Standing in the rain

It's raining again, and I don't have an umbrella. My friend is scared that we won't fit under the same one, so I stare out the window, thinking about the one time that it rained, and rained, on and on, and a shiver runs through me. I told Nancy to tell my mum I don't have my umbrella. In fact, I lost it. That should have been when I realised that I needed a new one, because it was a threat to my health, as my mum says. Maybe she got caught in the rain. In that moment, after staying at school for what, an hour, the rain angrily sizzling against the window mirrors the tears running down my face. I stare at someone running down the street. They must be really desperate to run like that. What if they slip? What if my mum slipped scanning the street for me? What if her face landed on the pavement, and the pain shot through her face, and she couldn't get up because the pain was burning, and she pushed herself up, but her hands were destroyed, peeling, burning, the acid searing her till her stark, white weak bone was revealed?

My shoulders were shaking. I had opened a school computer and gone on Youtube and clicked on the weather forecast, along with the endless thumbnails of conspiracy theories telling us why the rain is a government construct, why God was punishing us, with titles flashing THEY ARE HIDING THE TRUTH FROM US! THEY KNOW WHY! I ignore them, as always, and go to the forecast. "The rain won't stop for at least a day, and our infrastructure may need repairing for withstanding more acid than they were designed for..." the suited man faded into the white noise taking over my mind. It couldn't be.I needed to know if my mum was okay, I needed to go home, I needed someone to tell me it would all be okay, I needed to sleep but I couldn't, and I shouldn't have studied with Lydia because now it was pouring that calming green rain, the sizzling sound that once comforted me, now only reminding me of how trapped I truly was. A solitary tear dripped down my shirt, an imitation of what rain used to be. I could feel the stress-drowsiness creeping up on me, like always, so I crept somewhere hidden and then I went out like a light.

Someone was knocking on the window. A sharp, impatient, almost panicked rap. "Hello?" a voice called. "Hello?" I sat up immediately.

I open the door, a single drop of rain burning a hole through my jacket, which we didn't have enough money to acid-proof. No one was there. Until someone was. He looked like a zombie, holes riddling his shirt and no umbrella by his side. He rushed past me, running into the hallway and spattering me with acid. I slammed the door and stared at him. 

“Who are you?” I asked, the voice I imagined strong and powerful. 

“Are you Madeline?” the man asked. My voice wavered.

 “No,I’m Janice.”

“I can’t be.” the man said slowly. 

“I won’t allow it!” Suddenly he was at my throat, the wild fury of a desperate man burning in his eyes. 

“Where is she.” he said, quiet and menacing.

 “I-i-i don’t know.” stay strong, Jan.

“WHERE IS SHE?” he roared spit flying onto me face.

“I don’t know!” don't fall asleep...

“Answer me, or else…”

“I don’t know!” the man sunk, defeated.

“You’re sure?” he says, full of doubt once more.

“No.” 

“I just want to find my daughter, after that woman stole her away…”

It couldn’t be. It wasn’t.

“Sonia,her name was. Sonia Islewood.” he mused, skillfully catching the horror flickering across my face.

“So it is you! You don't know how long I've been looking for you,how much time I spent searching...” I only stared, shellshocked, and didn’t resist as he dragged me to a car, as the rain fell like thunder. I stared, and did the only thing I ever did if it was too much, if I couldn’t handle it. I shut down.

“God she’s heavy!” he shouted jollily to another man. My eyes flickered open. 

“Hey,she’s awake!” I took in the house I was going into. Standard. Not special, at least to me. Maybe it was supposed to be special to me. He hauled me along, like a sack, and I groaned.

“Stand.” he said.

“Stand.” I blinked at the shining sun.

“IF YOU ARE GOING TO GROAN ABOUT BEING CARRIED,STAND!”

I shakily got to my feet, and began to walk. I tried deep breaths,but all I could think about was the fact that the rain wasn’t supposed to stop for a day. What time was it? He responded, as if reading my mind. 

“It’s time to have some fun!”

I was dragged into a party, and they left me among the cheering people.

“Now smile!” but I was so tired, I couldn’t.

“SMILE!” he roared, and a weak one struggled onto my face.

“I won’t have some child I’ve been looking for for years spoil my happy ending.” he muttered. 

“Now have fun, my darling!” he said in a voice like sickly sweet honey. I stumbled, confused, and someone pushed me, giving me a look that said, what are you doing here? I escaped into fresh air, but he was there, the face from those distant memories, those dreams. 

“Go on,enjoy yourself!” he said, malice dripping from his voice.

“I can’t.”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

“I can’t.” I backed away, closer to the raging waves. 

“GET BACK IN THERE.”

“No.” my voice began to shake.

“No.” 

“My mother wouldn’t treat me like this.” I said, tears dripping down my face,as it began to rain. My mother, no matter if this person claimed to be searching for me.

“GET BACK IN THERE!” he screamed,as my face was spattered with acid and my legs began to burn. I only continued my way to the sea. 

“COME BACK!” he wailed.

“Come back.” 

The sea was the easy way out. Someone stronger, someone determined to make the world a better place would have fought, but I just crumbled. I sank into a cosy, deoxygenated existence. “It’s like the books, isn’t it?” Lydia told me. “The hero is dying, and they find the energy to fight for the things they live for.” I chuckled. No, the sea seems like the perfect place to be for me. Peace, and the gentle lulling of the waves. And no umbrella needed! You could just float, stay there while the acid rain consumes the water, till the sea finally turns green. You could be one with the waves. 

“NOOOOO!” the muffled cry came from above me. The wails of the grieving. In the sea, no one has to grieve. In the sea, life is crystal clear, as clear as the crystal of life that is not there, because your thoughts are blank and you are happy. They say I need my umbrella! Why not melt into the pavement, when death is so much more welcoming than life? Why resist, like all of those heroes? Give yourself something for once. Come to the ocean with me.