PJ Aitken

Author on Reedsy Prompts since May, 2021

Stories (50)

50 Stories

2451 karma pts

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“No Shit!” by PJ Aitken

“Houston, we have a problem!”“Thanks a bunch Dad. Tom Hanks is on the phone, he wants his script back.”“Sorry, love. Anything?” “NOT YET!!”“Well… keep trying!”That was the default conversation throughout my childhood whenever I needed to poop. I remember it so clearly even though it was decades ago because it defined who I would become in so many ways. For the world looking in it was a number two issue but for me it was always my number one problem with a shit-stained bullet.

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“Witness Correction” by PJ Aitken

“DON’T JUST STARE AT THE FUCKIN DOORWAY!! Get her you useless pricks!”Janey could barely hear the psychotic tones of her old boss as she was halfway down the hallway, sprinting away from her certain death. Why did she always find the worst thing to say in a crisis? She made a mental note to address this dangerous character trait once her imminent death had been averted. Running up to the lifts, Janey ran her fist into the down button. Luckily one of the lifts was on her floor so it opened with a BI...

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“And The Award Goes To…” by PJ Aitken

“Welcome to the 100th Academy Awards!” Oh Jesus, what the fuck are these crappy seats? Keep smiling girl, don’t let them see your fury. You’ll be outta here in two hours tops. Although it was four hours last year but I was just a scummy plus one then so could get fuckin’ wasted.  Great! There’s a camera guy right in front of me meaning I have to be on my super bes...

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“One Rule For One” by PJ Aitken

What was taking him so long? Liz sat in her favourite armchair tapping her purple fluffy slippers on the shiny marble floor. Her three dogs were sound asleep around her, poised to wake up in ten minutes, like dopey alarm clocks in time for their dinner. Since moving into her new home she had been feeding the dogs herself which she was not used to at all. It had taken a number of months to get the quantities right, meanin...

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“Night Trained” by PJ Aitken

Crouching down to try to calm his dog, Simon’s eyes were as wide as they could get while staring at the figures in the underpass praying they hadn’t heard Annie’s bark. Usually walking the dog in the very early hours was a calming and event free activity. Not today. Annie continued to growl even though the squirrel that set her off had scarpered up a tree straight away. The group stopped what they were doing an...

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“Icked Off” by PJ Aitken

BURRRR-TING! For three long months, every person in the villa shared a combined sensation of excitement and dread whenever that sound echoed out of their mobile phones. This time was different, they knew exactly what it meant for all of them. The end was near. All the islanders heard exactly where the sound came from and were looking up at the outdoor terrace expecting an announcement. Moesha stared at her ...

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“Dumped” by PJ Aitken

Teddy mobyBabe, hope your having a nice day.Tanya mobyYeah not bad – cant wait to see u l8r.Teddy mobyWell that’s what I’m texting you for. I’ve been talking to the boys and I think we need to cool things down.Tanya mobyYou wot?Teddy mobyI’ve enjoyed our time togevver but I’m feeling like trapped whatever so want to slow it down.Tanya mobyAre you havin a laff? It’s been two...

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“God Save The Queue” by PJ Aitken

Based on conversations and events that took place whilst waiting in the queue to see the Queen lying in state during September 2022Fifteen minutes before the start of the queue “Excuse me” asked Pete frantically looking down at the map on his phone, failing to catch the attention of his Uber driver. He tried again but this time with more gusto.“Excuse ME?” The Uber driver took out the wireless headphone from his left ear with a weary sigh of a man not enjoying the 5am pick up.“Yes mate...

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“Save Your Strength!” by PJ Aitken

I don’t know what all the bloody fuss is about. I’m fine! Just having one of those days where I want to stay in bed that’s all. The number of times the kids have done the same and I’ve had to let them off in case they were ill. Although I do love it when I get the doctor to come round the house and as if by magic they instantly get better. Would be odd doing that now since they’re all grown up with kids of their own. I m...

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“Running Round A Dream” by PJ Aitken

Read original story “Running Down A Dream” here https://blog.reedsy.com/short-story/03dhqg/ His eyes exploded wide open as the harsh sunlight hit them. Mikey had had one of those dreams again but this felt even more real than last time. He didn’t need to wrack his brain because every detail was etched into his mind.  The lake. Sound of a boat’s engine. Voices. His best friend Warren was there. A c...

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“Learning to Skive” by PJ Aitken

Somehow Andy had convinced Teddy and Anna to spend their Saturday afternoon breaking into the school to try to execute the first part of plan A.  “For someone who hates this place, you just can’t stay away,” said Teddy as he tried to climb the walls without Andy’s help and came crashing onto the floor within the school grounds. Thankfully it was face first so his little tummy cushioned the fall. Anna landed next t...

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“Snooze You Lose” by PJ Aitken

Jenny had enjoyed her first week of Dream Academy more than she expected. She was also surprised that none of her new friends had been here for very long so were all experiencing their first assignment at the same time. Their outfits were slightly too figure hugging due to being made from blue leathery elastic material. They kept being told it was “standard issue” but none of them could understand why. Jenny, Debbie, Dan...

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“May We Start?” by PJ Aitken

Are you sitting comfortably? Why? How can you be so relaxed? That’s not what I expected. I can’t tell you this story when you’re chilled and half asleep. Stand up! COME ON! Stand up and shake your arms. That’s it, both arms, shake them like they’re covered in spiders. Faster, keep going! If you had spiders crawling around you’d be shaking much faster than that. Now shake your legs as well. Good. Shake your arms, legs and...

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“Credits 🎬🍿” by PJ Aitken

EXT. THE CABIN. STILL NIGHT LIKE THE REST OF THE MOVIE. MIKE DUCHESS covered in sweat and other people’s blood limps through the woods towards the doorway. INT. THE CABIN. MIKE DUCHESS limps into the living room leaving a blood trail behind him. He walks up to his favourite armchair and sits down with a slump.With his breathing becoming slower and strained MIKE pulls something out of the top pocket of his jacket. It was his favourite faded family photo of his ex wife next to the love of his life, his goldfish...

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“The Pick Up” by PJ Aitken

John’s watch buzzed, distracting him from the task at hand. Rolling his eyes he continued to complete what he was doing. Thirty seconds later the vibration from his watch was even greater this time, making his teeth chatter. Thinking the next vibration may shatter his wrist, John reluctantly dropped what he was doing and looked at the face of his watch flashing a message back at him.SCHOOL PICK UP AT 4pm – DON’T BE LATE THIS TIME, DAD!“Oh fuck,” thought John, why does school pick up always slip his mind? He knew why really. ...

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Author bio

An aspiring loon who is enjoying writing a large portfolio of fantastic future bestsellers. First two children’s books will be published in 2023.