Science Fiction Fantasy Crime

Honxpen had red clay skin, and glazed milky eyes undoubtedly made it obvious that he was a native of Xegigar. Processed by the intergalactic flight academy and named amongst the sheer best of his sector, before he was expelled. He had flown hundreds, maybe even thousands of simulations with ease and no sign of hesitation.

With nowhere else to go, Honxpen inevitably turned to the crooked streets. He knew the streets of Xegigar better than most and was intimately acquainted with the underground of the planet in addition. Honxpen come to be one of the most requested on world getaway drivers Xegigar had. Bold, reckless, took life or death risks. He was part of the biggest heist within the planet’s history and got away without a scratch. He also got out without a cut due to a dirty betrayal. He may have been a bit green, But Honxpen knew how to get out of tough spots.

An individual like Honxpen was ideal for the work Neo had in mind. Neo went around, sniffing through the dark database for smuggling gigs and odd jobs which were often illegal, as long as it paid generously. After some digging, he landed a job with the galaxy's pharmaceutical juggernaut, Axion, to embezzle 397,000 units worth of Red Chrysalis, a psychedelic drug that gave the user unquantifiable amounts of pleasure but Caused horrid visions afterwards. Intergalactic gangster Sri Malok had the hallucinogen stored in his palace which was crammed with armed gang members. Things could get unpleasant, so Neo would need to rent a skillful getaway driver/pilot to deliver them away from trouble. He would next transport the red chrysalis off the planet not forgetting to temporarily neutralize the substance, to avoid blowing the ship to dust during hyper travel, and then venture to Zexob outpost to rendezvous with official Axion representatives where their exchange of the red chrysalis and units are to be made. Axion offered to grant a quarter of what the shipment was worth. It had been a 99,250 unit haul, a decent amount within the smuggling business.

Neo promptly met Honxpen at a local bar in downtown Bohimihor, the capital city of Xegigar.

‚ÄúQuite the¬†rep¬†you¬†got¬†kid,‚Ä̬†Neo¬†had¬†said¬†to the wide-eyed¬†Xegerian.¬†‚ÄúI¬†heard¬†you¬†are¬†a skilled driver, but what¬†do¬†you¬†have¬†to¬†say¬†for yourself?‚ÄĚ

‚ÄúI¬†was¬†the getaway driver for the¬†Xegerian¬†international precious metal heist.‚Ä̬†Honxpen¬†replied¬†with a smirk, as if the¬†statement¬†spoke for itself.¬†‚ÄúIm good to¬†say¬†the least.‚ÄĚ

‚ÄúIn this¬†business, good isn‚Äôt enough.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†said¬†taking¬†a casual sip of his bubbly¬†Noxian¬†brew.¬†‚ÄúFor this¬†kind¬†of¬†job¬†to travel¬†well, I‚Äôm¬†going¬†to¬†need¬†someone¬†professional."¬†"A¬†excellent getaway driver and a professional gun.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†searched¬†at his¬†drink¬†and¬†stared¬†down the¬†Xegerian¬†youth.¬†‚ÄúAre¬†you¬†professional¬†Honxpen, or¬†are¬†you¬†lucky?‚ÄĚ

Honxpen had encountered Neo’s look with a sideways glance, doing his best not to look intimidated. With the cash from the job, he could sit back and live easy. He would undertake anything. He had been the highest of his class for the simulation courses before he got expelled. He was average with a gun, but he had never eliminated anyone. But he needed to tell this rugged, rough edged human something. Neo was known to be amongst the best and most underrated smuggler within the galaxy.

‚ÄúYeah¬†friend, I‚Äôm¬†the most professional in the¬†galaxy.‚ÄĚ

‚ÄúOne¬†thing¬†to find out during this business kid, is there are no such¬†things¬†as¬†friends.¬†We¬†are¬†partners, that‚Äôs¬†it.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†said¬†as he got up from his¬†drink.

‚ÄúIn this¬†line¬†of¬†work,¬†you‚Äôre either¬†professional, or¬†you‚Äôre¬†dead.‚ÄĚ

Four Xegerian day cycles later, Neo had snuck into Suri’s palace through the damp underground pipe system while Honxpen was on a speeder outside the doorway. He crawled through the pipe and snuck around the steel corridors. He set his photon pistol to stun to cut back noise but set to quick switch if he needed to travel lethally.

Neo¬†knew¬†the Red Chrysalis would be tightly guarded, and¬†he¬†couldn‚Äôt¬†neturalize¬†all of them out quietly.¬†He¬†reached¬†for his¬†belt¬†and¬†pulled¬†a thermal detonator.¬†‚ÄúNoise-makers‚Ä̬†he¬†dubbed¬†them.

He planted five of the noise-makers on the other side of the palace and made his way to find the vault in which the drug was stored. He found the vault room, full of armed guards. He tethered himself on the ceiling out of view. The bombs would be quiet enough not to alert the whole palace but loud enough to cause a distraction. Neo punched in some commands into his tech gauntlet and jammed the palace communication feeds to prevent the alarm from sounding. Another press of a button and the bombs detonated.

The palace shuddered as the noise-makers went off one by one. A faint boom reverberated from the opposing side of the palace, but it was enough to alert the gangsters and only five remained to stand watch. 

‚ÄúIt‚Äôs¬†almost a fair fight.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†thought, a grin spreading on his¬†face¬†as he¬†dropped¬†from the¬†ceiling,¬†notifying¬†the¬†guards¬†of his¬†presence.¬†

Before any of the gangsters could raise their guns Neo had already drawn his two photon pistols and stunned two of the five guards surrounding him. He savagely charged into one of the guards utilizing him as a body shield before any of the remaining guards could execute a shot. The gangsters hesitated and Neo used that small window of opportunity to blast a stun shot at one of the guards. The hot blue burst of energy knocked the alien of his feet. Neo flung the gangster he had employed as a shield at the remaining guard. While they were both fazed, Neo pinned the one he had thrown to the ground and snatched the photon rifle out of his hands. He slammed the bunt of the rifle into the being’s face until it was mangled pulp. He rushed the last gangster, who was just getting back to his feet and pinned him to the side of the wall with the rifle pressed against his throat. With an uppercut of the rifle to the jugular, he was out cold.

The smuggler put the blood stained rifle into his pack and walked past the incapacitated bodies, stepping over the one he had brutally beat, and made his way to the steel door where the red Chrysalis was sure to be behind. From his belt he grabbed a dome shaped object and positioned the tech on the vaults steel door. The dome began to expand into an oval. The steel door turned warm and the oval began to take on a reddish hue. Before long there was a hole melted in the door big enough for the clever smuggler to walk through. 

Acrid fumes of Red Chrysalis instantly invaded Neo’s nostrils as he walked in. He put on a breathing apparatus and took in his surroundings. The room took on a sinister hue of blood red.

Boxes stacked with the hallucinogenic drug were sitting on storage crafts, hovering slightly above the ground.

Neo figured he could slip the craft and its cargo out the palace easily as long as everyone stayed on the other side of the compound. 

Neo turned on his com link, he wasn’t taking any chances.

‚ÄúHonxpen¬†how are we looking out there?‚ÄĚ

Static was the sole answer to Neo’s inquiry.

‚ÄúKid, what‚Äôs going on up there?‚ÄĚ

No answer.

‚ÄúI always knew you would come back¬†Neo, but never under these¬†circumstances.‚ÄĚ

Neo knew that voice, he turned to encounter the face of Sri Mazok, crime lord of the Xei system and leader of the Maz Gang. He was grinning maliciously, flashing his needle sharp teeth at Neo.The small horns on his rough forehead looked as if they just been sharpened. He had on sleek, black body armor.

Neo focused his gun between Sri’s snakelike eyes. One of the eyes bore a scar across the pupil. Neo placed his other hand on the second pistol holster at the ready. Sri laughed.

‚ÄúYou¬†took¬†something that didn‚Äôt belong to you¬†Sri.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†said coldly as he¬†surveyed¬†the¬†area¬†around him.¬†‚ÄúI‚Äôm¬†here¬†to¬†get¬†it¬†back.‚ÄĚ

‚ÄúBecause the¬†boys¬†I¬†took¬†it¬†from¬†want¬†it¬†back, so they¬†hired¬†you.‚Ä̬†Sri¬†said,¬†licking¬†his scaly lips with a forked tongue.¬†‚ÄúHow fitting.‚ÄĚ

Neo felt his blood rise and took some deep breaths to soothe himself. He needed to stay calm; Sri was trying to play with his food before he ate it. Neo knew the tactic well. He had seen Sri practise it many times.

‚ÄúDitch those Axion¬†boys¬†Neo.‚Ä̬†Sri¬†said with a slither.¬†‚ÄúYou and¬†me¬†can team up like the¬†good¬†old days.¬†I‚Äôm willing to¬†forgive and¬†forget.¬†You and I can make a fortune on this¬†stuff,¬†sell¬†it to the highest bidder on the¬†black¬†market.‚ÄĚ Sri‚Äôs said, his¬†grin¬†growing wider.

‚ÄúSounds¬†real¬†grand¬†Sri,¬†real¬†grand.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†said.¬†He primed his¬†pistol¬†to¬†kill.

Sri¬†let out a¬†chuckle¬†that could¬†slay¬†small¬†fluffy animals.¬†‚ÄúTsk¬†tsk¬†tsk.‚Ä̬†He¬†growled¬†in mock disappointment.¬†He¬†wagged¬†his jagged finger.¬†‚ÄúDisappointing¬†Neo, Disappointing.‚ÄĚ

Behind Sri emerged a dozen Maz members, six on each side. Neo was surrounded by bloodthirsty enemies thirteen to one. Sri whipped out two anti-plasma revolvers from behind his back and focused their aim on Neo’s chest.

Neo discerned movement behind Sri’s shoulder. Honxpen snuck on one of the storage crafts in the left back corner of the vault directly behind Sri and his men. He performed a crashing motion with his hands.

Neo smirked with grim satisfaction.

‚ÄúYou¬†know¬†Sri;¬†I¬†didn‚Äôt¬†take¬†this¬†job¬†for the¬†money, far from it.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†offered¬†a subtle nod to¬†Honxpen.

‚ÄúI¬†accepted¬†the¬†job¬†so¬†I¬†can¬†kill¬†you,¬†you¬†son¬†of a bitch.‚ÄĚ

The hover engines roared, catching the gang off guard. The propulsion module lit up with a light blue aura. Honxpen barreled towards the men at maximum speed and whipped the craft around at the last moment, flinging five of the gang members into the air like bowling pins. They hit the wall with a satisfying thud. The remaining gangsters shot blue burst of energy at the storage craft

Neo whipped out the other pistol and opened fire. Sri’s body was pelted by a rain of fiery photon bolts. The bolts spat from Neo’s gun incinerated the air as they whizzed by, meeting their target every time. Sri’s armor had a mini holo-shield defending him. He dove for cover behind a storage craft and promptly returned fire.

A dozen more armed men rushed into the room. Neo took cover inside the cockpit of the gallant craft holding the red Chrysalis.The vault was a glittering sea of red and blue blaster fire.Honxpen rammed three disgruntled Maz members into a wall, liquidating them instantly with a brutal crunch. Honxpen’s breathing became shaky, his blood turned ice. It was the first time he killed.

Neo primed two noisemakers and flung one at the storage craft Sri was hiding behind and the other at the cracked wall Honxpen rammed.

‚ÄúKid, as soon as those bombs blow¬†I‚Äôm¬†going¬†to¬†need¬†you¬†to run as fast as¬†you¬†can to my¬†craft,¬†I‚Äôll¬†give¬†you¬†cover fire.‚ÄĚ

Honxpen¬†saw¬†the¬†explosive¬†on the¬†wall¬†and pieced¬†Neo‚Äôs¬†plan¬†together.¬†‚ÄúGot¬†it.‚ÄĚ

Neo¬†let out a¬†burst¬†of pistol fire,¬†pinning¬†the¬†enemies¬†to their battered cover.¬†Sri¬†was¬†the only one who wasn‚Äôt hiding.¬†Photon bolts deflected of his body shield and Ricochet in all¬†directions.One of¬†the stinging blast¬†removed¬†the¬†head¬†off one of the unfortunate men in his¬†close¬†vicinity.¬†‚ÄúLet‚Äôs¬†see¬†how your body armor likes this.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†muttered grimly to himself as he¬†typed¬†the detonation command on his gauntlet.

The noise-maker on the wall blew first, just as Neo planned. The blast thundered throughout the palace and was audible from the streets outside the palace. The enemy was thrown off, except for Sri, who realized to late what was happening.

‚ÄúDamn you¬†Neo.‚Ä̬†He slithered, for the last time.

Neo blew the second armed bomb. The hovercraft was swallowed by blue and purple energy. The gunmen using the vessel as cover where annihilated immediately. Sri and the hovercraft were nothing more then a purple hue of vaporized particles. 

Neo reached in his pack for the automatic plasma rifle he had pummeled the armed guard with earlier and let loose a relentless barrage of blue blaster bolts, downing two men.

Honxpen dashed frantically towards the storage craft, firing shots from behind. One of his bolts landed, singing a hole through a Maz members chest. He jumped into the cockpit and ignited the engine. 


The hovercraft roared with raw energy and Honxpen and Neo zoomed out of the exposed wall onto the street.

Honxpen looked around. They were in the heart of Bohimihors market district, the jewel of Xegigar.Aliens from all parts of the galaxy could be seen in bohimihor’s market, from the cannibal insect species of Andivants with their bulging eyes and hairy tendrils to the Zinbox, a race of extremely intelligent amphibious cyborgs. Honxpen knew these streets. Every being stopped their shopping and haggling and stared vacantly at the hovercraft that had just burst out of Sri Mazok’s palace. A grin spread on his face.

“Get us to the space port. The cargo craft can fit in my ship," Neo said, ripping the breathing apparatus from his scraggy face.

Honxpen blasted the craft in reverse, blowing orange dust in the air and did a 360 degree turn, crashing into a makeshift book shop in the process. The fybgr owner frantically waved all four hands in the air and dove for cover as the craft sped past. Shoppers dove out the way to evade certain death.

Maz members on speeder bikes emerged from the smoking crater from Neo’s bomb and began to pursue the storage craft. Neo counted five bikes total. 

‚ÄúGeez kid,¬†are¬†you¬†sure¬†you¬†know¬†what your¬†doing?‚Ä̬†Neo¬†yelled, gripping his¬†rifle.

‚ÄúJust¬†give¬†us some cover fire.‚ÄĚHonxpen¬†responded,¬†confidence¬†increasing.¬†‚ÄúI‚Äôll¬†take

care¬†of the¬†rest.‚ÄĚ

Neo extended his head out the cockpit and propped his gun. The wind blew through his brown hair. They cut through a city corner and zipped by a group of florqif shoppers. They tucked their bodies into a ball formation and rolled out of the way of the bikers following close behind. 

Neo aimed a shot and aimed fired into one of the bikes engines, melting the circuitry. The bike halted suddenly, flinging it’s rider into a yegirizan meat stand. 

The other bikers swerved to avoid the stationary bike and resumed their chase.

The rider in front fired three blasts at the escaped craft. One of them hit a Skriltilian keg of Zat juice, which ignited into pale green flames, devouring the makeshift bar. The other two hit their intended target. One shot was deflected by the already weak craft shield. The final blast hit home frying the navigation system.

‚ÄúWe¬†just¬†lost¬†Nav kid,¬†hope¬†you¬†know¬†these¬†streets¬†as well as¬†you¬†say!‚Ä̬†Neo¬†said, his voice barely audible.

Honxpen¬†carefully analyzed his¬†surroundings.¬†‚ÄúJust¬†keep¬†them off of us I¬†know¬†this¬†planet¬†like the¬†back¬†of my¬†hand.‚ÄĚ

Neo¬†laughed grimly.¬†‚ÄúWhatever you¬†say¬†kid.‚ÄĚ

They rounded another corner. Neo fired another bolt just as one bikers crossed the corner, flinging him off his bike. The bike crashed into what was left of the demolished stand. The biker behind drew his pistol and Neo had to fling himself back into the cockpit to avoid his head being shot off. The biker sped to the opposing side of the craft and aimed for Honxpen’s head.

‚ÄúIdiot.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†muttered as he¬†seized¬†the¬†controls¬†from¬†Honxpen‚Äôs¬†hands¬†and¬†rammed¬†the¬†assailant¬†into the¬†wall, flattening him like a bloody pancake.¬†Honxpen¬†snatched back the¬†controls.

‚ÄúDon‚Äôt¬†do¬†that.¬†You could have¬†killed¬†us¬†damn¬†it!‚ÄĚHonxpen¬†blurted.

Neo rolled eyes. Half of him annoyed, the other half of him focused on not dying.

Neo could see the space port in the distance. All they needed was to shake the last two speeders on their tail. The craft bustled through the cybernetic section of the market. A Torik android who until then had in one piece, was unfortunate enough to be in the way of one of the bikers and was currently in millions of different pieces scattered all over the street.

The biker behind swerved quickly to avoid loose gears and other debris flying through the sultry air. Neo, undoubtedly an expert tactical mind, knew what to do. He threw the two remaining noise-makers he possessed into a market stand selling spare cybernetic parts. Just before the violent gangsters passed the shop, Neo blow the charges. An raging ocean of small gears and screws rained down on the riders and their speeders hover propulsion modules choked on metal nuts and nails, imploding the anti-matter reservoir. The air crackled with violent purple energy and, after a flash of negative light, the bikers were heaps of smoldering dust.

‚ÄúYEAH,¬†THATS¬†WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!‚Ä̬†Honxpen¬†screamed triumphantly.

Neo¬†let himself smile.¬†They¬†made it¬†to the spaceport, and the¬†ship¬†was¬†in¬†sight, waiting eagerly for them.¬†‚ÄúNot¬†bad¬†kid¬†not¬†bad¬†at all.‚Ä̬†Neo¬†said, genuinely impressed.

They carefully slipped past the planet’s orbital control and performed the lengthy journey to Zexob outpost, where the pair met with the Axion representatives and walked away with 49,625 units each, after the split of course. For Neo, the significant reward was not the units. The galaxy would fondly recall his name after this and that was all he desired.

November 14, 2020 03:41

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I just read your story...and I think you did a great job building the plot and the entire story well! For your first story, this is pretty good! :)


05:17 Nov 15, 2020

Thank you so much the feedback means a lot. :)


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Zilla Babbitt
15:11 Nov 17, 2020

First, I love the worldbuilding and the names. I've tried saying Honxpen's name aloud several times and failed mostly. The names are wild and cluttery but they add to a cluttered sci-fi world. Your plotting is pretty good, your action is nice and heart-pounding. I always think a good action piece thrums like a heartbeat, so that the reader can hear/feel her heart beating while she reads. While not perfect, this gets close to that. Now, things to fix. Judging by your pfp you're young, so may I congratulate you on getting started early...


16:28 Nov 17, 2020

Thank you so much. Getting feedback from you means more than I can express. I reviewed the things you covered and made some changes to my submission. (To answer your question from earlier Red Chrysalis is a drug. Think of it like space coke) Will definitely check out that book you recommended. Thank you for even taking the time to read my entry and to give some tips. May our paths cross againūüźę.


Zilla Babbitt
17:36 Nov 17, 2020

Of course! Sounds good :)


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The Rookie
17:12 Nov 17, 2020

Maybe you won`t see this, but in case you do... "Finally, showing vs. telling. Have you heard of this? You have a mix of both in this story, which can be a problem since you fluctuate back and forth and it can get confusing. Here's an example:" What do you mean by that? Doesn`t ever book have a mixture of both, telling when they want to speed past unimportant events and showing when the scene is pivotal for the plot?


19:28 Nov 17, 2020

Hey Rookie! Just wanted to throw this at ya real quick... So, almost every author uses telling at some point, the bigger question is where, and how often do they use it? Sometimes it’s more efficient to tell, rather than show, like intense fight scenes where you don’t want to use any more words than are needed. However, information about characters should almost always be shown. This includes emotions, temperature, thoughts on subjects (thoughts can be told through internal dialogue as well), and their personality. Most widely recogniz...


The Rookie
07:54 Nov 18, 2020

Thank you so much for the explanation!


13:48 Nov 18, 2020

No probs. :)


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05:03 Nov 21, 2020

Yea i feel like this is a good thing to work on and something i am definitely guilty of haha. Its nice to see other authors discussing and conversing in the comments. ūüźę


17:19 Nov 21, 2020

Our aim to help you the best we can, and oftentimes one author doesn't know everything, so it's good to have fact-checkers for everything!


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02:27 Nov 17, 2020

My first written work on here. It‚Äôs a labyrinth of grammar mistakes but I‚Äôm proud of it nonetheless. Feel free to leave feedback good or bad, as lon as it‚Äôs honest. Stay coolūüźę


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Zilla Babbitt
01:34 Nov 17, 2020

Hiya! Wanted to let you know I've read it and I'm working on feedback. I don't usually give a ton of feedback but I see my old writing self too much in this to give just a halfhearted attempt. Just so you know :)


02:10 Nov 17, 2020

Thank you so much I can‚Äôt wait to see your feedback ūüôÉ


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The Rookie
17:08 Nov 17, 2020

I really liked the fight scenes in this story, felt real and I think I always knew exactly what was going on!


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03:28 Nov 17, 2020

You did pretty well for your first submission. Job well done.


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Cassie Duke
12:26 Nov 18, 2020

Loved the worldbuilding and the names. I've tried saying Honxpen's name aloud several times and failed mostly. Your plotting is pretty good. While not perfect, this gets close to that. Um, you have some unnecessary commas scattered about and some words are spelled wrong I think... I suck at spelling. I'd suggest using Grammarly but you do what you want. That aside, I think you did a good job! Keep at it!


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Ari Berri
12:28 Nov 17, 2020

This story is awesome! There are some grammer mistakes, but you did a great job. I hope you'll write more!


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