"Don't go. You don't even want a dragon!" He said, voice cracking, tears threatening to spill out of the dark eyes that I had loved since the first day that I had seen and held him. What he had said was true, though. I didn't want one. "Just because you're sixteen doesn't mean you have to. You'll die- you will die."
"No, I won't." I replied quietly, voice not wavering. "I promise." The Dragon Races happened every five years on the planet Mykris, taking place usually in the kingdom of Sinistra. You had to be sixteen to enter- I was finally old enough, and determined to win. The prize? Well, the prize was what everyone wanted. One of the dragons from the lord or lady on the High Throne, the person that ruled over the five kingdoms- Alderon, Alcator, Riverdeen, Sinistra, and Forane. The dragons given were some of the most dangerous creatures on the entire planet- some argue the most- especially combined with the person who claims them, who is able to magnify their magic through the majestic beast. I, myself, have never ridden one, nor seen one. But I have a gift that few possess. Sure, it is common to know the tongue of wild creatures, it is a skill that many are born with. Sure, it is common to be able to speak to those wild creatures with the mind. But it is not everyone who can communicate with, and feel the emotions of, beings around them. It is why I want to compete.
The dragons used in the races have no choice- many people don't know that, and believe that they are well fed and able to soar freely through the skies. They know nothing of the chains that hold the creatures fast, and of the dark, cramped spaces where they are kept. I want to- and will- set them free. That is why I am so determined to race.
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The day has come when they will ask everyone to assemble, then ask who will volunteer to put their life on the line. At least two people from each kingdom must.
My parents, younger brother, and I walk towards the large building, sunlight glinting off the windows. everyone around us seems scared- terrified- of who will volunteer. If no one does, the people sixteen to twenty one will all be taken forward, two of us chosen randomly. Last year, it was one of my friends, Nepthys. She survived, but only just. She is paralyzed for the rest of her life waist down. She had fallen off her dragon as they were shot out of the air by one of the other competitors, legs crushed under the fallen creature. She was unconscious for days before she woke up.
Everyone had arrived a few minutes later, and someone from the palace came up to the podium to speak. It was the usual history of the races, and how they had evolved over time to become more of a fight to the death than a race, where the people who did not win gave up their precious lives. "Sixteen to twenty- one, stand." I stood, along with my friends. I did not look at them, but rather straight forward at the official. "Volunteers, come forward." No one moved for a long, still moment. I took another step forward, and my brother grabbed my arm.
"Please..." he whispered, tears streaking his face. Everyone that I knew- even people that I ought to know but didn't- looked alarmed. I gently shook off his arm, walked silently towards the center, and climbed the five steps up to the circular center stage. I glanced over at Nepthys, who was sitting, unable to stand, and gave me the slightest of smiles. She knew what I was to do.
"Eirene Pyralis." I said, even before they asked my name, hoping that my voice didn't waver. I took the small, silver knife from it's sheath on the podium, turning it over and looking at the engravings on the handle before cutting an "x" into my palm, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from flinching as it cut through my skin. My chest and shoulders tightened as one, two, three drops of blood dripped into a small vial that the official held out, closing it as it mixed with the glimmering liquid contents, swirling into a dark, almost glowing, ruby red.
Now for the second person. "Second person?" The official asked, his voice loud and naturally authoritative, the question sounding more like a statement. No one stepped forward, no to my surprise. Everyone was still in shock that I, Eiriene, who was usually quiet, for the most part, when I wasn't helping the younger children or elderly, would volunteer to fight on a dragon.
That's what they assumed. What they assumed- as most is, when not assured- was false.
It wasn't rare for no one to step forward. It was rather common, on the contrary. It happened every year at least once.
It turns out I was wrong as someone around my age- probably a year or two older- walked up to the podium, gasps and murmurs of astonishment echoing through the room.
It was him- Alaric. His face was blank, and he looked over at me with a gaze sharp and cold like a sword. Or like the knife. He took it next, cutting an "x" into his palm, the official collecting the three drops of blood and setting the vial beside mine.
"Alaric Emrys." He, too, did not wait for the official to ask his name. His voice was sharp and emotionless, as were his eyes at first glance, though I could sense fear on the other side of the blade's edge.
We were given a short time to say goodbye to our families. My parents were crying the entire time as I told them I loved them, but my brother was quiet, surprisingly, for he was the one that was usually ebullient and high- spirited. He was confused, and so were my parents, at why I had volunteered to fight when there was almost no chance I would come back. Maybe I did would a chance if the dragons were on my side.
My brother didn't want to leave. I kept telling him it was okay, but he would't listen, refusing to go with my parents when the allotted time had come to an end. This was the most I'd ever sen him cry. His round face was wet with tears, eyes blurred. He looked so helpless and broken, I almost wanted to take back my decision and let an innocent girl with no chance of winning take my place. For a split second, I allowed that though to drift in the back of my mind before it vanished. I was helping him by doing this. If I succeeded, there would be no need for anyone to ever again do what Alaric and I chose.
The guards had to drag him out; and even then, when the door was shut, I could still hear him.
Alaric glanced at me again, this time from the other side of the lavish room, silvery blue gaze flashing back to the official to was walking toward us a quick second later. I saw curiosity in those eyes. It was more dangerous than the usual kind- it was twisting it's way around him, and he would soon be consumed if he didn't find the answers he desired.
Why had I volunteered? Why had he?
What was my motive? What was his?
Would we be allies? Or would one of us kill the other?
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105 comments
Hello there Mira! (Beautiful name by the way...) I really enjoyed this story, you did a great job with it!! =)
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I love your name, as well! Thank you for reading! =)
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No problem! :D
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I don't like reading series here. But I have to confess. I stumbled on the chats between you and luke and Nanika. You are seeing a therapist and all. That's all I guess. I may be wrong or right. But I can assure you one thing. Hard time passes away. Even I was in the dark phase of life for many years. But believe me, have courage, and love yourself. Everything will come to its own conclusion. Reading your series giving you honest feedback.
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:) Thanks!
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:) Thanks!
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Siblings vs Siblings in any avenue makes for a good story. Most people don't realize how often it actually goes on in real life. Well done.
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I have a younger sister, myself, so that was part of the inspiration for the beginning. Thank you for reading!
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This is a really good story, but this whole Alaric thing kind of caught me off guard. I really feel the resemblance to The Hunger Games, which is great, and I think I smell some Divergent, but I also agree with Leo Greer, because you kind of just started in the middle of the sentence and then filled the next paragraph with background info on what they were talking about. Maybe you could reveal these things in some juicy dialogue like "Just because you're 16 doesn't mean you have to go! Why do you even want a dragon?" or something like that. ...
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Oh, hi! Thanks for the writing tips! This story was kinda rushed, seeing that I wrote it in three days, so I agree. Thank again!!!
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I couldn't resist reading this when I saw the title. For many years I have been an avid fantasy fan, and a great lover of dragons. :) I wrote 300 pages of an unfinished fantasy novel that deals heavily with dragon racing, so of course I couldn't pass this one up... :P Here are a few things that could be better... First, you tell instead of show almost all of the story. This is a common mistake many--if not most--writers make when writing fantasy. --Here's why it's a mistake: it ruins the power of your writing, turning what should...
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Thank you for the critiques! Yes, I plan on making this a series. I'm excited to see what next week's prompts are, because I'll most likely write the second part in correlation to one of them. Again, thank you!
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Hey, I just finished up on a fantasy entry for this week, I'd love to get your feedback before the contest closes. :)
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I'll be sure to take a look! (:
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Coming to the story. I sensed the vibe of movies. Hunger games +how to train your dragon. The script was crisp and had a nice definitive structure. But I felt that this part was looking more like a movie copy-paste rather than having the unique ability. Take the critics normally.
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Yes, I agree. TDR does get much more original, especially when new characters are introduced. Thanks so much for reading! :)
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Yes, I agree. TDR does get much more original, especially when new characters are introduced. Thanks so much for reading! :)
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Hi Mira!! I'm Abby, and Luke/Litlover told me about you, namely, your interest in LOTR! I see I found a fellow fantasy writer...... Do you have any tips for writing a series on here??
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Hi!!! Omg, yes!! I love LOTR!!! :D Here are a few things I keep in mind: A series should have something new/interesting every chapter so that the reader doesn't get bored, but also drives the plot forward. I like figuring out the general storyline so that it doesn't divert too much from the main story. And... I personally LOVE coming up with character backstories. I find that doing that both helps build the character and help the story.
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Okay!!!!!!!! Hahah its hard not to! 😁
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:DDD
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:D
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wow! I like this kid! I can kinda relate to her though, silent but deadly (okay, maybe not deadly XD). Wow, she was bold! I like dragons, but not THAT bad :) I will defiantly check out the other parts eventually :)
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XDD Thanks for reading!!! It gets SO much better later on- the writing improves, and as does the plot. (You might notice a few discrepancies, but everything said later is what I'm planning on going with.) Again, I really appreciate it!!! :)
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XDD Thanks for reading!!! It gets SO much better later on- the writing improves, and as does the plot. (You might notice a few discrepancies, but everything said later is what I'm planning on going with.) Again, I really appreciate it!!! :)
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np!
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hi Mira! okay, i have many things to say: 1. I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT READING THIS SOONER. SCREAM AT ME I AM ASHAMED 2. the worldbuilding is soooooooooooo good :) 3. I AM SORRY THAT I DIDNT READ THIS SOONER 3. i learned some vocab along the way, so great word choices! 4. SCREAM AT ME 5. I am so late 6. Reminds me of the book 'Bloodleaf' with the blood-into-the-vial thing, and How To Train A Dragon, well, BECAUSE OF THE DRAGONS 7. *WAITING FOR YOU TO SCREAM AT ME* GREAT JOBBBB!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDD ~ Amethyst
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IT'S FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DrAgOnS! WoRd ChOiCe! ThAnK yOu!!!
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I AM STIL SORRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY nPpPpP!!!!! :DDD
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It's totally fineeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDD
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:< I'm tryna fit in reading your stories when I have time, so it might take a while to catch up :(
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That's ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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That's ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It's totally fineeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDD
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IT'S FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DrAgOnS! WoRd ChOiCe! ThAnK yOu!!!
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This story gave me major hunger games vibes:)
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Hi, Mira! This is such a great story! I could feel the emotions of the brother and Eirene. This did remind me of sort of a cross between The Hunger Games and Divergent. Nice job! -Lillian
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Hi! The Hunger Games was a definite inspiration. It gets more original, don't worry. Thanks for reading!!!
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=)Happy to, it was a great story.
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Thank you!!!
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Thank you!!!
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AMAZING!
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Thank youuu!!!!
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Thank youuu!!!!
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Hey Mira Caplan! Thank you so much for following and liking my stories! Now I can't wait to sink my teeth into your work! I love the premise and the Hunger Games vibe I'm getting from the setting and the characters. The thought of dragon-racing is exciting, and I can't wait to read more! You seem to have a clear idea of what you want and where you're going with the story. However, what seems unrealistic to me is how the parents don't seem to be very present or vocal about opposing her participation, provided that it is so dangerous. Her fri...
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That had honestly slipped my mind when I was writing this. Thank you. I imagine Nepthys as someone who thinks of her time in the races as "I survived, and I conquered, therefore I am stronger," or something like that. She was traumatized, as anyone would be, but likes to think about it as if she survived something, if that makes sense. I have an idea for Nepthys now- thank you. I'll try and implement something with her and Eriene's parents in the eighth part, if I can.
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I there a part two?
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Yes! And a Part 3 and Part 4.
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Can you make a part 2? I really want to see what happens next.
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I have a Part 2! Part 3 will be coming either this or next week.
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Where is Part 2, then?
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Look on my profile
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Oh, found it.
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Thanks!
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What an amazing story! Would you mind taking a look at my stories?
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Sure!
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i got a new story out ^^ could ya check out "Sweet revenge" and then leave some feedback?
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Sure!
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thanks ^^ im excited to see what ya think
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heyyy
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Hi!
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how are ya?
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Good! You?
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eh, half and half
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Excellent job building tension, conflict and pacing. And to think you created this in three days. I look forward to the following stories. Your vision (setting) tone, plot, dialogue, I know, will expand in revision and with the new installments. With over a century of stories written with dragons in them...You get the picture. I also see the parallel you're making with the inhumane way circus animals (elephants/big cats) have been treated and the dragons: "They know nothing of the chains that hold the creatures fast, and of the dark, cram...
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Hm, this was a really good story and that ya did a great job with it, ill give this a 10/10 :) it's been a long time I think, do ya remember me?
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Thank you! And, yes, I do remember you! We had a long discussion about mythology, I think?
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Yeah, we actually did ^^ maybe we could start talking again? It was fun to talk with ya ^^
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Sure, I guess! Do you have any critiques for this story? All are appreciated!
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Hm, i dont really think so, this was just a great story ^^
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Thanks!
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