Silent Melody

Today was the day! I smiled as I marked the last X off my calendar. The room was all ready. I was as nervous as I was excited, but Jeff and I had taken all of the extra training and had gotten our house prepped and ready. We had taken the foster parents training in hopes of eventually adopting a little child, or even a baby but those were rare for new foster parents. Today, our first foster child was coming. Her new room was filled with all of my hope and love for her. I bought some toys I was hoping she’d love–some stuffed animals, a doll, and books. We were hesitant and hopefully stepping into our new role.  

It turned out that you don’t get the child you hope for, the child gets the foster parent they need. That's what the brochures say anyway. I had already raised two children, both of whom were valedictorian and varsity athletes. They thrived as teenagers and tested me to my absolute limits. This child was different though. We both took extra training to take her.  

My stomach rumbled with butterflies. It was almost time for them to arrive. The rocks went flying as a new car pulled into our driveway. 

“Jeff! She’s here!”

I gulped and thought, “Well, ready or not Lily, here she is.”

Jeff met me at the door and held my hand tightly, although I wasn’t sure if that was more for him or me.  

We opened the door to a very tired looking social worker, and a bright eyed ten year old little girl. She was carrying something.  

“That's her alternative and augmentative communication. Sometimes we call it AAC for short,” Ashley explained, catching my eye.  

“Okay, thanks” I smiled nervously.

“You’re going to do wonderful,” she smiled encouragingly. 

I took a deep breath, “Anna, would you like to come see your new room?” 

Anna looked past me at a tree, and shook her head.  

She then proceeded to walk past me into the house.

“Well, call me if you need anything,” Ashley began, “I’ll be back next week to see how things are going.”

We both shook her hand and went into the house.

“Anna?” I began sheepishly realizing she wasn’t going to answer me.

I found her sitting on her bed, somehow she figured out where her room was so I guess she hadn’t completely rejected my offer. She didn’t seem thrilled with my choice of toys or books. Hmm what do I do now? I closed my eyes for a second as I tried to remember the classes we took. Oh yes, I remember now, I thought as I knelt down to her level. It seemed to work a little she was quite interested in touching my face. Autism is a lot of different little skills. I don’t know how mothers just instinctively figure it out.  

The next few days were a lot like this moment. I asked her questions and she ignored me. She refused to use her AAC. At one point I called the social worker to see if she even knew how to use it. I was reassured she knew quite well. Jeff and I were on our own with Anna, but Jeff worked long hours. I was going to have to figure something out. I tried tv, books, barbies, toy cars and anything else I could think of.  

I learned that children with Autism love visiual charts and routine so I made one for the wall which seemed to be a hit. She went to look at it often. The barrier of being non-verbal was an issue though. She mostly ignored my attempts to play or read to her. We developed a silent but calm routine together after a few bad meltdowns that I had learned to de-escalate thank goodness.  

Suddenly I saw the basement light switch on with socks quietly shuffling down. I let her go for a few minutes because thankfully I had thought to make the basement safe and inviting as well. The soft hum trickled up the stairs. It was beautiful and recognizable from a past life. I had not played in years, and my other two children had no interest in music. Anna had found my piano and was actually playing the last sheet still standing patiently waiting for me. 

I carefully went down trying desperately not to scare her, btu she took no notice of me this time. Her stiff body had softened to a calm state. ‘She loves music!’ I thought excitedly.  

I listened as she played the song; she looked at me right away. She was so aware of her surroundings even when it seemed she was unaware, I slowly realized.  

Anna patted the seat beside her. I sat down carefully and played a couple notes.

She smiled and put her hand on my shoulder.

I played a few more than stopped to see what shed do. To my incredible surprise she picked up her AAC and typed. More. Music. Please. It said slowly.  

I got a little brave and asked her to pick out a song. 

She flipped through the book and found a very old song. She typed This. One. 

I played it and she closed her eyes smiling. I couldn’t believe it. It had been weeks now, and I didn’t even think to try this.

I started looking through the book for another; I wanted to keep this going as long as I could.

Anna put her hand on my arm to stop me as she typed. Suppertime.

“You’re absolutely right Anna. It is time to make supper, let’s go.” I stood up disappointed that this was ending, but at least I could bring her back for more music later or tomorrow.  

I started up the stairs then looked down in unexpected joy as surprise, as Anna slipped her hand in mine and walked upstairs beside me. 

“That was the moment, I knew. I knew that we had bonded, I knew that I loved this little girl, and it was the moment I knew we would adopt her” I finished up telling my story to a group of potential foster parents at their first training session for special needs.  

“Anna is now twenty years old, and will stay with us as long as she possibly can; I can’t imagine her anywhere else.”