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Contemporary Drama Fiction

This story contains sensitive content

CW: Offensive language, reference to abuse.


I’m coming, alright. Jesus Christ, kid, quit standing by the car like that. Anyone’d think you can’t get away soon enough. The door's unlocked.


You don’t need to give me that look, boy. I’ll smoke in my own damn car if I want to. Wait until you’re away in that place, you’ll be boozing it up and smoking pot every weekend with all the other kids, guarantee it.


Here, put the address in my phone, would you? Make sure we don’t end up all the way in Invercargill. I never even been that far. Who’d want to, huh? Probably nothing but Penguins down there.


You remember that thing you liked when you first started school, the world on a ball, you know, what’s that thing?


Yeah, the Globe. Don’t say it like that. Just ‘cause you got some fucking scholarship you think you’re hot shit now, don’t you?


I remember as soon as you saw that thing you wanted to know what held us on, you said there must be something we couldn’t see keeping us from falling. Remember that? I knew then you were going to be something special. Not saying you wasn’t already, but man, I knew you were going to be smart as hell, be more than I ever was.


You couldn’t believe how big everything else was, how small we were down here compared to the rest of it. You kept pointing at other places and asking me what it was like there, as if I was going to know. But you thought I knew everything back then. Before you hit fifteen and realized you’d already gotten further in school than I did.


I got you all those documentaries and you’d watch them for hours and tell me all sorts of shit about the rainforest, or some volcano somewhere. You always did want to go someplace different, see what else was out there. Guess I never felt that way, felt like enough trying to keep what I had here together.


You’re more like your mother; she wanted to get away. No good came of that, did it? Not saying you’re like her in that way, son. She’s always been a goddamn disaster, I know you don’t like me saying it but you hardly know her, visiting her a couple times a year don’t let you know what she’s like. You’re eighteen, plenty old enough to understand that.


It wasn’t having you that made her that way though. Sometimes it can, I don’t know why, but having a kid can make some women lose their damn minds.


Post-natal depression, that’s right. Knew you would know it. You going to talk to me now, huh?


But she didn’t have that, she was just always wild. It’s why I liked her at first. Didn’t try and make me settle down like all the others did. We were a bad mix, I tell you.


We’d start drinking on the Friday after work and not quit until Sunday morning. Then those weekends started getting longer, you know. And we’d have to go to work on the Monday, so we’d hit a line of something to get us going, guess you’re old enough to hear about that too.


We found out she was pregnant on a Wednesday, I still remember because we were wondering why her hangover was lasting so long. Soon as she said she might be pregnant it was all I could think about.


We lived in this shitty little flat then, the one I showed you above the fish and chip shop, and I was walking up and down the lounge room chain smoking, imagining having a son. I always wanted you to be a boy.


She got fed up of me walking around, she was trying to watch TV, feeling sick as a dog. She said if I was going to keep marching around like that I might as well go all the way to the supermarket and get a pregnancy test for her, so that’s what I did.


I got down to the supermarket right as they were closing up, I asked them to wait a minute and ran in there, I was running up and down the aisles trying to find a pregnancy test. I don’t even know what I wanted, if I was hoping it was going to be true or not.


She did the thing, pissed on it or whatever, and then we both crammed in the bathroom smoking a cigarette and counting and watching for the line. It came up right away, dark, so we didn’t even have to wonder if it was right or not.


It was like some sign, that’s what I thought. I was twenty-four and I’d done nothing in my life, never had nothing. It was my sign something better was coming.


She straightened up, we both did. We wanted to do it right, only thing we didn’t quit was the smokes and coffee, had to have at least one vice. Needed something to get us up in the morning.


For a while I thought we were really going to make it, have all that shit I always dreamed about when I was just a kid growing up. I wasn’t going to let you be dragged up in foster care, that was the first thing I promised you. 


If you’d grown up going to bed hungry at night, waking up hardly remembering which place you’re in now, going to school with no lunch and trying to think of a story for your bruises, bet you wouldn’t have been some golden boy then, huh? Not even you, you’d be busy fighting every day just to survive, just to get yourself out the gutter and try and give your own kid something better.


Your mother said she wanted it too, a better life, but she got bored of it once we had it. Sick of being home while I was working all day and going to the pub after, not like I turned into some saint either.


Just saying we knew what we wanted but we didn’t know how to get there. Shit, you really just going to sit there pissed off at me and not talking the whole way? 


Got about five hours to go still so hope you don’t need to ask me to stop for the toilet, huh? Or to buy you lunch. Then you might decide I’m worth talking to.


Scholarship isn’t buying you lunch now, is it? Those rich bastards don’t understand what it’s like for people like us, they don’t think maybe you won’t even have the money to buy lunch.

I’m gonna buy you lunch though, kid. Not saying I won’t. All I’m saying is don’t forget where you come from.


Hey, find me the lighter, would you? Don’t make that face, just wind your window down. A bit of smoke's not going to kill you.


I’m not gonna buy a fucking vape. If you’re gonna talk don’t say something just to lecture me. You always did think you were better than me, didn’t you?


But you’re right, and don’t think I don’t know it too. Guess you wish you had some flash guy in a suit with clean hands to be your old man. Some mother that stuck around and stayed out of a bottle.


I even told Bobby that last night, told him you probably didn’t even want me turning up there embarrassing you in front of all your friends. I only stopped to buy some beers to take with me, that’s all, I was right on time, believe me.


But Bobby said he’d buy me a drink and I figured I needed something to take the edge off. It's the only reason I went in to the pub with him. Told him I was off to your leaving party, and then he said we should have a shot to celebrate and I told him I’d have one and then I had to be going.


That’s all it would have been except I ran into that asshole, Major, while I was there. I used to call him Major Dick when we were at school, I’ve probably told you that already. He used to try and give me money for lunch sometimes, always liked to show off that he was rich, well his old man was rich.


Can’t believe he ended up being your math teacher, life’s a damn trip. Anyway, he asked after you, asked how you were doing.

So, I told him I was dropping you off at university the next day and he started saying how smart you are, how well you’ve done. Acting like it was some big surprise my kid could turn out good.


Then he told me once you get out of here and get a taste of something else, you’d never want to come back.


I shouldn’t have hit him, but I just lost it, it’s like he was saying exactly what was going through my mind, that once you get away, you’re not ever coming back.


It’s just bad luck Dustin was coming in, seeing about a stolen car or something, I don't know, but he saw it happen. Grabbed hold of me and sat me down against the wall there, said he'd cuff me if I tried to leave. That’s another asshole I’ve known all my life, arrested me when I was only sixteen.


Anyway Major ended up telling him to let me go, said he didn't want to press charges because he knew I was just upset you were leaving. Should have hit him again. He was enjoying it, you know. It’s why he became a teacher if you ask me, likes having power over people.


He’s alright? What’s that mean? Just ‘cause he told you about that scholarship, sent off a few forms for you? That’s his job, to do that. He knew he was taking my own son away from me, doing that. You think about that?


But it’s alright son, I want you to do this. I'm proud of you, I really am. And I’m sorry I was late to your damn party, if it’s such a big deal to you. I’m just gonna miss you, that’s all.


No, you won’t, kid. You won’t come back.

April 01, 2023 03:39

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22 comments

Amanda Lieser
21:29 Apr 15, 2023

Hi Kelsey, What an epic read! This story was painted so well, and I loved that it was just half of a dialogue. I could imagine this father having this conversation with his son, and I loved that you didn’t even really explicitly set the setting. I also really liked the way that it felt like a tangent and a reflection on the father. I think that sometimes when you are, thinking about who you used to be before a child. You sometimes end up burdening them with that and I thought that you capture that really well on this piece. Nice job!

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Kelsey H
08:48 Apr 17, 2023

Thanks for commenting, Amanda! I'm really glad you enjoyed this, I wanted to try something a bit different from how I usually write. Yes that's a good way to put it, he has burdened his son with his past, even though he doesn't mean to.

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Aeris Walker
22:56 Apr 14, 2023

Ah, this was really good. The father has such a strong and distinct voice. I like that you choose to write from his point of view and in a way too that seems to reflect his personality—direct, casual, transparent. Even the structure you chose fits his character. No fussy dialogue tags and superfluous punctuation: just a conversation between a father and his son. The ending was perfect. We see a glimpse of his soft heart behind the tough-guy exterior. Because at the end of the day, he’s just a dad who loves his kid. Great job, Kelsey.

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Kelsey H
08:29 Apr 17, 2023

Thanks, Aeries! It was a bit experimental writing this, had some fun with it though once I had the fathers voice speaking in my head. I imagined him as a 'no filter' type of guy.

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Suma Jayachandar
06:40 Apr 06, 2023

‘If you’d grown up going to bed hungry at night, waking up hardly remembering which place you’re in now, going to school with no lunch and trying to think of a story for your bruises, bet you wouldn’t have been some golden boy then, huh?’ - there’s a lot of truth in that. One doesn’t get to control the kind of environment one is born into, but still can evolve if the motivation is strong enough. Here, the father is not completely evolved (which keeps the story realistic) but still has some redeeming qualities as in he is still around in his ...

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Kelsey H
05:50 Apr 07, 2023

Thanks Suma! I was hoping to show someone who is doing his best to raise his child but still trapped by his own mindset in many ways.

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Zack Powell
07:01 Apr 04, 2023

First, your Reedsy presence and stories have been greatly missed, Kelsey. Happy to hear that you've still been writing in the meantime, and please let me know when your novel gets finished and settled - I promise to buy a copy of it. Unsurprisingly, I love the format of this story the most. (The narrator's voice is a very close second place.) Monologue pieces are a guilty pleasure of mine, and I think you did a fantastic job with this, especially with the setup of WHY the story is told in this unconventional manner. A road trip between fath...

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Kelsey H
08:48 Apr 04, 2023

Thanks Zack, always love getting your comments! I actually found this a lot of fun, once I started in the fathers voice it just kept going, I had to edit a lot so it wasn't just 5,000 words of negativity and swearing. I imagined him as someone who is aware the best part of his life is coming to an end and is trying to hold onto it, while also realizing he has regrets but no way to do over anything. Honestly the pub scene is my least favourite part and a little forced as it is the part I wrote to fit the prompt rather than because it came n...

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Michał Przywara
03:42 Apr 04, 2023

Love it :) Perfect voice. He starts off so abrasive, we're ready to revile him. And then he becomes suddenly so human our hearts melt. And then crude, and then honest, and back and forth. And his fear, which he struggles to express without fists, is very believable. Everything is coloured by his insecurities, which he carries with him even though he's tried to leave them behind. It's the image of a man that grates on our nerves, and yet we can't really be mad at him because he's given it an honest effort - and it's not like he's without su...

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Kelsey H
08:26 Apr 04, 2023

Thanks, so glad you liked the voice, I was hoping he wouldn't just be unbearable to read due to the abrasiveness! I usually try to make my main character likeable in some way and didn't with him, but tried to show he is struggling with knowing the one good thing in his life is leaving him.

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18:26 Apr 03, 2023

There is so much to read between the lines. He’s a prickly old bastard, and I wouldn’t like to be stuck in a car with him for too long, but that dad loves his kid. So much that he’s rather get into a fight than say goodbye. ‘You won’t be back.’ I wonder if it’s the truth, or a test.

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Kelsey H
07:00 Apr 04, 2023

Thanks, Cecilia. I'm glad that the love and sadness came through underneath, as prickly as he is!

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Lily Finch
00:15 Apr 03, 2023

Kelsey, this story is so indicative of the alcohol induced first person POV from the self centred ego of a deranged father who is self conscious about a son who has outgrown his father in so many ways. Typical of an alcoholic who has his own issues in a small town already but then makes excuses for why he missed the only event that meant a great deal to his son and marked a huge accomplishment that the father never made himself. It's the only way the father can justify why he does not make the party and becomes enraged by the math teache...

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Kelsey H
05:01 Apr 03, 2023

Thanks for your comment, Lily. I'm glad so much came through from the father's dialogue, I was trying to show someone who loved his son and was proud of him but also felt jealous and resentful over how his own life had gone and the the opportunities he felt he didn't have. Thanks for catching that typo too!

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Riel Rosehill
09:56 Apr 02, 2023

Hi Kelsey! Love the small town drama in this, the fact that the dad grew up there and knows everybody from math teacher to police officer. And you've put such a large story into one car ride conversation (or monologue, as we can only guess the few short answers from the son) I can definitely see why the narrator's son would resent him and love him at the same time. Clearly, he is a loving father, and clearly, though he might be trying, he could do better (not smoking in a car, making it to important events), but all the issues he has and h...

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Kelsey H
05:10 Apr 03, 2023

Thanks Riel, I really appreciate you reading and commenting! I actually intended to write the sons dialogue too but then liked how it worked having it completely in the fathers viewpoint, and only seeing his interpretation of things. I imagine in a few years time the son will be able to look back and understand his father was wrapped up in his own issues, but did the best he could for him. That's how I hope it comes across anyway!

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Michelle Oliver
23:33 Apr 01, 2023

So very clever Kelsey, this one sided conversation. I like how we get a picture of both father and son through this. Even though we never hear him speak, we can hear the surliness, the disappointment, the resentment in the son’s voice. We also get a clear picture of dad. He isn’t a bad man, but a man trapped by circumstance doing the best he can. He is self absorbed though, and this is reflected by the one sided dialogue. Although his son is important to him, it’s his own feelings and his own perception and justification of events that is f...

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Kelsey H
06:07 Apr 02, 2023

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Michelle, it's great to get your thoughts. I had wondered if having it in this format would feel a bit much with no break from the fathers monologue, but I wanted to give a sense of how it felt to be the son in the car with him, you really got what I was hoping to convey with the father loving his son, but also being stuck in a narrow and negative mindset. Always really helps to know how it works from a reader pov, so thanks again!

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Michelle Oliver
06:35 Apr 02, 2023

I just read your winning story, the lake. Wow that was another fantastic read that kept me glued to my screen. You have such a talent for this gradual reveal and for stringing your reader along with carefully constructed sentences and well thought out clues, both contextual and literal.

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Kelsey H
06:55 Apr 02, 2023

Thanks, glad you enjoyed that one too :)

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Unknown User
21:26 Apr 06, 2023

<removed by user>

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Kelsey H
05:52 Apr 07, 2023

Thanks Hayley, it's hard to know when writing a character like this if it will work out, I'm glad the good bits came through!

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