69 comments

Mystery Thriller

Can you keep a secret? I’m about to tell you something I haven’t told anyone yet. I’m about to tell you how her day went. But right now she laid there in her bed. Her eyes moved back and forth from behind her eyelids, having some kind of dream that most likely won’t be remembered. Her crimson colored dress shaped every curve of her body while her dirty blond hair spread so nicely on her pillow. I could just put her in a glass box and name her my sleeping beauty but no, not today. I want to see how she does.

It was any minute now that she would wake up and get ready to go to work as if nothing happened. She won’t suspect a thing. Sure, people will be hounding her with questions, but the only emotion she will feel is confusion. Don’t believe me? Just listen.


***


I saw the colors of a red-orange behind my eyelids as I slowly began to wake up from whatever dream I just had. I can feel the warmth soaking up my skin from the sun creeping in from the blinds, telling me I need to wake up to go to work.

My eyes snapped open as my alarm went off. I inhaled deeply as I stretched and turned off my alarm coming from my phone aggressively. Can’t I just sleep forever? I hope that’s what you get to do in heaven.

I lifted my legs off my bed, slipping on my slippers. As I got up, I immediately got a head rush. Whoa I thought. I looked down at myself, why was I wearing a red dress? Actually, why was I still wearing this dress? Did I get drunk last night? The sudden raging headache that came answered my question.

I quickly made my way towards my bathroom and opened my mirror. Aspirin. I need Aspirin. Come on. I know I have Aspirin. Of course not, great. Maybe I should just call in sick to work then. I’m not trying to show up as a reporter with a headache.

I closed my mirror and took a deep breath. I looked at myself in the mirror and poured cold water on my face. I was not looking good at all. I’ll just quickly get ready and call my friends when I get back from work to see if they remember anything or if I did anything stupid last night. Something felt off and I had to find out.

I went into my closet and pulled out a black shirt with some cargo pants. I’ll just pretend like nothing happened and nobody will even notice, I hope. I quickly put on a little bit of makeup after brushing my hair out and putting it up into a simple ponytail. Okay, time to go to work.


I stood there in the elevator alone as the lights flickered around me. I really shouldn’t have gone on the elevator with this kind of headache. I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to get any work done. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to focus and make my headache go away. Of course it didn’t work; I was really going to have to fight through this to get through the day.

The elevator made a ding sound as I reached the seventh floor, here goes nothing.

As soon as the doors slid open, the sound of mumbles filled my ears; people were collaborating with one another. Nobody looked at me.

Thank God I thought, maybe if I just remained invisible, no one will bother me and I might just be able to get through the day. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

As soon as I stepped one foot out of the doors, I bumped into a young woman with a bunch of folders in her hands.

Oh!” she said as the folders fell onto the floor.

“I am so sorry!” I exclaimed.

She stared down at the folders, bending down to pick them up, “No, I should’ve stopped walking as soon as I saw the elevator open. It’s not your fault.”

I bent down to help her pick up the folders, “I’m still so sorry. You must’ve gone through a lot to organize these folders.”

She shook her head as I handed her the folders, “It’s fine. It’s funny, you sound a lot like-,” she said as she finally looked up at me, “Oh my gosh! Tess Rose!?”

I looked at her confused, “Yeah, that’s me.”

All of the sudden, the whole room quieted down and stared at me. It took just two seconds before people started rushing out of their desk and hounded over me. I got a series of questions…

“Where have you been?”

“What happened to you?”

“You don’t look so good.”

“Are you okay?”

“Oh my gosh, it’s been so long!”

“Tess! We’ve looked everywhere for you!”

I shook my head and pushed through the crowd, this was not working for the headache that I already have. I had one hangover and people are concerned about me? How did they even know I got drunk last night? I only remember my outside friends being there, not my work friends.

I felt dizzy as I continued to push through the crowd. I made it through and made my way towards my desk but was interrupted by my boss yelling.

“SILENCE!” he exclaimed.

Everyone was silent immediately as I stopped walking and stared at my boss across the room. He was on the phone.

“Yes sir. She is here. I don’t know officer, she just showed up to work. Okay. Okay. Thank you very much. See you soon.” He hung up the phone and put his hands on his hips and looked at me, “Honey, where in the world have you been?”

I scoffed, “Last time I checked, I’m not late. Am I?”

Everyone looked at my boss, “Well no, but—”

“Well I’m sorry boss, but I would really appreciate it if there wasn’t so much noise. Everybody crowding me while I have this massive headache just really doesn’t work for me. I’m sorry but I had one hangover with all my friends at a party. I didn’t think that everyone would make that a big deal. I don’t remember anything from that party which is how I know I drank too much, but if I did something stupid, I’m sorry. I just really didn’t expect the police to be involved; did I really do something that stupid?” Everyone just stared at me, wide eyed. I just looked back at everyone, “What? Why is everyone staring at me?”

My boss spoke up, “Are you talking about the party that took place at the Brackies Bar?”

“If that was the party last night then I’m pretty sure, why?”

My boss looked at the group of people staring back at him. He looked at me, wearing a serious face, “Tess, that party wasn’t last night. That party took place a month ago. Tess, you’ve been missing for a month.”


***


Like I said, the only emotion she will feel is confusion. It took her awhile to actually believe that she’s been missing for a month. It’s all true though, it’s been a month since the night of the party. It was that night that I kidnapped her; thank God she doesn’t remember me.

August 16, 2020 20:12

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69 comments

Chip Wiegand
13:59 Aug 23, 2020

Hi Angelina, I enjoyed your story, especially the ending. In addition to the comments/suggestions made by Charles S. here are a couple of things that stuck out to me: 1. "Her eyes moved back and forth from behind her eyelids" -> maybe drop 'from' 2. "her dirty blond hair" -> was her blonde hair dirty? or was it the color we call dirty-blonde? I expect you are referring to the color, not the condition 3. "I want to see how she does" -> Maybe you mean 'what' in place of 'how'? 4. "Just listen." -> This being a printed book I think "Read on...

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04:11 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you so much! Criticism is exactly what I need. I plan to publish these short stories in the future once I write more so I need all the criticism I can get.

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Lily Kingston
12:49 Aug 23, 2020

Amazingggggg! I love the tension leading up until the big twist. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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04:07 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you so much!!

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Deborah Angevin
08:45 Aug 23, 2020

Oooh, I love the intro and the ending, as well as how it fits together! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, Angelina! P.S: would you mind checking my recent story out, "Yellow Light"? Thank you :D

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04:06 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you so much and of course! I would love to!

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19:53 Aug 17, 2020

I enjoyed this read. Loved the intro and how you worked into the story. Great job!

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05:19 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you!!

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Sparkle Fingers
03:54 Aug 17, 2020

Great story. I enjoyed reading it. The confusion of the main character was well written. Keep the good work.

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Rebecca Lee
01:32 Aug 17, 2020

All writers deserve an A+ for taking the time, putting out the effort and opening themselves up to all sorts of feedback when they write ... especially fiction. I read the story, and I read what Charles wrote below here. He is on point with the feedback. The concept was great, the character development was unique - you have established your own style for sure, but ... check your grammar, spelling and some mechanics (punctuation). Maybe read it a few more times and edit it while you can? You will find and see what he is saying and what ...

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17:08 Aug 17, 2020

Thank you so much for your help! I did change it up a bit so I hope its better now. I would gladly check out yours since you read mine!

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Charles Stucker
22:17 Aug 16, 2020

"But right now she lied there in her bed" Past tense of lie is lay, unless she is being deceptive. Yeah, bonus points for English is a horribly complicated mixture of languages. "people will be hoarding her with questions" hounding with questions? The framing device is suitably odd at the start and the end leaves questions. Why was she kidnapped? Who is the framing protagonist? How did he manage it? Good in a sort of John LeCarre way. Other than checking your grammar and the two usage/spelling issues above, I wouldn't change anything-...

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17:06 Aug 17, 2020

Thank you so much for your help! I did change it a bit so I just hope that worked. Any suggestions on the title? I did find it difficult to come up with one.

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Charles Stucker
17:45 Aug 17, 2020

How about, "Missing- One Secret Admirer" Or "The Secret Month" Do either of those work for you? This one is not lending itself to one of my really snappy references.

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17:49 Aug 17, 2020

I actually like the secret month, I think that works best. Thank you!

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Megan Sutherland
00:17 Aug 31, 2020

Ok! I just finished it. Very creepy. I loved the ending! You're very descriptive as well- I can visualize everything that's going on. I have one question though- why did the kidnapper decide to return her? Maybe you could have included that in the two little excerpts from the 'napper. Well done overall!

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03:23 Sep 01, 2020

I'm thinking about a part 2 so hold on tight for that!

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Megan Sutherland
03:39 Sep 01, 2020

yay!

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Megan Sutherland
00:09 Aug 31, 2020

Ok, Angelina, I'm going to read this but I had to get this out. The answer to the riddle is that THERE ARE NO STAIRS. It's a one story house! If there were stairs I bet they'd be yellow. I'm going to go read this now :)

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03:22 Sep 01, 2020

I'm laughing right now lol, yes you're right, there are no stairs, great job! ;)

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Megan Sutherland
03:39 Sep 01, 2020

haha, thanks!

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