Just Right 🚪🗝

Submitted into Contest #138 in response to: Write about a character who doesn’t want to go to sleep.... view prompt

16 comments

Bedtime Fiction Kids

“Come on Bea calm down for me!”

“I WILL NOT CALM DOWN, DADDY! I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN BUT NOBODY LISTENS!”

“Of course we do!”

“NOOOO YOU DON’T!”

“The noise you’re making, I’d be surprised if the whole world wasn’t listening in to your tantrum podcast.”

“OH VERY FUNNY, DADDY. MR COMEDIAN NOW ARE WE?”

“Well you have to admit you’re being a bit silly.”

“SILLY! ME, SILLY?!? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LEFT THE FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED!”

“…”

“WHAT’S WRONG? NOT GOT ANYTHING FUNNY TO SAY?”

“Bea, it has been a long day and we all need a rest.”

“WELL I’D LOVE TO DO THAT, DADDY BUT SOMEBODY LEFT OUR HOME UNLOCKED AND NOW WE’VE BEEN ROBBED!!!”

“I know but as soon as Mummy sorts out your bed you can…”

“SLEEP HERE? NO WAY! I’M NEVER SLEEPING HERE AGAIN! IT’S NOT SAFE!”

“Please try and stop shouting! Of course it’s safe. I’m going to get an alarm fitted.”

“WHAT’S THAT FOR, TO TELL YOU WHEN YOU’RE BEING AN IDIOT? I COULD DO THAT FOR FREEEEE!”

“And you do on a regular basis but I still put up with it.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO.”

“What do you mean?”

“YOU COULD LEAVE WHENEVER YOU LIKE. WE’D BE MUCH SAFER THAT’S FOR SURE BECAUSE AT LEAST MUMMY UNDERSTANDS HOW TO LOCK A DOOR!”

“You don’t mean that!”

“YES I DO! GO ON! LEAVE!!! I THINK YOU KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS AND HOW TO USE IT… WELL HOW TO OPEN IT ANYWAY.”

“Grrrr now Bea, we both know you’re going through lots of changes lately and it’s clearly affecting your behaviour and moods in lots of ways but you’re being really unfair now.”

“AM I? I THINK I’M BEING LITTLE MISS FAIREST OF THEM ALL!”

“Please Bea, just take a breath and try and think before you keep speaking.”

“… Pfffft okay I’ll talk normally for a bit. I’m fine, Daddy. I just think… maybe I deserve this!”

“Hey don’t be daft! Come on, come here, have one of my cosy bear hugs that always used to cheer you up.”

“GET OFF ME YOU PERV! TOUCH ME AGAIN AND I’LL CALL CHILDLINE!!”

“Good grief! We really need to look at who you’re mixing with at school. Where are you picking up these things you’re coming out with?”

“Seriously! I’m too old for hugs, Daddy! Just try and listen to what I’m saying to you for once in your life!”

“Okay let me take a seat.”

“Oh!? What are you doing?”

“You think I never listen so here I am! I’m all ears.”

“Right! Didn’t expect you to… nevermind! Okay here goes… I’m just going to talk but if you interrupt me Daddy I will sleep in the flipping woods forever!”

“I promise… this is not me interrupting you by the way. Daddy mouth closed from now on.”

“Wow! The power! So here’s the thing… and I know you think I’m being silly but I’m so scared all the time. At home, at school, on holiday… everywhere! Life terrifies me. I want to be a baby forever! It’s so much easier not having any cares in the world, no troubles or strife, but I can feel and see I’m changing and I can’t control it. I know I’m being horrible to you and Mummy but I can’t seem to stop myself and… this doesn’t mean I will magically stop from now on! But I know you and Mummy will always forgive me… unless I scratch out your eyes or something. Don’t worry I won’t do that or run away or call Childline! I just say these things in the hope you’ll listen. If I had my way I’d stay at home forever but the thought of someone coming into our home, lounging on our furniture, eating our food and having a nap has really upset me. WHY CAN’T I BE NORMAL?? Maybe I will come in for a hug now.”

“Of course, come here little one. Oh Bea, you are completely normal to react like this! I know you feel we never listen but we do and we love you so much. You’re our baby, always will be, and the most important thing in our lives. Why else do you think your Mum has been upstairs cleaning up your room for the last hour? We want you to be happy so remember even though your feelings and emotions are out of our control, we do take your comments to heart because it upsets us to see you like this!”

“I know! It’s my stupid brain!”

“Oh stop that! It happens to us all.”

“Even you and Mummy?”

“Oh yeah! I remember shouting at my Dad so loud when I was a teenager that the kitchen windows shattered and our neighbour’s cat almost got its head chopped off by flying glass.”

“REALLY???!!”

“Poor Puss had a nervous twitch after that. I remember accidentally letting a swarm of bees into our house once.”

“You’re making this up!”

“No I’m serious, still don’t know how I did it but I went to see my dad’s hives in his allotment and they got out and followed me home.”

“Got out or you forgot to close the hive?”

“Erm well not forgot really… I just…”

“Thinking about it Daddy that does sound like something you would do. Leaving something open by accident.”

“God! You’re right!”

“Bet Mummy wasn’t as bad as us!”

“Oh yeah! Get this… Mummy ran away from Granny and Grandpa’s cottage for two days and they found her stealing iced buns from the village bakery.”

“HA!! Why have you never told me this before?”

“Mainly because we didn’t want to give you any ideas for future incidents and we’re trying to be good parents and grown ups.”

“You are! You are the best parents I could ever hope for… even if you are REALLLLLY ANNOYING SOMETIMES!!”

“Parents are meant to be annoying and embarrassing. How else are we going to get any enjoyment out of it?”

“Hehe! Love you Daddy. And thank you for finally listening.”

“My pleasure. Just maybe try listening to us now and again as well. Who knows we might both learn something.”

“Yeahhhh…. maybe.”

———

“Bed sheets, covers and duvet changed and all back to normal”

“Yay! Thanks Mummy!”

“What’s been going on down here? I couldn’t concentrate with all the shouting and stomping around?”

“Oh Daddy and I had a good chat”

“I can tell because your father hasn’t put the chairs back, washed the bowls or got rid of the porridge yet! I had to chase that sleepy blonde out of our house because you didn’t want to wake her, remember? I can’t do everything!”

“Sorry love I was going to do it but we got talking and Bea really needed to…”

“Tell me later… make me a tea, let me put my feet up in my favourite chair and then crack on! Off you go to bed Bea!”

“Yes Mummy! Night Daddy!”

“Night my little baby bear!”

“Yuck I hate it when you call me that! I’m a lady bear now.”

“See you in the morning!”

“…and Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to lock the…”

“GRRRRR! BED!!!???”

March 23, 2022 10:33

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16 comments

Sharon Hancock
01:28 Mar 28, 2022

Oh this is so cute and funny! I would be just as anxious as Bea if all that had happened to me. 😂 post traumatic stress and trust issues for sure. Great story I enjoyed it and the twist.

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Pj Aitken
04:33 Mar 28, 2022

Thanks Sharon

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Riel Rosehill
19:36 Mar 29, 2022

Oh my god, is this Goldie Locks?! Such a cool retelling from a different point of view, it was so fun to read - better than the original, actually. Gotta say these bears have much healthier communication than most human families!

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Pj Aitken
19:41 Mar 29, 2022

Haha! They’re smarter than the average bear.

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Jay Mc Kenzie
22:43 Mar 28, 2022

I laughed out loud at the sleepy blonde. Great story!

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Pj Aitken
04:16 Mar 29, 2022

Aw, thanks Jay!

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Felice Noelle
20:33 Mar 28, 2022

PJ: Clever,"The Bad Seed" mixed up with Goldilocks with humor thrown in. Maybe dial back on the all caps,maybe use italics? She reminded me of a couple students I had with anger management problems and obsessive defiant behavior disorders. A little narrative backstory early on would have helped tune me into the storyline earlier, but maybe I'm just dense with all the Covid crap going on. I really enjoyed the story and certainly found it relevant to today's happenings. I wonder how many of today's kids are already scarred and scared. Go...

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Pj Aitken
21:16 Mar 28, 2022

Thanks Maureen

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L.M. Lydon
19:27 Mar 28, 2022

Ha, fun twist! Did not see that one coming at all!

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Pj Aitken
19:55 Mar 28, 2022

Neither did I 😉

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Michał Przywara
21:39 Mar 27, 2022

Haha! Funny story, and the end's a nice twist. It's also touching, with the kind of open communication that many families don't have. Normally all dialogue seems iffy, but it works here as the story's easy enough to follow and I think it sets the ending up well.

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Pj Aitken
04:33 Mar 28, 2022

It was a nice challenge, Michael

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Nic Lyons
18:46 Mar 27, 2022

Very lively story. It would benefit from turning sections of the dialogue into scenes or summaries, and from easing back on the all-caps formatting.

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Pj Aitken
19:17 Mar 27, 2022

Possibly but I didn’t want to but will think about it for future stories.

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07:42 Mar 27, 2022

Hahah! Didn’t see the surprise coming :) Clever story, Pj!

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Pj Aitken
08:43 Mar 27, 2022

Thank you! I enjoyed putting the clues in there 😄

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