The Simple Meet

It was another beautiful day for Stewie as he crawled out of his cardboard box to face the shiny, round orb in the sky.

“Another great day to show everyone my talents,” he said with a beaming smile.

He crawled back into his box and grabbed his last bag of Doritos someone was kind enough to give to him.  He opened the bag and started chewing on his right side since he was missing some teeth on his left.  It didn’t take long for thirst to come along so he looked around until he found a birdbath.  He hurried over and thanked the gods it was full of water.  Stewie looked around at the trees, seeing no birds in sight.

“I won’t drink it all!” he called out and slurped away.

Last time he drank too much and ended up facing the wrath of the local birds.  Luckily, the home was nearby so he hid within.  Once he figured he was safe Stewie came out to see his box was peppered with white blobs.

“My home is now unique,” he thought with glee.

Once his thirst was satisfied, with a dead bug thrown in for protein, Stewie went back to his home and tossed the bag of Doritos into the box.

“Now to show the world my talents,” he proclaimed.

Stewie took a couple of steps.

“Hey, you!” a gruff voice called out.

Stewie looked to his left, then to his right, then straight ahead.  A few feet away stood a man with curly hair and a beard a few birds could nest in.

“That would be so cool,” thought Stewie.

“Is that your home?” the man asked, staring him down.

Stewie stared at the man for a few moments, then looked back to his home, then back at the man.

“Are you talking to me?” Stewie asked.

“No,” the man replied with a huff.  “I’m talking to the squirrel in the tree.”

Stewie gave him a questioning look, then looked back and saw the squirrel in the tree, then back to the man.

“I don’t think the squirrel can talk,” Stewie explained to him.  “I have already tried.”

The man snickered, shaking his head.

“I would tell you that you need to get a job, but now I see why you don’t have one,” the man said with a sneer.

“I don’t need a job,” stated Stewie.  “I’m perfectly fine without one.”

“You are perfectly fine leeching off people.”

“What does leeching mean?” asked Stewie.

“You are pretty stupid,” the man stated.

“I have been told I’m pretty,” said Stewie, scratching his head.  “I’m not sure about the stupid part.”

“Quit taking money from people and go out and earn it,”  the man demanded as he shook his head.

“Take people's money?” asked an astonished Stewie.  “Why would I take people's money?  I have plenty from my inheritance.”

“What?!  You have money, but live in a box?”

“Yippers.  I live in the box during the Summer months.  I go back to my big house down the street when it starts getting cold.”

“You are crazy,” the man said.

“We have been here talking for a while,” said Stewie.  “I feel like we have become friends.  As friends, we need to exchange names.  You can call me Stewie.”

“I’m leaving,” the man said and quickly went left.

Stewie shrugged his shoulders.  “Oh well.  I could have gotten another box and put it next to mine, and we would be neighbors.  His loss.”

Stewie continued, heading to his favorite spot.

He soon came to the main street in town and saw that his wooden box was still there.  When he came across it a week ago he thought about bringing the box home, but then figured others needed it to do the same thing he does.

“Time for the warm-ups,” he said.

Stewie started to stretch in all directions to prepare himself.

“I think I am ready,” he happily touted and stepped onto the box.  “Here we go.”

Stewie raised his arms and put his feet together.  He tried to put a stern look on his face.  When he figured he had the right position he remained still.  

“I’m the living statue, baby,” he thought.  “How cool can it get?”

Nubert slammed the door and stomped down the steps until he was at the bottom step.  He was not a happy camper due to his mother not letting him have a piece of gum.

“Why can’t I have gum?” he whined to her.

“I gave you an entire pack to take to your room,” she replied.  “That was yesterday.”

“I love gum.  Not just to chew, but I make mini-statues.  You should check them out.”

“I’m not going to check them out, and I’m not giving you gum,” she stated.

“You just don’t like going into the basement.  I can bring them up,” he excitedly said.

“No, no,” she said, feeling the migraine coming.  “Just go play your video games or play the mean teacher.”

“I need gum to do both!” Nubert cried out.

His mother almost caved in so she could have him leave her presence, but she needed to stand her ground.  Too many times she let her son, who was in his upper twenties walk around the house in his underwear.  Or sing at the top of his voice with very little talent.  Or let popsicles melt as he tried to figure out how many drops it takes to be completely gone.  And so many other things you would think he would have outgrown.

“I’m tired of the gum request,” she told him, giving him the stern look.  “Go outside and play in your tree fort or ride your bike.”

Nubert scrunched up his face in frustration and blew air out of his nose like a bull.  Then he turned around and left the house.

Now, he stood on the bottom step, wondering what he should do.

“Oh yeah!” he cried out with glee.

He reached under the rail to his left and pulled off the piece of gum he stuck there a week ago.

“Still feels somewhat fresh,” he muttered and popped it in his mouth.  “Good indeed.”

He then looked around like it was his first time being outside since birth.  He looked at his treehouse for a minute or two but decided against going up there.  Lately, there tended to be more and more creaks and cracks.  It felt like he was in a haunted house.  He didn’t need to see a ghost or ghoul come popping out.

“My days in the tree fortress are over,” he said.

Nubert looked to his right, seeing his bike lying in the grass.  It didn’t take him long to see the broken chain.

“Dang!” he cried out.  “I forgot I broke it.”

It was about a week ago that three elementary kids started chasing after him.  Luckily, he is a speed demon on a bike so easily got away, but as he approached home the chain broke.  He tossed the bike in the yard and rushed inside.  Nubert locked the door and peeked out the window ever so often.

“Maybe I will just go downtown,” he muttered, feeling the quarters in his pocket.  “Play some video games.”

Nubert started walking along then decided to start skipping so he could get to his destination sooner.  It didn’t take him long to start singing, making any nearby with ears to cringe.

It didn’t take long to come to one of two stores that still had video games.

“And they still only cost a quarter,” he said with glee.

Nubert was always a fan of Dragon’s Lair and was crushed when they removed it from the other store.  Didn’t take one step in the store for a year, and still only frequents the store when the slurpee machine is down at the store he was about to go into.

“What is going on?” he asked before he stepped a foot into the store.

On the main street, sidewalks, and yards were crowds of people of all sorts with banners, signs, colorful clothes, or close to no clothes either walking, standing, sitting, or jumping around.

“This looks fun,” he said with a lopsided grin.

But, when he looked and tried to read what was written on the banners and signs, it made him blush.

“Momma wouldn’t like this,” he muttered.

Then a woman wearing a rainbow shirt, and torn up jeans walked up to him.

“Would you like to join us?” she asked him, showing off her pearly whites.

“Wh...what are you doing?” he asked, not a big talker to the opposite sex except mommy.

“We are about to have a protest march,” she replied.

“March for what?”

He didn’t hear her reply due to two girls walking by in their bikinis, drawing his full attention.

“I’ll go,” he quickly said.  “What do I do?”

“Here is a sign,” she said, handing it to him.  “Wave it in the air, and shout with the rest of us.”

“Sounds easy to me,” said Nubert and glanced at the sign, seeing the word that momma despises.  “Can I get another sign?”

“This is the last one.”

Nubert was about to decline but saw some more girls with a lot of skin showing.

“I’m ready,” he said, figuring he would chuck the sign when he neared home.

It wouldn’t be good to upset mommy.

Stewie realized quickly it wasn’t a good idea to be in this position for long so he put his arms down.

“Now people will know I’m not a real statue,” he thought.

He was trying to think of his next pose when a large group of people started walking by, holding the signs and yelling.

“What in the world are they doing?” he asked himself.  “And they are taking away my customers.”

Stewie stepped off his box, and walked up to an older man with a beard down to his belly, slowly walking.

“What are you doing?” Stewie asked.

“Protesting,” the old man replied.

“Protesting what?”

Four colorful balloons flew up into the air, taking Stewie’s full attention so he didn’t hear a word.

“Did you want to join?” the old man asked him.

Stewie turned to his box, to the old man, to the box, then to the old man.

“Sure,” he said.  “What do I do?”

“Just walk and chant with everyone else.”

“That sounds easy.”

Stewie started walking with the others, not quite understanding what they were saying so he either yelled or roared like a lion.

It wasn’t long before he saw another large group coming toward him.  They seemed to be more colorful, making him wish he was with them.  But many of the words he saw on the signs and banners made him blush with shame.

Soon, the two groups stopped ten feet apart and started yelling at each other.  One by one they took a step closer and closer until some were a foot apart.  Stewie did the same, but instead of yelling, he stopped in awe.  The one across from him, Nubert also had a look of awe.

“My God,” they both thought.  “I think I’m looking at my best buddy.”

“My name is Stewie,” he said and stuck out his hand.

“My name is Nubert,” he said and they shook hands.

The others about to fight saw Stewie and Nubert shaking hands with delight and their fighting spirit evaporated.  Instead, they shook hands, hugged, or blew kisses.

Stewie and Nubert started talking as they walked away, and quickly became best buds.  It wasn’t long that Nubert had a cardboard box next to Stewie’s.  He just made sure he was home before dark.