The Diary of Samara Bashir

Entry 1

It all started with a promise. The promise of one man. The promise that he alone could save us from a corrupt government that was slowly and secretly taking away our rights and freedoms. Now, the democratic constitutional republic that we once knew has been replaced by authoritarianism, Christian Nationalism, and a state-run oligarchy loyal to a dictator. Freedom of religion – gone. Freedom of speech – gone. Freedom of press – gone. Freedom of assembly – gone. The right to due process – gone. Social programs that protect citizens from poverty – gone. Civil rights and DEI initiatives – gone. Environmental protection – gone. Labor laws – gone. Emergency and disaster relief – gone. Women’s rights to reproductive healthcare – gone. Birthright citizenship – gone. International allies – betrayed.

The new system of isolationism, as sold to the people, was supposed to bring jobs back to the country and make us prosperous, like during the days after World War II. Jobs returned but the common worker was replaced by AI. The promised wealth filtered into the pockets of the wealthy. The betrayal of our foreign allies led to them conducting business with other countries. The dollar depreciated, inflation soared, unemployment skyrocketed, poverty increased, homelessness became common. Our natural resources were depleted. The forests have been stripped bare, the soil is eroded, the water is polluted, the animals are dying. It is nearly impossible to live off the land. We tried to warn people through protest, but the military was used against us.

Today, I write by firelight at the entrance of a cave. I am an Islamic middle-easterner by heritage – second generation, born in country. I fear deportation for my ethnicity, color of my skin, and sexuality. Anything that defies church, state, or leader is condemned, declared illegal, and if they can find any reason to deport you, they will – citizen or not. There are countries out there that will take anyone and imprison them for a price. I’m huddled in this little cave with others who fear deportation to foreign prisons along with those who fear the modification camps for the LGBTQ.

We’re all hungry. We haven’t eaten for days. Our last meal was a few squirrels that we all shared and some wild strawberries, which are a far cry from their cultivated cousin. Just writing about it makes my stomach cry out in pain. It will be nice when the water we boiled is cool enough to drink. That will be something at least. I, along with a couple others, are going out in search of food tomorrow. I pray we find something. The few children and elderly amongst us are not faring well. They don’t move much and sleep a lot. When you talk to them, their voices are weak. I pray that their strength returns with a little food.

Entry 2

We walked for what felt like hours and found nothing except for a decomposing deer covered in flies and maggots. We encountered a couple squirrels scurrying up a tree, but we don’t have the means to hunt, only trap and scavenge. We were hoping to come across a deserted residence or abandoned town. Small towns are boarded up ghost towns these days. I hear the inner cities aren’t much better. Only the pricier suburbs were faring well the last I heard.

When the country began to decline, there were riots and looting. Not much was left from that. Since then, the homeless and us vagabonds have been living off the scraps left behind. Scavenging consists of a lot of risk. We have to get in there unnoticed, or we could be detained and deported. A month ago, two men and a woman went out scavenging from a house we were sleeping in. They never came back. Fearful that we might be discovered, we trekked into the hills where we found this cave.

We returned at dusk tonight to learn that one of our dear friends passed away in her sleep, an elderly Haitian woman by the name of Nadege. Nadege was a wise and creative person who could weave together wonderful stories filled with love, adventure, and laughter that entertained us all. She will be dearly missed. We carried her body away from camp and left her unburied. We didn’t have the tools to dig a grave. Her body will become food for the scavenger bird and worm alike. One way or another, mother nature always reclaims what is hers.

Entry 3

We were on the move again today. Hector went down to the river to collect more water to boil and spotted plain clothed men carrying machine guns. If they were everyday citizens, they are citizens loyal to the government, probably looking to cash in on a reward or something. Hector didn’t know if he was spotted or not, but it was something we couldn’t risk. We packed our belongings in haste and set out away from the river. It was slow going trying to hike through rough terrain with the sick and dying. In all reality, we are only a half day’s hike from the cave. We are openly exposed. Some of us are taking shifts standing watch, two per shift. If someone happens to come across us, the best we can do is scream and give the others the chance to run. It’s a less than ideal situation. I don’t like it.

Entry 4

Today it rained most of the day, making our journey a little more difficult. The ground was slippery, and our clothes and shoes were heavy with water. As the sun set, we found this little one room cabin. We don’t think it has been used for a while. It’s filled with cobwebs and dust. It must be someone’s long forgotten hunting cabin. We’re crammed in here, shoulder-to-shoulder, all twenty-three of us. It’s a tighter fit than the cave. We’ll be sleeping sitting up, but it’s dry and there is a fireplace to keep us warm. Yuriko found a few dusty cans of stew in a cabinet. For the first time in days, we ate. Not much, but it tasted so good, and it quelled the hunger, for now.

Yuriko and I have become very close since we found her in the woods three years ago. She was a student here on a visa. She had to flee her campus when the government raided it looking for foreigners. It might have resulted in a simple deportation back to Japan, then again, it might not have. Yuriko had heard rumors and feared the worst. Now she’s my travel companion and sleeping buddy. There is no doubt about the love we share, although neither of us has yet to act on it. There’s an emotional attachment, but it’s like neither of us wants to get too emotionally attached. There is always that fear looming over our heads that something might happen to separate us all.

Entry 5

Some of the young and the elderly are violently coughing today. They are shaking with chills, which indicates to me that they have fevers. Several people went out in search of a water source. The least we can do is keep them hydrated. I’m contemplating talking to the others when they get back about sending out scavenging parties to find food and medicine. We were heading south, away from the river. I’d like to send out three parties of four in three directions for two days to increase our chances of success. If everyone agrees, I will volunteer to lead one.

Entry 6

We discussed the scavenging party idea. The group was divided, some not wanting to risk being discovered. A vote was held. Three groups of four will set out in the morning for two days.

Entry 7

My group consists of Yuriko, Kourtny, and Deepak. Around midday we came to a road. We stuck to the cover of trees and followed it north to a small town called Union Village. I’m not even sure you can call it a town. If you were to drive through and sneeze, you would miss it. There is a general store, antique store, bar, church, hardware store, and post office. That's all there is in Union Village. From what we could see from surveilling the town, it was deserted.

Deepak broke into an abandoned car for the tire iron. We used that to pry away the plywood that was covering the general store’s entrance. We broke the glass on the door and climbed through, glass crunching beneath our feet. It was dark in there, save for the light shining in from the entrance, but we could easily see that the place was untouched and perfectly stocked. Canned goods lined the back shelves, bottled water was still in one of the coolers, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, antibiotic cream, and cough suppressant were found down one of the aisles. We grabbed toilet paper as if the stuff was made of gold. Energy bars were packed up. So were matches. We filled our bags as tight as we could get them.

With the sun setting, we decided to find a place to sleep for the night. We chose this decrepit Victorian style home at the edge of town. It wasn’t boarded up or even locked. The ground floor flooring is solid, so we are laying down for the night.

Entry 8

Today was a day I wish never happened. I wish I never suggested the scavenging parties. When Yuriko and I woke up, Deepak and Kourtny were already at the window. I could hear voices outside. Yuriko and I crawled over to them by the window and peered out. A military convoy was passing through and noticed that the general store had been broken into. After searching the store, the commanding officer gave the command to search the surrounding area.

We grabbed our things and headed for the back door, hoping to get out of sight while there was still time. We were cut off by two soldiers at the door. We turned and ran for the front door which exploded open. Three more soldiers were there. We shifted directions and ran up the stairs. Deepak’s leg went through a step. I looked back and two soldiers were wrestling him free and down the stairs. The rest of us made it to a bedroom. I shut the door and locked it, hoping to buy us time. Kourtny opened the window and looked out. “We have to jump,” she said. “The roof of the back porch is just beneath us. We can make it.”

I pushed Yuriko towards the window for her to go first as a loud bang echoed from the bedroom door. Kourtny quickly followed and I was right behind her. We sprinted for the tree line. As I was catching up with the other girls, I heard a shot fired. Yuriko hit the ground. I slid to a stop and went to her. I rolled her over and her eyes were glazed over, empty. My heart was struck with a great sadness. I just wanted to throw myself over her and mourn, but Kourtny came back, tugging on me as bullets kicked up dirt around us. I let go of Yuriko and ran for the tree line.

Kourtny and I took the long way around back here to the cabin. Edna’s group had already returned, but empty handed. Hector’s group has yet to come back, and I fear the worst.

Entry 9

It has been several days since Yuriko’s death. I keep expecting to wake up and find her here beside me.

Hector’s group has not returned. It is time to assume they have been captured, killed, or a combination of both.

Fevers are down. Coughs are suppressed. People seem healthier now that they have food and medicine. I guess our search parties weren’t all for not. The children run and play around the cabin. Adults stay busy with chores, resuming some semblance of a social construct.

Edna and I had a private conversation today. We discussed moving on despite everyone’s apparent happiness. There’s no water source nearby, and the food and water we brought back isn’t going to last forever. None of us are getting a good night's sleep crammed in that tiny cabin and eventually it will affect us all. She asked me where I thought we should go. I told her I didn’t know. Nowhere feels safe anymore.