43 comments
Holes in My Story
“So what's the catch?”
“The catch is I can't get the clasp to catch. This is bad!”
“Nah, that's good.”
“Why is that good?”
“I really didn't want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane anyway. Makes no sense.”
“Okay, that's good then.”
“Nope, that's bad.”
“Why is that bad.”
“I'll never get my bucket list completed.”
“Oh, that is bad.”
“Nah, that's good.”
“How is it good?”
“There is a hole in my bucket any way. All my dreams and aspirations are slipping away.”
“Well, can't you fix it.”
“No, I left the flex-seal in my car.”
“Where is your car?”
“In my garage.”
“So go get it.”
“I can't. The garage is gone.”
“Where is the garage?”
“Gone with the wind. Carried away by a tornado.”
“That's too bad.”
“No, that's good.”
“How can that be good?”
“I always wanted an open-concept house. One whole side is opened up where the garage used to be.”
“Well, then, good news if having an open concept was on your bucket list. ”
“No, that's bad.”
“How so?”
“My bucket list got carried away, too.”
“Can't you rewrite your list?”
“Afraid not. No pen or paper, either.”
“Well, simply put it on your personal computer. Make a spreadsheet.”
“Can't do that. I haven't got a connection.”
“Oh, I see. Got taken out by the tornado.”
“Nope, got knocked out when the tree punched a hole in the roof.”
“Oh, that is too bad.”
“Nah, that's good.”
“Why is that good?”
“Now I can put in the skylight I have always wanted.”
“How wonderful! Something else you can cross off your bucket list?”
“No, that is bad.”
“Why bad?”
“My house got relocated during the hurricane.”
“Your house got hit by a tornado and a hurricane? That is bad.”
“It is all good. Couldn't see the tornado coming in the hurricane.”
“That is good. So where is your house now?”
“In the middle of the lake, I think.”
“Bad?”
“Nah, I always wanted lake front property.”
“Good. Remembered another thing on your bucket list.”
“Bad. It cracked the ice.”
“Why is that a problem?”
“That is where I was practicing my curling for the Olympics. My stone went straight to the bottom through a hole in the ice. Now I will never become an Olympian.”
“Another bucket list wish?”
“Doesn't everyone want to win a Gold Medal? It was the only sport I was any good at.”
“Oh, that's bad.”
“Turned out good after all. I had to go deep sea diving to retrieve the stone. Something else I was hoping on doing someday. Besides now I can finally have more time to travel the world.”
“That is good.”
“Nah, that is bad. I don't have enough money to travel the world.”
“That's too bad because you just remembered another bucket list wish. Right?”
“Right. But someday I can make it good by winning the Lottery. Always planned it that way.”
“That is good.”
“Unfortunately, it's bad 'cause I didn't buy a ticket. Again. Maybe I could win a short story contest.”
“Now you are thinking! That will be very good.”
“No. Bad. Trouble is there are holes in my story.”
“It's good you are recovering more of your list, though. Maybe you could go to Vegas. They have a lot of replicas of attractions from around the world. That would cross a lot off the list with just one visit.”
“That would be bad. My Ex lives in Vegas. I can't go back there. Left a hole in my heart.”
“That's too bad.”
“No, it turned out good. I have a much better marriage now. And it fulfilled a must-do one on my list. 'Epic love life'.”
“Sounds like you are getting them done even without anything being written down. What are you going to do about your car?”
“Well, I thought about renting a Corvette. That would take the 'drive a fast car' off the list.”
“That would be good.”
“No, turned out bad. The Corvettes were all out filling other people's bucket lists.”
“That's too bad.”
“Turned out good. They gave me a rusted-out Ford Ranger.”
“How could that be good?”
“There was a hole in the floorboard. My feet went straight through. Felt just like Fred Flintstone driving it.”
“And that was good?”
“Got to live like a movie star!”
“Good, good! Another one bites the dust.”
“No. Bad. That put a hole in my shoe leather. My best hiking boots. Now I can't hike the Appalachian Trail, either.”
“Too bad.”
“”No. All good. I have no business hiking the Appalachian Trail at my age. I can barely walk two blocks let alone 2000 miles.”
“So it is okay to cross that one off.”
“Definitely a hole in my head thinking I could do it. Maybe I can still get a round of golf in using a cart and get a hole in one.”
“Be sure to wear two pairs of pants then.”
“E-ewe, that would be bad!”
***
“Now about that catch. We better see if we can get it to clasp.”
“So what is the catch?”
“Just got word through the mike in my ear from the pilot. Seems there is a hole in the engine.”
“That's bad!”
“No, it's good. Looks like you get your chance to jump out of a plane after all. This one isn't so perfectly okay now. She's going down.”
“That will be good. I hope.”
“Sure it is good. One more thing off your list. Won't need to worry about the hole in your bucket anymore. Sounds like almost everything is done. Oh, by the way. Have you ever wanted to become an astronaut?”
“Well, of course. That has been on my list since I was a child. Why do you ask?”
“Looks like it's our turn to take one small step for man out of this hole in the plane and ONE GIANT STEP FOR MANKI-I-I-i-n-d>>>>>”
The End
P.S. A tribute and thank you to Archie Campbell for use of his good/bad comedy routine. Can cross it off my bucket list to try it.
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
43 comments
Oh Mary…this is FANTASTIC. One of the funniest and most enjoyable stories I’ve read on Reedsy. You wrote so much like I do, but you’re better IMHO. You just made a new fan and follower on Reedsy. I can’t wait to find some more time to read the rest of your stories. So glad I found you amongst the commenters on Jack Kimball’s story “Cats!” Welcome to Reedsy. Looks like you and I are about the same age and rediscovering our writing talents after a long hiatus. Well, it’s never too late girlfriend! And publish that book of yours too!
Reply
Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words. I have noticed you, too. But I disagree. You are way better than me. I wrote a very sad true story 'No More Bullies' which made me so-o sad because that did happen within my extended family. I just had to lighten up so immediately wrote this one out of the blue. Didn't know if it was plagiarism using Campbell's good/bad act and I don't know if it is good or bad that I am old enough to remember Archie:)
Reply
You've got a fun story here! The back-and-forth banter is clever and keeps things light and entertaining, which works well for this kind of humor. The whole "good/bad" routine is a classic, and you’ve put a fresh spin on it that’s engaging. Your use of wordplay and irony is spot-on. It keeps the reader guessing and adds a nice rhythm to the story. The quick dialogue keeps the pace up, making it an easy and enjoyable read. The twists and turns in the story are creative and keep the reader on their toes. You never know what’s coming next, whi...
Reply
Thank you. Never thought of myself as funny See it other family members do I guess it rubbed off😁.
Reply
If my daughter wasn’t asleep nearby I would be laughing aloud to this. Some of the bizarre responses to the questions and the way it unfolds are brilliant. Setting it on a plane before a parachute jump is perfect.
Reply
Thanks for liking and commenting. So glad you laughed. Had fun writing this one. If you are going through some of my old posts check out Timothy's Birthday. I will be taking it off because it just got published elsewhere. Do you know how I could save the comments before taking it off?
Reply
Congratulations. Where is it being published?
Reply
Through Indignor House an anthology named Finding Good Through the Rain available at Amazon
Reply
I had a look at their website. That’s great. What next for you? Submitting to more publishers?
Reply
Did I mention to you my novel is in the hands of a publisher I met in Nashville. Waiting on their decision. If that doesn't work out , yes, I'll try others. Still enter contests,too. That is where both of these successes came from.
Reply
Amazing! Truly amazing! Very funny and incredibly enjoyable, I love how it's (mostly) only dialogue, and the good/bad is great! Holes in your story? Hmm... I don't see any. ;)
Reply
Thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it. That one was fun to write.
Reply
Haha 😜. Loved it! Made me laugh and smile the whole time I was reading it. I pictured everything from beginning to end. The humor and positivity of the person while the other one was so confused of why he was still positive and enjoying live when life was throwing lemons at him and disaster hunting him. Very good story and detail.
Reply
Thanks for reading some of my stories. Glad 😊 you liked it.
Reply
This is a wonderful story, and I love how it was all done in dialogue! I was waiting for my teen to wake so he can read it too, but couldn’t wait to comment and let you know how much I enjoyed it. I laughed a lot throughout 😊 thank you for sharing!
Reply
Thank you so much. That one turned out easy to write. More ideas just kept connecting:)
Reply
Looking for my long-lost friend. Did you attend OHS and graduate in '74? I would have been Johnson then.
Reply
No, sorry
Reply
Ha! This was very fun :) I'm not familiar with Archie Campbell, but that doesn't take away from this story. Indeed, I could see this dialogue being acted out on stage. I like the holes idea, since it gives us another running gag. The title is also good. In stories, we're all too aware of plot holes, and this plays with that expectation and turns them into other kinds of holes. Thanks for sharing :)
Reply
Thank you for the critique. Archie was a regular on the '60's variety show 'Hee-Haw'. Which was very corny, probably dates me and proves I am way out of my league with the likes of your talent:) I was blue after writing 'No more Bullies', a true story that happened in my extended family, so I wrote this one immediately out of the blue.
Reply
I really enjoyed this, Mary! Such great comedic dialogue and timing. :) Plus, an actual story, which is always nice! - There is a hole in my bucket any way. - My brain went "Dear Liza, dear Liza" haha :) - " and get a hole in one.” // “Be sure to wear two pairs of pants then.” - Terrible! But funny. :) Just great, thank you for sharing it this week - and watch out for those tornadoes!
Reply
Thank you kindly for commenting. I almost had to name my duo 'Liza' and 'O, Henry". Is that plagiarism?
Reply
Nahhh it's fair use satire! hehe :)
Reply
O, Wow. You really are on top of things. I just now posted 'It's a Gamble...' Thanks for liking it. I didn't when I lived it.
Reply
Ooo. Thanks for following. What an honor! Hope I don't disappoint. Know how busy you must be.
Reply
This is great! It made me laugh and smile. I've never heard of Archie Campbell. Time to look him up!
Reply
Thank you, Gabriela. He was on a show called 'Hee-Haw' back in the sixties so that really dates me. You have some good reads, too.
Reply
GOOD. I'm so glad to see a story that isn't depressing :) On that note, I'm poor, so the story I submitted is only viewable on my profile. soooooooooo.... pleasereaditmaybe.
Reply
This was quite funny Mary. I feel the Archie Campbell good/bad routine could be an improv comedy skit on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway" - if you've seen that show. If they brought in a number of different comedians to run this skit it would be hilarious to watch. I feel like you can keep going with this, and the longer it goes, the funnier it gets. Hopefully you've got more stories that you want to write on your bucket list, then you can cross those off too. This was an enjoyable read Mary!
Reply
Ah, gee, shucks! Thanks for the comment. Yes, I always enjoy 'Whose Line...'
Reply
This is funny Mary! A joy to read, except: - Maybe I can still get a round of golf in using a cart and get a hole in one.” “Be sure to wear two pairs of pants then.” “E-ewe, that would be bad!” That, Mary, is a groaner! Corny! But you got me good... And the mention of the Ford with the hole in the floor and the Flintstones brought back memories. My brother-in-law had an old Toyota with a rotted out floor. He actually would do that at stoplights!
Reply
Just trying to continue the 'hole' premise and transition back to getting the harness to clasp/catch. Assumed everyone would know that old joke, too. Hee-Haw!
Reply
Great job Mary! Who's on first? I'm sure Archie would be proud and pleased. I think there's a hidden story somewhere though, between the unwritten agreements, hurricanes, floods, tornados, and Fred Flintstone Ford Rangers!
Reply
Maybe other subjects for other prompts?
Reply
Mary, this is really fun! My favorite of the stories I've read from you so far. A big thank you for introducing me to the Archie Campbell skit too - just watched it and thoroughly enjoyed myself the entire time. And the same goes for this story. Love this brand of humor. The great thing about this style of joke is that it could go on and on and on as long as you want, provided you can think of enough reasons why something would be good/bad. Lots of fun examples in here: A hurricane AND a tornado, but at least you have lakefront property. Go...
Reply
Oh, thank you so much for the nice compliments, Zack. Means extra coming from talent like yours. Like I said this sort of came out of the blue. Didn't live most of this other than I really can't go to Vegas because that is where my ex is. We have an unwritten agreement. He can have Vegas, I get everywhere else. I did hunker down in a hurricane in Houston once. Got flooded out of the 17th floor. A niece's house got moved and opened up by a tornado. Oh, and my sister did own a Fred Flintstone Ford Ranger once. It escaped her down a rutted hill...
Reply
To keep my hubby happy thought I better attest the 'epic love life' is happening. MB
Reply
What fun! I love stories that play with ideas like this. It had a kind of "old lady that swallowed a fly" feel to it. I was in the rhythm immediately, seeing every idea and waiting for the catch.
Reply