36 comments

Fantasy Drama Funny

       Elaine sat at the kitchen table finalizing her will, she would be donating all her money to charity. She wished she could see all their faces when they found out. She smiled to herself just thinking about it.

She had isolated herself from the rest of the world. She was addicted to a certain kind of loneliness.

She sat at the kitchen table eating dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs on Wednesdays. As she twirled her pasta around her fork she thought she saw a meatball move. She dropped her fork and leaned back in her chair, slowly pushing the plate away. Then the meatball started violently shaking on the plate when suddenly two small arms sprouted out of the sides. The hands covered where the ears should be and it started shaking again, then two little legs popped out. Followed by ears, a nose, a little heart-shaped mouth and two squinty eyes. She couldn’t believe her eyes, or ears, when it suddenly started screaming.

           “Waaahh,” it wailed in a high-pitch scream. Then tears came rolling out of its eyes. What should I do, she wondered as she looked at it. The screams became louder. “There, there,” she said as she patted its back, it left a small spot of sauce on her hand. “Don’t cry now. It’ll be okay. Shhh.” She wrapped the meatball in the white napkin from her lap and held it against her chest, patting its back. “There now, that’s better isn’t it? Shhh.”

           The meatball quieted down as she paced around the table, bouncing him up and down against her chest. She cut the top off a tissue box and stuffed it with tissues and napkins, making him a little bed. She placed him in the box and put it next to her on the couch as she watched the nightly news. He sat quietly, blinking, looking at her, and eventually fell asleep. She brought the box upstairs, placed it next to her bed and turned out the light. “See you tomorrow.”

           Two hours later she awoke to a “Wahhhh.” Startled, she looked at the clock. It was only midnight. She rubbed her eyes and looked over the side of the bed at him. She tried petting him but he was inconsolable. She picked him up and paced the floor, patting his back as she did earlier. But he wasn’t calming down this time. “Shhhh,” she kept saying. Then she felt something tugging on her pajama top. She looked down, he was mouthing at the button on her shirt. “Are you rooting? You must be hungry. Let’s go see what we have,” she reassured him. They went down to the kitchen, she had milk but no bottles.

           She took the water bottle from the hamster’s cage, washed it and filled it with milk. Gulp, gulp, gulp. He drank all the milk down as she held the bottle up. His little mouth suckled at the dripper. She continued to pace the room and he eventually fell back asleep in her arms. She looked at the clock. It was now two a.m. She placed him gently back down in the napkins. Finally.

           Two more hours later she awoke to wailing again. “What! What do you want now? Its only been two hours since you ate!” He was screaming so loud he began turning red. As she looked down she saw he was sitting in a saucy puddle. “Oh… you need to be changed.” She crafted him a diaper out of rolled up tissues and secured it with bandaids around his waist.

           The next morning she awoke to screeching, it was still dark out. She groaned and went to the kitchen to get more milk, placing him on the table. Oh dear, there’s not much left. She looked through the cabinets for something else he might like. Then she heard a “fwapp.” He had rolled himself off the table onto the tile floor. She raced to pick him up. “Are you ok?!” She didn’t see any visible signs of injury. He just looked at her, blinking.

           “Well we are out of milk. And I obviously can’t leave you alone. So you’re going to have to come with me.”

           Exhausted, she made a sling out of a scarf and tied it around her neck. Then she placed meatball into the sling. He nuzzled against her breast, content.

           As they strolled the grocery store he started to fuss in his sling. Shhh, we’re almost done,” she told him, becoming agitated. People began to stare and she apologized for the noise, but the people rolled their eyes and shook their heads anyway.

She was so embarrassed and exhausted she left the shopping cart in the middle of the aisle and only grabbed the milk and the baby bottles and ran to the express lane. By this time he was shrieking at the top of his lungs, rooting at her breast. “Okay, okay. We’re done. Jesus,” she yelled at him as she put him back in his tissue box. She opened the milk, filled the baby bottle and attempted to feed him. He was so upset, he kept turning his head as she attempted to stuff the bottle in his rigid screaming mouth. “Come on! Baby, please, I know you want it. Just drink for mama.” She put her pinky finger in his mouth and he eventually started sucking on her finger and calmed down. Then she switched it out for the bottle, like Indiana Jones, and he drank and it was quiet. Her nerves jangled, she drove them home in silence, her hands trembling on the wheel.

           Exhausted, she got home and flopped down on the couch. She placed the tissue box next to her, her sleeping meatball tucked safely inside. She fell asleep sitting straight up on the couch.

           Some time later she awoke. “Meatball?” She leaned over and looked in the box, no meatball. “Meatball!” She frantically searched and found him in the kitchen, between the cat’s paws as the cat contently licked his face. “Cookie! No. Stop!” she screamed as the cat began to bat the meatball back and forth. “No, stop!” she shrieked and managed to scare the cat away.

           She reached down to rescue meatball, he was still sound asleep and unscathed. She washed him with washcloths, rinsed him with warm water and gently patted him dry. She changed out the tissues and his bedding. She sighed. “There all nice and clean.” She gave him his bottle as they sat and rocked, the cat staring at them from across the room.

           As meatball finally fell asleep she was ready to relax. She leaned back and stared up at the ceiling. She flicked the television on and before she could pick a channel her eyes began to close. Then she heard it, the telltale sound of a diaper getting dirtied. “Ohh no,” she cried as she looked down in the box. Sauce was squirting out of the sides of his diaper and all over the fresh bedding and his freshly bathed body. How can such a little meatball make so much sauce.

           Exhausted, she took him back out, remade his bed, cleaned and re-diapered him. She fell asleep on the couch for several hours before being awoken again by screaming. The sun was setting. “Is it dinner time or is it morning?” she groaned.

           She looked in the mirror, her hair was greasy, her eyes blood-shot. She hadn’t even taken a shower. She started a pot of coffee, it was five p.m., but what difference does it make when you don’t sleep.

           She sat at the kitchen table as meatball screamed beside her In his box. She stared blankly out the window, as the wailing grew louder.

           “What! What do you want now? I’ve done everything you could possibly need. You’ve been changed, fed, cleaned. What now? What do you want?” She felt her heart racing and her face getting hot as the shrieks became louder.

           She walked to the drawer and grabbed a fork. She stood over the box, her hand raised by her face, looking down at the helpless meatball. He looked up into her eyes and was quiet for a moment. Then he let out a guttural scream as she plunged the fork into his round body, sauce splattered across her face. She lifted the fork to her mouth and swallowed him down in one, hard, satisfying gulp.

September 04, 2020 02:48

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36 comments

Yolanda Wu
07:13 Sep 04, 2020

Oh wow, this story ended on a completely unexpected note. And I loved it! It is seriously messed up, but for some reason, I just had the morbid fascination to keep reading that last paragraph two or three times. The entire story was really well-written. Amazing work, Sarah!

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A K Woodhouse
13:22 Sep 04, 2020

I felt the same way! It went off into a really dark place. The story really resonated with me having had two newborns - I definitely could relate to parts of this.

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02:05 Sep 05, 2020

Thanks for reading Ann

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12:43 Sep 04, 2020

Thank you so much Yolanda!

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Amogh Kasat
07:58 Sep 07, 2020

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story

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Thom Brodkin
17:03 Sep 09, 2020

On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed It rolled off the table, it rolled on the floor And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door It rolled in the garden and under a bush And then my poor meatball was nothing but mush. The mush was as tasty as tasty could be, And early next summer it grew to a tree. The tree was all covered with beautiful moss It grew great big meatballs and tomato sauce. So if you eat spaghetti all covered with cheese, Hold on to your meatball and don't eve...

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21:35 Sep 09, 2020

Lol thanks Thom. And yes I’ll be there soon

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Indra Hatpins
18:14 Sep 07, 2020

Hi, Sarah! Quirky story! Imagination is a significant aspect of storytelling, and you've got that part very well figured out. I stumbled upon some 'errors' (in my opinion) such as: - the first line has a comma in the middle that doesn't fit per se. A semi colon would work though. -'Two more hours later she awoke to wailing again' : after this, the two hour part is mentioned in dialogue. Only need to mention it once - nothing much to understand about the will - the ending was too abrupt; were you going for shock ending? Hope you ...

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19:11 Sep 07, 2020

Thank you so much for your help Indra. And yes I’ll be there soon

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Kristin Neubauer
16:38 Sep 07, 2020

That is hilarious! Even the ending was hilarious. It's so wacky and so perfect - where on earth did you come up with this idea? Who would ever thing that your dinner would become a story character? Fantastic!

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19:10 Sep 07, 2020

Lol thanks Kristin. It really did start about the will and a lonely person but just went sideways lol

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Gip Roberts
20:07 Sep 06, 2020

The ending really disturbed me, and I had to remind myself: "Ok, it is just a story, and it's a freaking meatball we're talking about here, not an actual life form." You have a way of messing with a reader's mind that both scares the crap out of me and leaves me in awe of the pure brilliance.

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20:47 Sep 06, 2020

Wow well that is just the ultimate compliment. Thank you so much. You made my day

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S. Closson
09:37 Sep 05, 2020

This felt like a deranged Pixar short, and I mean that in the best way possible. This was a very fun, well-written story. Good going!

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13:19 Sep 05, 2020

Lol thank you Stephen. Being called deranged is the highest form of compliment to me. :)

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Jonathan Blaauw
06:56 Sep 05, 2020

Okay, I’ve found the words – WTF!?! This is some crazy, Requiem for a Dream shit! Incredible! It kind of reminds me of A Childish Debate only because it’s so far out of left-field that it makes the reader say, “I don’t know what the hell that just was, but I liked it.” 😊 It’s written in your usual, engaging style but it’s the crazy plot that pulls the reader in here. I tried to look for editing suggestions, but when I read it again I end up being swallowed whole by the story. You’ve made a very strong point with this – sometimes, the ‘why...

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13:33 Sep 05, 2020

I never had a cat named Cookie lol. I can't believe you remembered it from a tale long ago. You have a great memory and knack for details. OMG i love your reasoning for it's birth lol. I knew you would do that too because you like explanations. I'm just like nope here it is, a meatball shitting sauce, deal with it. lol. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I try to keep my absurdism bottled up but it sneaks out sometimes. "and most of all...wtf?" lol

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Jonathan Blaauw
16:10 Sep 07, 2020

At least now we know what you're going to call your new cat (or second hand one, whichever you prefer). Meatball is also a neat name, actually. You could write pet baby name books. I have a very strange memory - I can recall random facts from years ago but frequently forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it! Maybe that's why... I just forgot where I was going with this. Oh well. Keep the bizarre stories coming, you do them very well.

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Charles Stucker
06:52 Sep 05, 2020

Wow, I was at the point of "stick a fork in him, you're done" and the protagonist did! Not just absurd, but a very poignant rendition of feeding, changing etc. along with an evolutionary tendency to not care about those who are too different. It has satire and slapstick all in one go. A truly pythonesque masterpiece.

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13:28 Sep 05, 2020

Lol Charles you're the only who rooted for the innocent victim to be murdered. Thank you thank you, Charles. What a wonderful compliment.

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Abhishek Todmal
12:08 Sep 04, 2020

Wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that the author is a new mum or has experienced the labours of child raising first hand, would it ? :P I'm kidding. I loved the story, Sarah. It had absolutely nothing to do with the will, and that's what I like. I assumed it would end with a metaphor. The meatball signifying something. The ending was shocking ! Nice work !

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12:45 Sep 04, 2020

Thanks Abhisbek. And no I’m not a new mom but I am definitely writing that from experience . It started about the will but then it went sideways. Just never know where the story will take you

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Bianka Nova
22:28 Sep 09, 2020

Hahahaha. This story could've also been a really twisted take on the first time parent prompt. I also half expected her to change the will again and leave everything to the meatball. :)

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00:27 Sep 10, 2020

Ohhh Bianka I like that ending lol. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment

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A.Dot Ram
20:38 Sep 08, 2020

This was fun. Newborns really do lend themselves to absurd metamorphoses 😆

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21:43 Sep 08, 2020

Lol thank you A. Dot

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Princemark Okibe
17:05 Sep 05, 2020

You are right. You really do make shit up. Loved the unexpected twists from the beginning to the end. You will surely make a good Fantasy genre writer. PS: You can also check out my two latest stories for the lights out contest. Any criticism or feedback is welcome

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Elle Clark
09:18 Sep 05, 2020

What... the... what did I just read?! I read the whole thing with my jaw on the ground. This very much felt like a fever dream but having had a newborn fairly recently, also a feverish fantasy. So very, very weird that I don’t even know how to begin to critique it for you so I won’t. I’ll just say that I enjoyed it and it’s definitely given me a new perspective on Italian food. Loved your foray into absurdism. Also, I’ve missed your last few stories and will try to catch up over the next few days. If I don’t comment on things, ca...

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13:21 Sep 05, 2020

Lol you'll never look at a meatball the same :D. I try to keep my absurdism bottled up but it sneaks out sometimes. Thanks for reading, and no worries about missing stories, they aren't going anywhere. There's so many stories on here to read I'm honored for you to comment on any of them. So thank you

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Elle Clark
13:30 Sep 05, 2020

I mean, I’ve frequently said that I now understand why some animals eat their young and this is along the same lines! So much fun to read. If you’re interested and have time, I’ve got a new one up too.

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13:34 Sep 05, 2020

Sweet yes I'll be there soon!

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13:39 Sep 05, 2020

My son is 3.5 and I’m just starting to feel normal again

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Elle Clark
13:41 Sep 05, 2020

Oh god. I will be counting down the days!

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Jill Davies
00:27 Oct 08, 2020

This one isn’t nearly as horrifying to me as the other one. I’ve got a thing about dogs. This one sort of tickled me 😂 it also reminded me of the Disney short Bao. I like the mix of wild and silly also. You might like Pickle and The Bubble Machine

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Phil Manders
13:23 Sep 27, 2020

Sarah you are twisted and its great!! I'll try an d read a few more of your stories.

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The Cold Ice
04:33 Sep 10, 2020

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!!!! Super story.The ending was funny.I like the ending.Great job keep it up. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior part 2?”

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