Fragments of the Journal of Eteri Sibrdzne

2027.10.04

Morning Preparation

I dreamt last night that I was deep in a birch forest of the sort one finds in the North of Russia --vast, endless even. But there were also trees of other sorts which did not belong there: walnuts and cherry and apricot, like we have in the mountains outside Tblisi, and also data palms. Now this forest, being a dream forest, was also a library, and I was its caretaker. I moved freely through the forest, sometimes along foot paths and sometimes along canals, paddling a small canoe or kayak, but mostly I just flew. Each tree bore a multitude of texts in its bark, which it yielded when asked and then regrew. I was gathering texts for something, impelled by ... I am not sure what.

Today I need to focus today on my application to the Committee on Social Thought and get ready for dinner with Deborah Emmanuele, who said she would help me with my proposal and bibliography. I also have a large number of unusual items to catalog. Not my favorite thing, but at least I have a job ata university library at a school where I can continue my studies. 

Oh-- I also want to see if I can go with Deborah when she checks out that strange library annex she was telling me about --the one that her student Elizabeth Thule claims holds a sixteenth century text confirming the blood libel. And I need to figure out what Agent Intellect is --the political network not the concept from Aristotle's De Anima. 

And I must no forget to:

Call Mom

Apologize to Mariam for that cruel remark I made

From the Market:

Saffron --preferably Afghani saffron sourced by Rumi Spice

Frankincese

Beef or mutton short ribs

Ingredients for khmeli-suneli: coriander seeds, basil, savory, dill, chile, saffron, blue fenugreek, bay leaf, mint, celery and parsley

Walnuts

Sapaveri or another good red

Benedictine (the liqueur, not an actual monk)

Six goat or lamb's tongues

Solguni

Noon Check-In

Deborah said that I "absolutely may not" accompany her to that library annex. She says that it would be too dangerous for me as librarian but that she has some room as (kind of/sort of) faculty. Very big-sisterly of her. Except that I am not sure I want a big sister right now. 

My mom is doing well. She says that the leaves are nearing their peak now in the mountains, but not yet in Tblisi. She is making Kharcho and writing poems and missing my father. It has been two years now. She says she may visit in the spring. 

Funny we are both making Kharcho. It must be the colder weather. I do hope that Cepla likes it. She says that she has no problem eating meat. Apparently the idea that Buddhists are vegetarian is just plain wrong. Some are but Cepla is Nyimgpa. It is a tantric lineage. She says that besides, if nothing as inherent existence then there is no difference between meat and vegetable. To me that sounds like an excuse, but I know Cepla. She is quite serious. She says that we are all just nodes in a complex web of interdependence, living in each other's embrace.

I keep putting off apologizing to Miriam. I really was terrible to her. And I know she will be forgiving. But I am also afraid that she will be too forgiving and want to get back together. I am much happier with Cepla and should never have been unfaithful. Perhaps a letter rather than a phone call ... 

Evening Reflection

Deborah was a no show. Now I am worried. Is there something about that library annex that I don't know? Surely they wouldn't arrest her though. And she doesn't really have anyone in Chicago to call if they did, except me. Not even a text. Now I know how my mom felt that time when I simply spent the night at a "friend's" house without calling or anything. Should be angry or worried? I am both.

It was a wonderful dinner with Cepla, though. I made Kharcho and served it with leek pkhali and bread from Argo Bakery up on Devon Ave. Then she answered that question I had for her in a way words could never have matched. We were talking and I apologized again for my infidelity and she asked if I had finished copying the sutras she gave me (one of her little punishments) and I said no, no I hadn't but that I would. And then ... 

It was a conversation but so much more, a complete joining of bodies which enhanced a complete joining of the minds. I would have thought that the one would get in the way of the other, but it did not. We do live in each other's embrace ...

Addendum: 0200

Finally, a message from Deborah. She is sorry. (She had better be.) Something about the library. Don't go there, she said, until I know what is up. She was arrested, or at least detained. Then someone came and got her out and took her ... something about a manuscript, but not from the library. Somewhere in New Mexico. Santa Fe ... she is in Santa Fe? An important mission. Well that just doesn't make sense. But at least she is OK, so I can just be mad her like my mom was mad at me the next morning when I came back.

Another Message: 0330

What? She wants me to come. Cepla too. She says the people there ... some woman named Sara-- will arrange everything. No, we won't lose our jobs. She says it is important. They need us. 

I say I will discuss it with Cepla in the morning.

Don't wait, she says. Someone will come in the morning to escort you. 

OK, I say, not really believing all this is real. I tell her I am still mad though She says that she understands.

 I tell Cepla and she says yes of course we should go.

And then the door bell. Really?

But Cepla already has us packed and ready.