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Mystery Thriller

Can you keep a secret? I’m about to tell you something I haven’t told anyone yet. I’m about to tell you how her day went. But right now she laid there in her bed. Her eyes moved back and forth from behind her eyelids, having some kind of dream that most likely won’t be remembered. Her crimson colored dress shaped every curve of her body while her dirty blond hair spread so nicely on her pillow. I could just put her in a glass box and name her my sleeping beauty but no, not today. I want to see how she does.

It was any minute now that she would wake up and get ready to go to work as if nothing happened. She won’t suspect a thing. Sure, people will be hounding her with questions, but the only emotion she will feel is confusion. Don’t believe me? Just listen.


***


I saw the colors of a red-orange behind my eyelids as I slowly began to wake up from whatever dream I just had. I can feel the warmth soaking up my skin from the sun creeping in from the blinds, telling me I need to wake up to go to work.

My eyes snapped open as my alarm went off. I inhaled deeply as I stretched and turned off my alarm coming from my phone aggressively. Can’t I just sleep forever? I hope that’s what you get to do in heaven.

I lifted my legs off my bed, slipping on my slippers. As I got up, I immediately got a head rush. Whoa I thought. I looked down at myself, why was I wearing a red dress? Actually, why was I still wearing this dress? Did I get drunk last night? The sudden raging headache that came answered my question.

I quickly made my way towards my bathroom and opened my mirror. Aspirin. I need Aspirin. Come on. I know I have Aspirin. Of course not, great. Maybe I should just call in sick to work then. I’m not trying to show up as a reporter with a headache.

I closed my mirror and took a deep breath. I looked at myself in the mirror and poured cold water on my face. I was not looking good at all. I’ll just quickly get ready and call my friends when I get back from work to see if they remember anything or if I did anything stupid last night. Something felt off and I had to find out.

I went into my closet and pulled out a black shirt with some cargo pants. I’ll just pretend like nothing happened and nobody will even notice, I hope. I quickly put on a little bit of makeup after brushing my hair out and putting it up into a simple ponytail. Okay, time to go to work.


I stood there in the elevator alone as the lights flickered around me. I really shouldn’t have gone on the elevator with this kind of headache. I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to get any work done. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to focus and make my headache go away. Of course it didn’t work; I was really going to have to fight through this to get through the day.

The elevator made a ding sound as I reached the seventh floor, here goes nothing.

As soon as the doors slid open, the sound of mumbles filled my ears; people were collaborating with one another. Nobody looked at me.

Thank God I thought, maybe if I just remained invisible, no one will bother me and I might just be able to get through the day. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

As soon as I stepped one foot out of the doors, I bumped into a young woman with a bunch of folders in her hands.

Oh!” she said as the folders fell onto the floor.

“I am so sorry!” I exclaimed.

She stared down at the folders, bending down to pick them up, “No, I should’ve stopped walking as soon as I saw the elevator open. It’s not your fault.”

I bent down to help her pick up the folders, “I’m still so sorry. You must’ve gone through a lot to organize these folders.”

She shook her head as I handed her the folders, “It’s fine. It’s funny, you sound a lot like-,” she said as she finally looked up at me, “Oh my gosh! Tess Rose!?”

I looked at her confused, “Yeah, that’s me.”

All of the sudden, the whole room quieted down and stared at me. It took just two seconds before people started rushing out of their desk and hounded over me. I got a series of questions…

“Where have you been?”

“What happened to you?”

“You don’t look so good.”

“Are you okay?”

“Oh my gosh, it’s been so long!”

“Tess! We’ve looked everywhere for you!”

I shook my head and pushed through the crowd, this was not working for the headache that I already have. I had one hangover and people are concerned about me? How did they even know I got drunk last night? I only remember my outside friends being there, not my work friends.

I felt dizzy as I continued to push through the crowd. I made it through and made my way towards my desk but was interrupted by my boss yelling.

“SILENCE!” he exclaimed.

Everyone was silent immediately as I stopped walking and stared at my boss across the room. He was on the phone.

“Yes sir. She is here. I don’t know officer, she just showed up to work. Okay. Okay. Thank you very much. See you soon.” He hung up the phone and put his hands on his hips and looked at me, “Honey, where in the world have you been?”

I scoffed, “Last time I checked, I’m not late. Am I?”

Everyone looked at my boss, “Well no, but—”

“Well I’m sorry boss, but I would really appreciate it if there wasn’t so much noise. Everybody crowding me while I have this massive headache just really doesn’t work for me. I’m sorry but I had one hangover with all my friends at a party. I didn’t think that everyone would make that a big deal. I don’t remember anything from that party which is how I know I drank too much, but if I did something stupid, I’m sorry. I just really didn’t expect the police to be involved; did I really do something that stupid?” Everyone just stared at me, wide eyed. I just looked back at everyone, “What? Why is everyone staring at me?”

My boss spoke up, “Are you talking about the party that took place at the Brackies Bar?”

“If that was the party last night then I’m pretty sure, why?”

My boss looked at the group of people staring back at him. He looked at me, wearing a serious face, “Tess, that party wasn’t last night. That party took place a month ago. Tess, you’ve been missing for a month.”


***


Like I said, the only emotion she will feel is confusion. It took her awhile to actually believe that she’s been missing for a month. It’s all true though, it’s been a month since the night of the party. It was that night that I kidnapped her; thank God she doesn’t remember me.

August 16, 2020 20:12

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69 comments

Pragya Rathore
05:45 Aug 29, 2020

Is the answer a candle? This story was amazingly written! Except for a few minor grammatical errors, it was opened creatively and wonderfully. Great job! :)

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17:33 Aug 29, 2020

Hehe, yea you got it right! Nice. Thank you so much! I've realized my mistakes but I'm so glad people point them out so it can help me more. Thanks for reading my story too!

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Philip Clayberg
05:30 Aug 31, 2020

She's like a modern Rip van Winkle. Only she was gone for a month, instead of twenty years. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing it.

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03:29 Sep 01, 2020

Well thank you for reading it! ;)

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K V Chidambaram
04:48 Aug 31, 2020

Too many I's. A problem with the new generation. Not being taught to restrict the excessive use of I's. Best Wishes.

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03:28 Sep 01, 2020

Thanks for letting me know! I'll definitely fix that up for the future!

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Corey Melin
00:32 Aug 31, 2020

Very well done with the suspense. Heightens as she enters the office. Ends with a bang of superb.

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03:24 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you!

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D. Jaymz
21:21 Aug 30, 2020

This was an excellent story, intriguing 👏 While there may be a few small grammar problems (which have been pointed out by others ), I didn't worry about them (they are a small fix) because I was absorbed in the story (and that's what it's all about — capturing the reader's attention, their imagination.). You were able to create suspense and tension to keep the mystery alive 👍 Great work, and all in all, well written 😊

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23:25 Aug 30, 2020

Thank you so much! So glad I was able to grab your attention

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D. Jaymz
00:15 Aug 31, 2020

You're welcome 😊

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Barbara Burgess
16:59 Aug 30, 2020

ooooo - spooky! A lovely and captivating story. Well done. Don't want to put the mockers on your fabulous story but - - but was interrupted by my boss yelling. “SILENCE!” he exclaimed. If your boss yelled SILENCE - then you don't also need to put - he exclaimed.

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19:30 Aug 30, 2020

Okay great! Thank you so much! Glad you liked it! ;)

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Doubra Akika
17:14 Aug 29, 2020

Your story was so fantastic!! Loved how the beginning and ending tied together! Very creepy!! And the way you built the suspense was honestly something else. Keep writing!!! (p.s. Is the answer a pencil or maybe a bar of soap 😂😂?)

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17:46 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you so much! And no, neither of them are correct, its actually a candle lol. Nice try though! Maybe next time ;)

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Doubra Akika
17:53 Aug 29, 2020

It was my pleasure! The candle works better, but yeah, maybe next time😂. (p.s. Thanks a lot for checking out my stories as well! Means a lot!)

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17:58 Aug 29, 2020

Anytime, just let me know if you ever have a new story released and you want me to read it! I would gladly do it.

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Doubra Akika
17:59 Aug 29, 2020

Thanks! That means a lot!

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Kristin Neubauer
16:36 Aug 29, 2020

Oh my gosh, Angelina! That's creepy and eerie and suspenseful all rolled into one. I loved it! I thought you opened it really well to get the mystery moving right away....and then you kept building and building the suspense. It felt like an episode of The Twilight Zone. It feels like there might be a continuation to this story....I'd love to read more if there is. Great work!

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17:44 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you so much! This means so much to me! ;)

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Jonathan Blaauw
10:28 Aug 29, 2020

This was so engaging. I’d almost forgotten about the opening bit until it became highly relevant at the end there. Excellent set-up and brilliant execution of a fairly complex plot in so few words. And, of course, who can’t relate to not remembering the night before a time or two? Blending the commonplace with terrifying elements as you have reall works to capture the reader. Get it? Capture? Ok, sorry. The only part that jumped out at me as needing attention is the paragraph starting ‘Sorry, boss.’ You have the character say a lot of what ...

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17:42 Aug 29, 2020

Omg, thank you so much! You sound like such a funny person! But unfortunately, you got the riddle wrong, its actually a candle lol. But for being such a good sport, I will do as promised, follow and like every story you published because you made my day! ;))

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P. Jean
09:30 Aug 29, 2020

You drew the reader in nicely. Yes a few housekeeping errors with grammar but overall well thought out. Your riddle is candle? I hope that is correct. You are young and you must keep writing.

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17:37 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you and I will continue to write as much as I can and learn from my mistakes. By the way, yes, You got it right! ;)

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Rayhan Hidayat
06:44 Aug 29, 2020

Now that was unsettling 😮 The intro and the ending were awesome, I felt like I was in on a really dark secret that I could go to jail for haha. And it’s scary to think what was done to her body that whole time she was in a coma... This was a very solid thriller overall, keep at it! 😙 Btw the answer is a candle 😉

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17:35 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you so much! I really enjoy writing mysteries and thrillers and your response to my story helps a lot. By the way, you got it right! ;)

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Kendall Defoe
05:21 Aug 29, 2020

Okay, you got me...

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17:30 Aug 29, 2020

;)

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Ali Anthony Bell
20:52 Aug 27, 2020

Very interesting construction. The "Can you keep a secret" coming from the narrator speaking to the reader instead of one of the characters speaking to another is an interesting way to start. I've noticed several people have already advised you on grammar, it's true English is difficult and you're doing great. (she lay there in her bed, I laid the book down on the table, Lay is the past of lie, and laid is the past of lay) The more you read the more you will pick up correct grammar without necessarily studying it. There are some other things...

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04:52 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you so much for your help! I will definitely try to use descriptive words like you just showed me, it would make it sound a lot better. I noticed my errors and it was too late to edit, but it does help me with publishing. I need all the criticism I can get and you helped me out more. Thank you for reading my story! :)

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17:34 Aug 31, 2020

I think the stairs are yellow Angelina🤔

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03:32 Sep 01, 2020

Hehe, actually no. There are no stairs. See I said in the beginning - 'A one-story house', good guess though! ;)

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08:47 Sep 01, 2020

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh (face palming) how could I NOT get that?!!

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01:35 Sep 02, 2020

LOL, not everybody got it so it's okay ;)

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. .
09:50 Aug 31, 2020

Great take on the prompt, I really enjoyed it!

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03:31 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you!

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K V Chidambaram
07:26 Aug 31, 2020

ANSWER to your riddle. One Storey House hence no stairs so no colour. The spelling of word story of building should be storey and not story I think. Please reconfirm.

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03:30 Sep 01, 2020

Storey? I'll check that out but to be honest, I've never seen anything spelled that way. But thank you though! You got it right ;)

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B. W.
05:44 Aug 29, 2020

I think this may be the first story of your's that ive read though i'm not completely sure, maybe i've read another one. this one is really great though and you should just keep making more stories here. i'm going to give this story a 10/10

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17:31 Aug 29, 2020

Awe thank you so much! Means a lot!

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B. W.
17:45 Aug 29, 2020

No problem ^^ i was also wondering if you could go and check out "The camp" and "Not his fault" ? i'd love to see what you have to say ^^

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17:46 Aug 29, 2020

Yes of course!

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B. W.
17:50 Aug 29, 2020

yay thanks ^^ i can't wait to see what you have to say

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B.T Beauregard
00:51 Aug 29, 2020

Great story! A super creepy interpretation of the prompt, left me wanting more!! I hope you consider writing a part two. I noticed some tense mistakes, but overall, nice job. If you could check out my newest story and leave some feedback, I would really appreciate it. :)

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Leane Cornwell
22:22 Aug 23, 2020

Whoa! Scary stuff there Angelina. Sounds like the beginning of a Stephen King novel. I want to turn the page. There has to be more!

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04:14 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you so much! Huge compliment, there will most likely be more added in the future, I plan to publish my short stories in the future and I'm most likely going to have a part two! Stick around ;)

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Regina Perry
14:20 Aug 23, 2020

This is a great story. Just one small detail that requires pointing out- you confuse your tenses a bit in this, switching back and forth between past and present. I think you mostly use present tense when your character is thinking, but it's a little hard to tell. I know it's too late to do anything about it now, but if you're careful to italicise all thoughts in future, that'll make your stories a good deal easier to follow.

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04:12 Aug 24, 2020

Thanks for the tip! Helps me a lot.

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