461 comments

Thriller

(well, well, another fun collaboration and that too with Ray 😙 this guy left me at the wrong time :) Anyway, enjoy this one heck of a nonsense story.)

~

It’s three in the morning when the doorbell jolts Risa lucid. Another sleepless Saturday night had prompted her to grab a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and drown her insomnia binging the entirety of Black Mirror on Netflix; she’d almost collapsed face-first onto the carpet from dehydration and enervation. She told her doctor she'd been spending most of her time completing her assignments and binge watching Netflix later on. And since she left her house on rare occasions, she was a vegetable; a cute radish preferably. 

Risa skids down the stairs and looks through the peephole only to see no one waiting on the other side of the door. And when the doorbell already disrupted her sleep, she ambles to the kitchen and plucks out a coke can from the stand in the refrigerator, chugging it down. 

Who could ever imagine drinking coke instead of water first thing in the morning? It was definitely Risa. 

She reclaims her spot on the bed, cross-legged, eyes glued to the screen that has been the only light source in the room for… how many years has it been since the incident? 

She hits the spacebar. A minute passes. She rewinds that minute. Another minute passes, another rewind. Not a single moment of the episode is sinking in. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t peel her thoughts away from her porch, which was empty when it shouldn’t have been. It gnaws at her composure, not knowing who that was. Or why anyone would visit at three in the morning.

Please be a dream, she pleads inwardly. Please please please.

The illusion shatters when a frantic banging noise erupts through the house and burrows through all her layers. She flinches, heart rattling in her ribcage. Her mind goes on autopilot; she wraps herself in the soothing darkness of three blankets, performs the breathing exercises her doctor taught her.

Bang bang bang.

She kicks off the sheets, gathers the dregs of courage she has remaining, and rushes downstairs. The last thing she needs is a confrontation. But she’ll go crazy if the noise doesn’t stop.

Risa is reverberating as much as the back door is as she readies her voice. It comes out cracked and dry from disuse, so she takes a few gulps of saliva.

“Whoever that is, please stop!”

Well, that did the trick. After a few heartbeats of stillness, a muffled voice, decidedly male, resounds from outside:

“Do not ignore me, Risa.”

Risa’s heart soars into a crescendo of panic. Her breaths become rapid and shallow.

“Who are you? And how do you know my name?”

The silence hangs thick in the air. Is he gone? And what did he mean by… ?

Risa heads to the front door. This mystery man must have been the one ringing the bell before growing impatient and trying to come in through the back. She checks the peephole again, in case she can catch a glimpse of her tormentor. Nothing.

She takes a deep breath. She has to do it. She unfastens all nine locks and creaks the door open. The breeze invading her nostrils is a foreign, alien scent. Holding the half-open door close like a shield, she glances across her driveway and garden; ugly and overgrown, but otherwise empty.

Empty? No, there’s something on the first step of the front porch. Risa grunts as she remains in place and reaches out with a single arm; for someone like her, one step outside is setting foot in lava. She drags the knee-high cardboard box inside and locks the door behind her.

Five minutes pulse in her ears before she regains something resembling her composure. How long has it been since someone acknowledged her existence? Or since she unlocked the door?

Risa hauls the package onto the kitchen table and stares at it, hoping that if she concentrates hard enough, she can will it out of existence, and then her life can continue on its unassuming, uneventful way. But the thought of the man returning makes her grab a boxcutter and slice it open.

Packing peanuts greet her. A piece of paper rests atop them. Her gaze tiptoes over the words scrawled on it:

My dear Risa,

Your parents may have left you, but I will always be here. As family, I fear that this lifestyle of yours does not bode well for your future. Granted, it is not always a simple matter to be coaxed out of one’s shell; hence, I have prepared an impetus that should suffice. The reward for your cooperation: your overdue inheritance.

Please begin by pressing the chip to your neck, right beneath your earlobe.

Kind regards,

Your Uncle Dallas

A metal square the size of a thumbnail is taped below the extravagant signature. Is this the “chip” the letter mentioned? And just who is this Uncle Dallas, anyway? The last family gathering Risa remotely remembers happened an eternity ago, and there were too many faces to count, let alone recall.

She rips the chip off and does as the letter instructs. A hiss exudes her thin lips as she lines the tip of the swiss knife across the skin, making a shallow incision and inserting the chip into the flesh. Wiping off the warm blood that dribbles down her neck, Risa hauls out another letter from the box and glides through its contents that read:

Instructions to the real matter: navigate to the pink gnome in the yard where you shall get hold of another box. You are advised not to hesitate, but take it home, lest someone else discovers it. Make sure no one notices you with it.

~ Uncle Dallas

What kind of dare is this? Risa thinks to herself, baffled out of her senses. And who in the Dead Sea is this Uncle Dallas? He's the mastermind, the man behind the computer, drifting his fingers over the keyboard and hacking computers for hours on end. Did she ever have such a relative? As far as she knew, Java and coding puzzles never fit well with her family. They'd rather do carpentry, stitch and sing songs in a nomadic pack. 

Risa steps out of her house and hugs herself as she strides toward her yard. Her legs and feet are feeble, might shatter into pieces if struck once. It's brass monkey weather today and the frosty breeze caresses her skin as it swirls through her silk red hair. 

Picking up the box which is heavier than the first, she hurries inside and opens it with tentative fingers. 

The air in her windpipe freezes. A pistol sits in the container like a coiled rattlesnake, as if merely touching it might lead to a grievous injury.

She’s befuddled as to what’s to be done with the gun. But another letter greets her from the box as she picks it up, rips off the envelope and reads the content.

I know how annoyed you must be with this sickly game. I empathize with you. But I swear this is the last letter. 

You know the State Bank a few miles down the road, don’t you? Get out, carry the gun and connect the dots yourself. 

XxX

Sickly game? This supposed haggard, probably polishing his bald head, knows this is a game he’s playing? And he empathizes? 

Well, dad jokes on him!

Risa’s heart is still banging hard and fierce against her chest, she’s afraid of the unknown. Even though she’s clueless of what’s happening, she dreads the next few seconds and knows she’s in peril if the task’s not accomplished. 

Throwing a trench coat over her shoulder and tucking away the Bryco Arm in the backpocket of her jeans, she heads out. Not even a few moments have passed since the world is exposed to her, when her eyes grow wide and transfix with horror. Anxiety thoughts are akin to driving around the block over and over, faster and faster. It’s pointless.

Stop, she repeats to herself. You’re sober, so let your thoughts be as a car on a good road. 

A handful of minutes later, a huge building, the bank, comes into view and she tries suppressing her thoughts as if possessed and trying to push down the demon to the unbounded pit. It’s working, at least for a little while. 

Risa doesn’t know how she manages to put one foot in front of the other and lock eyes with the teller. She didn’t think she could leave her house, and yet here she is, on the verge of breaking a few laws along with her sanity. It’s not too late to go back, maybe call the cops, she figures.

She flinches when a stinging pain blooms in her neck. A bystander asks if she’s okay. She plays it off.

How could she forget? It’s as if he’s watching her every move. Well, there’s no going back.

Her arm is a wet noodle as she raises the gun.

“Give… me… money.” It takes a mountain of strength and then some to push each syllable out.

He never said how much. Not that she cares. She just wants this nightmare to be over and done with.

Things happen quickly afterwards. Panic blossoming bright and fresh in the bank as her surroundings register the threat. The teller’s eyes inflating like pufferfish. A warm stream rushing down one of Risa’s pant legs to pool around her shoes.

She tunes all of that out until her trench coat is stuffed with green notes. 

She doesn’t know how she makes it back out, but she does. In the fleeting comfort of an alleyway, she does her breathing exercises. She’s about to shatter like the bottles littered at her feet. 

Her phone buzzes. She stares down the text like it’s about to jump out and strike her.

Enjoy your inheritance. 

-Uncle D

Sirens wail in the distance. Is this some cruel, twisted joke at her expense? Divine punishment? A nightmare?

Risa darts into the lane, her hands secured around her coat pockets and hurtles away from the police car. Thanks to her athletic feet or she'd be counting days in prison. Sprinting drains her energy and as much as she wants to keep at it, she can’t. She’s been defeated: that’s what she thinks, but a ray of hope alights in her body when a van comes forth and opens its door as if calling out to her.

The little quirk of her lips that blooms on her face feels foreign, but it’s involuntary. She hurtles toward it, often turning back to see if or how far the police car’s advanced.

Her smile is the petal of a marigold when it wilts when not exposed to sunshine and it’s hope for her that’s been pricked.

The man that had been trying to break into her house glares daggers into her soul, piercing through the layers and stabbing the dainty heart right in the centre. 

“You…” her voice trails off as another man exposes himself. In a finely tailored brown suit and black hair gelled back into a manbun, is seated Uncle Dallas.  

Realization slaps too late. She never had a relative named Dallas. She finds herself swimming in the cold blue waters of his eyes. It’s enthralling, yet unnerving.

Something’s not right. And before Risa can process anything, a deafening boom reiterates through the walls of the car. A body slumps on the ground, the gun slips from the jean pocket. 

It was a sickly game, hadn't Uncle D said?

💀💀

December 18, 2020 20:02

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461 comments

Andrew Krey
14:23 Dec 21, 2020

I really enjoyed this, it was a faced paced read, and an interesting spin on the prompt, for how they earn their inheritance. The imagery is very vivid, which really sucks you into the story. I especially loved this line: "The little quirk of her lips that blooms on her face feels foreign, but it’s involuntary" Well done to both of you, happy writing!

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Orenda .
14:26 Dec 21, 2020

yeee I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Andrew. Thank you so much for reading :D

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Andrew Krey
14:30 Dec 21, 2020

You're welcome :)

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Have fun with ur 10000 Orenda got u to it!

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Orenda .
18:10 Dec 20, 2020

oh myy, thank you soo much and congrats on the 48th rank ;)

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OMG! Thankssss! Congrats on 10th (still)

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Orenda .
03:05 Dec 21, 2020

Eyy haha.

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02:41 Dec 20, 2020

Ha! Hilarious and dark and mysterious. ‘ Risa’s heart soars into a crescendo of panic’ is an amazing line. Love it! HAPPY 10TH SUBMISSION!

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Orenda .
05:55 Dec 20, 2020

Aye, thank youu so much for reading Aerin. You gotta comment on Ray's story too if you haven't :-D

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14:38 Dec 20, 2020

Haha oki :D

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Ru .
19:39 Dec 19, 2020

I was reading this early in the morning with a Pepsi in hand, so I'd say Risa isn't alone in that club. And when I tell you how I choked to find a mutual soul (even if they only existed in a story). Great work, both of you. Love it 🖤

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Orenda .
19:44 Dec 19, 2020

Aww lol. Lisa? Misa? Nisa? Thank youuu Ru. Honestly, I miss talking to you so much :( You better go and comment this on Ray's story too :-)) Also, how's Ria doing? Is she okay?

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Kristin Neubauer
15:08 Dec 19, 2020

I read this on Ray's page, but wanted to make sure I commented here too just to let you know how much I enjoyed this. The suspense! The quirkiness! The creativity! I was into it from beginning to end - so well written. Congrats to both of you!

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Orenda .
15:13 Dec 19, 2020

AW really? This was supposed to be hogwash but we had fun writing. Thank you so much for enjoying it.

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Kristin Neubauer
15:19 Dec 19, 2020

I think when you have such talented writers as you and Rayhan, it would take a lot of effort to make something hogwash. It was great!

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Orenda .
15:22 Dec 19, 2020

oh, I'm flattered 🙈

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B. W.
20:35 Dec 18, 2020

I don't really know what to say, except this was really great, and again its better than any of my other stories ^^ it gets a 10/10 :)

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Orenda .
20:37 Dec 18, 2020

Thanks a lot, B :) did you like any particular part? Let's hear something new from you :D And no, don't compare yourself with anybody 😑

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Radhika Diksha
10:39 Dec 19, 2020

savage AF Ori... That's my girl.

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Orenda .
10:48 Dec 19, 2020

Thank you! But I don't understand for what lol.

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Radhika Diksha
10:51 Dec 19, 2020

Let's hear something new from you :D loved your reply.

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Orenda .
10:53 Dec 19, 2020

Ohh XD it's not savage tho.

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B. W.
20:39 Dec 18, 2020

I dunno man :/ i liked everything about it, I'm not sure what you want from me by something else. I still really liked the names as well, but I always say that as well :/

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Orenda .
05:10 Dec 19, 2020

Ah lol, no problem. Thankss

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B. W.
05:15 Dec 19, 2020

no prob?

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B. W.
01:11 Jan 04, 2021

Hola amiga

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Orenda .
06:39 Jan 04, 2021

heyy!

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B. W.
07:18 Jan 04, 2021

How are ya?

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Orenda .
07:28 Jan 04, 2021

fit as a fiddle. You?

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B. W.
16:36 Jan 04, 2021

eh not sure

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Orenda .
16:48 Jan 04, 2021

aw, what's the issue?

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B. W.
04:47 Jan 03, 2021

I finally finished my novel :D

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Orenda .
04:56 Jan 03, 2021

congrats. Which one is it? I remember you saying you've completed another novel.

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B. W.
05:03 Jan 03, 2021

The one with Evelyn, do ya remember the stuff I told ya about it?

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Orenda .
05:04 Jan 03, 2021

um, I don't think I do.

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B. W.
06:10 Jan 03, 2021

I could tell ya the plot and stuff then?

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Orenda .
06:26 Jan 03, 2021

yeah sure.

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B. W.
01:48 Jan 03, 2021

Heyyy

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Orenda .
03:24 Jan 03, 2021

hey, waddap!

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B. W.
03:41 Jan 03, 2021

I made another new story a bit ago ^^

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Orenda .
03:52 Jan 03, 2021

oh, I'll check it out soon.

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B. W.
04:40 Jan 03, 2021

thanks ^^

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05:52 Jan 02, 2021

Hey Orenda!! This was a very....suspicious story. And mysterious. I loved the pace of the story and everything else! I'm not even a huge fan of thriller but this was very interesting! I'm not even sure if I should have read Rayhan's part first but this seemed like the beginning. Onto the next!! Great job Orenda!!

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Orenda .
05:59 Jan 02, 2021

yeee thanks for reading, Ugochi! Ray has the same story up on his account, so we didn't write anything part by part. Be sure to comment on his too 😚 thanks again!

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06:00 Jan 02, 2021

Haha yeah I realized that just a couple of minutes ago! And I did!!😊 Onto your other story!

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Orenda .
06:01 Jan 02, 2021

YAY! I love my newest story so would love your feedback on it <3

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B. W.
19:33 Jan 01, 2021

I just got a new story out ^^

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Orenda .
19:44 Jan 01, 2021

yay! Heading there in a bit.

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B. W.
20:00 Jan 01, 2021

Remember to leave some feedback ^^

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B. W.
06:11 Dec 30, 2020

You want some compliments? I'm not that good at giving them or really anything with them, though this is a major one, you've always been a really great friend and I'm glad we met ^^

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Orenda .
06:13 Dec 30, 2020

awie, thank youu B. I'm glad we met too <3

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B. W.
06:37 Dec 30, 2020

It's been really fun when we talk and stuff ^^ I'm kinda surprised that I even made friends on here and everything.

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Orenda .
06:42 Dec 30, 2020

same here. When I first joined, I had no idea I'd make friends that is until, I read one of Zilla's story and I was in awe. I told her to let us know when her book would come out and Rhonda had replied to. Rhonda and I started talking, then I found Vayd and then, Aerin and Amany. Kinda like an OG friend circle.

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B. W.
06:46 Dec 30, 2020

Do ya remember how we really met on here? or at least on the story we started talking on? I think I do.

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Orenda .
06:49 Dec 30, 2020

yeah, I had read your bio and you were asking for some help so I commented on your story.

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B. W.
19:22 Dec 29, 2020

heyyyy

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Orenda .
04:46 Dec 30, 2020

hey, hey.

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B. W.
04:52 Dec 30, 2020

how are ya?

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Orenda .
05:16 Dec 30, 2020

I'm doing just fine.

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B. W.
05:17 Dec 30, 2020

Are ya still gonna try and do a story with Sia?

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Orenda .
05:21 Dec 30, 2020

not this week, B. I'll try my best to do it the next week, that is, if I don't like a prompt in general.

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Are you okie <3? *worried bc no bio*

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Orenda .
04:09 Dec 28, 2020

I am okie <3

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Orenda .
07:52 Dec 28, 2020

Hihi :"

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Orenda .
18:22 Dec 28, 2020

Hey, hey.

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B. W.
22:17 Dec 27, 2020

I updated my bio, could ya maybe check it out?

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Orenda .
04:06 Dec 28, 2020

Ah, okay.

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B. W.
04:52 Dec 28, 2020

I hope ya like it

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Orenda .
04:58 Dec 28, 2020

Aww yes, it's lovely :)

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B. W.
05:42 Dec 28, 2020

Hm, in the thing where i was sorta talking about fandoms I'm in and stuff, what were ones you knew or didn't know?

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Orenda .
05:49 Dec 28, 2020

I just know PJ, FNAF and Gravity Falls.

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Sia S
15:08 Dec 27, 2020

Still up for that collab?

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Orenda .
15:12 Dec 27, 2020

I am! Not forgetting it but I need time :(

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Sia S
16:21 Dec 27, 2020

Okay

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B. W.
05:51 Dec 27, 2020

Ya remember the novel ive been telling ya about? I'm kind of surprised about it though I'm already working on chapter 19 and I'm close to chapter 20.

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Orenda .
06:08 Dec 27, 2020

Ah, that's cool.

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B. W.
06:16 Dec 27, 2020

I'm also planning on writing a sequel for it already

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Orenda .
07:16 Dec 27, 2020

Ooh, okay.

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B. W.
07:49 Dec 27, 2020

so how are ya?

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Orenda .
08:46 Dec 27, 2020

I'm doing good.

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B. W.
23:06 Dec 26, 2020

ya wanna hear any other jokes?

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Orenda .
04:17 Dec 27, 2020

Sure.

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B. W.
04:43 Dec 27, 2020

Knock Knock

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Orenda .
05:16 Dec 27, 2020

Who dis?

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B. W.
05:37 Dec 27, 2020

Noah

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Orenda .
05:42 Dec 27, 2020

Noah who?

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B. W.
20:26 Dec 26, 2020

I got it out :D go check out "A weird adventure with two friends" and then leave some feedback on it, I'd love to see what ya think.

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Orenda .
04:16 Dec 27, 2020

Yay! I'll be there soon :)

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B. W.
04:43 Dec 27, 2020

I'm excited to see what ya think ^^

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Orenda .
06:31 Dec 26, 2020

Okiee. I'll be there ASAP.

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