260 comments

Adventure Fantasy

This has something to do with the novel that i'll be working on soon that i think that i'll be calling 'demi-god savior?' this isn't the exact stuff that will happen but eh. I'm just trying to make some stories now and i hope that you enjoy.

Mika. Ryder. The two of them had been friend's for as long as they could remember, almost since birth. At least that's what Ryder liked to tell her.

Though in a way he WAS kinda true about that. They had met after a week after birth, that was close enough. They had met each other that early because they shared a...future.

Mika's parent's had someone come into the hospital right after her birth, she was kind of like a fortune teller. Even then the fortune teller lady had also done this with Mika's mother and even father. Though it was nothing interesting for them.

Though she had a really...interesting future. "What do you mean by that? She CAN'T go and do that!" Her father didn't like it. It had been this way in the world for over two decades, their daughter wasn't going to ruin it.

The Fortune Teller sighed and spoke again, "I've told you, your daughter...Mika will grow up to free the demi-gods. I don't think there's a way to stop it."

"What about the god's?? Like Zeus, Athena, all of them! they're also keeping the demi-gods like this, our daughter can't possibly stop them to help the others."

The fortune teller remained silent as she started to walk out of the house. She turned around and stopped at the front door then she spoke, "Even them."

Mika's parent's had waited a while, maybe some other kid had the same future. Or maybe the fortune teller was wrong with this one thing, They didn't always have to be right with things. They could make small mistakes.

It had been a while until her mother got a call from one of her friend's. Their son, Ryder, apparently had the same future as their daughter. This was bad. The fortune teller told the same future to different people?

They wanted to believe that it wasn't their kid's but they just couldn't. It would have been good if the future they learned wasn't with their kid's, but even then the future would be bad. Who would want to FREE the demi-gods?

Who know's what they would even do if they were all freed. They could go after the mortals. Well, even if it wasn't a bad thing like that, they still weren't going to let them be free. They knew what they could do.

"Mika, come on! We don't need to listen to that thing the fortune teller told us, we can do whatever we want. We're both eighteen!" Ryder told her. He HATED that someone was telling him what to do.

Ever since the both of them were around two years old, their parent's were kind of controlling in a way. There were areas nearby where demi-god's were being held to do whatever the lead mortal- or maybe even what a god said.

No one was going to be able to enslave a god. They'd probably get killed from attempting it. Though the mortal's AND the god's reached an agreement a few years into the demi-god enslavement.

The mortal's AND the god's didn't really like the demi-gods- even if they WERE a kid of one of them. They still didn't like the demi-god child, especially Zeus.

The god's and goddesses agreed to help enslave the demi-gods while not enslaving or killing the mortals. The mortal's agreed not to try and really do anything that came to mind to the god's and goddesses.

What else could they even promise? They were just mortals, they didn't really have a lot.

"How do you suppose we even stop our FUTURE, Ryder? and come on, don't you feel at least a small bit bad for them?"

"Come on, we don't HAVE to listen to a stupid fortune teller, she could even be wrong about it!"

While they used to not be allowed to go to those demi-god areas their parent's were letting them go to SOME small areas with them. Though only if they'd tell them or something. They didn't wanna be so strict and they still thought that the future could possibly be with someone else.

Though still, even if it WASN'T them, they'd still need to try and find out who the future belonged to. Maybe they could go get rid of them, or keep them locked up in their house. This was still a bad future for them.

Mika sighed as she pushes Ryder aside and starts to dig through a drawer nearby. He watched in silence as she wrote something down on a piece of paper and then set it down on the kitchen table.

She waved back at him without saying anything and ran through the front door of the house. He already knew where she was going but he took a look at the note. 'going to see the demi-god's, be back soon. -Mika"

"Wait, Mika!" he called out, "You don't have to give in to that future! do whatever you want, don't listen to it" why would anyone want to even free the demi-gods??

The nearest demi-god area was actually really close, while the two of them were still running, they could see it up ahead. A bit far back from that one they could see a much smaller one. Maybe around ten demi-gods there.

He managed to catch up with her and grab her hand before they reached the entrance. No one saw them yet luckily, the entrance was a large metal door that had a scanner you needed to use to get in.

"Mika...come on! you don't have to do this just because of a stupid fortune teller said so."

"i'm not doing it because of the fortune teller, i'm doing it because i WANT to! they shouldn't be enslaved, i feel bad for them because i want to. not because of that lady."

She then slapped his hand away and put her hand onto the scanner. They watched as a purple light appeared and scanned it, then it turned into a light green. The door began to open up for her.

She looked at him and said, "I'm going to do this WITH or WITHOUT you Ryder...and i have a feeling that it's without you" She entered it. Ryder didn't follow her inside.

oh boy, this is probably bad. what do you all think?

October 02, 2020 16:07

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260 comments

Carly Clarissa
22:50 Oct 16, 2020

Amazing story! Enjoyed every bit of it!

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B. W.
22:52 Oct 16, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad you liked the story ^^ what did you think of the characters?

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Carly Clarissa
12:23 Oct 20, 2020

I love the relationship between them both! It amazes me how great you made their relationship to be.

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B. W.
15:22 Oct 20, 2020

Thanks ^^ this is going to be a novel

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Carly Clarissa
18:24 Oct 20, 2020

Can't wait to read it.

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B. W.
18:25 Oct 20, 2020

it'll be a long time though until its finished and published

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Anii ✨
02:57 Oct 15, 2020

Oh my gods, I loved this so much! To be honest, this is the fourth time I am seeing this prompt today, and I feel like I see a twist each time! Great job! Also, just some friendly advice, you don't need to capitalize every emphasis word. You can just indent. I also really liked the plotline. This was a great story!

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B. W.
03:06 Oct 15, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad you enjoyed this and this is the story that will actually become a novel ^^ Yes, i'll try to work on that so thank you for the advice. Would you like for me to give you a list of my other demi-god stuff on here?

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Anii ✨
16:13 Oct 15, 2020

Sure! That would be great!

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B. W.
16:19 Oct 15, 2020

Here: the goddess child the camp not his fault her arrival getting her back remember to leave feedback :)

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Anii ✨
16:26 Oct 15, 2020

Okie. I will when I have the time. Thanks!

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B. W.
16:46 Oct 15, 2020

no prob

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Isabella Peschka
18:40 Oct 13, 2020

I meant your

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S C
13:42 Oct 13, 2020

Good job!

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B. W.
13:45 Oct 13, 2020

Thank's, i'm glad that you liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part?

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S C
14:08 Oct 13, 2020

It was when mika ran to free the demi gods,it was getting exciting... I can't wait to read the rest ^^

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B. W.
14:14 Oct 13, 2020

It'll actually become a novel soon ^^

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S C
14:18 Oct 13, 2020

Cool, good luck 🤞

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B. W.
14:18 Oct 13, 2020

could you actually help with something for it?

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Emma Rose
23:10 Oct 05, 2020

Good job!

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B. W.
00:54 Oct 06, 2020

Thanks ^^ did you have a favorite part?

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Emma Rose
11:16 Oct 09, 2020

I liked the ending a lot! It leaves me wondering what's going to happen next.

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B. W.
14:02 Oct 09, 2020

Thanks ^^ what do you think would happen in the next part?

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Emma Rose
19:03 Oct 09, 2020

Ahem... DEATH! I'm just kidding... I think that their relationship with one an other will face challenges.

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B. W.
19:06 Oct 09, 2020

Well- your possibly right about the death.

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Itay Frenkel
15:25 Oct 05, 2020

Hey, great story! The friends seem to be really close but also just a little fed up with each other and with opposing viewpoints, which creates a good opportunity for tension. I really liked that Ryder didn't go in with Mika. There were a couple of times near the end where you switched from past-tense from present-tense mid-sentence. Also, I think that you could work on the pacing a bit by introducing some longer paragraphs. I don't mind that all your paragraphs have three or four sentences, but you might want to consider creating some longe...

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B. W.
15:34 Oct 05, 2020

Well, i do plan for this thing to be an actual novel, and yeah i know that i actually have a lot of novels to do but i really like doing them and working on them. I didn't have Ryder go with her because that would probably seem really cliche, though he WILL eventually decide to help her and the two demi-gods later on. With the past tense and the present tense stuff that you mentioned, i still have a lot of time to fix/edit the stuff so that's what i'll do soon. Though i'm glad you really liked the story and did you maybe have a favorite part...

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Itay Frenkel
17:10 Oct 05, 2020

I really liked the ending, when Ryder decided not to go in with her. It highlighted the difference in their personalities and set up great tension/conflict between the characters.

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B. W.
17:13 Oct 05, 2020

If i did do another part for it or if i actually did do the novel, what would you want to see?

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Itay Frenkel
17:22 Oct 05, 2020

Perhaps a situation that forces the characters to reconcile their differences and work together to free the demi-gods, like where Ryder is forced to take action and help the girl.

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B. W.
17:39 Oct 05, 2020

Anything else possibly or is that just it? i could still try to do something like that though

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Amany Sayed
22:57 Oct 02, 2020

This was great! You're truly improving. I like how you found a way to incorporate demi gods, and it fit really well with the prompt. That ending was cool, because, you know, you would normally expect him to follow, but he didn't. Part two is needed! :) ~Amany

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B. W.
23:11 Oct 02, 2020

Thank's i'm glad that you liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or was it that he didn't follow? and this is gonna be a novel :)

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Amany Sayed
23:12 Oct 02, 2020

I like when she slapped his hand lol. Awesome ^^

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B. W.
23:13 Oct 02, 2020

you'd still want a part 2 for it though right?

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Amany Sayed
23:14 Oct 02, 2020

Yes! I don't have the pateince to wait until you have a whole NOVEL.

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Dawood Abbasi
16:46 Oct 11, 2020

A fine writing on fun, flare and fantasy

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B. W.
16:51 Oct 11, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad that you enjoyed the story ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part with it or something?

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Lynn Penny
02:28 Oct 10, 2020

Nice continuation!

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B. W.
03:20 Oct 10, 2020

Thanks ^^ did you have a favorite part?

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Lynn Penny
04:17 Oct 10, 2020

I liked how the character emotions shined through

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B. W.
04:21 Oct 10, 2020

This'll be one of my novels ^^

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Lynn Penny
04:24 Oct 10, 2020

Awesome! Can't wait to read it one day.

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B. W.
04:33 Oct 10, 2020

Yep ^^ i think itll be good

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. .
22:29 Oct 07, 2020

This was amazing! Every time I look back at your page your karma points go down. I feel bad sooooooooo.... Enjoy the upvotes!!!

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B. W.
22:33 Oct 07, 2020

Awww, thanks ^^

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Kaitlyn James
20:11 Oct 07, 2020

It was great! It was very detailed, but simple! Great Job!

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B. W.
20:13 Oct 07, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad that you liked it ^^ ya maybe have a favorite part?

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Kaitlyn James
22:10 Oct 07, 2020

I liked the part where she went to go free the demi gods but Ryder did not want her to. It was pretty cool. To me at least.

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B. W.
22:11 Oct 07, 2020

would you ever want another part?

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Kaitlyn James
01:50 Oct 08, 2020

Yeah, maybe her going to free the demi gods. I think it would be cool. Also I am writing another story right now I will probably post it soon.

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B. W.
01:52 Oct 08, 2020

Alright ^^

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Deborah Mercer
06:10 Oct 06, 2020

Thanks for directing you to your story after the kind words on mine. I loved it, and the colloquial style appealed to me, it was just right. Please don't hate me if I say perhaps you should pay a little more attention to apostrophes - yes, I used to be a teacher and old habits die hard! But it really didn't spoil the story in any way.

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B. W.
13:09 Oct 06, 2020

That was advice- why would i be mad about you and other people giving me advice on here? i can just work on those and since i still have a lot of time i could probably go and fix it. Though thanks, i'm still glad that you enjoyed the story ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part?

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C.j 🤍
03:13 Oct 05, 2020

I loved the friendship

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Charles Stucker
21:45 Oct 02, 2020

"At least that's what Ryder liked to tell her." At least, "Though in a way he..." way, he " They had met after a week after..." They met a week after "all of them! they're also" They're "the front door then she spoke," door, then she OR door. Then, she "They were just mortals, they didn't really have a lot." mortals. The didn't have much. - The phrase, "a lot," makes readers want to know what it's a lot of. But, "much," stands alone easier. However, it might be regional, so you could do better adding "of influence" after a lot. "Come o...

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B. W.
21:56 Oct 02, 2020

alright- thank's for the advice with that ^^ i'll try to fix and edit those things

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Amy Utami
08:56 Oct 11, 2020

Maybe because I was read too much fantasy novels and stories 😂 I'm sorry, I was thinking of Percy Jackson from Percy Jackson and Megan Chase from The Iron Fey series as I read your story.

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B. W.
15:11 Oct 11, 2020

Well this IS kind of inspired by Percy Jackson or at the other ones are, i've always loved Percy Jackson and really any type of Greek Mythology type stuff so i decided to do my own demi-god series thing on here. Though this one is way different from my other regular one because this is actually going to be a novel.

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Amy Utami
20:14 Oct 11, 2020

Good luck then 🐣

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B. W.
20:15 Oct 11, 2020

You could check out the others if you want?

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Amy Utami
20:18 Oct 11, 2020

Other story? I'll soon 😉

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B. W.
20:18 Oct 11, 2020

I could tell ya the names?

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