80 comments

Funny Romance

The love between him and me isn’t right. Some would say it’s unnatural. Wrong. All they see is his size, and it intimidates them. He is massive, too big for his own good, really, but he’s also handsome-so handsome-with chocolate brown eyes I can’t resist. I won’t sugarcoat it though-he’s not without his flaws. He’s a terrible listener, and frankly, independent to a fault. He’s a sloppy kisser, and he leaves his things everywhere. But every time I come home and run my fingers through those luscious locks, I forget all of his faults. And when that hair falls out and gets all over the couch, and my clothes, and the rug, I don’t fret. I always know I’m just one lint-roller away from everlasting love.

Because he’s the love of my life.

And he’s my dog.

Well, technically he’s my puppers.

Barely a couple of months of old and already he’s the size of a pony.

Apparently, he’s gonna get pretty big, but I didn’t know that when I adopted him.

At the shelter, I walked past a tiny black and brown fur ball sitting in a cage all alone, barely a few weeks old. He sat there quietly, not begging to be petted or whining about his accommodations. He stared up at me quietly, studying me with those deep brown semi-sweets and I was head over heels.

Just like all the other schmucks filling out adoption papers, I’d walked into that shelter fully intending to leave just as dog-less as when I arrived. I’d even texted my best friend, MaKenna, to make sure that was gonna happen.

Bailey: I’m just going to look. That’s all.

Makenna: YEAH RIGHT…Send me a picture of the cutie you take home because you are NOT leaving there empty-handed…

I so desperately wanted to prove her wrong, but then I walked past that little floof. He’s amazing, I told the shelter worker.

I agree. Unfortunately, he’s too energetic, she sighed. He’s a surrender. The man who dropped him off yesterday couldn’t handle him. I laughed and asked her to bring him into a little playpen so I could decide for myself. We played fetch and he acted like puppies do—energetic and happy for the attention—but then ten minutes in, he stumbled into my lap, curled up into a little ball, and promptly fell asleep. I was a goner.

“What kind of dog is he?” I asked, a picture of our glorious future spread out in front of me.

The girl shrugged and told me they didn’t know. The owner had just told them he was a mutt.

“How big do you think he’ll get?” She pretended to study him.

“Oh, with those tiny little paws? He probably won’t get any bigger than a small golden retriever.” I chuckle thinking back on that exchange now. His paws literally double in size every night. They are now big enough to carry the both of us down the sidewalk at breakneck speeds, even as I tug on his leash, trying to get him to slow down.

“Heel, Achilles! Heel!” When people hear his name they laugh. A dog named Achilles?! How clever. I smile and nod, and snicker internally because, yes, naming a dog Achilles so that you could have the eternal pleasure of saying ‘Achilles, heel!’ was supremely clever, thank you very much.

“Achilles, I have organic chicken treats!” I yell again, and finally, finally, my voice seems to register in his dang skull. He slows his racehorse speed until he’s right beside me on the sidewalk, staring up at me with those doe eyes. I feed him a treat and then hold another one in a fist so he knows it’s coming. I’ve discovered that while I may not be the best trainer, I am fairly adept at canine bribery. And that will have to suffice for now, considering I’m already in my work clothes.

It’s Friday morning and we’re on our way to the vet yet again, another thing the volunteer conveniently forgot to mention. Puppies apparently need more shots than babies. I think he has better healthcare than I do.

This morning I debated on whether or not I could walk him to the vet. Always the one with a sunny disposition, I had envisioned a nice stroll, where he had finally gotten the training I had furiously implemented upon him. Achilles, however, is more of a realist. He wants to sniff every damn fire hydrant, pole, or tree. He wants to become a contortionist that uses his leash as a trapeze net. And he wants to ride off into the sunset with Indiana Jones on his heels, ha get it, heels, taking his place in the world as the greatest squirrel hunter there is.

At this point, I’m seriously considering aborting this current mission, but I don’t think that’s physically possible anymore. I keep thinking about when MaKenna and I were younger and would pop the arms out of dolls. Suddenly going forward is the best idea I’ve heard since sliced bread. Unfortunately, that plan for a nice stroll is shot down and trampled upon for good measure when Achilles locks onto a squirrel’s scent and shoots off, my arm still attached to his leash.

“Grass-fed chicken treats, Achilles!” I try to remind him, shoving it under his nose. Damn him, he forgot. Stupid puppy with their stupid ten-second attention span.

He starts to pull hard, so I have to trot to keep up, which I can do in my high-heels (see going to work), but when he realizes I’m going faster, he decides to let his full speed rip. Somehow I find myself in a full-blown sprint, and I’m sure you can see sparks flying from my heels.

“No! Achilles! NO. HEEL!” I’m shouting at the top of my lungs, but he’s not listening to me the little bugger. If possible, he runs even faster and I’m tripping over my feet trying to stop this freaking dog. “SIT! DOWN! NO! DO YOU WANT A TREAT?!” I’m just yelling random commands at him at this point, hoping he’ll do all of them, or even just one, but all he can hear is noise. Finally, I bellow at him.

“STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE!” He stops. Hallelujah. A god-given miracle.

“Good…boy…Achilles…” I whisper, fearful of breaking whatever spell I’d cast. Though he obviously doesn’t listen to me, he loves when I praise him. He turns the power of his doe-eyes upon me when he catches the smell of the treats. “That’s right…Achilles,” I pant, trying to catch my breath. “All of this can be yours, and more, if you just—no, no, don’t look at that squirrel—” Achilles jerks forward, whipping the leash from my hands. I go flying, limbs haywire as asphalt digs into my entire right side. I don’t cry out, but I grimace, feeling the warmth of blood trickle down my side.

“Achilles!” I sound like a manic and bloodthirsty mental patient and damn sure I am. When I catch that sorry excuse for a dog, I’m going to find out how to surgically attach his leash to my hand, and then all these treats are going into the trash. He doesn’t deserve organic chicken bites, he can eat the generic crap that every other mutt eats.

“Jesus! What the—” a masculine voice says from around the corner. I whip my head up and the blood drains from my face. That’s where Achilles has gone. I hobble to my feet and run down the street, turning around the corner.

“Achilles!” I try again as I round the corner and find the most horrifying scene imaginable. The pieces are easy to put together. There is a man sitting on the sidewalk. Achilles is on top of him, licking his face, and maybe that wouldn’t be so bad if not for the mud. I cringe as I stare down at the massive puddle at my feet. It had rained last night, and I can imagine it now: Achilles rounding the corner, bounding right through the puddle, and then leaping on this stranger with enough force to knock him off his feet. His suit is completely covered in mud—his designer suit from the look of it.

Damn. Damnidy. Damn.

I cannot afford to buy this stranger a new suit, so I only have one option. I will kill Achilles. I will kill him like Cruella de Vil and make him into a beautiful new fur-suit.

“I am so, so sorry,” I say, but then I realize he can’t hear me because my hand is still covering my mouth, as I’m completely shocked at the sheer audacity of my puppy.

“Are you serious?” Says the stranger. Although his words themselves aren’t mean, the tone he uses is downright nasty. I leap into action because I realize it’s been over two minutes and I’ve just been staring at Achilles. I yank my dog’s collar and pull him off the man.

“Bad Achilles!” I reprimand, hoping to convey my anger into dog-speak. He stares up at me, panting and tongue lolling. Honestly, I’m sure he’s had a splendid morning. It’s not even ten o’clock yet, but he’s been running, gotten to chase squirrels, danced through mud puddles, and mauled a stranger. Basically, it’s Christmas for him.

The stranger.

I’m reminded that he’s still there as he gets to his feet and wipes at his suit, trying in vain to clear off most of the mud. It’s no use. There are massive, muddy paw prints covering the entire front of his pressed white shirt and gray jacket.

“Are you hu—” I have every intention of asking him if he’s hurt, I do, but then I finally look up at his face for the first time and I am utterly speechless. Its Lucas. Oh my gawd, it’s Lucas Miller, the boy that stole my heart from the first day that he walked into our fifth-grade classroom, stapled his finger, told the dumbfounded teacher he was hurt and walked right back out the door. I thought I’d never see him again after high school, but no of course Achilles couldn’t just let me live my life without him.

Achilles didn’t just maul Lucas. He mauled what I would call a perfect male specimen. If Achilles had killed him, I could have stuck a pin in his body and mailed him to the Smithsonian. Homo sapien perfectus. Even muddy, he gives most of the male population a run for their money in the looks department. And if he weren’t currently scowling at me, I’d swoon. Heck, even with the scowl, I swoon a little bit. It’s that perfect combination of piercing hazel eyes and a strong jaw. He’s clean-shaven, and his warm umber hair has been tousled by careful hands. He’s tall, and even with his suit on, I can tell he’s in formidable shape. I want to shake Puberty’s hand right now because damn that man is fine. Aaand, he’s currently telling me to get my rambunctious puppy under control. He’s saying I shouldn’t have a dog like that if he’s not properly trained. I can hardly do more than nod dumbly.

And also, he apparently doesn’t remember me at all. Well, there goes the wedding that I’m currently planning in my head. Sorry mariachi band, your services are no longer required.

“He’s a puppy,” I say like we’re back in fifth grade. Like that explains everything. He studies me with those, gha, perfect hazel eyes.

“Puppies should be trained,” he says, looking at me like I’m the problem. Me, not the demon now sitting contentedly at my feet. I think he’s going to continue berating me, but he just shakes his head and turns in the opposite direction down the sidewalk.

“Hey wait! Could I, umm…let me cover your dry-cleaning bill!” I shout after him. “Or maybe a chiropractor’s appointment? Or even coffee? I’ll buy you coffee! Are you hurt?!” He waves away my offer and heads back down the street, clearly in a hurry to distance himself from me. I stand there, frozen, admiring his retreating backside. It’s incredibly depressing.

He doesn’t even remember me, and I’m sure he heard what I said about coffee but now he’s walking away, retreating into the distance, and I know I’ll probably never see him again. I sigh and look down at Achilles. He’s watching me with his head cocked to the side.

“You little hellhound. You could have at least kept him pinned down a little longer, maybe give me a chance to win him over with my dazzling personality.” Achilles yips in response and I jolt, remembering that I’m currently bleeding and late. I sigh, regretting this latest episode in The Life of Bailey Monroe—one in which Lucas will never be more than a schoolgirl crush. 

February 13, 2021 13:23

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

80 comments

Amel Parvez
17:41 Feb 14, 2021

JUST LOVELY!! <3 BTW, I checked out the puzzle but...can't think of any movie:(

Reply

Nainika Gupta
17:57 Feb 14, 2021

THANKS!!! <3 ok first one hint is a dystopian disney robot movie second one hint is anne hathaway third one hint is tom hanks!!

Reply

Amel Parvez
18:17 Feb 14, 2021

Haha! Anytime. U know, u r being way too nice ;) The third one is the day vincI code? ( just a guess)

Reply

Nainika Gupta
18:25 Feb 14, 2021

:)) i'm a nice personnn :) ehehe nope!!

Reply

Amel Parvez
18:26 Feb 14, 2021

Oops! <3 u r. 2 one the devil wears prada?

Reply

Nainika Gupta
18:36 Feb 14, 2021

<3 YAS

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Ashley Hassan
16:06 May 18, 2021

I admired you take on this genre. It was so creative, you really had me convinced that you were describing a man in the beginning lol. Amazing, i love it!

Reply

Nainika Gupta
19:19 May 18, 2021

Thanks so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Annie James
01:27 May 10, 2021

What a great story! I like stories that feature animal characters. I enjoyed the description of Lucas, quality writing there, and I liked the ending. His loss.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
11:56 May 10, 2021

Thanks so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Leslie Flemons
02:32 Feb 26, 2021

This was an interesting twist. I liked how in the beginning, you described the dog, tricking the readers in believing that the dog was a boy. Instead we see the boy later on in the story, who was a total butthead. Anyway, I liked the story. It's not really a romance story and she didn't even ask him out, but more of a comedy which I think you were trying to go for. Anyway, good story. It made me laugh.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
03:13 Feb 26, 2021

He was! I was gonna make it more interesting, where he was actually the vet she was going to visit, and he was late BUT he didn't know (obviously) that she was his appointment, but I didn't wanna continue XD Yep, that sure was the point! Glad you enjoyed it :)

Reply

Leslie Flemons
03:52 Feb 26, 2021

No problem. I'm glad I read it. I wish that there was more to it, but that's okay.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Carolyn Mc Bride
01:47 Feb 18, 2021

Very cute, but did you ever decide what breed Achilles was? Sounds big!

Reply

Nainika Gupta
01:48 Feb 18, 2021

Hey! Thanks for the read, he's probably a Burmese mountain dog or a great Dane mix..something really big!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Valerie June
00:41 Feb 14, 2021

Amazing! I have no critiques for this story, only positive comments. I loved how descriptive you where for each character and the dog's name, just wow, that's so clever. :) I was truly blown away by this story!!!

Reply

Nainika Gupta
00:46 Feb 14, 2021

Aw, thanks so much Jose!! Really appreciate it :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

WHY YOU NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE SO MANY STORIES *goes to sob*

Reply

Nainika Gupta
23:30 Feb 13, 2021

I DON'T WANT TO BE RUDEE

Reply

IFS NOT RUDE THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Mira Caplan
15:32 Feb 13, 2021

I FORGOT TO COMMENT- how could I?????????? aaaaaaarrrrrrrggggg Ok. This story was SO CUTE. YOU NEED TO MAKE ANOTHER WHERE BAILEY AND LUCAS START TO WARM UP TO EACH OTHER!!! (If you want to, lol) I SHIP THEM NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Reply

Nainika Gupta
15:33 Feb 13, 2021

:)))))))) no you commented im sure yesterday BUT somehow this story got deleted :(((((( so yeah I resubmitted it loll

Reply

Mira Caplan
16:39 Feb 13, 2021

LE GASP!!! Well, it was still a great read the second time through!!!

Reply

Nainika Gupta
16:43 Feb 13, 2021

yeah idk how!?? aww thanks :)

Reply

Mira Caplan
17:00 Feb 13, 2021

nppppppp!!!! :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Mira Caplan
17:00 Feb 13, 2021

nppppppp!!!! :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Mira Caplan
16:39 Feb 13, 2021

LE GASP!!! Well, it was still a great read the second time through!!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
15:30 Feb 13, 2021

🦁🦁🦁

Reply

Nainika Gupta
15:31 Feb 13, 2021

:)))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Dorian Gray 📖
15:05 Feb 13, 2021

IMMA DOUBLE THE COUNT: 🦁 🦁🦁 🦁 🦁🦁 🦁 🦁🦁

Reply

Nainika Gupta
15:15 Feb 13, 2021

oh yeahhh XD

Reply

Dorian Gray 📖
15:17 Feb 13, 2021

XDXDXD

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Radhika Diksha
15:08 Feb 13, 2021

Luke can you give feedback to my new submission.

Reply

Dorian Gray 📖
15:09 Feb 13, 2021

Ofc!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
01:31 Mar 11, 2021

I was listening to Achilles Come Down just as reading this. Regardless, this story is marvelous, I was drawn in by the relatability of Bailey.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Stevie B
23:21 Feb 24, 2021

Nainika, well written and very creative story. Will check out more of your work in the future.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
01:00 Feb 25, 2021

Thank you so much Stevie! ANd no way, did you aCTUALLY create records for Madonna??? Mind BLOWN

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jerome Shijo
13:26 Feb 24, 2021

What a story. I just got lost in it. Wonderful writing and the surprise elements were the best. I just love this story

Reply

Nainika Gupta
13:48 Feb 24, 2021

Aw, thanks so much Jerome :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
07:55 Feb 24, 2021

I'm going to cry Nainika, I thought- I didn't know it was a puppy...

Reply

Nainika Gupta
13:51 Feb 24, 2021

ahaha gOOd then it worked XD

Reply

21:33 Feb 24, 2021

IT SERIOUSLY GOT ME, IT WAS WRITTEN SO WELL!!!! XD

Reply

Nainika Gupta
21:53 Feb 24, 2021

AWWW THANKSSS

Reply

00:11 Feb 25, 2021

NO PROBLEM! <3

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
The Cold Ice
03:57 Feb 24, 2021

Wonderful poem. Keep writing. I loved it.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
13:52 Feb 24, 2021

aw, thanks so much!

Reply

The Cold Ice
04:17 Feb 25, 2021

Welcome

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Grace Arons
15:51 Feb 22, 2021

I love it. Well written, honest, and adorable because I like dogs.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
16:07 Feb 22, 2021

aw thanks so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Sky Daniels
14:29 Feb 22, 2021

Great story. As a dog owner with aa lil rebel mut I know about those love/hate relationship. I liked Bailey a lot she touched a part of my school.crush days.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
14:32 Feb 22, 2021

lol thanks so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Titan Strider
17:18 Feb 17, 2021

Hello, Nainika. I saw you liked my stories and I really appreciate it. I really liked this story.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
17:22 Feb 17, 2021

aw, thank you!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Maya W.
15:00 Feb 15, 2021

Hi Nainika! Amazing story here, I love the concept and it was executed brilliantly. I will say, though, that the first paragraph confused me a bit. (I thought based on the title it would be an Achilles and Patroclus retelling, lol), and the pacing felt a little awkward, but all in all great work.

Reply

Nainika Gupta
15:08 Feb 15, 2021

Hey Maya ... ahah thanks so much!! Whoops, sorry ahah that was my way of *trying* to be funny... and yea, the pacing was a little weird...i was rushing at the end..but thanks so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
19:50 Feb 13, 2021

🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁

Reply

Show 0 replies