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American Contemporary Drama

Dear Readers:


Diary of a wanna-be:


January, somewhere in Canada


Every day I get up and put the coffee on, it's snowing hard outside. It's January, cold and foreboding yet every day I crack open my laptop to write. When I was growing up my intuitions were always bang on the button. Once at the lake a little girl was about to fall off the dock into the murky water below. I had a strong feeling something was going to happen so I ran over and grabbed her much to everyone's dismay, she had been texting on the edge while her mother was on her cell phone looking the other way. Another time I had a feeling a huge storm was about to hit even though the skies were so blue? Then suddenly yes a storm came and lasted for about 20 minutes, a small tornado they said on the weather channel.


I study too and take some courses, putting out my idea's and thought's so I can someday be a "real" writer. You know, the published kind but it's only a dream. I think of the idea at hand as I jot down notes while writing out character sketches. I think up plot's and sub-plots, is this going to work? Will she live happily ever after or be doomed in the dungeon of darkness and guilt? Is there a jealous lover lurking in the corners ready to jump and murder her handsome lover? My intuition always told me to be a writer and earn a living out of doing something I enjoy, my intuition is never wrong. I grew up giving good advice to my family and friends and I was always right about them too. I put my headphones on to drown out the city noises outside, light a cigarette and type.


Perhaps I will write a mystery novel, the kind with a unstable detective hired to locate the stalker and killer of a rich woman husband, only to find out it's him.....that idea has already been done a few times over. When does it happen I often wonder while I look out at the snow coming down, covering the street in a blanket of whiteness so silent I can't hear myself think anymore. The city outside comes to life as people come and go while the plows do their work clearing the drifts away. They just leave it piled up for now. My cell phone is buzzing beside my computer but I choose to ignore the call. Bill collectors. Constantly calling and demanding payment on my debts, I have no cash.


I walk over to the fridge, open the door looking for some breakfast I tear open some instant oatmeal and put the kettle on. I grab a banana and slice that putting them in oatmeal to warm with the hot cereal. My body shivers as I wrap my housecoat around me, almost snuggling inside it. My tiny studio apartment had one big window facing the street on the 2nd floor of a low-rental low rise building, snow and ice crystal formed on the panes and wooden window frame. For dinner I will make macaroni and tomato soup the food bank was generous yesterday. Well, a great writer is a starving one right? Edgar Allen Poe or John Steinbeck probably never had filet mignon in their entire life.


My head begins to clear a little the coffee wakening my brain cells and the foggy feeling lifting. I need to write now. The words pour out, I check my notes to ensure my characters are all consistent with the story while the plot works itself in the right places. I read when I finish three chapters, checking for grammar and punctuation, I seriously wouldn't want to offend anyone with bad grammar or anything. I am done with the chapters now and feel satisfied I did my best. Being a writer isnt something anyone can do or say "Hey, go and write, make a living out of it, sell some stories or articles, it's all good", like a party that never ends it doesnt work that way.


To be a good writer it takes studying, discipline, time, patience, and most of all it takes writing, more writing, and more writing. The blood, sweat and tears is however, all worth the effort when someone might actually take the time to appreciate a great piece of work, to be constructively concise in commenting about it all.


Well, that's all I have to say for now, and so the game continues as I write every single day or breath it when I am not. Don't worry, be happy. Something tells me someday, I might come out ahead, it's all about intuition and my intuition is always right.


Last week, I submitted some stories, one to the New York Times and another to an outdoor magazine. I got two replies, two rejects, each saying the material I wrote was not what they were looking for at this time. "Ok, whatever, what do they want?" I pondered that, so once again, the mornings continued on, I went ahead and read, some of the latest headliners, checked out the latest on the magazine articles that were being published. I dare say, one was a lame story about a fat girl who felt insulted taking a flight out, "Seriously people, I have to listen to these two brats behind me watching fat video jokes?" She wrote, "And the rude stewardesses who ignored me when the lunch trolleys came by in the aisles?".....it was more of her hatred on being fat than actually making anyone feel compassion for her situation. I shrugged that one off wondering who she might have known to get in on that one.


Next I read another article about a woman who had taken a horseback ride on a mountain of sorts. Not bad, better than the fat girl story but it was still well, not the most intense. I have ridden and worked with horses for years, I decided to write my own thoughts and share my own experiences with them. I wrote, and did more re-drafting, finally after several days I finished my story.


I could feel the horses breath as I read and the river gently moving it's eddies as I rode, the barn smells waken the vessels in my nostrils as I stepped in to clean up after my horse. Every inch of muscle was tight and stiff, I wrote to show the reader. Finally, I was pleased with my work, thus submitting the story to many publishers and bingo, got a hit. A real one imagine me? I never thought I would ever see the day where someone would send me a letter to confirm publishing a story about horses so there you go. It happens. Some people are lucky enough to win the lottery, being a good writer is kinda like that too. It takes one win to make a dream come true. For me it was a gut feeling that lived inside my soul for as long as I could remember. My intuition would not let me down now as I continue to type and make the stories happen.


*****


When I was little I used to keep a diary, the kind with the little tiny key and the gold trimmed pages. They had pretty little flowers on them or angels usually something that little girls love. Every day I wrote in that little diary, putting it deep under my pillow when I finished. As I got older I started writing a journal, keeping that well hidden too and then I wrote stories, real stories from beginning to end. Writing has always been in my blood, and then, one day you releaze a lifetime has gone by and you get old suddenly it's there, right in your face. All that living, all those things you go through for what? People who come and go, live and die, and at the end of it we are here alone. For a writer this is a purpose to share and tell the stories that are within, a way to celebrate and let others see all the things life has to offer if they haven't been through them. How can a person know what war is like and to suffer PTSD without the gruesome details if not for a good writer to tell it? Point made.


It is an intuition that I will someday be a writer - follow your dreams dont't let anyone bring you down and tell you otherwise.


****


That was me a hundred years ago. Since then I have given up the idea of becoming a published writer taking a job at an Amazon factory and working my ass off. I had to pay my rent and eat I had no choice in the end. I wasn't young anymore and every day I came home from a long shift exhausted and sore, barely having the strength to eat and shower and get to bed so I could get up and do the same thing again six days a week. Remember that intuition feeling I mentioned several times during this story? Well, I was wrong and the gut feeling was wrong. I don't write anymore I can't afford to as I have to work for a living. The harsh realities of life.



January 05, 2022 22:38

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8 comments

18:57 Jan 16, 2022

Hi, I got this story to read through critique circle. I don't know how much detail you want in the way of critique so I will leave some overall impressions and you can let me know if you want more detail / line by line crit. Overall it's a powerful story, the contrast between the dream and the reality is a harsh one for this character, and very sad. It also feels real, the way the character voice changes at the end is touching. As someone else said, it feels autobiographical, but I too hope it is not. I did see several issues with punctu...

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M. M.
18:22 Jan 19, 2022

Oh thank you so much for your kind critic on this, I am not the best at grammar as a writer but I am working on that issue and studying it. I did want the ending to have an emotional impact on the reality of being a professional writer which as we all know is harsh in many ways for most of us. I really wanted to do something different and explore style in this story, and hey I had fun writing it. Again I will not divulge whether it is real or not, I enjoy that the reader's feel a need to wonder and question, the impact of the sad ending m...

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Jalissa Cooper
00:26 Jan 13, 2022

As a young writer myself I could not help but feel sadness in the end. The road to actually making it as a writer is no doubt very difficult, yet I would encourage anyone of any age, no matter what your dream, strive to make it happen. Anyway with that said this was an excellent piece.. you have a very to nice style and flow to this story! I enjoyed it very much 👍

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M. M.
18:24 Jan 13, 2022

Thank you so much - honestly I wanted to try something different and very real, for some that road ends someday, it is what it is. I am not divulging that it is me or not. My character can be anyone. But it makes me happy that you praised it so nicely, sorry if it made you sad. Cheers

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Jalissa Cooper
00:42 Jan 14, 2022

Absolutely that is what makes fiction so wonderful. You can write about any type of character, which is half the fun😊 Keep it up!

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M. M.
18:21 Jan 14, 2022

u too I will check out your stuff cheers !

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Anna Nonymous
20:11 Jan 10, 2022

Well I sure hope this isn't autobiographical! Although I'm sure pretty much anyone who takes a stab at writing professionally has felt this way before - that the chances never come, that the publishers chose the wrong story, that the big payoff will forever be deferred. I hope your character, and you, decided to stick with writing as a matter of joy, if not as a profession.

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M. M.
08:49 Jan 11, 2022

it is based on whomever has been chastised for their work and felt defeat - perhaps "Diary of a writer's dream" would have been an appropriate title. Experimenting with different styles, having some fun. cheers thanks for the response

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