to fight with god

why 

did you 

leave me here? 

god, i miss you 

why do i miss you? 

i thought i could do this 

i thought i was fine with me 

but now you’re gone and i don’t know 

don’t know what to do; you were my all 

i was wrapped up in what you said of me 

can’t you see that what i’ve done was all for you? 

my time, my worth, my love, i gave them free 

and when you left, you took them with you 

you left me here, this world to rot 

it’s like you made the sun shine 

now the wind knots my hair 

and the clouds are dark 

rain fills my shoes 

tears too, but 

you don’t 

care. 

please 

come back 

i was wrong 

you know what, no 

that is what you want 

but i will stand my ground 

i will not crawl back to you 

you can not make me turn my will 

I’ll be as stiff as you claim you are 

all of my days, i will run far from you 

when i stop, i’ll be so high you can’t reach me 

you will have to crawl to me on your knees 

and then beg for me to take you back 

till then i will stand in this storm 

i don’t care how rough it’ll get 

let this noise shake the earth 

the light pierce my eyes 

to show all things 

and then go. 

it’s dark 

now. 

hey 

hear me 

give me time 

why did you leave? 

hear me shout my hate 

let me scream what i feel 

let me tell you what i think 

you are so great, so high, so far 

or so you think. i will prove you wrong 

my words will make you fall in to my grasp 

and then i want to bring you down here with me 

so that you can know just how this all feels 

to lay face down in the cold wet grass 

and rip the turf up with your hands 

your clothes stuck to your skin 

while the wind goes mad 

and my eyes glow 

and it’s cold

but i’ll

stay. 

hey 

know what? 

it’s not worth 

all that i give 

and if they ask me

i will say you left me 

and i don’t care from now on 

so now you can go on your way 

stop with the pleas for me to come back 

your voice just hurts my ears, i’ll turn it off 

your words will stay in a vault with the key lost 

i’ll do just fine on my own path, you’ll see 

go back to your light, i like this dark 

a weird flash now and then is fine 

i can see just what i want 

i will breathe in this rain 

i will walk through mud 

and just you watch 

i’ll learn how. 

i’ll fight 

on. 

well 

it works 

here i am 

i can go on 

see, i don’t need you 

then why do i still talk? 

i just talk to my self now 

i am more than you said you were 

for i’m kind, i have sense, i am just 

you gave me gifts, but i can give me more 

your laws are in my past, i can make my own 

i make my own up and down, good and bad 

and you can not tell me what to do 

 so i will go on with my life 

but i fight on in this storm 

and i have fought so hard 

yet it still goes on 

it does not stop 

i am stuck.

this rain 

drowns. 

please 

help me 

i came back 

i can’t do this 

i’ll say i was wrong 

you did not leave me here 

i’ll say it was me who left 

and it’s the most true thing i’ve said 

i want back the light you gave my life 

I am done with all this dark all the time 

i’m sick of this fight that i fight on my own 

i’m sick of this brawl that i can not win 

i’m sick of my self and my own tries 

my hands are not as big as yours 

i was not made to guide wind 

i can not scold the rain 

i can’t stop the sound 

i still can’t see 

but i know

what i

need.

why 

do you 

cry so loud? 

i said i’m wrong 

so why do you scream? 

can’t i pay my own debt? 

why must you feel all this pain? 

how can you stoop to love me so? 

i can not watch you die in my stead 

but yet you do it, and what have you done? 

the world’s turned on its head with your love for me 

and i’m scared i might fall off while it spins.

the storm gets more thick. i might die too. 

the ground on which my feet stand sways

while the skies shake in full wrath 

the rain turns red with blood 

my tongue can taste it 

it chokes my throat 

soaks my skin 

coats me 

red. 

you. 

you’re back 

i don’t know 

i don’t get how 

but now here you are 

i know you will not leave 

and that i will stay with you 

you will keep me safe by your side 

and i’ll walk with you in peace through death 

for naught can pull you from me. we are bound. 

you have sworn an oath to me. your word is sure. 

my soul is twined with yours in cords of blood 

you hold out your hands and calm the storm 

those nail pierced hands can kill my storm 

the clouds part when we walk through 

and now the sun does shine 

i am dry and warm 

the wind is gone 

i can breathe. 

i can 

see. 

yes. 

i fought. 

i fought god 

and it was tough 

for he is so strong 

but i learned he is good 

he does not leave those he loves 

and when we run, he will chase us. 

he chased me up to the gates of hell 

he ran for me while i ran for my doom 

he raced me while my steps traced the path to death 

he proved his love while i spit in his face 

he gave his all to mend what i’ve done 

and then he freed me from my storm 

he saved me from what i’d made. 

to fight god is to lose 

but he is so good 

that to fight him 

is to win. 

and i

have.