Twilight Zone

Written in response to: Set your story in a haunted house.... view prompt

6 comments

Drama Horror Mystery

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

The residence was shrouded in a peaceful and tranquil ambiance, devoid of any audible disturbances from its interior. The quietness of the abode was palpable, and the conspicuous absence of any commotion or noise was evident. The stillness that pervaded the dwelling was indicative of a state of serenity and repose, with no disruptions or disturbances to interrupt the tranquility. The dwelling exuded an aura of calmness and tranquility, with no discernible signs of activity or movement within. The silence of the house was a testament to the peaceful and undisturbed nature of its surroundings.


At the age of 68, Chance Morales activated his Sears Silvertone radio, and the melody of "Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring commenced. Although unfamiliar with the tune, he opted to listen to it nonetheless. He then directed his attention towards his timepiece, which displayed the hour of 1:59 AM. As of late, he had been experiencing difficulty sleeping, as he was plagued by the apprehension of being under surveillance.


The melody commenced, "It's two a.m. The fear has gone." Subsequently, the illumination ceased. Chance emitted a deep grunt and expressed, "These lights are exceedingly vexatious."


He retrieved his flashlight from the designated cabinet intended for such items, demonstrating his exceptional organizational skills. Despite this, his supply closet remained an exception. He proceeded towards the closet, fully aware of its contents: blankets, lightbulbs, brooms, mops, antiquities of negligible value, batteries, and outdated correspondence - typical possessions of an elderly gentleman.


The melody played softly in the background as he sifted through his assorted discoveries. Among them, he came across an antiquated phonograph that had remained untouched since his spouse's passing. He reminisced fondly of her and proceeded with his exploration. His quest for a lightbulb proved to be a challenging endeavor, as his superfluous clutter was haphazardly strewn about.


He discovered one miraculously within a container labeled as "fragile". He emitted a grunt and proceeded to return to the living area, where the melody became more audible as he approached.


The lyrics conveyed, "Help I'm stepping into the twilight zone."


The song continued, Upon completing the task of re-organizing, which required a significant amount of time, Chance proceeded to return to the living room in order to replace the lightbulb. The process of changing the lights was expected to be time-consuming, given the overall dimness of the entire house.


The song continued, "This place is a madhouse"


Upon the conclusion of the aforementioned lyrics, a commotion consisting of rattling and crashing emanated from the kitchen. Chance expeditiously directed his flashlight toward the dimly lit hallway that led to the kitchen. Subsequently, he carefully placed the lightbulb on a nearby side table and proceeded to cautiously navigate his way toward the obscure kitchen.


Chance proceeded to enter the kitchen and discovered a drawer lying on the floor that had previously contained an assortment of silverware. The utensils were now scattered across the kitchen floor. He expressed disapproval and proceeded to stoop down to retrieve them. However, he emitted a groan as he grasped his lower back, which was experiencing a considerable amount of discomfort.


Upon completing the task of re-organizing, which required a significant amount of time, Chance proceeded to return to the living room in order to replace the lightbulb. The process of changing the lights was expected to be time-consuming, given the overall dimness of the entire house.


The song still continued. It seemed to go on forever.


"When the bullet hits the bone"


A piercing shriek emanated from the elderly gentleman, resonating as if it were audible to the entire world. His knee buckled, causing him to collapse to the ground, where he clutched it tightly and emitted a groan of pain.


"Soon you will know, when the bullet hits the bone"


The sensation of discomfort persisted, albeit in a less severe manner. Chance let out a deep exhalation of relief. The melody persisted in the background. He rose to his feet and retrieved his flashlight en route. As he ascended, he was taken aback and stifled a gasp upon encountering a towering, dark silhouette positioned at the entrance of his storage room. The only discernible sound was that of the radio, which continued to broadcast "Twilight Zone."


Chance growled and yelled, "What are you doing in my house? Get out!"


The silhouette's attention was drawn to this occurrence, causing it to swiftly rotate its head in a complete 360-degree turn. Chance was taken aback and clenched his teeth in response. His veins surged with adrenaline, and his heart rate accelerated with each passing second as he stood there, intently observing the obscure figure.


He promptly arrived at a decision and swiftly proceeded towards his kitchen, hastily searching for a means of defense. The ominous figure emitted a piercing shriek and pursued him, prompting the elderly gentleman to hasten his pace towards the kitchen. He anxiously scanned the room for any readily available weapons, but to no avail.


"Help, I'm stepping into the twilight zone."


The towering silhouette abruptly entered the room, prompting Chance to act quickly. He hurled his flashlight at the intruder, leaving him with no alternative source of illumination except for the moonlight filtering through his kitchen window. The figure emitted a furious shriek and pursued Chance, who cried out for assistance and fled from the kitchen into the dining area, while simultaneously searching for a means of defense.


Chance's expletives proved futile as the intruder abruptly entered the dining area. In a daring move, Chance made a hasty retreat towards the living quarters. However, his efforts were thwarted as he stumbled over the fringes of his carpet, eliciting a sharp cry of pain.


Before Chance could react, a looming figure stood over him. The figure proceeded to crawl over the incapacitated man, snarling and revealing sharp, yellowish fangs. Overcome with fear, Chance let out a cry and curled up into a ball. The figure continued to salivate over his face, causing Chance to cry out once more.


"Please, leave me be!" Chance pleaded.


"Soon you will come to know when the bullet hits the bone."


The sound of Chance's screams echoed through the room as the entity dislocated its jaw in a serpentine manner and proceeded to consume him entirely, leaving no trace, not even skeletal remains. The crimson fluid sprayed across the floor, curtains, and recently acquired sofa, leaving a gruesome scene. The elderly gentleman was entirely consumed, and as the melody concluded, the entity vanished without a trace.


"When the bullet hits the bone."


The abode was enveloped in a serene and tranquil atmosphere, with no discernible sounds emanating from within. The stillness of the dwelling was palpable, and the absence of any noise or commotion was conspicuous. The hush that pervaded the residence was indicative of a state of calm and repose, with no disturbances or disruptions to disturb the peace. The dwelling exuded an air of serenity and tranquility, with no indication of any activity or movement within. The quietude of the house was a testament to the peaceful and undisturbed nature of its surroundings.

September 12, 2023 00:23

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6 comments

AnneMarie Miles
00:07 Oct 03, 2023

Creepy stuff, Lei! I love a short story that gets right to the point. There's no backstory really - we don't know why the entity appears and eats Chance in such a gruesome manner. But some things just happen. And we don't always get answers. This reads like the preface to a horror novel really, where I'd expect the novel to answer all those questions. I do like how you've bookended the horror with an unsuspecting calmness around the house. It creates a wonderful eerieness that contrasts the haunted happenings within. I do agree with Abigai...

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Lei Holtz
14:32 Oct 03, 2023

Thank you so much for reading. Throughout this academic year, I have dedicated myself to enhancing my writing skills, and I am pleased to report that I have made significant progress since I started writing. I appreciate your constructive feedback and will certainly take it into consideration moving forward.

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AnneMarie Miles
16:22 Oct 03, 2023

It's a good goal to have, Lei. The more you write and the more you read, the better you will get, and you're already so good! This craft is a tricky one, but it is so rewarding. I will add one more thing - I disagreed with Abigail regarding your use of lyrics. I liked them, and thought they were well-placed. It built the tension up for me, and reminded me that all of the creepy things were happening with the presence of music in the background, and a song with such significant lyrics deserved the emphasis you put on it. So, that's the other ...

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Lei Holtz
15:10 Oct 14, 2023

Thank you for reading.

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14:01 Sep 23, 2023

First of all, I love the story. The introduction of Chance and his perfect organizational skills, the description of the house, and the way you've told this story beautifully. I love your progress too. What you need to work on: You've repeated some words quite a lot. Example: Emanated. Upon completing. Etc. You can try alternating some of these with stronger words. It would make the story so much better. Next, you should watch out for the lyrics of songs used throughout the story. Maybe reducing or not putting it altogether might be bette...

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Lei Holtz
16:43 Sep 23, 2023

Thank you so much.

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