Creative Nonfiction

This story contains sensitive content

Trigger Warning- Mental Health, Suicide/Self harm

You’re the only one I can trust.

I don’t know why I can trust you.

You must have some sort of magic.

Please don’t tell what happened-

Please don’t tell what I did.

If they trust me I have to be there

I can’t let them suffer alone.

I’m strong.

I’m supposedly an adult.

I can handle it.

I think my mom would actually kill me

My dad sided with me once

My brother committed a crime against me

My sister is a constant tormentor

It’s awful

It’s terrible

No one should have to go through that

I wish I was magic

I wish I could make it all go away.

I love you

Can you be my older sister?

Can I be your little brother?

Do you like hugs?

Not usually


I love hugs!

Can you keep my secrets?

Can you protect me from evil?

I love you too

Of course you can.

I can’t carry your secrets alone.

Can I ask for help?

Not from anyone who knows

I don’t want them to find out

Can you keep it between us?

They won’t believe

They never do

They always lie

I trust you; not them

I trust only you.

I asked.

I was told we should talk to the school


Is there anyone we can talk to?


Just one.

I’m scared though.

I don’t want to go.

I don’t want to let you go.

Let’s go.

We have to do this.

I’m scared too.

It’s going to work out in the end.

We’ve got this.


Here’s their story

as I was told

It might not be so bad

It’s awful and terrible

How dare you stop to think

How dare you argue

They all hate me!

It’s probably not like that.

Before you follow, listen

You’re not the first to try to help

Yes the child needs help

It might be about attention.

Their father loves them

I know

I don’t know what to do

I’m willing to adopt them

I don’t think it’s safe to let them go home.

The sister

The brother

It’s not a good idea

I’m ready to eat dust

Come find me

Where are you


Don’t punch the lockers

Don’t hurt yourself



I can’t stop

No one listens

No one believes me

They’re all liars

I’m trapped

My sister’s trapped

I’m trapped

Only my brother got out

Only by near murder

It’s awful

It’s my fault

It’s not your fault.

It’s awful

I’m fifteen

I shouldn’t have to deal

I’m trapped

I’m stuck

There’s one way out








My brother hurt me.

My sister hurt me.

My mother hurt my sister

My brother hurt my mother

Right before my eyes

Squeezing the breath from her

As if she wasn’t fighting hard enough

As if her cancer wasn’t enough of a monster


Everyone’s a monster

They all hate me

They all lie

I get why my sister is

She’s stuck too





It’s late

We’re trespassing

Thank you

I’m done.

I trust you

Only you


I’m suicidal

I’m sorry


Are you okay

Do I need to come?

I can keep the thoughts back

For now

It’s happened before.

Just thoughts.

I can fight

I’ll call the hotline if it gets worse

Please be okay

What can I do to help?

I won’t kill myself

I won’t get to that point


Isn’t that comforting?



I did something else to help


I cut myself

I’m sorry

Don’t tell

-I should have gone

-Who cares about Responsibility

-I should have been there

-I should have stopped it

You have to take care of yourself

Don’t let it get infected

I trust you

Why do you care so much

I love you

I don’t want you to get hurt

Don’t hurt yourself

Bandage the wound

We’ll get through this

Don’t tell



Vulnerability is strength

I have anxiety too

My biggest trigger is xxxx

Thank you

Mine is y

-Why did they do it?

-I just said that triggers panic

I need to go to sleep

I need a hug

-I don’t want to

-They need it

-I don’t want to

-Their need is greater


I think I have asthma

My mom has asthma

My sister has asthma

I can’t breathe

The doctor said to test other options

I can’t breathe

She doesn’t believe me

No one believes me

I believe you

Don’t die


Insurance fraud


Just go get a different doctor

I can’t

I’m too young

Dad said no.

I don’t want to die.

I don’t want you to die

I trust you

Take care of me

I will

Pick a date

We’ll go get you a diagnosis

Why would you do that for me?

I love you.

I see a little of myself in you

You need help

I don’t have little children in the way of helping

I love that


I trust you

Don’t let me die



I know you’re at work


Please don’t let her die


What’s going on?

My friend

We fought


Get her on the phone

I can’t

She’s dead

It’s my fault

She’s gone

It’s all my fault

Don’t panic

What info do you have

Not much

-They claim to know her

-But all they’ve got is a handle

-That’s not knowing her

-She probably just wants to scare them

Let’s talk



Your dad loves you

He might not take care of you

But he loves you.

I know


Your dad loves you

No he doesn’t

He hates me

He only cares about himself


I stopped taking my meds


That’s not a good idea

They don’t work

They might be doing something

Either way don’t just stop

Too late.

I did.

They don’t help

They taste gross

I’m done

You don’t want to stop abruptly.

Too late

Is it normal to experience withdrawal?


Take your medicine



I’m stupid

No self bullying

Mistakes happen

Don’t call yourself that

Don’t tell me what to do.

I can call myself whatever I want

Tell me three things

What do you like about you?

I can’t think of any.

Can you do it?


My siblings can too.

Think about it.

You have to do it.

I never thought about it.

Please keep asking me this.

I want to think.

I need to think

You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself

You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself

Yes I can

I do that.

I don’t love me

I don’t take care of me

I love others

I take care of kids


It’s not possible

If I am not for me

Who will be

You’re wrong

I’m not wrong

You are

I do it


I can’t breathe

I can’t breathe

Don’t let me die

Sorry, not on my phone

What’s up?

Are you ok?


I can’t breathe

I’m shaking

Tell boarding mom


I can’t talk

She won’t believe me

She never does

I’ll just die then

I’m coming with a stethoscope

I’m telling boarding mom

Boarding dad is a bully

-No he’s not.

-I know both of them

-They’re nice people

I’m coming

I’m here

I can’t breathe

Let me listen


Feel that?

The shaking?


You’re not breathing right

Boarding mom says ask real dad

Real dad says go downstairs

Let boarding mom see you’re not breathing

She has medical training.

She’ll know what to do


She’ll let me die

I won’t go to her

So let’s go to the hospital


-I have to talk to boarding mother first

Can you get downstairs?

I’ll push myself

-I’m scared

-I don’t want them to know

-I have to talk to boarding mom

Let’s go then

I’ll be right there

I tried to bring them to you

They went straight outside

They’ve done this before

To your sister

It might be a cry for attention

We can’t afford to be wrong

I get that

I listened to them

They aren’t breathing right

I don’t know why

It could be panic

It could be asthma

It’s happened before

It always passes

We can’t afford to be wrong.

Maybe someone should take them

It always passes

I think it’s psychological

Why won’t they let me make a decision

Please come inside

They’ll see you can’t talk

They’ll get help


Why are you letting them control you?

They got in my car.

They won’t come in.

If the child goes to the hospital

they could get something worse

Wait for morning

We’ll take them then

Do you want to take them?

Not really

I’m scared

Do you want a ride home?

I need my car

I have work early tomorrow

It’s probably about attention

they sat alone for too long.

It’s almost hatching day

They hate that day.

Did they text you?

I’ll check

Why are we still here?

Why are you listening to them?

If you don’t come take me

I’ll lie down in the field to die

You can’t threaten me with your life

I just did

-I just did-

-I just did-

-I just did-

It’s not fair

You will get taken care of

But I need to go home

Come out and talk

I can’t

It’s too cold for my asthma

I have to take care of me first

What did they say?

They want me to come talk

Do you need backup

Yes please

This isn’t fair.

She needs to go home

please get out of her car

we’ll take you


Do you want me to leave so you can talk to her



Let’s talk


-Don’t slam my door

-I can’t do this

-I’m shaking

Their out of your car

Go get some sleep

Thank you

I’ll try


-What if they follow me

-What if they hurt me

-What if they can’t get in

-What if they trash my car

-What if-

-What if-

I don’t trust you anymore

Why did you listen

Why didn’t you take me

I panicked

I don’t like the ER

I’m sorry

I’m sorry

It’s my fault

I ruined it

It’s not the same anymore

I don’t trust you enough to tell you what I did

I think they hurt themselves

I’ll check on them

You could ask what I did

I’m scared

It’s just the usual

I hate the usual

Did I ruin everything?

Please stop.

I need to think

I need to decide.

I need space.


I’m sorry


I don’t feel anything

I don’t feel angry

I don’t feel relieved

I don’t feel

I let them walk all over me

I undid years of growth

I can’t anymore

I almost cut myself

I almost let myself get pulled down

I should have seen the signs

I let them break my boundaries

But you didn’t

It’s hard

They set it up as the two of you vs. the world

There are people to help

You did the best you could with the information you had

Now is the time to heal.

February 22, 2023 15:51

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