All of Them

“You AT LEAST have to admit that it would make you get out of bed. Even if it was just for the 8 ½ minutes.”

“Oh take a hike Charlie. You act like it matters anyways-” He paused to exhale a loud, empty breath, “whether or not I get out of bed.”

“For Christ’s sake, Seth, I don’t even like you and I think it matters.” Charlie plopped himself down on the bed and went on, 

“You’ve been keeping yourself hostage in this room- which smells like absolute horseshit by the way- for the past goddamn MONTH. Because of what? Because of all that student government crap? The election everyone was telling you didn’t fucking matter anyways because it was nothin’ more than a glorified popularity contest-”

“Well for ONCE can’t I WIN A FUCKING POPULARITY CONTEST?” Seth yelled in such a jarringly loud voice that the room instantly fell heavy with silence.

“I thought you didn’t give a crap anyways” Charlie finally muttered. 

“What?”

“About the idiots we go to school with. You’re always saying how dull and dim witted they are - goin’ on about how they get jazzed up about the dumbest crap, and how all the chicks are stuck up and the guys are just airheads who wouldn’t know how to treat them well anyways.”

“Well they WOULDN’T” Seth barked this time, but his voice was lacking that earlier rage that practically shook the room. Charlie let his weight sink back into the mattress. 

“Yeah. You’re goddamn right they wouldn’t. So why does it matter anyways then, if they chose the otha’ guy-”

“OthER” Seth interrupted. 

“Okay, OTHER. Why does it matter if they chose the OTHER guy if you don’t care anyways about what those morons think?”

Seth stayed silent for a minute, but finally sat up to put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. 

“Fuck off, man.” He said in the softest voice Charlie had heard out of him, possibly ever. 

Charlie scoffed and kept his gaze fixed on his lap so he wouldn’t meet his brother’s eyes. 

“Why me? I’ve been fuckin’ off all month.” He paused and let out a bitter chuckle. “You haven’t fucked off even once” He looked up and their eyes locked then, if only for half a second. “You fuck off.”

“To WHERE, Charlie? Where should I go? The concrete courtyard? The park with the dried up fountain? The track where all the 7 foot tall guys run around in circles, going nowhere. Getting absolutely fucking nowhere? Do you THINK they ever REALIZE all the nowhere that they’re getting to-” 

“God, come off it.” Charlie interrupted sharply, “Just come with me tomorrow, so we can see if it’s true.” His voice got lower as it went on, but it seemed to hold onto the tiniest tinge of hope; the kind that made Seth’s heart start to burn.

“See if what’s true?”

“You know what.”

“Charlie I’m not your goddamn shrink!”

“Goddamn it, Seth, you know what.” 

“I don’t know what.” He said defeated, as he laid back down, “I don’t fucking know what tomorrow is, or why you think we ought to go see what’s obviously not gonna happen then, in this dumbass town where nothing ever fucking happens.” He leaned upwards again as his voice got lower. “Those 8 ½ minutes Charlie, they’ll be gone just as soon as they come. And all of this phony anticipation, all of this crap that has kept you from being a depressed sack of shit like me is gonna disappear right before our fuckin’ eyes.” He straightened up fully then, more eager to go on than he had been for the past month.

“Because clouds, Charlie, clouds don’t just fucking fall. You ever stare up at one? Notice how damn happy they are up there? They don’t just fucking fall. And this goddamn Messiah, it doesn’t ever fucking come.” He looked at Charlie’s sorry face to see if he could continue, 

“Because at the end of the story, the people always learn that it’s up to them, Charlie. That nobody or nothin’s gonna come falling out the sky to save them. They just have to be good, and they just have to learn how to love each other, and they just have to do the best they fucking can. Because there isn’t a cloud, a man, or a flying fucking pig that’s gonna be the one to save them. They’ve only got themselves, and each other.”

Charlie breathed out, trying so goddamn hard to keep his cool. 

“Okay. Okay, I get it. I promise you, I get it.” He felt the anger rise to his chest.

 “You don’t think things are possible, and you’d prefer to hate everything that doesn’t give you an excuse to love it. You despise hope almost as much as you despise your goddamn self-” Seth stopped his brother’s sentence in its tracks. 

“Fine, Fine, FINE! It’s fucking FINE then! We’ll go. Tomorrow at 9:46 in the morning we’ll stand outside and wait for the fucking clouds to fall. And at 9:54 we’ll go home, and shit’s gonna be the same. Ma’s gonna be sitting on the porch waiting for us, something nasty cooking on the stove. And we’ll just eat it then, yeah? We’ll just fucking FORCE OURSELVES TO EAT IT!” The monstrous volume of his voice didn’t phase Charlie this time.

“MA, is gonna fucking come WITH us, dumbass! EVERYONE’S gonna fucking come with us! Stop pretending YOU weren’t the one that gave these people hope in the first place!-”

“ME!?”

“Nevermind. WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING GET UP ALREADY!?” 

Seth stood up faster than Charlie could finish his sentence. “ALRIGHT ALREADY! I’m up! Your fucking Messiah hath fucking risen!” Seth’s maniacal laugh brought Charlie back to the world of cartoon villains in a movie he’d recently stayed up watching. 

“Good! For Pete’s sake, is that all it took!?” 

“Just fuck off Charlie, and let me put some pants on. I’ll meet you downstairs in five, and you can even drag me wherever you want to go - wherever your goddamn heart so desires-”

“Wait-”

“What is it now?” 

“Take a fucking shower first, you still smell like horseshit.” 

Seth laughed and nodded as Charlie left. 

Once he returned to his own room, Charlie sat down on his wooden floor, wanting for a comfort that would not come. He stood up then to walk toward his window and gaze up at the sky, seeking that gentle comfort and innocent wonder that washed over him whenever he’d stop to gaze at its beauty. But instead today he felt immediately humbled and slightly ashamed. It was as though he was sorry for expecting something from it, or for challenging the sky to prove itself to him. He wanted to tell it that it already had, every single time he had turned to it. But, more, he wanted to tell it that Seth needed something to believe in, too. 

“Charlie, are you gonna make me wait all damn day!?” 

He heard his brother’s voice booming from the other end of the hallway. 

“The fuck are you still doing up here? I told you to meet me down in 5!” Seth called as he walked closer to Charlie’s room.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming. Let’s go.” 

The two boys raced down the staircase and said goodbye to their mother, Clara, who was standing by the window and staring up at the sky as it slowly turned black. 

“Where are you boys off to?”

“Nowhere, Ma, we’ll meet you outside tomorrow morning. 9:46am, Ma, for the clouds. By the place.” Charlie managed to holler almost as fast as they dashed out the front door.

Clara couldn’t stop a smile from slowly spreading out across her face. “Tomorrow. Yes boys, I’ll see you two tomorrow.”

They walked in silence to that hill in the park with the dried up fountain. That was the place they were all supposed to meet ever since word got out that on the 3rd Thursday of April, 1989, the clouds were going to fall, and it would be the most beautiful sight the people had ever witnessed. And they would have reason to believe again- in whatever it was they used to.

As they neared the hill, Charlie thought about breaking the news to his brother, that it had been him, little 3 year old Seth, that prophesied the entire event. He remembered Seth’s tired voice in the middle of the night as his mother tried to beg him to repeat what he’d just said, about the clouds falling. Seth had woken up minutes before, calling for his mother with something he had to tell her urgently. But when she asked him to repeat it just one more time so that she could be sure she’d heard him correctly at first, he had forgotten already, and was begging her to let him go back to sleep. Charlie remembered his mother’s words, too, as she left their bedroom, “That God forsaken child, what right does he have to give us hope?” Despite her frustration, though, there was still a strong enough part of her that believed what her son had told her, or at least wanted to. The next morning, she alerted her best friend of what he’d said, and the news spread around town faster than a virus. 

“Charlie.” Nudged Seth, finally breaking the silence. 

“Hm?” 

“We’re here moron.”

Charlie looked around at the dark patches of dried up grass and the few dirty rocks that had been there forever. He looked down at all the miles of dust like soil sulking beneath the hill, and took a deep breath of that cold air. 

“Oh boy, this is it alright.” Charlie sighed. “We never thought we’d get here the night before, but this is fuckin’ it.”

“I guess.”

“Come on, Seth. You have to admit it’s somethin’.”

“Admit? Admit what? We’re standing here in the most pathetic excuse for a park either of us could ever fucking dream up, it’s practically black outside, and we’re waiting for the damn clouds to fall tomorrow morning. Yeah, alright, it’s something. It’s goddamn pathetic. Not pathetic- it’s goddamn INSANE-”

“Alright, alright. Let’s just get some sleep.” Charlie interrupted calmly. 

“SLEEP!? HERE? Oh boy I got so fucking lucky with having you for a brother didn’t I? You drag me out of my BED so that you can make me sleep in the DIRT?” 

Charlie kneeled and put his backpack down, pulling out a bedsheet. 

“Here, princess, we’ll sleep on this. K?”

“But WHY? Charlie, WHY should we sleep on THAT? We may be fucked just as bad as everyone else, but we’re not bums.” 

“Because, Seth, the clouds are gonna fuckin’ fall tomorrow, and I think you should wake up to it. Otherwise you’ll never come see it, and you’ll always be able to say it never even happened.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t come?”

“Because you’d know that if you came, you could be proven wrong. And there could be something beautiful that’s actually fuckin’ true. And that scares the crap outta you.” 

Seth met him with silence, and sat down on the sheet next to Charlie before caving, “Whatever man, I’m tired as hell.”

“Yeah, you always have been.”

“Oh fuck off.”

Charlie laid down, leaving enough room for his brother. “You fuck off, Seth. And get some goddamn sleep. If you still hate everything at 9:54 tomorrow morning and the clouds haven’t fallen. Well then I just won’t bother anymore. Okay? I swear, I won’t.” 

The silence only grew thicker after that as Seth laid down and struggled to find a comfortable position to rest on that hard, fruitless ground. 

“Eh. I kinda like when you bother.” He said after a couple minutes, though he right away hoped Charlie had already dozed off. 

The night soon got so heavy that it sent the two boys into a deep sleep, each of them plunged into hazy dreams about what the following morning would bring. 

When Charlie woke up he saw hundreds of people gathered around where they had set up their sheet. Mothers, fathers, older sisters, younger brothers, cousins, friends, aunts, uncles, everyone he could recognize had gathered on that hill, and were all staring up at the sky. When Charlie looked up, his heart froze. There was not a cloud in sight. The sky was a soft, solid blue; as clear as a glass of water. He held his breath, and hoped his brother might just stay asleep.  

“Morning” Seth managed as he started to slowly sit up, his eyes squinting in the light. 

“M-mornin’ Seth” Charlie replied nervously.

“What’s wrong doofus, clouds still up there?”

Charlie shook his head. 

“Th-they’re gone, Seth. There’s. Well, there’s just no damn clouds out today. So they couldn’t fall even if they wanted to. I mean I guess maybe we’ll just have to wait till’ the soonest cloudy day and see if they really do fall- I guess. God fucking damn it just say I tolja’ so already. But don’t be such a dick about it just-”

But as he went on, he saw his brother looking around them, not up. 

“Seth? Seth, watcha looking at Seth? Do you think they fell already, and maybe we just missed it, and that’s why they’re not in the sky? Wait, Seth, we don’t even know what time it is- they could still come!-”

“Damn it, Charlie. Would you just shut the fuck up?” Seth said slowly, a slight smile creeping onto his tired face.

Charlie stopped his muttering and waited nervously for his brother to go on, 

“God fucking damn it, Charlie. Look around at all these beautiful people, all staring up at that empty sky.” 

Charlie looked around.

“Charlie, look. Do you see what I’m fucking seeing? They’re all here. All of them. They goddamn cared enough to come, and to be together. And to have hope. All of them, Charlie. Everyone.”

“Yeah, I guess they really did huh.”

“And they’re loving each other too, Charlie. Really they are.” He paused and looked down. “They don’t need no magic clouds. They’re their own damn Messiah.”