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How to Write a Memoir: A 12-Step Guide to Telling YOUR Story

Posted in: Perfecting your Craft on January 10, 2018 12 Comments 💬

[This post was updated 05/04/19]

Learning how to write a memoir is like studying to be an archeologist. Not only do you have to dig deep and sift through the sands for fragments on the past, you then have to piece it all together and discover what the story is. To help you tell a compelling story based on your own life, we turned to bestselling ghostwriters on Reedsy to create our practical guide on how to write a memoir:

  1. Determine the specific genre of your memoir
  2. Identify the types of reader who will likely buy your book
  3. Write a book proposal (if you want to publish traditionally)
  4. Interview yourself as a professional journalist would
  5. Go the extra mile with your research
  6. Decide on your message or theme
  7. Collect your moments of high emotion
  8. Determine your structure (not all stories are told in a straight line)
  9. Grab the reader’s attention from the start
  10. Focus hard on detail and dialogue
  11. Don’t make yourself a hero
  12. Get an outside opinion

1. Determine the specific genre of your memoir

Before you start writing or even outlining your memoir, it’s important to figure out where your book fits within the existing market. Acclaimed ghostwriter Katy Weitz suggests researching titles from a number of popular categories to get an idea of the sheer variety of memoirs that have succeeded.

Nostalgia

(image: Puffin Books)

Many people want books to transport them to another time and place and show them what life was like. Others enjoy recognizing their own experiences reflected back at them. Books that meet this requirement are often called nostalgia memoirs.

Examples:

Boy: Tales of Childhood by Roald Dahl. Evoking his childhood home of Cardiff, Wales in the 1920s and 30s, the stories in this book shed light on themes and motifs that would play heavily in Dahl’s most beloved works: a love for sweets, a mischievous streak, and a distrust of older authority figures.

Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth. Now best known for its BBC adaptation, Worth’s account of her life as a midwife caught people’s imagination with its depiction of life in London’s East End in the 1950s.

Misery and Inspirational

(image: Penguin Random House)

Books that depict a difficult time in an author’s life aren’t intended to bum the reader out — but to show triumph over adversity. The fact that the authors are writing a book about their experiences often serves as a redemptive final chapter in their personal story.

Examples:

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Proof that memoirs don’t have to tell catastrophic stories to succeed, this book chronicles Gilbert’s post-divorce travels, inspiring a generation of self-care enthusiasts and was adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts.

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. An account of drug and alcohol abuse that one reviewer called “the War and Peace of addiction,” this book became the focus of an uproar when it was revealed that many of its incidents were fabricated. (In case you’re wondering, we do not recommend deceiving your readers.)

Celebrity

Public figures have an inbuilt fanbase who just want to hear more about their adventures doing the thing that they do. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of inventive celebrity memoirs.

Troublemaker by Leah Remini. The former star of TV’s The King of Queens tackles the Church of Scientology head on, detailing her life in (and her decision to leave) the controversial religion.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Less of a singular memoir than a collection of humorous anecdotes framed around his life as a transplant to Paris, the star of this book is Sedaris’ dry voice and cutting humor.

Sports

outline a memoir 1

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(image: Putnam)

Sports stories often make for great books. After all, what's more dramatic than the thrill of victory or the crushing pain of defeat?

Examples:

Paper Lion by George Plimpton. In 1960, the author George Plimpton joined up with the Detroit Lions to see if an ordinary man could play pro football. The answer was no, but his experience in training camp allowed him to tell the first-hand story of a team from inside the locker room.

It’s Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong. This is a great lesson on how authors often writers books to create their own legacy in the way they see fit. As history confirmed, Armstrong’s comeback success wasn’t entirely about the bike at all.

Now that you’ve seen some of the popular genres, let’s roll up our sleeves and dive into telling your story.

2. Identify the types of reader who will likely buy your book

The first question you need to ask is why you’re writing a memoir. From there, you can figure out how to achieve that goal. Do you have a story that will resonate with a wide range of readers, or is this is something you want to do for yourself or your friends and family?

In other words, are you writing a commercial memoir? This kind of book is intended for a wide readership and is more likely to be picked up by a traditional publisher. If this is your intention, you need to do your research and determine if there’s a market for a story like yours.

Or are you writing a legacy memoir? Intended for a more limited audience, legacy books help authors recall and cement a certain time in their lives — or to leave behind important stories and lessons for their descendants.

3. Write a book proposal (if you want to publish traditionally)

If you decide to write something with commercial potential and sell it to a traditional publisher, bear in mind that you will have to, at some point, submit a book proposal. As well as providing details about the target market and your book’s place within it, a proposal will also contain a chapter breakdown of your memoir.

Some authors choose to work with a ghostwriter to write their book proposal, even if they end up writing the manuscript themselves. Not only do they benefit from the ghost’s understanding of the submission process, they also benefit from the interviews that are conducted, as well as their guidance in structuring a compelling book.

Working with ghostwriters on a proposal is significantly more affordable than a full ghostwriting project — it’s a great way to get the input of a real professional without breaking the bank to get them to write it. This may be a good middle ground option you wish to consider.

For more advice, read our guide to writing an effective book proposal.

4. Interview yourself as a professional journalist would

Take a lead from authors like award-winning ghostwriter Sharon Barrett. That is, get under the skin of your subject: you.

“I’m ghostwriting for a successful businessman who wrote his own memoir a few years ago.  He wrote a perfectly fine narrative, but it was impersonal because he didn’t know how to ask himself the questions that would allow him to dig deeper — to look at the events that helped shape him, what he sacrificed, what he learned. It’s an exercise in courage to go back through the years and take a hard look at the ups and downs, but it’s the only way to tell the true story.”

(Interview with the Vampire, image: Warner Bros)

A memoir is like a diamond necklace: before you can set the stone and craft the chain, you have to extract the ore and refine it. As Barrett suggests, you should treat yourself as an interview subject and ask yourself questions that can trigger stories that may have slipped beneath the surface.

Self-Publishing a Family Memoir
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5. Go the extra mile with your research

One of the realities we have to face when writing our own story is that memory is largely unreliable, according to Heather Ebert. “What you remember about past events may be empirically false, but they can still be emotionally true. That doesn’t mean all of your memories are wrong, but go into the writing questioning every memory and assumption you have.”

Here are a few of Ebert’s research suggestions:

  • Investigate every story, fact, feeling, or vague inclination you have about your past insofar as it applies to your story.
  • Look up anything that can be verified or fact-checked: World news, local weather, dates, places, events.
  • Revisit locations and settings from the past that you plan to write about.
  • Interview your family members, friends, and others who were around in certain eras.
  • Draft a timeline of your life by year. Writing about certain memories will also pull up more memories as you open the floodgates.
  • Don’t invent or make things up — especially not anything that can be verified (see Frey, James: A Million Little Pieces).

6. Decide on your message or theme

For Carolyn Jourdan, an author and ghostwriter of multiple bestselling books, the message is vital. “The best piece of writing advice I’ve ever been given was from a Professor. He said, “When you get stuck, ask yourself, ‘What am I trying to say?’”

By deciding on a specific theme or a message early on, you will give yourself a strong focus that drives the story and what you do or don’t include.

“Your theme is the meeting point on which readers will relate to you and recognize themselves in your story. Your story may have several themes, but consider what you want the overarching point to be.“

(Image: Bantam Books)

For example, Elie Wiesel’s Night chronicles his experience in Nazi death camps. On a thematic level, however, it deals with questions of faith as the author grapples with the idea of a God who would allow such horrors to take place.

You might not start with a clear idea of what you’re trying to say. But through your research and interviews, you may begin to find that certain lessons or ideas keep popping up throughout your life. And once you discover the spine of your story, you’re off to the races.

7. Collect your moments of high emotion

With your interview answers in hand, you will likely have too many stories to pick from. Which ones should you prioritize, and which ones should take a back seat?

“My approach might not work for everyone, but I always start with the moments of highest emotion,” says Jourdan. “I try to get as many of these moments as I can and build the book around that. When were you the most afraid, confused, euphoric, etc? Those are the moments when you see the true character of a person emerge.”

Once you have your list of high-emotion moments picked out, you can see how to best use them to tell your overarching story and reinforce your message and themes.

8. Determine your structure (not all stories move in a straight line)

“To help give order to the project, try to tell the story chronologically to start with,” says Andrew Crofts, the bestselling ghostwriter of over 80 books. “That way you can keep control of the narrative. If you jump about too much you will forget what you have already done and start repeating yourself. You can always change the chronology at the editing stage.”

And indeed, there are great reasons to chop-up the timeline.

“A broadly chronological structure will make the book easier to follow but don't adhere to it too closely,” says ghost Johnny Acton, who has written for public figures such as Paul McCartney and Prince Charles. “Flashbacks and flash-forwards can be used to add interest.”

Taking a cue from your favorite novels, you may find that playing with chronology helps to control the pace of your books and cut out ‘the boring bits’.

For more advice, check out our guide to outlining a memoir.

9. Grab the reader’s attention from the start

(The Naked Civil Servant on Amazon with the "Look Inside" option)

Eschewing strict chronology, many memoirs chose to open with a story from the middle or end of the narrative.

“Start with an incident that captures the central theme of the book as vividly as possible,” Acton says. “Unless your birth was dramatic in itself (e.g. your mother was stuck in a lift with a group of Trappist monks), it's probably best to avoid beginning with it. Too obvious and clichéd.”

Potential readers will skim through the opening passages, either in-store or with Amazon’s Look Inside feature before they decide to purchase it — if your first few pages don’t grab them, they won’t buy it.

10. Focus hard on detail and dialogue

This falls into the classic writing advice of ‘Show, don’t tell.’

“Remember to describe how you felt about things as they happened,” Crofts says. “Don’t go into too much description (no beautiful sunsets). In fact, keep adjectives and adverbs to a minimum, making the nouns and verbs do the heavy lifting. Keep detailed information such as dates and times to a minimum unless crucial to the story.”

Take a lead from your favorite writers (fiction or otherwise) and see how they use narration and dialogue to play out their scenes.

“Use direct speech as much as possible,” Acton adds. “It doesn't have to be 100% accurate, it just needs to capture the personality of the speaker and the essence of what was said.”

11. Don’t make yourself a hero

There’s a scene in the British sitcom I’m Alan Partridge where the title character, a disgraced former TV host, is on a radio show to promote his self-aggrandizing memoir. It’s pointed out by a guest panelist that every anecdote in the book ends with the phrase, “Needless to say, I had the last laugh.”

While a book is often an opportunity to ‘tell your side of the story,’ don’t paint yourself as a complete hero or victim. Like any protagonist in a novel, it’s your strengths and weaknesses that will make you a compelling figure. Readers expect honesty and candor. If they sense that you’re stretching the truth or have an underlying agenda, they will quickly switch off.

12. Get an outside opinion

“Always remember that the reader may not know what you take for granted,” Acton adds. Beta readers who don’t know you that well can help you see when your stories need more background information (and when they’re not compelling or relevant enough).

Professional editors are also an invaluable resource to tap into. On platforms like Reedsy, you can search for editors who have worked for major publishers on memoirs like yours. For those legacy project, a professional editor can help you focus in on the parts that matter; if you’re writing something with a commercial edge, they can make all the difference when it comes to selling your book.

These are just a few tips that will help you get started. Along the way, you may encounter well-meaning and highly qualified people who will question why you think you should be writing a memoir. But if you have a story that you feel needs to be told, you shouldn’t let anyone stand in your way. Everybody has a story to tell: just make yours a good one, and the rest of us will come along for the ride.


What are some of your favorite memoirs, written by both celebrities and non-celebrities? What about them makes them stand out in your memory?

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CourtneySymons

This was exactly the article I needed today! I've just begun a new career path as a ghostwriter and am finding it difficult to find learning resources (conferences, courses, books, networks of ghostwriters, etc.). If any readers have advice on where I should be looking or who I should be talking to, I would be forever grateful! Thanks so much!

M. Thomas Maxwell

I had no intention of writing a book but encouraged by my grandson I embarked on a story telling venture that led to Grandfather's Journal, http://www.captaintommaxwell.com. It truly is a series of life stories shared with my grandson. Published by Westbow press in 2015 I used many Reedsy tips and am very pleased with the results.I have since encouraged others to consider doing the same. It took over a year and was a pleasant experience.

Don Karp

As a self-published memoir writer, I read this with appreciation. I do not agree with all that's said here. For example, "2. Do Your Research." Of course certain events--those experienced publicly by a large number of people--need to be accurate. But even the word, "memoir," says it's about memory, not accuracy. This is one of the major differences from an autobiography which does require research. I looked up the dictionary definition and got confirmation on this. Perhaps you need to re-examine this and get it right?

Reedsy

I would agree that memoirs are indeed based on memory — and in some way that's why historians are often forced to question the reliability of memoirs as a primary source. I would say, however, that modern readers to expect memoirs to be as factually-correct as possible. Editors at publishers will go to great pains to ensure that — or face a public backlash. If you say anything in a memoir that can be disproved by a basic google search will seriously compromise your relationship with a reader. The other benefit with research is that it can do a lot… Read more »

Don Karp

Thanks for your response. This brings up two points for me. First, what is more powerful, a memory of an experience or the actual experience? Different people interpret the same experience differently. Second, what do you propose to do with the dictionary definition of "memoir?" Since the word is based on memory and not research, perhaps you can suggest some alternate word form?

The Red Lounge For Writers

I think looking at the idea of the 'voice of innocence' and the 'voice of experience' could really help with this distinction between fact and memory. As writers of memoir, we are expected to write what we remember. We can do this using the voice of innocence, and use the voice of experience to write about the factual context.

Stu Mountjoy

A group I used to attend, on a Friday, started people off with the basic exercise of writing a story about one thing that happened to you, and I did one about a race at school.

I am always impressed by the first page I read of Alan Alder's bio (actor in M*A*S*H TV series) - "Hi I'm Alan Alder, and when I was six, my mother tried to kill my father." - wow.

Reedsy

Alda's a great writer — "Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself" is such a fantastic name for a memoir too.

Robbie Cheadle

A very useful and interesting post on writing a memoir.

Reedsy

I'm glad you like it Robbie 🙂

The Red Lounge For Writers

All great advice. Memoir is probably my favourite genre to read, and some of my favourite books are memoirs. I'm of the opinion that everyone has a story to tell; it's just a matter of figuring out how to do it really well.

GrassRootsGuy

I'm writing about my experience dating and mating in midlife, a series of linked short stories about the women I met and what I learned from each. My experiences surfing through online dating sites produced a number of women I could have loved, should have loved and would have loved... if only... The story arc takes me into cross-country love and the high of finding my soul-mate, then losing her because of my own flaws and descending into the darkest of emotional states, then recovering and emerging a new and better man, one worthy of a woman's love. Book two… Read more »

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