“Mom!” Jex’s voice traveled its way through his room, out the hallway, and into the living room where I was.
“What, Jex?!” I shoved another handful of popcorn in my mouth and chewed slowly. The individual kernels practically melted in my mouth from all of the butter.
“Is that popcorn?!”
My eyes instinctively rolled.
“Yes! And I’m watching The Wizard Of Oz!” Smirking, I listened to Jex jump off of his bunk bed and race into the living room. He almost fell on me when he plopped down on the couch next to me.
“Hey! Give me some.” Jex grabbed at the bowl of popcorn, but I yanked it away. This went on for a moment until he finally grabbed ahold of it and popped a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
“What part are we at?” My son turned his body towards the TV and tried to figure out where The Wizard Of Oz was playing.
“Yellow brick road with the munchkins.” I motioned towards Dorothy starting her way down the golden yellow, glowing brick road.
“Aha.”
Jex and I just sat there for a while, watching the movie, and munching on the popcorn. But finally, he broke the silence.
“Mom, I’ve been thinking.”
“That never goes well.”
He rolled his eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about how Aunt Aleea just left that day without taking any of her stuff. I know why, of course, but shouldn’t we ship her stuff back to her in California? I mean, it’s not like we’re going to keep it forever, are we?” Those words hung in the air between us, very slowly entering my mind and processing.
“Yeah, I guess so. You can start it tomorrow when you wake up. I’ll be gone already for work, but I’ll be home around noon. Okay?” Even I could hear the sharpness in my words, and hoped that Jex didn’t take it too hard.
“Yeah, okay. Uhh… I’m just going to go play Fortnite in my room now.” I watched as he got up from the couch and walked into his bedroom with a solemn face.
---
The moment that I woke up the next morning, I poked my head into Jex’s room. With his back to me, he sat up in his bed. I could hear him quietly whispering to himself. Soundlessly, I retreated back out and got ready for work then left.
---
After a stressful, long day at work, I came home to hear Jex jamming out to rap songs that I couldn’t understand a word of. It annoyed the heck out of me, but after the night before I didn’t say anything.
I sat my purse down on the dining room table and followed the sound of the awful so-called music. It led me straight to the spare bedroom where Aleea slept while she had been there and left all of her things. Jex was surrounded by clothes, folding them. I chuckled to myself when I saw a pile of clothes that he didn’t want to touch.
“Looks good.” I motioned to the piles of folded clothes on the ground when Jex turned off his rap and turned to look at me.
“Thanks.” A heavy silence hung in the air. It suffocated both of us. Looking at all of Aleea’s things; it was awful.
“I found something, and I think you really need to see it. I don’t completely understand it, but I know enough to know that it’s bad.” Jex got up from his seat on the floor and grabbed a stack of papers from the bed. The moment he handed them to me, I knew they were doctor's office papers. I skimmed over them, spotting words like leukemia, stage five, and severe. By the end of the pile of papers, tears were streaming down my face and a million questions chased each other around my mind.
“Jex. This means Aleea is dying.”
---
That night I laid in bed, thinking about why Aleea wouldn’t have told me. But maybe she was going to, but I got mad at her and yelled at her before she could. But then again, why didn’t she tell me before? If she was at stage five already, then she must have known for a while. But what if she had just found out and it had already progressed that far?
I fell asleep with one last thing on my mind. Why her and not me?
---
“Mom? Mom, wake up. Someone’s on the phone for you. It’s someone named Dr. Jones.” I jolted awake to Jex shaking me and talking softly to me.
“What?” My eyes groggily opened and focused on Jex’s face.
“Some guy named Dr. Jones is on the phone for you. Here.” He shoved a cell phone out to me and I grabbed it from him.
“Hello, Sabrina Kiter speaking.”
“Hello, Sabrina. Are you the twin sister of Aleea Porte?”
Well, that was odd. Why would they ask me about Aleea?
“Yes, I am. Is everything okay?” There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. I could hear the man’s deep breathing.
“Miss Kiter, your sister has passed away from stage five leukemia. I am so sorry for your loss.”
Now it was my turn to have a long pause. Aleea - dead? It couldn’t be.
“Thank you for letting me know.” With that, I hung up the phone. I felt myself start to shake, tears stream down my face, my face turning pale, and the realization that my twin was dead. Jex stared at me from the side of my bed still, tears rolling down his face. I reached over and he fell into my arms.
Emotions overwhelmed me - sadness, frustration, anger, and everything else. Aleea was my sister and I pushed her away, I made her leave and she couldn't tell me. Now I regretted it all. And each time my body shook with each sob proved it.
---
“We are gathered here today to respect and love the memory of Aleea June Porte. She was a wonderful woman, who took care of her work with children in a classroom. Aleea was battling leukemia for years, but that battle was lost. God has quietly taken Aleea to stay with him. She will be happier now, in a better place. To all of you, please don’t be upset that it’s over, be happy that she was here for the time that she was. Thank you.” I sat in that back pew, staring at the pastor who spoke for Aleea. Those were the last words he spoke for her funeral since everyone got up from their seats and moved to the other room to talk about Aleea. I floated along with them, tears still filling my eyes. My entire body still shook. And my mind still wondered why I had to push her away - why I couldn't have just left the past in the past. But I guess that's just it. The past is the past.
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290 comments
Okay so you know Allpoetry right? well i just joined but i suck at doing anything with Poems. Any advice?
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I have never heard of it, but I can tell that it has something to do with poems, so yeah. Whatever. Anyways, I am really bad at poems as well, so I honestly don't have any advice to give. :/
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Oh, that's fine then ^^ though remember how i was telling you about the new story 'the guardian' a bit ago? i still need help with it
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Yup! Whatcha need?
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I need help with the other three characters names, with the guardian character i'm sure i can think of one. Then with her (the guardian) i need help on trying to pick what she is. i first thought of an actual guardian angel but i'm not sure and i think it should be something else
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Ali, Jonas, and Nick. Maybe? I don't know. That is something I would need to think about.
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@ B. W. - about poetry, speak from your heart. unless thats not what they want you to do lol.
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What?
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your first comment. poetry.
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Are you good at it then?
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YESSS I LOVE POETRY!!!!
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This story is very touching, and I love the organization of it, especially with your thoughtfulness to where you included breaks. I also think you do a great job with “showing, not telling”; I can really “see” the emotions of the speaker throughout the story. I also love your handle of voice in this story; I feel as though I’m being taken into the character’s mind. This story is well-written and beautiful. A couple notes: 1. I wish you would have lingered on the main character’s emotions or, at least, her actions when she heard the ne...
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Wow! Best. Feedback. Ever. This has helped me a lot! Thank you so much! I will definitely go in and fix those things, and maybe add some more showing-not-telling in those two spots. And you're a twin?! That's awesome! I've always wanted to be a twin. Or at least not an only child... XD
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No problem! I always like to leave some type of constructive feedback when leaving comments, so I'm glad it was helpful. But, honestly, your story was hard to critique because I love the direction it's headed and I look forward to reading a sequel if you end up writing one! And I am a twin––it's definitely pretty awesome. I highly recommend it :D
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Aw, that's so sweet! And by the way, I went in and edited the story a bit. Would you mind re-reading and see if there's anything else I need to fix?
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THAT ENDING SENTENCE IS EXCELLENT. Seriously. Awesome revision there––that completely wrapped up your story in a simple and eloquent way. Great work with the revision. I think you definitely accomplished more emotion and range here. I would continue to experiment with how you communicate emotion. It doesn't just have to be "told" -- it can be shown. Perhaps she throws a dish against a wall, watching it shatter. Perhaps she experiences bodily reactions, like her heart pounding or a chill up her spine. I think you could continue to exp...
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THANK YOU! Seriously. Thank you so very much! That definitely makes sense. I will for sure work on showing-not-telling more.
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I'm also almost done with one of my novels :)
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That is great! If you put it on here (Reedsy), I will proofread it for you if you want!
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well- there's a problem though with the novel. It's the one based off my favorite horror game/game in general (i think i told ya which but i'm not sure) and i did this one for fun. So sadly, it won't be published. Though you could maybe help me with the name? i've had it as 'a protector' but i think it should be something else tbh
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That's cool! But i definitely understand. "My Game : The Protector"?
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what? were you suggesting a name for it or something?
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Yeah, I was. I probably could've said that.
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Ya wanna go on another up-vote spree for each other?
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Sure!
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how much should we do?
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I'm upvoting two of our conversations.
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I already did one, and I'm going to do another.
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alright i'll do it as well ^^
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Thanks!
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Yay, you're BACK!!!!! I'm so happy you're alright now, Brooke!! This story is so so so good. I went back and read the prequels to this and I LOVE it!! Well done!!!! 😍
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Aw, you're so sweet! Thank you so much!
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Hey Brooke! I was wondering, when is your birthday? I want to have all my Reedsy friends' bdays on my calendar so I could wish them a happy bday when the time comes... and possible write a story for them!
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Oh, sorry! That is so very, very, very sweet and I appreciate it a lot. <3 But, I do not like to share that kind of personal information. Sorry again! :/
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Ah, not a problem! I understand. I'll just dedicate a story to you on a week where there are no bdays I know of. :)
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Sooo... I want to dedicate a story to you as well. I can do either the week of your birthday, or base a character based on you for the story, or do both. What do you want me to do?
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Brooke, do you mind upvoting me? Someone keeps taking away from me. I've lost 300+
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Hey, Meg! I would love to upvote you if you upvote me. Upvote spree for upvote spree?
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Sureeee!!!
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Okay! :D
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I upvoted our conversation! And I'm going to go upvote a couple of other things, too!
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Yay thanks! I upvoted you already, too!
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Are you possibly really good at drawing?
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Uhhh... Nope.
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aw dang it, i was wanting to see if you could draw my cover art
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Oh, sorry. If you want me to, I can ask my friend Asahntay to draw it for you. He wouldn't mind.
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Yeah have him do it please ^^ you know those quiz stuff the others have been doing? you could take a picture of the thing and put it in there
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Okay! I will! ^^ That is a good idea. I will definitely do it that way! And I will also let you know how far he is getting every once in a while. So, in order for him to do the cover art, I need to know what you want him to draw on it.
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But I'm not sure how I would get it to you. Whether Asahntay or myself did it.
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Hola amiga
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Hola, amiga!
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how are ya?
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Bien! Como estas?
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I guess i'm good but i still suck at speaking spanish or any other language
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You don't suck. If it makes you feel any better, I had to go onto Google Translate to make sure that I was correct typing that. XD
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So I'm practically going to start this with: "Smirking, I listened to Jex jump off of his bunk bed and race into the livving room." It should be "living" The story is sad. At the start, Jex calls for food which is good except the rest of the story makes me feel he is bigger than what the start applied. I mean, he tells his mother he wants to help the aunt pack and she lets him. He couldn't be a little boy, right? I hope you're getting what I mean? In other words, age isn't clear. You don't have to say he is ten years old or anything. Bu...
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Oops. I'll fix that. Yeah, I mean for him to be around thirteen, but you know, a boy's gotta eat. But I definitely understand what you mean about that. I'll try to make it more clear. Yes, I have heard that from others as well, and I'm definitely going to go in and make it more detailed. Also, you don't completely understand why the aunt left and the fight because this is the third story to a three part series. To understand better, I would recommend reading the first two parts. Thank you so much! :) It feels good to be back. :D
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I went in and edited this story a bit. If you don't mind, would you go re-read it and tell me what you think?
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Brooke i still need some help
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What's up?
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I dunno if i should ever publish any of my novels whenever i finish them (though that'll be a long time until i finish) i feel like everyone would hate them along with the Harlow and Willow thing
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Okay. Here we go. No one would hate your novels. As long as you work hard, and do your best, everyone will love your novels. Time and effort is the best thing you can put into those books, and that's what people really, truly care about. As long as you're doing that, publish those novels and just wait for the positive feedback to start rolling in.
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Ya think so? I really dunno. Even with my regular little stories on here i don't understand why people think the stories are good. I'm always just kinda surprised if someone likes them and i didn't even think anyone would like my first story or the stories onward.
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Yes, I do really think so. You are an absolutely amazing author, and you shouldn't be surprised that people like your stories. In fact, people LOVE your stories. Just focus more on the positive, less on the negative.
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yeee Brooke you're backkkk and I'm glad you're okay now :)))
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Yes, I am! :D
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😁😁😁😁
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Brooke you're back! I know we were never like super close reedsy friends or anything like that, but I'm glad you're back! :) <3
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Aw, thanks! Well, it's never too late to become close Reedsy friends now! :D <3
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:)
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BROOKE!!!! You're back!!!! No, you are NOT an awful person. There. Okay, to the story. You did so well with it! I mean, that ending was sad. But I loved the story! Great job!
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Yes, I am! :D Okay, okay, maybe I'm not an awful person. But I am a rude person. There. Thanks so much!
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You're welcome!!!!! Okay, so am I. I let things slip out WAYYYY too much.
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Don't we all, though? We're all human, after all.
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Yeah.
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This is really good ^^ It's another sad one of something that could actually happen a bit and you still did a great job with it. I'm also glad that ya were able to make a story with this weeks prompts as well ^^ I honestly also liked the unique and creative names some of the characters in this had, where did you even come up with them?? I honestly feel like, and this is all up to you that you should maybe make a second part to this story, it's really great like i've already said. ya know what imma give you now? 10/10 :)
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Thank you so much! Well, this was the third story in a series, and I think it was the last one.
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?? what were the other two parts?
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They are just named "Ups And Downs" and "Ups And Downs 2".
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How would you describe me? i think i'd describe myself as annoying or something
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NO! You are NOT annoying! You are smart, kind, and awesome.
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You really think so?
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Yes, I really think so.
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aww, thanks ^^
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No problem. ^^
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I have a new story out... Please read 🙂
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Of course!
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No one's really talking and i'm just bored :/ ya there?
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I am now!
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Yay ^^
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^^
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you were gone for a few days i think, were you busy?
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Yes, I was on a camping trip.
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Hey Brooke, I read this already. I forgot to ask you to come read my recents... I've posted like 5 or 6 I haven't heard your feedback on. If ya don't mind. :)
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Oh, my gosh! How did I not notice this?!!!!!!!! Wow. School really has gotten in the way of Reedsy for me. :/ But I will definitely go check some out!
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Yay, thanks!
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No problem!
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This was great! Glad you're back, Brooke. (^w^) (^w^) \ 🍵\ /🍵/ Cheers over tea! (I feel like tea is the writer's drink but I might be wrong)
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Thanks! I'm glad, too! I would also definitely say tea is a writer's drink, but I hate it. Well, at least iced tea - I have never had hot tea.
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haha ok then pretend it's water with food coloring
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😂😂😂
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Brooke, so you know how you said you'd dedicate a character to me? would you mind naming her Leah? I've always liked that name.
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Hey, Meg! I wouldn't mind at all. And that story will come out on the week of your story. Hopefully on your birthday, but if not then just during that week.
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:)
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