Well. Hi? I don’t really know how something like this should start.I’m starting journaling per request of my therapist. So...Yeah. She said to just start writing about your feelings but I’m not really feeling anything right now. That’s starting to happen a lot lately. Where I just feel void of all emotions. Empty. It’s not exactly a bad thing, but I wouldn’t call it good either. It’s not sadness I guess. But, seeing as I have no feelings to write about, I’ll just end right now. Um. Bye?
August 8, 2019
Well, I talked to a friend of mine yesterday and she said if you’re going to journal,. You have to put the date before each entry. I asked her why, but she just said that’s how you journal. She also said I have to introduce myself to the journal. So that’s just great. My name is Dan Cremly and I’m going to 10th grade in the fall. I like to read and that’s about it. Of course, my parents see it fit to put me in multiple classes in order to find out my true talent. I’ve done archery- nearly took an eye out, horseback riding- got thrown off into a huge pile of mud, ballet-just kicked out for bad spirit, and right now I’m in art. The teacher just won’t give up on me even if the best thing I can draw is a stick figure. I’ve also been in therapy for the past 3 years because my parents are concerned I might have depression. I’m pretty much the ruined child. Huh. This has turned into a larger entry than I thought. I think this is long enough for today. I’ve learned how to close.
August 9, 2019
I don’t know why, but I’m weirdly looking forward to this part of my day now. I had therapy earlier. Dr. Bardot, my therapist, said that she’s glad I started writing. We didn’t have much to talk about today. She just asked me how art was going. I told her fine. Anyway, right now I’m feeling nostalgic with a hint of annoyance. Nostalgic because I miss my old therapist, who moved away last year. And annoyed because I miss my old therapist. I mean, Dr. Bardot is nice and all, but I feel like my old one understood me better. The only good thing that has come out of my therapist right now is writing in here. I have my art class tomorrow. My old therapist, Dr. Carters, would’ve seen right past my fine, and given me m&ms to sugarcoat me into telling the truth. And the truth is that I thought art would be over a lot sooner. I don’t know if I’m really enjoying it or not, but it’s been better than most of my classes. Life is boring as usual. Alright. Long enough for today, I think.
August 10, 2019
We got some new summer homework today. Wonderful, right?Wrong. I’m doing APUSH this year so the summer homework has been piling up. I wonder what that means for actual homework when we get to school? I’m feeling...hmmm I don’t know. Not completely empty. This is a new kind of feeling. I’ll have to talk about it with Dr. Bardot at our next session. I regret telling my mom about the empty feeling. She keeps asking me about it now. God, I wish she was like you. You listen to everything I write with literally no criticism and when I'm done, I feel so content because I’ve let everything that’s on my mind out. Art was actually pretty fun today. I met this girl, Manon. She’s so amazing at drawing. She taught me how to draw 3D shapes with depth. I guess I should introduce new characters into this story of my life too. She’s in my grade and loves to draw and read. She has curly dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and tanned skin.. That’s all I know about her right now, but I think I could get to know her if I don’t get kicked out of Art. Well, I better go get started on my homework. Wish me luck.
August 15, 2019
Death. I didn’t think it’d reach my family. And yet it did. Leaving me and my perfect little sister orphans. I guess I’ve never really told you about Riley because this is the one thing that’s mine and only mine. It’s not like she’s that much younger than me. My parent’s deaths hit us both just as hard. So you wanna know what I’m feeling right now, lifeless notebook? You wanna know? I feel like a worthless piece of junk. I feel stupid for making the last conversation with my mom a dry one. I feel dejected because I haven’t said I love you to my parents in so long. Mostly, I just feel plain sad. Sorry I guess, that I haven’t written for the past 5 days but I wasn't really in the mood. The accident happened on August 11...late at night. They were going to a party or coming back home from it, I don’t know. Suddenly, I don’t feel like writing anymore.
August 16, 2019
Well. Today has been a terrible day. We had to pack all our stuff. Riley started crying, and then I started crying, and then my Aunt Beth found us huddled together in the hallway besides our bedrooms. We’re moving in with my Aunt since she’s the relative that lives closest to us. I don’t really know what to do with myself anymore. I did my art stuff that needs to be done by tomorrow. We had to draw something that means a lot to us. I drew our house. I’m going to miss it. Oh my god, I sound so lame. I had another therapy session. I talked to her about the new feeling and she said it's called calm. I told her I’m not dumb, and I know what the feeling of calm is, but it’s not what I was feeling. She said then I’m describing it wrong. God, sometimes I wanna slap that Dr. Bardot in the face. She read all my entries. Isn’t that an invasion of privacy?? I shouldn’t have brought you with me. Well, I have to go unpack.
August 17, 2019
My art teacher loved my drawing of the house. Manon drew a french flag. She said she misses her home in France. Anyway, today the teacher taught us how to draw a person correctly. She said I’m learning fast. Maon dressed really cute today, in a jeans jumpsuit and a yellow shirt under. I think she’s really pretty. I also think I’m getting a… crush on her. I haven’t had a crush since 7th grade. I’m going to ask her out soon...I just need to wait for the right moment. Oh no...what am I thinking? What if she says no! I cannot ask. But what if she says yes? I think I know what I was feeling now. I think I was in love...Like...Whatever. Okay I better go, my Aunt is calling me.
August 19, 2019
More crying today. Me and Riley were looking at old pictures of Mom and Dad. I think it took a death in the family to bring us closer together. She comes to my room to talk a lot now. I couldn’t write yesterday cause I lost my pen. I found it today, obviously. I’m really tired, so I’ll talk more tomorrow.
August 20, 2019
So, guess what? I saw Manon at the library today and we exchanged numbers!! Today is literally the best day of my life. It turns out we read the same types of books too, dystopian fiction. I think I’ve decided that I’m going to tell her I like her at the next art session. After all, this class ends in two more. I can’t believe I just might make it to the end of this class. My art has come a long way too. I can draw landscapes and people and other things too. I think my parents would be proud. I can’t believe I write to you like you're a person. You probably get bored with my life. I should probably tell Dr. Bardot thank you. It is her birthday next session after all. I’ll buy her a journal of her own, so she can find the joy of writing too. OH MY GOD! MANON JUST TEXTED ME! I have to go answer. Write ya tomorrow!
August 22, 2019
So, I decided to learn some french to win over Manon. So, Comment allez-vous is how are you. And veux-tu sortir avec moi is will you go out with me. I know Oui is yes and no is the same in both languages. I think that’s enough...Hopefully. I went to Target with Aunt Beth and Riley yesterday. They helped me pick out a nice journal for Dr. Bardot, and some flowers which they also think are for my therapist, but are really for Manon. If she says yes, I’ll tell them the truth. If she says no, I can put this unrealistic fantasy of me finally not being lonely behind me. I still remember my 7th grade crush. Her name was Hazel. She was short and had black hair. I think her eyes were green..Or maybe they were blue. She was funny and sweet. But she was an open book. I feel like there’s more to discover about Manon. Oh yeah, one more thing. I didn’t write yesterday because I had to unpack all day long. Aunt Beth says Riley and I have to make our rooms more “unique” so that’ll be fun. Maybe if things work out, Manon will help me. Okay, bye!
August 23, 2019
Dr. Bardot liked the journal. She said she hasn’t gotten a birthday gift in 5 years. I’m glad I made her day. We talked about happy things for once today. She told me memories of her favorite birthday parties. Tomorrow is the day. I already have butterflies in my stomach. Riley came in my room while I was trying to pick out what to wear, and she asked so many questions that I had to tell her. She promised she wouldn't tell Aunt Beth though, and she helped me pick out an outfit. I better get to sleep. Night!
August 24, 2019
AHHH! MANON SAID YES! Today is the most amazing day of my life. Scratch where I said that in my other entry. Our first date is going to be at the cafe by the bookstore, and my plan is to buy her a book while we're there. We drew animals in art today, and by next week we have to have a drawing of at least 3 combined animals. I can't believe it's almost over. I'm going to miss my teacher. My drawing has improved a lot since the beginning of Summer. In fact, I want to go draw right now. Write ya tomorrow!
September 2, 2019
Wow. I have not written for about a week. I owe you an apology and thanks. I don't think any teenage boy could ever live without a diary. Anyway, today was my mom's birthday. Manon and I went to her grave and I brought some flowers to put on there. Riley came with us. I ended up telling Aunt Beth about Manon. She didn't really say much. Manon came over yesterday and helped me make my room feel more homey. School starts in two days. I'm nervous, but I don't think I've been this excited to start school in forever. It turns out Manon is going to my high school! She moved to the US from France this year! Her English, is like perfect, so I always thought she came when she was little. All in all, life is pretty good, except for the fact that I miss my parents. Riley and I are getting though it. Together. I'm going to give you to her. I think you've served your purpose with me. I think I've changed for the better. Make sure she treats you well, alright? See ya!