151 comments

Fiction Teens & Young Adult

The human had entered the hotel room and not even a second later had collapsed after spotting you on the bed. Was it from Shock? Fear? You didn't entirely know, but who knows, it could be a completely different reason.

You proceeded to float off of the bed, not caring to even attempt to walk on the ground. There wasn't entirely a need to cause anybody else in this crappy hotel to freak out. Wait, this hotel is still open? I thought it closed ages ago...

"Hey! Are you still alive?"

There wasn't a lot of stuff that you could really do, for all you knew the human wouldn't be able to hear or see you whenever he woke up. Maybe it was just a one-time thing when he entered, and he won't ever see or hear you again.

He'd probably wake up after a little while, never see you the entire time, stay at this crappy hotel for a while and then leave. Just like how almost everyone else did, why don't you just leave this guy alone?

"Well, I guess it was at least worth a try...maybe I'll try again in a couple of years." You grumbled with a sigh of annoyance and began to float back over to the other side of the room.

A man's voice then spoke barely above a whisper, "Huh? What the heck is-...oh my gosh. Your still here??"

***

Even though staying at this hotel was a last-minute decision and almost everything about it was just plain terrible, you actually managed to have a peaceful sleep. The beds were really the only good things about the place, besides the pool.

You could hear your phone buzzing and beeping somewhere around the room, though it seemed a little faint. We both know that it's probably just...her. Though what would she even be wanting this early in the morning?

Anything is probably better than talking with that lady...and really anybody else. So what's a good thing to do early in the morning and at this hotel? Eating Breakfast.

As you got off of the bed and started to leave the room, something felt a bit...strange. It almost felt as if you weren't even touching the ground at the moment, and you were even feeling a bit lighter. Though maybe that's just what this place does to people?

After going down all the way down from the 10th floor to the lobby using the stairs (why wouldn't you just use an Elevator? That's way better) there were quite a lot of people there.

"...Yes, I just arrived and both of us went in there together and he was already like that. I'm not sure what could have happened to him though..." You managed to hear...her voice say.

You probably would have walked over to her and tried to get her out of the place, how did she even know that you were there? But then there was something else that caught your eye...

You managed to see your body, laying on something and surrounded by a few people. She spoke again to someone else, "I thought that he would live for much longer..."

***

"Huh? Wait, can you still see me?"

The human slowly stood up, holding onto the wall so that he wouldn't fall back down. He slightly rubbed his head while proceeding to say, "Um yeah, otherwise I wouldn't have freaked out and I wouldn't be talking to you..."

Hey, maybe this dude could help? I'm pretty sure someone like this won't come here again, at least for a long time. Do you want to be here longer?

Well, I guess it's worth a shot, though I doubt that he'll even want to try and help. You thought to yourself with an annoyed sigh.

You floated over to the man, who was now sitting on the bed and attempting to not just awkwardly stare at you. It was obviously failing though...he looks really weird, don't you think?

The man messed with his fingers while avoiding direct eye contact and then proceeded to ask, "So...um...if you don't mind me asking, what's your name?"

"You don't need to know, at least not yet. What's yours?"

"Oh well alright...my name is Apollo." He told you with a small smile, though still not looking directly at you.

Once he mentioned that name, you perked up and floated next to him on the bed. "Wait a minute, did you say Apollo? Like the Greek God? He's my favorite...besides Ares."

"Yeah, I guess so, though I'm not really interested in Greek Mythology or anything. I actually only just learned about some Greek Mythology about two weeks ago."

You let out a small laugh as you then told him, "Hey, you know I'm not Medusa right? You can look at me if you want, I can't turn you into stone."

The man, now known as Apollo to you then asked, "I hope that this doesn't come off as rude or anything...I've never met a ghost before, though what are you doing here? Aren't you going to leave?" He was still noticeably messing with his fingers.

"...If I could leave this place, don't you think I would have done it already? I can at least leave the room, but literally only a few steps before I get sent back in here."

"Alright alright, I didn't-"

You proceeded to cut his sentence off as you began to rant, "Whenever I do that, apparently some people can at least hear it but they can't see me. I'm not even sure why I'm still here! I could have 'ghostly unfinished business' but even then I don't know what exactly that-"

Apollo got a little closer and put his hand over your mouth, or he at least attempted to do that. His hand just went through your body but you still knew what he was trying to do.

"Hey, it's alright...if you can calm down a little bit then maybe I could try to help you?"

"Wait really??"

He gave you a gentle smile, "Yes really, I don't think you should just be stuck here forever."

You smiled back at him before giving him an answer that he wanted, "Oh! By the way, if you're still wondering, my name is Ayan..."

"Well that's a really nice name, It's nice to meet you."

March 02, 2021 06:29

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151 comments

Yes! A++++++++++++! I was intrigued. One small mistake: When the STORY said: "You proceeded to cut his sentence off as you began to rant, "Whenever I do that..." I would rewrite it differently because its a bit confusing. "...As you began to rant..." I would write it like this: "You proceeded to interrupt him and started to rant. Whenever I do that..." The second mistake is also in the sentence. Before the word "whenever," there is a comma, which means you don't capitalize the W. However, if you replaced it with a period, then you could put...

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B. W.
21:15 Mar 03, 2021

I'm really glad that you liked the story ^^ And I'll try to fix that mistake later whenever I can, though thanks for pointing that out. So, did you maybe have a favorite part or character in this story?

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B. W.
00:11 Mar 04, 2021

Hm nice, so what did ya think of Ayan?

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I think she/him (I think its a he?) Is kinda mysterious, and they're just kind of not-up to date, get what I mean? Ws that offensive/?????

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B. W.
02:47 Mar 04, 2021

Ayan is a he, and so is Apollo. Sorry if I didn't really make that clear in the story or anything, and no it isn't offensive.

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I wish there was a animal but oh well my favorite character is the phone :)

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Michael Boquet
14:43 Mar 03, 2021

Nice story. It fits well with Izzie-Q's. I like that you used second person perspective. (I chose to do the same for this week's prompt). Ghosts so often are portrayed as supernatural forces with one-track minds. I like that you humanized the ghost in your story.

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B. W.
16:22 Mar 03, 2021

Thanks so much ^^ I decided to do the second person perspective with this story because I felt like I needed to work on that, since I've mostly just done first and second person in my stories. Did you maybe have a favorite part or anything in it?

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Michael Boquet
16:27 Mar 03, 2021

I like how you handled the 'flashback' to Ayan's death the best. I also liked the joke about Ayan not being Medusa. Clever tie in to Apollo's name.

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B. W.
16:40 Mar 03, 2021

Thanks ^^

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Michael Boquet
16:50 Mar 03, 2021

You're welcome. I hope you'll consider checking out my submission for this week.

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B. W.
17:24 Mar 03, 2021

I'll try to check it out soon, though I'm not really good at giving Critique or anything.

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B. W.
06:31 Mar 02, 2021

I'm very sorry if this story is just terrible, it's been a while since I wrote a story and I've had writer's block for a while. This was a collab with a friend though and it was fun to do it with her ^^ You should all go check her out if you want. blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/izzie-q/

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Amany Sayed
15:17 Mar 16, 2021

Ooh, this was really cool! I love the way you twisted the prompt. I feel like the second person didn't fit all that well, but I still enjoyed it. Keep writing!

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B. W.
16:35 Mar 16, 2021

Thanks so much ^^ I kinda just decided to do it in second person because I felt like I needed to do it a bit more. Did you maybe have a favorite part or something?

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Amany Sayed
16:53 Mar 16, 2021

Oh, yeah, practice is always good! You're welcome! Just the whole gradual realization that the character was a ghost.

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B. W.
19:09 Mar 16, 2021

What do ya think of the character Ayan?

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17:12 Mar 11, 2021

Second person!!! I like how you used it here as a sort of outlet of the paranormal presented to us so early on. Great details!

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B. W.
17:41 Mar 11, 2021

I also just decided to do second person because I haven't done it that much and I need practice with it, I've only done it one other time. I'm glad you enjoyed it ^^

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Kate Ulrich
13:04 Mar 04, 2021

Good job. I was excited to read this one. The second person pov is always fun to read, and my favorite part was the flashback to Ayan's death.

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B. W.
14:59 Mar 04, 2021

Thanks so much ^^ I've only done a second-person POV one other time, so I decided to try and get better with it in this one.

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19:12 Mar 02, 2021

This story was amazing! I love the open ending, well, ending! It leaves the reader to only imagine what's going to happen next, and to build up some suspense! I also love how there was nothing said about the Ayan's death, it adds a lot more suspense and a thrilling feel as well. Great job!

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B. W.
20:29 Mar 02, 2021

Thanks so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it :) I was honestly a little worried that nobody would like this one. You can guess what happened after this if you want? And what did you think of Ayan?

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21:06 Mar 02, 2021

Mm I think after this Ayan gets Apollo to figure out how he died (if he didn't find out or something) OR Ayan explains how he died, and Apollo has to maybe figure out who killed him (if someone did). Then Apollo will do something to the possible killer? Idk random ideas lol. And I liked the Ayan character! The name is beautiful!

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B. W.
21:12 Mar 02, 2021

Do you think Ayan will ever be able to leave the room? Or more importantly, be set free and leave the place entirely? And thanks ^^ I always love finding and using these kinds of names in stories.

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21:22 Mar 02, 2021

Yw! And I think that Ayan probably will, but it might take a long time

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B. W.
22:05 Mar 02, 2021

So what did ya think of Apollo?

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Laiba M
19:02 Mar 02, 2021

Hi, Hope!! I loved the story!!! I'm so glad your writer's block ended. My one critique is that it went a bit too far from your writing and doesn't seem like something you'd write. Maybe stick closer to your style regardless of collabs, like how we did!~ Great job though!!

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B. W.
20:26 Mar 02, 2021

I'm glad you liked it ^^ What do you mean by that though? It doesn't seem like something I'd write and all that? To be honest, I was a little worried that nobody would like this story for some reason, or that nobody would even want to read it. Though I'm glad you and everyone else seem to like it ^^ What did you think of Ayan?

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Laiba M
20:45 Mar 02, 2021

I definitely did! I mean that while you're one of the best authors on here, this story wasn't really you. If I didn't know you had written it, I wouldn't have been able to tell. I like it, but it's not close to your writing at all. I know it's a really harsh critique and I'm really sorry about that. I loved the story so much! It was just that one thing :) I thought you wrote the character REALLY well!!!

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B. W.
21:08 Mar 02, 2021

I still don't really understand, is it a different style than what I usually do or something? I think I've done one other story in second-person POV, I hope this isn't really annoying or anything, I'm just kinda confused :/ Hm, did you maybe have a favorite part in the story with him or something?

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Laiba M
01:07 Mar 03, 2021

Yeah! It's not the second-person POV, just the style :) This time, no, not really. I can't choose, this was good! T-T

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B. W.
01:25 Mar 03, 2021

I'm actually writing another collab story at the moment ^^ I think my writers block is done finally, and thanks :)

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. .
18:57 Mar 02, 2021

This was awesome!!!!!!! i loved the greek mythology in there, and I loved the alternating thought streams in Ayan's POV. Btw, that was a great choice to put it in Ayan's. Other than that, there were some grammatical and spelling errors in the beginning so give it another run through.

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B. W.
20:19 Mar 02, 2021

Thanks so much ^^ I'll try to fix the errors soon, though I'm glad that you liked the story. Did you maybe have a favorite character or anything like that?

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. .
23:51 Mar 02, 2021

Definitely Apollo lol

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B. W.
00:20 Mar 03, 2021

Do you think that Ayan will ever be free?

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. .
00:44 Mar 03, 2021

Probably if he thinks there’s a possibility...

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B. W.
01:27 Mar 03, 2021

Could I ask ya something? I just thought of something

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18:56 Mar 02, 2021

Did you know? Emmie left! AAAAGH! ME FRINDS!!!

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B. W.
20:18 Mar 02, 2021

Why are so many people leaving?

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20:28 Mar 02, 2021

I don't know. They all leave for different reasons. Looking in different bios, I see a whole range of reasons, from downvoting to family issues. It varies on the person.

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B. W.
20:32 Mar 02, 2021

Well who knows, maybe she'll eventually come back at some point if she can? Some others have said that they might.

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20:41 Mar 02, 2021

Yeah.

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B. W.
21:05 Mar 02, 2021

This is kind of a random question but you said something about being in a lot of fandoms in your Bio, have you heard of or watched Invader Zim before? I haven't really found anyone yet who likes it.

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Izzie Q.
12:21 Mar 02, 2021

Sweet! B.W, you did it!! This is really really amazing and I loved working with you on it! SO GLAD I MET YOUUUUUUUUU <3

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B. W.
17:16 Mar 02, 2021

Thanks ^^ I had fun writing this with you as well, and I love talking with ya :) Fun fact, I actually wrote this story at like 1am or something. So It's a little surprising to me that my part is actually good.

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B. W.
17:16 Mar 02, 2021

Thanks ^^ I had fun writing this with you as well, and I love talking with ya :) Fun fact, I actually wrote this story at like 1am or something. So It's a little surprising to me that my part is actually good.

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Izzie Q.
18:45 Mar 02, 2021

YESSS all the ebst ideas come to me at 1 am lol

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B. W.
18:51 Mar 02, 2021

To be honest, I ALWAYS get ideas for my stories, Role-plays, and other things at like 1 am or 2 am. So whenever it happens I just kind of think "Huh that's really good, I hope I remember that." because a lot of the times, my memory is just really terrible :/ Music also sometimes helps me get ideas, and its almost always sad ideas but I don't do a lot of those.

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Izzie Q.
02:35 Mar 03, 2021

Ooooh i used to have same problem (my memory isn't great either) but I reccomend keeping a notebook nearby so you can write down your ideas!

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B. W.
04:06 Mar 03, 2021

Do you ever have those moments whenever you walk into a room and end up forgetting why you wanted to go in there? And then you just kind of have to awkwardly leave the room :/

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Danny
07:23 Mar 02, 2021

Aww, beautiful ending...it was a pretty open-ended ending, which i love...i think it's simple and beautifully-done, hehhee I like the new friendship they have going on.. Also, I think it's pretty interesting that you decided to write this in second person, I don't think I've read any stories in the pov (aside from that story by frances maybe?..here in reedsy.. im not sure..) Great story, Congratulations on writing one, lol writer's block must be tough :b You described the scenes really well, otherwise it'd be pretty confusing for the reade...

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B. W.
07:29 Mar 02, 2021

I wanted to try and do a second-person story again since the last one I did wasn't that good. So I'm glad that you really liked that, and just the story in general, thank you ^^ Hm, well you could guess what's holding Ayan back and why he can't be set free if you want? I hadn't done a story in a while, so I was a little worried that people wouldn't like this one or anything.

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Danny
07:32 Mar 02, 2021

Ohh really? Which one was that? No problem :)) Idk cause ghostly unfinished business? Or idk his soul is stuck or something?? Gasp his real body isn't really read...lol idkk It's a pretty great story, I'm sure they'll like it :))

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B. W.
08:05 Mar 02, 2021

I honestly forgot the name of it, but it was like a Halloween story in a way. Well it's half and half of his soul being stuck and ghostly unfinished business, do you wanna guess what the unfinished business is?

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Danny
08:13 Mar 02, 2021

ohh, what is it? was he gonna propose or something? idkk, probably not, why would he do it in a cheap hotel?

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B. W.
17:11 Mar 02, 2021

No he wasn't going to propose, he didn't have a girlfriend or anything. Any other guesses?

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