225 comments

Adventure Fiction Fantasy

Vibranium was made solely for me. It came to me and obeyed me. It taught me how to live. I had a strong desire towards it; maybe even some lust, but I knew for a fact that this belonged to me.


Nevertheless, no one understood this substance.


Why would they?


The immense potential the vibranium holds is astounding. We, as a world, could combat genetic diseases and create a dynasty. Yet, no one knows where this precious material comes from. But trust me, I’m going to be the first one to find it.


Above me, I heard a siren wailing. Someone’s here. They have found me. I felt the tension when I heard the intensity of the footsteps. Dum Da Dum Da Dum. Each one was louder than the other. In my left hand, I held a vibranium shield that could reflect and absorb kinetic energy; yes, exactly like the one that Captain America has, but much better. On my right, I clutched vibranium arrows that could pierce through absolutely anything. I had been making these for over a year and now was my time to use them.


They entered inaudibly, and I hid behind the pillar; they had not seen me yet. Everything about them was robotic. They moved like robots and scanned everything in the room, and stopped at the vibranium. Coming out from under the shadows, I made my way into the arena and threw my arrows at each one, and kept on doing so until the one at the end came and caught my spear. He threw down his mask and looked me in the eye.


I couldn’t believe it. This was not real. This couldn’t be possible.


Oh no no no.


I rubbed my eyes, but nothing changed. It couldn’t possibly be like this. I observed this man; he had dark chocolate skin and curly black hair, his eyes were mildly brown, which looked like a milk chocolate river, his lips were pink like cotton candy. He was completely identical to me. Everything about us was the same: up to the same freckles, the same hair type, and the same tattoo on his wrist that had the letter W in the middle. Looking at him, I could see that he also had vibranium weapons. How did he get these? I wanted to lean forward and to touch this being. I couldn’t do that. He was trying to kill me but he didn’t and walked away. Looking as baffled as I was.


Questions infiltrated my mind and set off a negative cascade of inquiries to harm me. What had I just seen? I felt these questions suppressing my neurological tissues; I needed to get out of here. They will come again and next time they will show no mercy.


But where will I go?


I have stayed here for 5 years since the day that my foster parents ditched me. My foster parents were the only family I had left and told me to be grateful for them, but I wasn’t grateful because they were monsters. They were cruel, barbaric creatures whose only intent was to make my life filled with pain and suffering. I always got told that my biological father was a King and that I should never actually tell anyone and they meant I was secretly part of the nobility.


Where to now? I thought.


I held up the vibranium, however; it was trying to move out of my hand and it was trying to guide me somewhere. The incessant buzzing and the writhing of the vibranium were telling me to go somewhere. Then it all stopped and all I could hear was the persistent mumble of the word ‘Africa’ in the distance.


It was leading me somewhere.


It went from a mumble into a chant. I could hear it all around me, but no one else could. I could feel the vibranium in my veins; my blood pumped with the force of the vibranium in my hand. It was in me.


It baffled me. It baffled me because I needed to gain another perspective. I needed to take a step back and see the wide-angle version. My brain couldn’t process my subconscious brain. This had never happened before. The vibranium became warmer as it absorbed all the heat from my hand.


Then it hit me: what if I get discovered possessing this secret substance? Then I could die. Just then, my thoughts scattered like a flower scattering its seeds in a strong wind and I remembered something vague from my past. I heard someone telling me, “We will not let our fear of discovery stop us from doing what we want” and maybe this was my father, the King. This is the only memory I have of my past.


That is why I have to find where all this vibranium came from and that is why I wanted to go to Africa.


With every mountain peak, there was another. With each stretch, I reached greater altitudes, and with every stride, I got stronger. I felt the sharp rocks as they whispered to walk lightly. The vibranium grew stronger in my hands; it vibrated more and kept on leading the way until I came off the mountain range. Then it stopped shaking.


I felt a powerful sensation of sway coming from here. It was in the middle of a field and then the vibranium lost all its temperateness and fell to the ground. Something was pulling me forward, it was something that attracted me like a magnet; it felt familiar, a little too familiar. Then it literally hit me: a transparent barrier. They had sealed this wall with some translucent substance. I needed to get inside somehow; I needed to do something. There I saw it out of the corner of my eye: it was the letter W on the ground, just like the tattoo on my wrist.


Perplexed. Yes, completely perplexed. What was this place? What was my connection to this place? Why am I here?


Then he came through the wall towards me. I couldn’t see where he came from or how he did this. I saw his face; he was the man who looked identical to me. He was everything like me…


I asked him who he was and where I was and I began telling him that the vibranium lead me here and that I needed some answers desperately.


"We know this place as Wakanda;" he said.


Wakanda; that seems quite unusual. Why? Because it wasn’t even on the map. It was a hidden place overflowing with vibranium and they had enough to last them for centuries, but no one knew about them. This man who was standing opposite to me and looked exactly like me introduced himself as Abeo.


Before I got to answer, three men pulled me inside the walls, and there, I saw it: the city grew as a platinum petal into a teal sky. This city had a heart, a rhythm, and a beat- all revolved around vibranium. I had never seen so much vibranium in my whole life. From the railway lines to the streetlights, were all powered by vibranium; it was the heart of this place. From the trees in the streets to the mansion in the middle, the city was alive.


They dragged me across the entire city and put me in a room filled with soldiers. I couldn’t run freely or enjoy the outdoor world. Why? Because I was an outsider and I didn’t belong here, but there was something about this place that seemed memorable to me; none of this was new to me. The city beckoned me; it chanted my name, and it called me to worship it.


Then the door flew open and there he was: Abeo and he looked as astounded as me.


He commanded me to get up and follow him, and I obeyed. We walked through the mansion up onto the floor with a throne. They had smothered it with vibranium and gold. Chandeliers were lighting up the room, and I saw enormous pieces of tapestries representing the Wakandan past, and it was mesmerizing. The weapons and machinery were far more advanced than ever in history; this was a utopia.


An old woman entered with her hair braided into a crown and her face was like mine with dark chocolate skin and freckles. However, her eyes were deep blue like the rough sea but tender like the waves on a beach. As she walked in, everyone bowed and greeted her, so I did the same. Then it occurred to me: she was the Queen. I saw on her wrist that she also had a tattoo of the letter W etched into it. I looked around and everyone had this tattoo engraved on their wrist.


She didn’t sit on the throne but on a chair to the far side and looked at me; she looked overwhelmed, like the rest of them. I wanted to say something to break the silence, but Abeo met eyes with the Queen and she nodded.


I couldn’t believe what she said afterward. She told me I was the Prince of Wakanda and Abeo was my twin brother. She told me I got captured in the late wars and they tried to find me but they couldn’t and all hope vanished. Then it came to me: the Queen was my mother.


I asked who my father was, and they told me his name was King T’Challa; I was part of the nobility here in Wakanda and then I remembered that my foster parents told me I was secretly part of the nobility and that my father was a king. It all made sense now.


There he came in: the King and everyone bowed. As he looked at me, tears streamed down his eyes like a river escaping a dam. My parents came over to me and hugged me telling me, they will never let go.


It baffled me: When I heard them calling me ‘Prince Aldrin of Wakanda’ my heart skipped a beat; I knew I was part of the nobility, I never actually thought of myself as a Prince. When looking at everyone’s faces, I knew for a fact that this was my actual family. I looked over the magnificent city which was my own and there it was: all vibranium.


Then everyone chanted “Wakanda forever.”




August 08, 2021 12:04

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225 comments

18:01 Aug 16, 2021

🍿

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Palak Shah
11:20 Aug 21, 2021

Yay :)) Hey, how is it going?

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17:57 Aug 21, 2021

Pretty good! I've got auditions for a play, and I'm trying to write a reedsy cast.

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Palak Shah
18:02 Aug 21, 2021

That is amazing. Well done :)) What is the play about? Enjoy that :))

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18:07 Aug 21, 2021

I'm doing Annie, y'know, the one about the orphans? :) Man, we love these smileys.

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Palak Shah
18:57 Aug 21, 2021

I love that film yay :)) Of course we do here are some more :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Esther :)
00:08 Aug 16, 2021

🍿🍿🍿

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Palak Shah
11:20 Aug 21, 2021

Yay :)) Hey, how is it going?

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Esther :)
15:52 Aug 21, 2021

Good! What about you?🙂

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Palak Shah
18:02 Aug 21, 2021

I am good :)) Anything interesting going on lately?

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Esther :)
19:03 Aug 21, 2021

Not really. Might be getting glasses, what about you? 👓

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Esther :)
19:06 Aug 21, 2021

We are both in the ‘never broken a bone’ club!

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Esther :)
23:19 Aug 15, 2021

When I saw the title I was excited! Great job!

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Palak Shah
08:45 Aug 21, 2021

Thank you so much for this amazing feedback Esther :))

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Fiery Red
09:16 Aug 15, 2021

Hi Palak great story. Marvel is one of my favourite series.Your descriptions are also beautiful. The only think that baffled me at the start-How did the guy had vibranium weapons with him if he didn't know where it was found. Did he have it with him when his foster parents took him. Maybe? But that's just my opinion. Overall the story was really engaging. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing and growing!!!

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Palak Shah
18:02 Aug 15, 2021

Thanks for this amazing feedback. He just found the Vibranoum weapons randomly and yes I should've specified this and made up the plot-line a bit more and now that you have said this it makes me realize that I have just missed out a whole chunk of my story. Thanks for telling me this :)) Thanks for reading :))

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Arwen Dove
21:58 Aug 14, 2021

Great story! A bit of of feedback... I thought you rushed into your main points too quickly, and made them more of a quick realisation or statement than an actually discovery where you could draw it out more and emphasis the importance of the realisation. Also, you say 'then it came to me,' or 'then it hit me,' which in some circumstances is powerful, but in this case I think you could again draw it out and connect it more to reinforce the significance of your character's realisations and secret nobility. Hope this was helpful. Great stor...

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Palak Shah
18:00 Aug 15, 2021

Thanks for this amazing feedback and I will try to do that in my next story and try to make it a bit long so that I can highlight my characters' feelings and build up the plot line. This was very helpful and thanks for reading Arwen :))

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Toben Miller
14:04 Aug 14, 2021

great job! I love the idea to turn a movie into a Story. One hard thing about making movies, is that you can't really describe the characters thoughts the same way that you can in writing, and this definitely elaborated the character. One thing I liked- some of the metaphors like 'my thoughts scattered like a flower scattering its seeds in a strong wind' One question- what inspired you to make this? did you just finish watching black panther? overall- Good story! I was just going to read part of it this morning because I'm kind of busy, ...

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Palak Shah
19:13 Aug 14, 2021

Thank you so much, Toben. I appreciate this amazing feedback :)) I am quite a big fan of the Marvel movies and I finished watching Infinity War and I wanted to good story to write so I thought I would write this lol :))

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Philia S
05:27 Aug 12, 2021

Hey Palak! I really liked this story and it really reminded me of Black Panther, R.I.P him. :'( A lil critique: When the MC or Prince Aldrin fights his twin, that para confused me because first he attacks and then goes into thinking mode and his twin just disappears? I mean, I suggest you clear up that para, rest is all is really wonderful! Great job!

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Palak Shah
10:21 Aug 13, 2021

Thanks for this amazing feedback I understand what you are trying to say and yes I will clear that up :))

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Cole Lane
00:03 Aug 12, 2021

I am a huge Marvel fan! This was a pleasure and fun read! Black Panther is such a fantastic character and the backstory is amazing and you bring so much life to this story!! I have to say I love this line "With every mountain peak, there was another. With each stretch, I reached greater altitudes, and with every stride, I got stronger" That is my new life motto!!!!

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Palak Shah
10:17 Aug 13, 2021

Same I am also a very big Marvel fan; I love it so much lol :)) Yeah that is also one of my favourite lines Thanks for the feedback Cole :))

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K. A Bogers
22:05 Aug 11, 2021

Wow! Wonderful story! :D P.S/ Good thing I've finished the Marvel series. ;)

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Palak Shah
10:16 Aug 13, 2021

Thanks for this feedback :))

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Kendall Defoe
21:20 Aug 11, 2021

Ha, ha! I liked this one. Very clever using this other universe in your story.

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Palak Shah
10:15 Aug 13, 2021

Thanks Kendall :))

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Akshara P
19:51 Aug 11, 2021

Hello Palak, This was really fun to read. I think you wrote it very well! The pacing is really good, It flows really well. The descriptions in the story were wonderful too. Just a couple of corrections: "room filled with many soldiers" -- You don't need to add 'many' in this sentence. But where will I go? I thought. -- You don't need to put 'I thought' here. Overall, a wonderful story, Happy writing! I'm bored too, lol.🍿

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Palak Shah
20:32 Aug 11, 2021

Thanks Akshara :))) Sameeeeeee How are you?

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Akshara P
02:42 Aug 12, 2021

I'm doing great, what about you? And, just read your bio! Thanks for the cake, the cookie, and the pie lol. 😁

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Palak Shah
10:18 Aug 13, 2021

Hahahaha no worries, I hope you liked them :)) I just checked out your bio and I think I would rather read minds (4) in your weekly poll :))

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Akshara P
16:54 Aug 13, 2021

Oh, cool! I probably would too! :) Will you submit any stories this week?

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Palak Shah
19:06 Aug 14, 2021

Probably not, I am hiking this weekend :))

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TJ Squared
17:09 Aug 10, 2021

Hey Palak! I haven't read or seen much Marvel, but I am kinda familiar with Black Panther. It was a pretty cool read, and the parts flowed like a river. This line really stood out to me: "However, her eyes were deep blue like the rough sea but tender like the waves on a beach." It's a great contrast and puts a great image in one's mind. great job :DDD

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Palak Shah
18:23 Aug 10, 2021

Thanks, Wolf Warrior for this amazing feedback and yes that was also one of my favorite lines. Btw is everything okay because the last time I read your bio, you were leaving Reedsy.

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TJ Squared
18:24 Aug 10, 2021

np :) yeah, I was just finding it to be too addictive, and I've decided to stay for now at least, just not going to be as active.

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Palak Shah
19:45 Aug 10, 2021

Oh, I understand because I am always waiting for that yellow dot to appear and it has just become a pain. So, I hope your break goes well and I hope that you come back soon :))

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TJ Squared
19:48 Aug 10, 2021

Yeah exactly. I’m not even sure if I’m really gonna leave lol lol thanks though :)

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Palak Shah
16:54 Aug 11, 2021

Oh okay, well I hope you stay safe. Anyway, how are you doing?

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ALINA Manha
11:51 Aug 10, 2021

This is a great story Palak. I absolutely love the details and the ending. I love Draco Malfoy. He is my fav character.

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Palak Shah
18:18 Aug 10, 2021

Thanks, Alina I also love Draco but a lot of my friends hate him so some reason lol :)))

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Asha Pillay
10:56 Aug 10, 2021

I particularly liked the flow of the story and went on reading it, and didn't realise when it ended. Great job Palak.!

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Palak Shah
18:17 Aug 10, 2021

Thank you so much Asha :))

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Moon Lion
05:57 Aug 10, 2021

Hey! This was such a fun read, full of great descriptions. Ahhh as a Marvel fan, I'm so glad I got to read this, it's pretty clear that you love the characters and bak stories around them :) One thing to maybe correct, is the use of numbers like 3 instead of spelling them out in your story. I think it's better as a general rule to use the spellings, like three men. But that's just a personal opinion.

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Palak Shah
18:15 Aug 10, 2021

Thank you for this amazing feedback and yes I get what you are saying and I will correct that now. Thanks for letting me know :)))

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Gip Roberts
20:58 Aug 09, 2021

Enjoyed this. It made me feel like I was back there in the shadows watching these events unfold in Aldrin's life revealing his nobility. Vibranium sounds like something both super cool and potentially dangerous. A sequel to this where something goes wrong involving that substance would be interesting to see.

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Palak Shah
18:12 Aug 10, 2021

Thank you so much for your amazing feedback and yes I might write a sequel to this where the use of Vibranium goes wrong.

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Blue Green
20:17 Aug 09, 2021

A very imaginitive story, well paced and full of action. Great fun to read :-) Well done!

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Palak Shah
20:43 Aug 09, 2021

Thank you so much for this amazing feedback :))

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Ananya Voss
19:10 Aug 09, 2021

Hi, I really liked the use of imagery and there's lots of beauty within your sentences. Not sure if you're not packing too much into a short story, but it was an exciting read.

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Palak Shah
19:46 Aug 09, 2021

Thanks for this feedback and I will take that into consideration because normally I just don't write enough.

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J B
14:12 Aug 09, 2021

Hi Palak! I had fun reading and was genuinely curious about vibranium. (I'm not really into Marvel movies though I've seen one or two.) Some thoughts which I hope would help: You might prefer They're here to "Someone’s here. (They have found me.)" There seems to be an abrupt shift from Paragraph 4 which says "I’m going to be the first one to find it." to Paragraph 5 which shows the protagonist already wielding the vibranium weapons. Perhaps you could narrate/describe a bit where/how the main character found vibranium and used it to forge...

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Palak Shah
19:41 Aug 09, 2021

Thanks for this awesome feedback and your critiques have been very helpful and they have made my story a lot better.

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Ruth Smith
14:08 Aug 09, 2021

Very good Black Panther story. I enjoyed it very much. You have a typo in the sentence "our fear of discovery stop of from doing what we want” I think you meant stop us from instead of stop of. Good job!

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Palak Shah
19:33 Aug 09, 2021

Thanks for this amazing feedback and thanks for spotting my typo I will fix that right now lol :)))))

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