The Sun On The Road

Submitted into Contest #99 in response to: Write a story about characters going on a summer road trip.... view prompt

9 comments

Fiction Happy Kids

(My first time writing in second person *And I struggled. A lot.* so feedback is appreciated!)

A crackling fire ignites on your forehead and you rub an ice cube across your cheek, across your temple, and back down your cheek. Sunlight heats the sidewalk and road, turning them into lava. Water drips down your face as you look down at the ground. The grass stretched to the sidewalk and then stopped abruptly, having been cut the night before, and clippings lay on the sidewalk like fallen soldiers, waiting for their bodies to be swept up and taken to the fern green trash can. Suddenly your name is called and you snap your head up, your sister making hand motions to join her. You walk over, careful not to step on any of the junk that currently litters the steep driveway on the grounds you call home.

Your sister is shoving a big, alice blue tent into the trunk of your old car. One of those cars you can't remember the name of, but looks like a cross between an ugly Station Wagon and a nice SUV.

Your sister finally gets the tent in and leans down to grab a bag of tent poles off the ground and you ask why she needs you. "We're about ready to go." She says, standing back up and you nod, mentally going over your checklist, not wanting to forget anything.Β 

A beep startles you and you turn around to see a blue Mini Van roll up the curb, doors open, and a flood of cousins and aunts and uncles wash up, hugging you, remarking how tall you've gotten, tutting at your clothes, pinching your cheeks and repeatedly saying 'My you've gotten so skinny!' You try your hardest not to wrinkle your nose when you remember this is only the beginning. Then your parents come out, open-armed and the hugs and exclaimings start again. After all that is said and done, everybody turns to pack up for the road trip. You help, lugging heavy things to the cars until both are packed so tight you wonder if you should risk opening the trunk at all.Β 

Your little cousins demand to ride in your car, sick and tired of theirs and you inwardly groan. Ten hours in a car filled with children you can't tell apart. You grab your headphones from off the rock you put them on, and slip them onto your head, sighing at the expected feel. Your iPod starts playing and as you relax, your nerves ease.Β 

You see your aunt talking to your mother, and from the corner of your eye, you see her point to you and whisper. It's probably about the headphones. Ever since you got them, they've never been out of your sight. You shove your hands in your short pockets and turn away, not wanting to see the look she's most definitely going to give you when your mother tries her hardest to explain your anxiety.Β 

You open the car door and climb in, trying your hardest not to step on anything, and finally plop down in one of the leather seats, cracked, aged, and stained. Your cousins follow, arguing over who gets the last window seat and you take a deep breath, trying your hardest not to yell at them to be quiet. Finally, they settle down and the electronics come out as you all wait for the trip to start.

You lean your head against the window, letting out a small yawn and you turn up your music, drowning out the sounds of video game deaths. The driver's side door opens a minute later and the little kids cheer. You smile softly and the car jerks to life, pulling out of the driveway and rumbling its way down the road.Β 

A good nap later you wake up and rub the sleep from your eyes, blinking as you adjust to the light. Two of the kids are fighting over a toy, one is passed out in the backseat, your dad is screeching along to the radio, playing some old song only parents would know, and video games fill the chaos with bleepings and dings. Your headphones had slipped down to your neck and you pick them up, shutting your iPod down, your stomach making noise, asking for food.Β 

"Dad? Can we get McDonald's'?" You ask, leaning forward and get cheers from your cousins. In a matter of seconds, the car is filled with chants, all screaming for burgers, fries, chicken nuggets, and fizzy drinks. Your dad groans and shoots you a look and you answer with an innocent smile.Β 

The next half hour is filled with shoving, yelling, figuring out what is whos, the sounds of packages opening, eating, and the slurp of soda being convinced out the bottom of the paper cup. You munch on your nuggets, taking sips of water in between, and laugh at the dumb jokes your family members make.Β 

"What do sprinters eat before a race?" Your dad asks with a mouthful of greasy fries. You repeat the question because you know he won't take silence for an answer and he yells "Nothing, they fast!" and cackles like it's the funniest thing in the world.Β 

You groan but laugh along, shaking your head.Β 

"That was stupid!" One cousin yells, spraying bits of cheeseburger everywhere and you all snicker. Your dad presses a hand to his heart, mock offended, and throws his head back.Β 

"You will never understand greatness!" He proclaims and then turns on the radio again as revenge. You all beg him not too but soon he has Stairway To Heaven blasting throughout the car as you cover your ears, crying out in agony. To make it worse, your father uncovers the sunroof as he 'sings' making other cars give you weird looks. Your cheeks color but you don't mind and join your dad in singing, off-key and horrible but it just makes the situation even funnier.Β 

Soon everybody is singing around bites of fast food in the sweltering car as your family makes their way to California. The fun slowly dies down and leaves everybody breathless. Everyone settles back into their seats, playing video games, listening to music, taking naps, or fighting.Β 

You pull your headphones back up to your ears, clicking on your favorite song, and look out the window. The sun beats down on the earth, making the road look like it's covered in patches of water. The intro music to your song ends and the words start.Β 

'Find your sun on a cloudy day~' it sings and you look over to your cousins and dad. A smile creeps onto your face. And there's no place you'd rather be.Β 

June 24, 2021 15:39

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9 comments

Katie Ingold
11:45 Jul 01, 2021

Good job! I could never write second person so I'm in awe πŸ˜‰

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wow, I feel like you just wrote out my trip up here but in reverse XD my dude, this is sooooooooooooooooooooo relatable! I literally understand all of this, the food, the jokes, the headphones reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Road-trips are difficult and 'the more the merrier' is nonexistent lol great job overall, and the second person was just *chef's kiss* a wonderful touch. I like this one Echo :D

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XD Fr tho, I die everytime I take road trips even though I have a small family Aw ty ^^

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Ikr especially when I travel with my cousins reeeeeee Ofc ;)

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S.E. Reed
23:42 Jun 26, 2021

For your first time doing 2nd person point of view, you did a great job! I think 2nd person POV would work well with a choose your own adventure kind of story. Maybe try it again! Practice makes perfect :) xo S.E. Reed

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Awe thank you!!! I'll definitely try it again, though hard, it was fun! -Echo

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19:16 Jun 24, 2021

Whew! I know for a fact that I could never write in second person (it's too hard) but I like reading them because the reader feels more immersed. Definitely captures the annoying yet fun energy of taking a road trip. I enjoyed this one a lot Echo.

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Augh it was so hardddd I seriously nearly gave up XD I was so done with this story. Thanks for the feedback thooooo!! <3

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