

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“Oh Pharoah, My Pharoah” by Chris Campbell

My tongue is about to explode out of my mouth. I can’t recall how I ended up walking through the desert on my own. All I know is that I am so thirsty, I could suck water from a cactus needle. The sand is endless and blowing everywhere in the strong wind, making it almost impossible to see more than an arm’s length ahead of me, but through the sound, I detect a low hum like some energy-driven device moving past me at a rapid pace. It sounds familiar, yet unmistakably alien with its high-pitched whir and hiss. Even more pec...

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“Flibbertigibbet” by Chris Campbell

“You couldn’t keep your big trap shut, could you, George.” “Helen come on, it just slipped out.” “I told you in the strictest of confidence.” “Well, technically, you didn’t say don’t tell anyone.” “What part of keep it to yourself did you not understand?” “I thought that because you told me two weeks ago, it wasn’t confidential anymore.” “There are no statutes of limitations on secrets, George! Now, everyone at work knows, our neighbours know, the postman knows; and what’s worse...

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“Smells Fishy” by Chris Campbell

“Jason, it’s late, hun. Come to bed.” “I will sweetheart. I’m just leaving a Trip Advisor review on the restaurant we were at tonight.” “Really, babe? Leave it, please. Is it worth the hassle?” “Did you like the meal or the experience, Kris?” “You already know my opinion.” “I’m nearly done, go back to sleep.” “I’m awake, now, so read me your review. How many stars are you giving it?” “None, zero, zilch. I only wish you could give negative stars.” “Like negative zero?” “There’...

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“Bad Data” by Chris Campbell

“I’m so glad you’re here to help me,” he said, like he was the most grateful person in the world. “Where shall we start?” “Talk me through it from the beginning and tell me what you know,” I unenthusiastically replied. I didn’t want to be here. I knew what they were doing – those management nabobs on the top floor, sitting around talking about their golf handicaps and weekend getaways to Monaco. They were replacing me. After twenty loyal years of database management, they’re trading me in for a newer model with more memory ...

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“The Boy Knight” by Chris Campbell

“Life is precious. All life is important. I cannot and will not kill an animal.” Hugo Allard repeatedly muttered his pledge, as a vibration of trembling capacity shook the very core of his body, followed by a blast of hot air gently caressing his face. “Life is precious. All life is important. I cannot and will not kill an animal.” Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, a sense of impending finality shook the heavy sword from his hand, dropping it to the floor of the catacombs he had arrived at in searc...

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“Mr Bombastic” by Chris Campbell

I have chronic flatulence. Now, before you peel away giggling at the images that declaration may have produced in your head, let me be perfectly clear. It’s not something to be ridiculed. Throughout my life, it has been an extremely difficult and embarrassing affliction to deal with, limiting my social engagements to almost zero, resulting in many nights spent alone without romance, without friends, and without doubt – longing for companionship. As a child, I was put through so many treatments and studies at the hospital, t...

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“Ode To A Funny Bone” by Chris Campbell

“Two cannibals are sitting around an open spit, after killing and roasting a clown. Pulling a piece of meat from the julienned joker, one of the cannibals takes a bite, then recoils from the odd taste. How old do you think that clown was? Asked the first cannibal, before offering a taste of the stringed bicep to his companion. No idea, came the reply from his hungry friend. Why? “Does he taste funny to you…? Taking a bite of the barbecued human flesh, the second cannibal...

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“Ginger Monsters” by Chris Campbell

The sound of plates smashing, furniture being upturned, and guttural, echoing roars, finally subsided as an uneasy peace drifted through the Skarion household, replacing the previous turmoil. It was a case of the calm coming after the storm. Standing around the dishevelled dining table in the storm’s wake, was Roger Skarion, his wife Barbara, Roger’s mother, Emily, and a very uncomfortable-looking seven-feet tall male creature of seemingly unknown origin, covered from head to toe in shaggy, matted ginger fur....

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“Reserved Park” by Chris Campbell

“What’d I tell you, mate? Best fucking sunset in Straya!”“Too right, mate. Never seen anything like it. It’s magical.”“One hundred ninety-eight feet deep, mate. Do you know that down there in the middle of the crater, there’s acacia and eucalyptus trees twenty-six feet high?”“Crikey. That’s deep.”“Yeah, nah mate. Deep ain’t even the word. Three hundred thousand years old but wasn’t discovered until nineteen fucking forty-seven! That’s how remote this place is.”“Yeah, mate. You could die out here.”...

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Author bio

Comedy is hard to write but so rewarding when the laughs roll in. As I continue to submit stories on Reedsy, I realise that comedy may be my path to follow. If I get serious, please remind me to laugh at the absurdity and to slap myself with a fish - or not. On the off chance that I miss more than three weeks in a row of writing short stories, I'm most likely working on my book. So, should any fellow writers feel the urge to contact me, my email address is novelistinresidence@gmail.com.

Shortlisted 5 stories ⭐️

Contest #174

Exact Change Only – read story

Contest #172

Truth And Consequence – read story

Contest #168

By The Withernsea – read story

Contest #165

A Case of the Obvious – read story

Contest #136

The Last Hussar – read story