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On the space ship there was the Captain, Spirit and her Co-captain and girlfriend Sky, along with two of their friends/crew Ash and his girlfriend Moon. "Come on Spirit where are we going this time??" Moon asked.
All of them had left on the Space ship when they were fifteen and now all of them were nineteen. "Moon...Ash....you know what happened and we won't ever be able to go back, this is exciting and fun to explore and find planets!" Spirit told the two.
Though as she told both of them this she didn't even seem to be focused on them, she was more focused on sky. "Great she's gonna be like that for a LONG time..." Ash then mumbled.
Moon seemed to stare at him silence for a couple of minutes before saying "But ashy we were like that as well...and we kind of still are sometimes" Sky and Spirit had gotten together when they were sixteen while Moon and Ash got together when they were almost eighteen.
Spirit looked back at the two with a small smile and then back towards Sky. "So Honey maybe we could go on a date-" she got cut off when the space ship suddenly began to shake like crazy with a small red light going off.
"w-what's happening Ashy??" Moon asked a bit scared, this had never happened before on the ship through all the years. spirit ran up to the controls and started to check on what was going on.
"oh no...no no no!" Spirits eyes widened a little bit as she tried to fix what was going on. sky and the other two were confused but worried as they quickly ran over to her side.
"Spirit what's going on??"
"Hon??"
"i think i'm gonna puke..."
Spirit turned to look at them all but she seemed to keep glancing at the controls and out one of the small window's they had on there. "well...you see...-" the space ship then suddenly stopped shaking and whatever it had for the power shut off.
"Spirit....what happened? what's wrong with the space ship??" Moon asked as she hugged Ash a little bit. the ship had never had a problem before in all the years everyone's been doing this, so why now??
"t..the power...it went out..." she said quietly to them all. She had always known what was going to happen if the power went out, it was bad. She didn't seem to be looking at any of them as she told them.
Sky had known as well, when they got the space ship because they were both the captains they were allowed to know. The crew was never supposed to know unless it did happened and well, it did. "y..you don't mean...?"
Spirit Nodded a little bit as she began to walk around the area not looking at any of them still, she needed to think. "all the systems are down, we could loose all the air in here, something could break, we could get sucked out and die..."
"can't....can't you do something?? we can't just accept that and die here out in space!" Ash then asked her while hugging moon back. He'd Rather die from an animal attack instead of dying up in space where no one would find him and he'd be forgotten.
Spirit seemed to be frozen for a few seconds until she snapped her fingers and started to smile. she got an idea, it was a great one! it should be able to work. "Moon! go get me one of the ropes we have, now!"
Moon nodded and Gave ash a small kiss on the cheek and ran off into the area with the Ropes and other things they could use. Spirit wasn't explaining what she was going to do yet, but she had a couple of ideas. "aww that was cute" Sky said with a small giggle.
You see, Spirit is a cyborg and she's been one ever since she was nine after a terrible accident. She doesn't need a space suit as she's able to breath in space, not forever but up to 1-2 hours before she has to go back in. She planned to tie herself to the rope and try to fix the space ship from the outside which shouldn't take long.
Sky gave her a small kiss on the lips once the Rope and a few other things were tied to her and she got ready to go out. "Are you sure you'll be able to fix it Cap'n?" Moon asked a bit nervously while looking out the window.
"None of you have to worry about this, it'll be fixed in a couple of minutes and then we can just continue our day, why don't we make pizza after i fix it?" she told them with a small smile.
She got out into space with the ropes keeping hold of her so she wouldn't float away as she tried to fix the space ship. none of us are going to die today you stupid thing! at least not for another 30 years, let me fix you for now!
After around twenty minutes of Spirit trying to fix what was wrong, nothing seemed to be working at all. She had tried a few things but it didn't work at all or it just seemed to make it worse. damn it! i should just go back inside...what else am i supposed to do?
she got back into the space ship and threw the ropes to the side as she looked at the three of them. They seemed to be a bit excited and a bit nervous, they must have thought that she fixed it. she just simply shook her head and looked down.
For the next ten minutes all of them just began to talk about things while hugging each other and seeming to be nervous. If Spirit couldn't fix it then no one could, and if no one fixed the ship then...they'd all die.
"well...a..ashy do you remember how we first met? i tripped down the stairs and then you-" she stopped talking when she began to hear a noise. it sounded like...glass cracking? where was it coming from?
The large window that was behind her then seemed to shatter so suddenly and started to pull her out into the dark void of space. She would be with it forever, no one would ever find her. N e v e r.
"MOON!" Ash gasped and ran over to her, trying to keep her on the ship. Maybe Spirit or Sky could at least fix the hole so no one could get sucked in! Whatever ash was trying to do didn't seem to work, he got sucked into the void of space along with moon.
Spirit gasped with tears in her eyes as the Hole started to get bigger, she and Sky were at the back of the ship but it was starting to drag the both of them into the void of space as well.
They knew they wouldn't be able to escape this, Ash and Moon hadn't been able to. They hugged each other accepting their fates, it was time. Even if it didn't seem like it all of their time was up now. Sometimes it can be when you least expect it.
"i love you Sky..." Spirit told her with a small smile as they hugged more. This was a horrible way to die, sure but she was glad she would at least be with her girlfriend. Why would she want to die alone?
"i love you to my spirit..." Sky smiled back at her and gave her a kiss on the lips. The hole got even bigger and before they knew it they got sucked out. To be forever in the dark void of Space, never to be found again.
oh boy what do you guys think of these ships?
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118 comments
Awesome story! It was unique cause stories usually end in a happy way but this one ended sadly- they died. The names were also super cool, I like how the majority of them had to do with nature. Is this one going to be a one-and-done story? (Just one, no 2nd parts) Or are you going to make different parts to it?
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I'm glad that you liked the story and the names ^^ and yes this is just a one-and-done story kinda like "Together" but if you want, you can still at least give a few guesses on what would have happened in a part 2
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Your welcome!! Hmmm well, they would hopefully get saved...
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I actually DO know what would happen if this ever had more parts than just being a one-and-done, ya wanna know?
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Yes!
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This is kind of a sad one but tell me what you think: Other people would have been in space because reasons when strange things began to happen so when they check it out they sorta find the bodies of the characters out in the middle of space Spirit is also gone but what makes it sadder is because shes a cyborg and she could stay alive in space for a bit longer so she sorta saw them all dying before she did and the other people throw something like a funeral for them all
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Brilliant story! It made me completely delve into the characters' lives. Good luck for ahead!
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Thank's im glad you enjoyed it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite character or part?
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I dunno, it's difficult to decide... all of it is too good!
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Do you think you could maybe help me with something?
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What is it?
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I have this idea that ive had for a while and i wanna tell you it because maybe you could help me with it: MC (main character) is accidentally taken to another universe where the Au is all messed up Au MC (au main character) is evil and a wanted criminal so when MC would arrive they would be mistaken for the au version of themself and then run away where they bumps into a different character who knows that MC isn't the au version and doesn't belong there so the two hide out at the other characters place and while starting to become friends ...
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B.W., can you help me?! I’m trying to submit a story but SOMETHING IS HAPPENING! My screen just looks like this... IMG_3828.png Do you know what to do?! Does this happen for you?! PLEASE HELP!
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Okay so i looked at the thing for that but nothing is showing up for it (its nothing bad this just sometimes happens with me on time to time when someone tries to show me something) but maybe you could just tell me what it looks like and i can still try to help you?
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Oh, don’t worry, haha. It fixed itself, as I wrote in my bio. Thanks tho!
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No prob and i'm glad it did
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You asked me to read, so here I am. Pretty good! The sci fi is believable and that's always important. I appreciate that they all died instead of a sickly sweet ending. Things to work on: GRAMMAR. Always capitalize first words and names. Watch ellipses points. Don't forget commas. Also, there are several exposition dumps when slow unfolding should do the trick. The first three/four sentences are pure telling and should be shown through dialogue if truly necessary to the story. Use descriptions of Spirit or actions before she goes out of ...
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Thanks im glad you at least liked it ^^ I've been trying to work on the Grammar lately with Grammarly and some other things but i'll just try to get better with it soon. I know i also still have to work on showing and just not saying everything like for when she was a cyborg and probably some other things Besides that. though i'm glad you still liked it and did you maybe have a favorite part or character?
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Of course! I think I like Moon best, name and character :)
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I don't think there would be a part 2 because i think this would just be a story that only has one part but if there ever WAS a second part is there maybe something you'd want to happen in that one?
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Probably the machine part of Spirit survives and nothing and no one else, and she has to live on the edge of the universe somehow.
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Thats honestly a really good idea, i like it ^^
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Awww, this was so sad but so sweet! Great job!
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Thank's im glad you enjoyed it ^^ what did you think about the couples/characters? any ship names for em?
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Hmm...Sky and spirit possible ship names: Skirit Skit (Nah) Ritky Spiky Oooh I like the last one best
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Yeah that ones kind of cute ^^ did you have a favorite part and what did you think of the ending?
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The ending was sad but good... Okay bye!
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Alright ^^
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Good story as usual. Its my personal opinion, I think you should have worked on their names. Cause At Start I felt that Moon And Sky were boys. But its ok. Loved your writing and the concept. And one more thing, I think you should work more on sentence formation. It will really help you in future. Keep writing
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These were older stories so i probably HAVE gotten better with that stuff, though thanks ^^ I wanted some interesting or unique names so I sorta ended up just going with those names because I don't think a lot of characters have some of em.
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wait a minute, at the start i said "Girlfriend sky" and then "and his girlfriend moon" or something along the lines of that. why were you confused and thinking the two of them were dudes?
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Actually in my country sky and moon are boys name, and those sentences didn't catch my attention so far. I think my bad.
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Oh- well alright then ^^ could ya check out some more of my stories? there's a lot but ya don't have to check out EVERY single one of them, just a few more or something while leaving your feedback ^^
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I would love to If I have free time.
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alright ^^
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Great work!!
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Wonderful characters and great storyline! I love the idiosyncrasies in your writing - completely original. [If you have time, do you fancy checking out my newest story? It's called The Ruins Between Us. https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/contests/58/submissions/33226/.]
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Thank you! ^^ i'm glad that you liked this story. Yes sure i'll go and check out to give some feedback :) did you maybe have a favorite part or character to this story?
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Hi, I liked your story, I thought the pace was good as you ramp up the tension, and even though it was a sad ending, there was also an element of hope in being together, which I thought was a nice touch. I think it's good to sometimes throw your reader by not giving them a happy ending. As far as suggestions, the story was plot heavy, which is great for suspense/tension, and engagement with what happens next, but be careful not to neglect character development too. There should be a balance, so you care what happens next, but also who it ...
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Oh gosh, i'm really glad you liked this story and gave me all the feedback ^^ though i suck at romance and whatever else this was, could you go and check out my other stories that i'm actually good at? like Goddess child? i'd love to see what ya say for those ones
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You're welcome, I just left a comment on Goddess child for you
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This is a nice story, I must appreciate that, although, I did get confused at times so I had to re-read. You nice, keep going!
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There's also another one if ya wanna check it out and tell me what ya think, its called "Together"
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Oh okay, I will surely check it out.
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Thanks ^^
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It's a wonderful story B.W.! Would you read my story and upvote some of my comment
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Yeah sure ^^
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Thanks
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Hey, can I ask you a question? Just cause you seem like you have been on Reedsy for a while.
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Yeah sure whats your question? ^^
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My 'story' somehow got deleted. When Reedsy 'approves' your story is there a way to 'disapprove' it? And is there a way to get back the story and all those comments and things? ( idk if you know, you just seem like you have been on here a while ) And how are things going with your story idea? Did you see my last idea before my story-and the comment-got deleted?
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My story idea at the moment is eh i'm still trying to think of things for it, what did you say? i don't think i saw it before the story got deleted. I'm not so sure, ive never dealt with one of my stories getting deleted or a friends story getting deleted but i guess you'd just have to try and make a different story thats almost like the original one maybe
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Um I basically said.. ack... I can't really remember. All I remember is that I said you could do where Ava drops her phone or maybe spills water on it and then it glitches and brings her there. Yeah I could.
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Thats a good idea, when the prompts come out i could maybe try something like that ^^ well you could still do that and i'm not sure if this is true or not but i thought of something, what if it got deleted because it wasn't really a story or something?
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Hey B.W. this is a very interesting story! It is the kind of story that I would love to read about in a novel. How did they end up on the spaceship? Are they all alone on the ship? If so what happened so that four fifteen year olds got on a spaceship together and have been living on it for so long?? The storyline is very intriguing to me and you had me asking all of these questions throughout the story! One thing, keep working on capitalizing names and the beginnings of sentences, it will help you're readers pay more attention to the story v...
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Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ i've gotten the thing with some of my stories should be a novel and maybe at some point i could try to do that, but honestly i don't know how i should start an actual book or if i could. Yes i'll keep trying to work on the Capitalization stuff as well with my other stories, ill try to get better with them ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or character?
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I bet you totally could, you definitely have the creativity for it! Just keep writing and working toward getting better at certain skills and set goals for yourself. That’s what I try to do to improve my writing! I really just loved the concept of the story, I don’t know why, just something about it that I really liked!
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I don't know how i would make it a novel though, i know i'd probably type it on something possibly but i still don't know how
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Yeah maybe not now if you’re more focused on short stories at the moment, but I can see it happening in the future if you stick with writing :)
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Alright ^^
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Cute story, kinda sad at times but all in all it was really good!
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Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or character?
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I liked the ending it was cute and my favourite character would probably be Spirt or Moon
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I mean-they all died but i get what you mean with what part was kind of cute with it ^^ i'm glad you liked it
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Cute, but sad
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Was the ending your favorite part or was there something else that was?
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Good story....as already mentioned proper names should be capitalized especially when the name is also a common word. As in Moon, and moon! It took me a few to get sorted on who was who, you dump out the four characters kind of together, gender was also confusing as the names would not give this info, BUT gender is not important to the story, but maybe to the reader. To try to sort the couples in their mind. Overall. Interesting read!
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Thank's im glad you enjoyed it a bit ^^ yes i'm still trying to work on the Capitalization and some other things, i hope i'll get better at it though. I'll try to work on the characters and gender things as well though, thanks for the advice
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Remember the gender was only for my mind and clarity in visualization of the characters
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Oh ok
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This is so well written. It really made me feel for the characters, and I was quite sad in the ending. I hope you write more stories like this, I was very intrigued and it’s so creative!
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Thanks im glad you liked it ^^ once the other prompts come out later ill continue to make some more :) did you maybe have a favorite part or character?
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I like the part where the glass was breaking and everyone was slowly falling out. It was sad, but yet very well written.
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If there was ever a second part (there won't be but i wanna see what you can come up with) what do you think would happen in it?
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Hmm, maybe their story becomes famous. A group of astronauts leave and try to find their old ship. Or, they survive some how. Maybe a group of evil people see them (floating in space which is kinda weird, but got to use my imagination) and kidnap them? I’m not sure but those are the first ideas that came to mind.
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I don't think the others would survive besides possibly Spirit since shes a cyborg but that idea is honestly really great, if i ever did a part 2 later on maybe i'd use that ^^
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"But ashy we were like that as well..." You get sloppy with capitalization. Moon asked as she hugged Ash a little bit.- ? How do you hug a little bit? Moon nodded and Gave ash a small kiss on the cheek and ran off into the area with the Ropes and other things they could use.- technical detail- if the power is off, the ship is coasting through space and you are in freefall, what most call zero-gravity. You don't run, you maneuver- it's more like swimming or grabbing the walls (handholds should be around for that specific purpose). Usua...
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Yeah for a while now people have been telling me about the Capitalization and a few other small things so dont worry ill try and work with that again ^^ "Moon asked as she hugged ash a little bit" i'll just go and change it, i don't know why i said that for it. I'm not that good with any space stuff so when you mention the zero-gravity part i still know what it is i just don't think it ever came to my mind when i was making it i'll go back and change it though like the other things ^^ honestly don't question why the window broke, i didn't ha...
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