128 comments

Mystery Crime Suspense

Our bones lie at the bottom of the lake; covered with mud, worn down with age.

Sometimes the current pushes the mud back, exposing our gleaming bones.

Our spirits ripple with the current.

We rise each morning with the breaking of the dawn,

And then we sleep with the glistening of moonshine across the surface.

But we do not rest.

For our ghostly lungs are still filled with water, and our ghostly hearts are still trembling and breaking

Each time another lady joins us

Here at the bottom of the lake.

“Are you sure this is it?” Jamieson asks, pushing the sunglasses onto his gelled hair. He squints his eyes at the sign beside the dirt track. The letters are faded – lightened by dust and wind.

Yang shrugs off his suit jacket, grimacing as the tornado-like gusts of hot wind make him sweat. He certainly hasn’t missed this place. “Yes, I’m sure.” He shuts the window, but the damage has already been done.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere,” Jamieson says, putting his sunglasses back on; the sun is wicked this time of year.

“The town’s up ahead,” Yang replies, downing his third cup of coffee. He hadn’t wanted to take this case for the sole purpose that he never wanted to come back to the town he had left.

But he took it because there is a girl missing and his stomach is stirring with nothing but uneasiness.

The town has always been as eerily quiet as they come. Yang was surprised that someone had actually called a disappearance in – nobody called the police here; everyone just whispered among themselves.

They pull up in front of a house; the gate is made up of poorly-entangled wire and there are weeds growing all over the front yard. The sight is not uncommon.

Yang and Jamieson wade their way through the mess, and ring the doorbell. A portly woman answers the door; her eyebrows are arched and the neckline of her shirt hangs just a bit too low. “Who are you?” she asks. “I don’t want whatever you’re selling, so go away.”

Jamieson stops her from shutting the door in their face with his ever-charming smile. “Sorry to bother you, ma’am, we’re here to speak to Katherine Bridget, are you Ms Bridget?”

“No,” the woman says, proceeding to shut the door again.  

Jamieson stops her once more, holding up his badge. “We’re police. I’m Detective Jamieson, this is my partner, Detective Yang. We are here regarding the disappearance of Taylor Valentino.”

“Don’t know anything about that. If you don’t leave right now—”

“Relax, mum, I called them,” a girl appears beside the woman, who now appears livid. “I’m Katherine Bridget.”

The mother doesn’t say anything else, only sneers and then disappears into the house.

Katherine folds her arms over her stomach, gnawing at her lip. The tears teeter at the brim of her eyes. “Everyone’s saying Taylor ran away, that it’s no big deal, she’ll come back.” She brushes the tears away. “But I know she isn’t.”

“Why is that?” Jamieson asks.

The uneasiness in Yang twists once more. “Because she’s dead.” Her teeth chatter and her lips wobble, howling like a wounded animal. Yang looks away – Jamieson always does the comforting when it comes to crying people.

“All right,” Jamieson says, handing her a tissue. “Just explain to us what you know.”

After several gulping breaths, Katherine finally calms down a little. “Two days ago, Taylor and I were going to walk home together because we had studied in the library until it was dark out. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, I saw Taylor leaving with a man.”

“Could you see his face?” Yang asks. Living in a small town means everybody knows each other.

But Katherine shakes her head. “I couldn’t see his face, but he didn’t seem like her boyfriend, so I called her name, but she didn’t reply. She just asked the man if she was in trouble. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I followed them. They got to this car, and Taylor starts to scream, but the man puts his hand over her mouth. I saw her squirming, but I just ran the other way.” She fiddles with the edge of her shirt. “I didn’t see anything after that.”

“If you wouldn’t mind, Miss Bridget, we would like to take you down to the station,” Jamieson says. “So, we can take your proper statement.”

“No, you think I killed her,” Katherine says, backing away. “I’m not going with you.”

“It’s too early for us to be thinking of suspects, Miss Bridget,” Jamieson says. “We just need your witness statement.”

Katherine shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” She runs back into the house, slamming the door.

“Why do I get the feeling it’s not just this family that hates police?” Jamieson says.

“They think that police coming just stirs up more trouble for them,” Yang says. “Trust me, I know.”

“She’s been missing for more than forty eight hours, we should probably get some units down here for a search party,” Jamieson says.

The uneasiness rises to his chest. “Before that happens, I need to check somewhere first,” Yang says. “Just a hunch.”

“Okay,” Jamieson says. “Where?” They have worked with each other for long enough to trust that every hunch can lead them further down the path.

“There’s a lake in the middle of this forested area, I went there a few times when I lived here. It’s pretty easy to miss – no one would go looking there, and it’s not far from the school.”

*

The forest is dead silent, not even the birds chirp as they fly by. There is only the whistling of the wind and the rustling of leaves.

Yang remembers the trail clearly. This was the place he came when he wanted to be alone – which was most of the time. He told his secrets to the trees. However, walking through here again feels like the trees are whispering those secrets back to him.

The sweat is soaking Yang’s shirt, and he knows that it is more than the heat that is bringing it on. They push past the barrage of drooping leaves to reveal the lake – crystal and blue, but in the water is the worst possible scenario confirmed.

The body of a young girl lies submerged in the shallow end of the lake.

Yang swallows – he has never been more horrified that he is right.

In a matter of thirty minutes, the crime scene unit arrives to secure the area and carry out regular procedures.

“The footprints in the mud match the shoes she was wearing, so she definitely entered the water from here,” Jamieson says. Yang hums in reply, staring intently at an empty space between the leaves. “Yang? Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, umm, footprints,” Yang says, exhaling.

“Are you okay?” Jamieson asks. “You’re not usually so out of it.”

“I’m fine,” Yang replies, looking sickeningly at the water.

*

“The coroner’s report came back,” Jamieson says. “The official cause of death is drowning. But he did find bruises on the back of her neck, as though—”

“Somebody was holding her head in the water,” Yang finishes. His leg is jerking up and down and his finger taps at the desk.

“How many cups of coffee have you drunk?” Jamieson asks, peering at the bin below his desk, filled with empty coffee cups.

“You want to know how I knew where she was,” Yang says, he knew every one of Jamieson’s looks.

“Look, Yang, I’m not accusing you of anything—”

He can’t hold it in anymore. “Five girls have gone missing in that town. Six plus Taylor.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jamieson asks.

“Because I wanted it so desperately not to be connected,” Yang says. “But it is. All the girls were around the same age with brown hair and brown eyes. They never found the bodies, so everyone just said they ran away. But that’s not true.”

“Yang… you should probably go home, and not think about this.”

Yang shakes his head; this is exactly what happened last time. Nobody believed him. Thought he was crazy. He took a deep breath. “It was twenty years ago, but I still remember that day. It was late afternoon, and I was in the forest, getting ready to go home. Then I heard someone approaching. It was a man and he was carrying a girl. She was trying to get away, but it was too late. He pushed her into the water, and held her down until she was still. Her name was Jessica.”

He didn’t talk about how he hid behind a tree and prayed that the man didn’t see him. Or his heart had almost pounded out of his chest, and how he had been frightened to tears. He had known enough then that there were terrible people in the world, but that was the first time he witnessed it. And it was the one thing he could never forget.

“Did you tell anyone?” Jamieson asks, blue eyes filled with the pity that Yang despises.

“Yes, I was hysterical. I told my parents and anyone who would listen. No one believed me, and girls just kept disappearing. So, if you don’t believe me, that’s fine, but I know what I saw.”

“I believe you,” Jamieson says, his expression serious. “Based on the route we took to get to that lake, whoever killed Taylor and presumably those other girls knew how to get there, meaning it wasn’t a spot of convenience. It was planned. Katherine said that the man took Taylor to a car, presumably to drive her to the lake.”

“You can’t drive in the forest,” Yang says. “The path isn’t big enough for a car, and we would have seen tracks. He had to have carried her, probably suffocated her enough for her to pass out. But he had to have forced her to the car somehow. Katherine says that Taylor didn’t put up a fight until they reached the car, she only asked if she was in trouble. It had to have been someone that she knew.”

“Who are you scared that you would be in trouble with?” Jamieson says. “Parents, friends, teachers, it could be anybody.”

Yang gulps. “Teachers. All the girls who went missing were high schoolers.”

“It might not necessarily be the case,” Jamieson says. “A lot of predators use schools as their hunting ground.”

“It’s a small town, Jamieson,” Yang says. “Everybody’s nose is in everybody’s business, if there was a predator, someone would have known. We need to interview all the teachers and people who work at the school. It’s most likely someone from there. If it’s not, we can explore other possibilities, but just… trust me on this?”

“I think we’re at that point where we don’t even need to ask that question,” Jamieson replies.

*

The librarian, Mrs Robinson is crying when Yang enters. “I’m sorry.” She takes out a crumpled handkerchief and blows into it noisily. “It’s so terrible. She was with me in the library, I said goodbye to her and I didn’t even know it was the last time.”

“Did anybody come and pick her up?” Jamieson asks. “Someone she could have been in trouble with?”

“No,” the librarian shakes her head. “Taylor was a good girl, straight As.”

Yang walks up the counter, remembering that library scent – the musty scent of books and two-day-old coffee.

Mrs Robinson takes off her glasses, squinting her eyes at Yang. He quickly looks down, but it’s too late. “Jun, is that you?”

“Hi, Mrs Robinson,” he says. “Pleasure to see you again.” He attempts a smile, but it feels like the most artificial thing.

“My, you’ve grown, I still remember when you were little, you spent every lunchtime in the library—”

“Yes, yes, Mrs Robinson,” Yang says, hating every moment of this conversation. “Do you know where the principal was two days ago?”

“I’m not sure,” Mrs Robinson replies.

“Do you know what he does on weekends then?” Yang asks.

“He likes to go down to the lake,” Mrs Robinson says. “Why, what does that have to do with anything?”

Yang’s heart races, the blood rushing in his ears. Suddenly, the speakers sound. “Katherine Bridget, please go to the Principal Smith’s office.”

Yang looks to Jamieson. Without a word to each other, they race down the hallway. Yang barely feels his feet pounding the ground. The principal’s door is open, slamming against the frame. Jamieson pushes it open, but the office is empty. There is stationery littered across the floor, wind rushing in from the open window.

Outside, a car pulls out of the parking lot, speeding down the empty road.

“How did you know it was him?” Jamieson asks, as they clamber into the car, slamming on the accelerator faster than ever.

Yang holds onto the handle, bracing himself as Jamieson turns on the siren.

“I realised that there was one thing common other than the way they looked,” Yang says. “They were all called up to the principal’s office the day before they disappeared, and guess where the principal likes to spend his weekends.”

“The lake,” Jamieson says. “Yeah, I heard. Does he have an alibi?”

“No, he was at the school, in his office, supposedly,” Yang says.

They run out of the car the moment they arrive, pushing past all the bushes. Branches scratch at their skin, and the leaves crunch beneath their feet like a cacophony of mismatched bird calls. They pull back the leaves, revealing Principal Smith with his arms around Katherine’s neck – her eyes are wide with fear, and his were wide with glee. 

Yang holds up his gun. “It’s over, Smith. Let Katherine go.”

Smith relinquishes his hold, letting Katherine fall to the ground with a muffled cry. “Fine, looks like you caught me.” He holds up his hands.

Jamieson pulls Katherine off the ground. Tears tremble down her cheeks, throwing her arms around his shoulder, she cries silently into his shoulder.

Yang pulls out the pair of handcuffs. “You’re surrendering?”

“Of course,” Smith says, giving a smile. “I am extremely regretful of what I have done.”

Yang knows the look of remorse, and the look on Smith’s face is not that. He approaches cautiously, still with his finger over the trigger – he is definitely not afraid to pull it. He grabs Smith’s wrist and pulls it behind his back.

Yet, with a twist of his arm and a knocking of the gun, Smith flips him to the ground. Yang tries to roll over, but Smith’s knee is pressing painfully into his back. The acid smell of the mud shoots up his nose. With a firm hand against his neck, Smith pushes his face into the water.

The shocking coldness of the water is like ice in his skin. Yang tries not the breathe in, but his desperate lungs take an inhale of the water – his mind becomes fuzzy.

He doesn’t even hear the shot sound until Smith is just dead weight on him. Jamieson pulls Yang out of the water. With a slap on the back, all the water he inhaled comes spewing out. Smith lies beside him, writhing in pain, blood spreading across his shirt.

A shiver wracks through Yang’s body – cold and painful. He had stood on the other end of a shooter’s gun, yet, there had never been a moment where he was more afraid. Because suddenly, he was ten years old again, except he wasn’t hiding behind a tree, he was the one with his head in the water.

Jamieson kneels beside Yang, a firm hand on his shoulder. “It’s over now.” And even though he knows that Yang despises hugs, he embraces him anyway – tighter than anyone had before. “You’re okay.”

Yang just looks up at the trees, grateful it was the last thing that he saw.

The trees were the last thing we saw.

From the bottom of the lake, we only see them like blurry shadows,

Something we can reach for, but never hold.

For twenty years, the only face we saw was of the one who damned us.

But today, we see new faces, we see a new sky, we see the trees once more.

We hold onto each other’s hands, fingers gripping tight so we may never lose each other,

And we rise from the bottom of the lake.

November 12, 2020 01:01

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128 comments

Rayhan Hidayat
11:22 Nov 16, 2020

Nailed the Murder-Mystery genre! I literally couldn't stop reading. The ending with Yang reliving his childhood trauma is so heartbreaking and gave me chills. Kudos ;) My only problem is why the principal targets girls with brown hair and brown eyes. I was waiting for that reveal--maybe his teenage crush that rejected him had those features. I would suggest leaving that detail out if there's no explanation. Oh and another thing--if you still have time to edit, I think the opening and closing bits with the ghosts in the lake need sectio...

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Yolanda Wu
20:15 Nov 16, 2020

Thank you so much, Rayhan! And you're right, I'll cut that bit out, and I'll add the scene breaks! As always, your feedback is valued and appreciated. Also thanks for saying I nailed it, I haven't written a lot of murder mystery, so I wasn't so sure about this one, but it seems that I did okay. :)

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Yolanda Wu
08:56 Nov 20, 2020

Hi Rayhan! Got a new story out, would love if you checked it out and told me your thoughts. :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
10:28 Nov 20, 2020

Sure thing, I’m just trying to make the deadline right now lol

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Yolanda Wu
10:33 Nov 20, 2020

Yeah you should probably do that first, lol.

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Radhika Diksha
06:13 Nov 16, 2020

An amazing and thrilling story. The plot and the characters the story line everything was amazing. I read the story three times but still didn't get tired by it. Keep writing.

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Yolanda Wu
07:00 Nov 16, 2020

Wow, Radhika! Thank you for reading my story so many times, I wasn't so sure about this one, so thanks for the encouragement. :)

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Nicole Zhao
02:54 Nov 14, 2020

YANG AND JAMIESONNNN !!

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Yolanda Wu
05:25 Nov 14, 2020

Yesss!

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Nilay Jha
03:15 Nov 12, 2020

I think you did complete justice to the prompt! The character development was good and the plot was very engaging. The lake does seem like a place where I could find solace too. Great job. :)

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Yolanda Wu
04:04 Nov 12, 2020

Thank you so much for reading, Nilay! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

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Yolanda Wu
01:08 Nov 12, 2020

So, I wouldn't say I'm the best at writing mystery, even though I love reading them, and I always find myself watching true crime documentaries and crime shows and stuff, and the prompt just spoke to me. It probably isn't the best mystery story you've read, so feel free to leave any criticism as always. Yang and Jamieson are my detectives from my second novel, another not-so-greatly written story about children going missing in a small town. Also, my attempt to include poetry at the beginning and the end also probably wasn't the best - I...

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18:20 Dec 08, 2020

Great work! The mystery with Taylor is great, although spine-tingling. Are the dead girls the ladies of the lake? I like the poetry of the beginning and end. it's really good, and makes it feel like someone's touching me... Emotionally, don't worry! :) Why the principal? What's his motive for drowning random girls? I'd like a teeny bit more detail over on that end. Overall, it was amazing, spooky, strange, and eerie to the Core.

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Yolanda Wu
21:26 Dec 08, 2020

Thank you, Emmie!

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21:56 Dec 08, 2020

😊😁😄

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B. W.
22:34 Nov 17, 2020

how are you?

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Yolanda Wu
23:15 Nov 17, 2020

I'm good, what about you?

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B. W.
23:20 Nov 17, 2020

well, im making a new story

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Yolanda Wu
23:43 Nov 17, 2020

That's great!

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B. W.
23:57 Nov 17, 2020

ill tell ya when its out

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Yolanda Wu
01:45 Nov 18, 2020

Sure thing!

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Kylie Rudolf
22:21 Nov 17, 2020

You defined classic murder mystery! Agatha Christie is smiling upon you!

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Yolanda Wu
23:15 Nov 17, 2020

Thank you so much, Kylie! I wouldn't dare think I could reach Agatha Christie's genius level, but I'm glad you enjoyed. :)

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Saizen 🦜
01:03 Nov 16, 2020

Hi there, this is a pretty good story. As a murder mystery, this has a decent amount of suspence and buildup. Some feedback: - The placement of clues is pretty great. Initially, the reader knows that: 1. The victims ended up in the lake. 2. The murder took place at school, near the library. 3. The murderer was someone of authority, as the victim asked if she's in trouble. All those point to a teacher at school, which was matched by the reveal. Halfway through the story I actually suspected Yang, because he's a figure ...

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Yolanda Wu
02:21 Nov 16, 2020

Omg, you're the second person to tell me that you suspected Yang. I suppose him knowing about the lake and all that makes him a bit sketchy. Thank you for going through and picking it apart, Saizen, it's well-appreciated. I'll definitely check out your stories. :)

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Andrew Krey
01:57 Nov 15, 2020

Great first line! It really sucks you into the story. I thought the ending was great too, the contrast between the gritty violence of the murderer, to the supernatural response of the victims. When I read the section about the victim being taken, and the 'am I in trouble' line, my mind went to the twist that Yang was the murderer. He was there to cover up what he had done, and the victim went with him due to the authority of being a police officer. So this was in the back of my mind until it's revealed it was the principal, so the ending ...

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Yolanda Wu
03:52 Nov 15, 2020

Thank you so much, Andrew! I wasn't too sure about putting this story up because I am definitely not a crime fiction/mystery writer, but I just couldn't resist the prompt. Also, wow, I never even thought about maybe Yang being the killer, and you're right, that would be great for another story!

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Andrew Krey
04:35 Nov 15, 2020

You're free to take that idea :) just add my name to the dedications in the best selling novel you create with it!! I think it's good to try other genres, crime fiction isn't really for me either, tough to write and I don't really enjoy reading it, but I won a "how to write crime fiction" book in a competition, read through it with a couple of ideas in mind, and I'll take a crack at it one day!

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Yolanda Wu
05:08 Nov 15, 2020

Haha, sure thing! I haven't read much of crime fiction lately, but I used to read it quite a lot, and I'm obsessed with watching true crime documentaries and such, so I thought I would give it a shot. Of course, I wrote that entire novel with Yang and Jamieson, but it wasn't very good, lol.

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Andrew Krey
04:57 Nov 19, 2020

No I thought it was good, and you shouldn't let genres box you in. It's good to know the conventions/expectations within a specific genre, but often the best stories use these only to set up red herrings and develop strong twists for the reader. A good story is based on on strong characters, put in interesting situations - as long as you have that there's no genre that can stand in your way!! :) I read a lot of different genres, and even if I don't enjoy the style, I try to understand why, and then bring that to my writing. Writing in dif...

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Yolanda Wu
05:30 Nov 19, 2020

Yeah I totally agree! What makes a good story is ultimately interesting characters and an interesting story, and that it's enjoyable. Reedsy has really let me play around with genres I otherwise might not have touched, so yeah, it's a learning experience.

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Kristin Neubauer
03:57 Nov 14, 2020

Ooooo...this is wonderful, Yolanda. Such a departure from your regular style, but so suspenseful, so well-written. And I absolutely LOVED how you opened and closed the story. That first sentence totally sucked me in. I could see it as a film. Brilliant! I love the diversity of your work!

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Yolanda Wu
05:27 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you so much, Kristin! The murder mystery prompt popped up and I just had to venture into that genre with my two detectives from my second novel - I've always wanted to write another story for them, but the opportunity never arose until now!

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Yolanda Wu
08:54 Nov 20, 2020

Hi Kristin! I have new writing out, would love to hear your thoughts on it. :)

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Bianka Nova
11:30 Nov 12, 2020

Hi, Yo! I actually loved the poetry bits. As you've said, the mystery part is not the best, but the beginning and end of the story definitely are! May I suggest you try doing them without punctuation (just the necessary commas), and maybe even without capitalizing any letters? I think it would stand out even more as poetry. Just see how it looks and if you like it :) The storyline was a classical murder mystery, but it had some strange elements like the sudden realization it was the principal, and how no one ever asked any questions when ...

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Yolanda Wu
20:07 Nov 12, 2020

Thank you for the lovely comment, Bianka! You've made my morning. I'll definitely go through and make the changes you've suggested. Also, I'm glad you liked the poetry, I wasn't too sure about that, my poetry skills aren't exactly up to par, but thanks for the encouragement.

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B. W.
23:16 Nov 22, 2020

heyyy

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B. W.
08:29 Dec 12, 2020

how are ya?

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Yolanda Wu
11:04 Dec 12, 2020

Heyy, I'm good. :)

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B. W.
17:55 Dec 12, 2020

what have ya been doing lately?

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Yolanda Wu
23:20 Dec 12, 2020

I've been working on my novel, what about you?

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B. W.
23:35 Dec 12, 2020

Ive been trying to work on most of my novels as well, there's like 8 or so that I'm doing

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Yolanda Wu
01:32 Dec 13, 2020

Wow, eight! That's so impressive, great work!

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