The Road to Nowhere

  I’m staring out the driver’s side window as my car speeds through the coastline of my city. The sound of the motor is penetrating my eardrums as the crisp wind flows through each follicle of my hair. Never before had I felt so alive, and this wasn’t a feeling I wanted to disregard. I turn to my left as I watch my reflection grasp the steering wheel and zoom through the next tunnel. 

     Out of the corner of my eye, I see a large opening as I turn towards the view of the ocean. The beautiful crisp water stares back at me as I’m longing for something beyond, something ahead of these waters. As I scan the road ahead, I catch a glare in the water made by the shining sun, and a sharp pain begins to shoot up into my head. I quickly turn away and rub my eyes as I hear the sound of waves crashing in the distance.

     Somehow this sound is drowned out by another: a piercing wave finding its way into my eardrums and washing out the peaceful sound of the water. Its screeching vibrations distract me from the road ahead, as I find myself swerving in and out of the side lane. I’m met face to face with countless other vehicles trying to get past as I quickly make my way back into my own. I’m brought back to reality as I cancel out the noise around me, focusing on what lies ahead.

     I often feel like a road trip is more about the journey than the actual destination, which is why I’m letting fate take me wherever it desires. I’m allowing my hands to steer the wheel in whichever direction they lead me, getting a thrill out of driving into the unknown. Just yesterday I was roaming around my city, letting the wind guide me through each shop as I encountered new people. Each one more different than the last, each with a story more unique than the previous. 

I press down on the accelerator and slam the gear into 5th hitting the highest speed possible. As the piercing sound from behind is attempting to burrow its way into my thoughts, I think back to an encounter that I had just yesterday. 

It was around 4:00 pm when I walked into my usual coffee shop. I was in the mood for a late day coffee, so I returned after my previous morning coffee run. I had been walking up to the register, rifling through my purse, when I noticed a lone man sitting out of the corner of my eye. He was attractive: tall build, sharp jaw, and the most crystal blue eyes I had ever seen. I felt drawn to him, and I knew that I had to go up and speak to him. I stepped out of line and approached his table. He looked up from his laptop and made eye contact with me, which sent a shock throughout my entire nervous system. 

“Hi, is this seat taken?” I asked, as the man shut his laptop. 

“Not at all,” he said. I sat down. There was a brief silent pause as I thought of what to say in my head, glaring into his eyes. I stared into what seemed like endless tunnels of ocean blue for maybe a minute, until he finally broke the silence. 

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“Have you ever walked into a structure and completely forgotten why you entered in the first place? It appears I have done just that.”

“Well, a little company never hurt anyone. How about I order you a coffee?”

And there it was. The initiation as to what started this all. See, I wasn’t the one to have made the first move, so really none of this is my fault. As much as they think it might be, he was practically begging for it.  

“That would be lovely, thank you,” I said. 

Hours passed, and we found ourselves lost in conversation: talking about everything and nothing, discussing whatever was on our minds. I could already picture it: a New York style townhouse with a white picket fence, two beautiful children and a small tabby cat. He’d go off to work in the morning, and I’d take the kids to preschool. I’d cook and clean and fold and tidy, anticipating the time where I could finally see him again. 

But I’m not obsessive.

We talk until the sun goes down and until I forget what day it is. His words are filling my soul in a way that I had never experienced before, and I never want to hear the sound of his voice come to an end.    

Suddenly, I felt a vibrating sensation coming from the table. The man looked to his left and noticed his phone ringing: “Amy.” 

There are very few moments in one's life when they feel as though all the happiness has been drained from their body. When they feel as though all hope is lost and all that is left is empty space.  

Without warning, I saw the white picket fence vanish into thin air, leaving behind small fragments of what could’ve been our future. Next goes the small tabby cat, screeching in pain as the knife in my heart tears it to pieces. Lastly our beautiful children, who were far too young to go, and far too innocent to understand. 

“Sorry, I have to take this,” and just like that, he was gone.

My thoughts are now redirected to the road in front of me, as the next thought is far too painful to think about. I’m suddenly brought back to the infuriating sound. As it grows nearer and my body tells me to accelerate, I add more pressure to my foot as I bolt past every vehicle in sight. 

As I make a sharp turn, I hear a muffled voice behind me. A loud thump is made, and I hear the sound of something scrambling. Without hesitation, I crank up the music and am peacefully left with my thoughts once again. 

Thinking back to the previous day, I blur the sight of the road in front of me, and envision the events of the day before. All I remember is the man walking out of the coffee shop and never returning. A single tear rolled down my cheek, symbolizing the pain that I would soon project. 

I looked around the coffee shop, and all I could see were empty chairs and tables. Each leaving behind a different aura from the person who had sat there before and leaving an eerie ambiance that left me feeling unsettled. 

I needed to get out there. 

Quickly, I grabbed my belongings and ran out of the coffee shop, frantically searching for the man whom I spoke to. Looking left and right, all I could see was an empty street with dim lamp posts as my heart practically fell out of my chest and onto the sidewalk. There was only one thing left for me to do: I threw my bags to the curb and ran. 

It must have been kilometers, gosh, miles even, before I finally found who I was looking for. I spotted him from the other end of a long sidewalk, assuming he was still on the phone with “Amy.” I quickly made my way to the nearest car in an effort to conceal myself from his view. 

It turns out, my efforts worked well. In fact, they happened to have worked a lot better than expected. 

I’m suddenly brought back to reality when I notice a black and white car catch up to the side of my own car. I’m subtly shocked as to why it’s going against traffic, swerving through each vehicle as if it’s nothing. My heart starts to pound and an anxious feeling begins to grow inside my chest, telling me that this might not end well. 

I start to hear voices arise from cars behind me, booming into the air and shaking the ground. Something tells me that they might be directed my way, but all I can do is press farther down onto the accelerator and look ahead into the endless black pavement.

The muffled voice from the trunk begins to creep up into my thoughts once again, so I grab the nearest item in my car and throw it to the back. The noise stops.

Thinking back to the previous day, I am once again left with my mind in a lone state. I remember waiting until I saw the man hang up the phone, probably leaving Amy with a big smile plastered across her hideous face. Just the thought of her made my blood boil. 

I knew I needed to act fast. 

I noticed the man turn on his car to gather a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. To my advantage, he must have forgotten to turn it off, because I quietly crept into the back seat without making a single sound. 

I looked out the back window and watched as he inhaled and exhaled puffs of gray smoke, looking more stunning than ever in the dim seeming limelight. Every once in a while, he would tap on his cigarette and watch as its ashes fell to the ground and onto the sidewalk. 

I could never really stand the smell of cigarette smoke. It reminded me of something dirty, like a room having been opened after several years. It’s a suffocating smell, really, not one that I think I could tolerate if we were really together. 

My mind begins to travel into all different sorts of possibilities before I hear the sound of the driver's door open, carrying with it a man that would soon be mine.

Already, the car is filled with an intoxicating smell that burns the insides of my nostrils and clogs the inside of my throat. I struggle not to make a sound as I fight back a cough, and resist the urge to rip that poison out of his hands. 

The next turn of events are all a blur: the last thing I remember seeing were my hands around his throat as I stared in awe as his head collapsed into my arms. I remember him in my trunk as I fantasized about our now bright future together, reimagining our New York styled townhouse with our two wonderful children. I can picture tying him up with a grocery bag and some duct tape, improvising as to have been too caught up in the moment. 

To think that I was too caught up in the moment is a scary thing, for I never stopped to think about the circumstances of the situation. 

They often say that a road trip is more about the journey than the actual destination. Although my journey doesn’t quite have a set destination, the thrill of the ride is what keeps me driving as I try to outrun these cops.

My life has become a never-ending chase after love, and although I believe that love is currently found in the back of my car, I find that our beloved tabby cat simply isn’t worth my never-ending race. The empty void in my life waiting to be filled will simply have to wait for another time. 

I grip my steering wheel one last time as I drive my car off of the cliff.